How fast is too fast?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy on a dating app and we have really hit it off and after our second date where we found ourselves making out he said he wanted to slow down. I agreed to it but on our third date things escalated again. I was able to give him time to himself this weekend and noticed him being a little more distant recently, so I sent him a message apologizing for not being mindful of his boundaries and asked if he would be interested in meeting up in a week to discuss our dating history etc. I really like this guy and am hoping that he sees this as me taking ownership of us moving too fast and wanting to meet him where he’s at. Do you think this was a wise decision to reach out to talk in person or should I have just waited to see how things progressed naturally?

[slatyb]

There's no such thing as "too fast". Many relationships don't last long, and having sex or not having sex won't make a man stay or go. I really hate breaking up with someone after having sex, so I prefer to wait a few weeks. But who knows? I wouldn't disqualify a woman if we had sex on the first date. A man who would is not worth dating.

[nachosaresexy]

I think you were fine to ask about meeting up to talk. Beyond that just ump the breaks, let him initiate the next moves.

Any idea if he's religious? Just a hunch but could be part of why he wants to move slowly.

[Asker]

I don’t believe he is but, that could be why he’s responding the way he has. Thank you for the tip!

[nachosaresexy]

Also, there's something about the initial "chase" that keeps a guy intrigued. If you're too "available" he subconsciously doesn't need to put as much effort in. It's all kinda weird but just try to vibe off him and find the tricky balance of when to reach out and when to wait for him.

[nachosaresexy]

I'm curious to get your opinion on a related question. If you don't mind can I message you to try to explain?

[Asker]

Sure, hopefully I can give you some helpful advice as well.

[nachosaresexy]

Cool thanks. Will you give me a follow so that I can message you?

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t seem too fast to me.. seems like you were ready to take things forward, and he wasn’t. Always good to talk about it, but I’m a little surprised he wanted to slow things down on the second date, and then let things escalate again on the third date.

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t seem too fast to me if everything is going great, lots of guys have sex on the third date. You didn’t do anything wrong, he probably isn’t used to a woman that knows what she wants

[Asker]

Thanks! I’ve been cheated on in past relationships but have done a lot of work to get to where I am after that heartache so I don’t have problems sharing what I want, how I feel etc. I find that the longer you keep that stuff to yourself, the more complicated things can get. I’m all about transparency.

[Opinion Owner]

Hopefully he sees that in you

[Cam45795]

You're on different wave lengths but nothing wrong with asking. You may not like his answer

[itsnotme123]

Any faster than c is spatiotemporally constrained