My boyfriend and I have been dating just for under a month. He has been an absolute wonder and gentlemen ever since we started talking back in may. I've always had insecurities on my body and I understand that its something I need to work on, but I can't help but feel like It's gotten a bit worse ever since I started dating him. I'm a short "thick" girl, who struggles with PCOS. So i've never been skinny, frankly it's really hard for me cause of the PCOS. I noticed recently my boyfriend following models on instagram, he was following them prior to us dating. I have no problem with it, i guess just sometimes seeing them when he's scrolling past his feed, makes me feel a bit down. (To clarify, i don't snoop on my boyfriends phone, i trust him wholeheartedly. We were laying next to each other while we got caught up watching videos on his feed). They look absolutely nothing like me, completely different body, he's told me many times i'm "his type" and he's never been into the "skinny girls" cause there's nothing to grab onto.
I keep going back and forth on weather I should just bring up my insecurities, but i have a hard time opening up about how I feel cause my ex used to get really mad at me for it. I was never allowed to feel upset, and talk about things bothering me otherwise id be in trouble. My current boyfriend is NOTHING like him, and i know opening up is something i need to work on. I want to tell him about my past, but i really don't want him to think he's the reason making me insecure and that I don't trust him or that I even think he's the same as my ex. l've never spoken up about the abuse, nobody knows anything. Not even my closest friends or family. He knows the basics of how bad my relationship was, but never the details.
I care about this man so much. I've always told him that I never want to fight, instead if we have a problem. We sit and talk it out like adults. I kinda feel like i'm being a hypocrite by being afraid to do it.
I keep going back and forth on weather I should just bring up my insecurities, but i have a hard time opening up about how I feel cause my ex used to get really mad at me for it. I was never allowed to feel upset, and talk about things bothering me otherwise id be in trouble. My current boyfriend is NOTHING like him, and i know opening up is something i need to work on. I want to tell him about my past, but i really don't want him to think he's the reason making me insecure and that I don't trust him or that I even think he's the same as my ex. l've never spoken up about the abuse, nobody knows anything. Not even my closest friends or family. He knows the basics of how bad my relationship was, but never the details.
I care about this man so much. I've always told him that I never want to fight, instead if we have a problem. We sit and talk it out like adults. I kinda feel like i'm being a hypocrite by being afraid to do it.
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Ok first of all. Sorry about your past insecurities. That is never fun. And I’m sorry it’s still impacting you.
But here is what you HAVE to keep telling yourself. No two people are the same. You can’t read his mind, and he can’t read yours.
Less than a month, is not very long at all. You simply don’t know each other that well yet. Which isn’t bad. That’s how it goes. But you have all the time in the world. Just try to live in the moment and enjoy it.
Unless you’re 100% ready to share with him, then there’s no need to. Again. It’s been less than a month. There’s no rush at all.
Unless he’s given you a reason not to, I’d trust what he says WAY more than who he follows on Instagram. And nothing you said gives any indication that there’s a reason not to trust what he says.
Final thing. We often judge ourselves WAY more than we judge others. And although it might seem like everyone is judgmental, people do judge themselves more. It’s just that it’s opaque and not visible. I know it’s easier said than done. But try to remember that when you’re doubting yourself.
I think what you need most is a good, strong confidence boost. I'll bet you're a lot prettier than you realize. If you act as though you're a gorgeous woman, that's how you'll be viewed by others.