I’m 33 years old 5 foot 115 pounds I have my associates degree, a career, I own my own home and car and have a 12 year old son. I feel like I have a lot going for me but have never been pursued much. I never get hit on or even DM’d. It makes me a tad insecure that o always have to pursue like there is something wrong with me.
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+1 y
I say it because I feel like I have a lot going for me. Lol hahaha.
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+1 y
I’m literally only wearing mascara eyeliner and lipstick and I so don’t understand about the clothes. I maybe a tiny high maintenance but not in my clothes or makeup.
Why do I never get hit on?
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Forget about the mean responses, the truth, there is nothing wrong with you, as humans, we are all wired different, no human is 100% identical to another physically and mentally. (That’s why true love rarely exists - we are all different with different likings and thoughts). It’s a natural phenomenon that, there’re people whose charisma attracts people towards them than others, there people who are social while others the opposite, extroverts and introverts, there’re people good in this, others that and we are never the same. Now, back to your question, why you never get hit on. I disagree on some part with that sentiment, no woman in the whole universe who doesn’t has an admirer, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and even the one person most people might think he/she is ugly has someone who finds him handsome or her beautiful. You might not feel beautiful, some people might think you aren’t but there is someone out there who finds you very beautiful and has even tried to hit on you but you dismissed it since you have limited yourself to a certain standard of men who aren’t available, it human that it’s we who limit ourselves to greatness. All men can’t be Brad Pitts and Bradly Coopers, all men can’t be rich (haven’t said you are after money), not all can have same academic qualifications etc. So you need to lower your bar of expectations, your soulmate can be anywhere, even from a different race, region or country.
I will give you the brutal, honest truth: you don't have as much going for you as you think.
These are the things that you list: 33 years old, 5' & 115 lbs, Associates degree, Homeowner & car owner, 12 year old son
Out of all of that, the only thing positive thing is the second one: you haven't let yourself go. Everything else is either a negative or doesn't register with guys. The fact that you (and a lot of women) list degree and home/car ownership as desirable qualities suggests that you're trying to market yourself as being a provider, an historically male role. You're basically saying that because you have things that you find attractive in men, therefore men should be attracted to you. It's a fallacy. The only men you're going to attract are feminized men who want the women to take the masculine role and pursue them. Hey, you're already saying you've got the material assets; in for a penny, in for a pound.
The kid, I'll be blunt, he's a liability. No self-respecting guy is going to raise some other man's kid, especially when that kid is 12. And if I guy did want his own kids, he'd be looking at a younger woman, preferably no older than 25/26 who hasn't been hit by crow's feet, fine lines, and other features indicative of age; not a 33 year old.
What you, and other women, should be focusing on, but never do, is list what personality qualities you bring to the table. Think of yourselves as being in a complementary support position to him. What qualities do you bring that would allow you to support him and his life? What makes you feminine? Can you address his emotional needs? What qualities do you have that would make him choose you? Don't list things like degrees and houses because, quite frankly, everyone has a degree these days and a house or car can be bought.
As for the looks, you do have a sourpuss expression on your face that will turn guys off, so I don't know, maybe smile more.
Between the glasses and the hair style, you look like you kill men for amusement. You have a harsh look abut your face that probably scares most guys away. But looking beyond that, I can see the potential for you to be beautiful. Have you ever considered getting a makeover?
You seem like a nice person so I hate to say this but it's going to be harder for you. You're in a bad age range for women when dating. In the sexual marketplace, women lose value as they get older and men gain value.
You just listed off your resources like a resume which is masculine. Any man of value really doesn't care about any of that. A man worth a damn will already have his shit together. They more so care about your attitude and cooperation.
Next, you have a 12 year old. I hope you know that this is a huge liability for any man. It's such a huge deal that even if you did attract someone, it'd be hard to actually consider commiting to you seriously. No smart single man would ever become a step-father when he could find someone without kids and start his own family. It's a bad deal.
I don't want to say it's over but you're chances of finding someone to commit are low. Competition is stiff. To help you out I want to say be more feminine because you seem very masculine in your photos. Y'know smile and adjust your posture to be approachable.
Men do not care about your education, career, that you own a house, or that you own a car. They do care that you are a single mother, because that means biological father dramas, “you are not my father” dramas, extra expense raising the crotch fruit of another man, and that a new man will be last on a list of other priorities. Education is a negative, because it usually means a crippling student debt (which women usually expect their husband to pay for them) and that the woman will have probably been indoctrinated with Communist/Feminist lunacy at university. If a woman has been to university, there is a 90 per cent probability that she will initiate a divorce, as part of which she will destroy the man financially... because Andrea Dworkin and Gloria Steinem told her to. Finally, you are at the Wall. Your physical appeal and ability to give a man children of his own are about to fall off a cliff. Most men want children of their own. You may be none of the things that I mentioned above, but men in your age range have gained sufficient life experience (usually by being fucked over by at least one other woman) that they will see you as covered in red flags. As a matter of self preservation, they will choose to not go there.
Hey dont listen to all those negative comments that are being written. Those are all coming from guys with no strong personality and are not real men. "They can't handle you". They just want a pretty little girl who submits under their control and dependent on them. So they can feel "manly". A true man doesn't a woman to make him feel manly, the woman no matter how 'bitchy' or strong personality she has will naturally become all girly and feminine infront of a real man.
You actually have the hot but strong personality vibe. You are very pretty and i am telling you that you are HOT!! You are also an independent woman and seem like you have a strong personality meaning that NOT any man can handle you. The only liability you have is having a kid, but some men won't have a problem with it.
The reason you haven't had much going for you is the same reason you saw here in the comments. Most males are non-real men and just want an easy no personality woman to be with. So basically... since you naturally require a real man, those are hard to come by. You just haven't met many real men that is all to it. All the men you met so far get intimidated when they see you.
Wanna get more men to look at you and not be intimidated? Smile more :). Im sure you have a beautiful one. Or just wait to meet a true real man who is not afraid to approach a strong independent woman. All you are doing now is filtering out the bad weeds of men.
Lose the stern look and smile more, you look angry in those photos, people don't approach angry people because of fear.
Having a kid is offputting to a lot of guys when it's not their kid, this isn't something you can do anything about, aside from finding the few guys who don't mind.
Don't wear your hair up like in the first pic, keep the hairdo in the third one, but keep in blavk like the second
As far as clothing? I guess have low cut tops that show more cleavage?
Your body build would also look better in goth style because of your morticia adams/elvira type features, find a guy who's into that.
Thats really all I can suggest aside from you taking the initiative and hitting on guys instead of waiting for them to hit on you.
You're measuring your attractiveness from the metric of how women are attracted to men, not how men are attracted to women. Women want the man with an education, career, stability, house, car and what not.
Men by and large want attractive young women who are kind and pay attention to them. For men and women having kids makes dating tougher. It makes opening up and giving/getting that attention more difficult both ways. I found that out myself after having kids, you have to protect them, that means creating distance when you're dating, the point of dating being to grow closer to someone else. It's a conundrum.
Anyway, as far as looks go, the only thing I see appearance wise that doesn't necessarily turn me on is that you look a little too thin, and unhappy.
1. u have a kid. That brings you down by a lot. Only really good guys and simple are usually your options. They'll have sex with you casually tho.
2. a lot of men are chasing 19-25 because they body look great, they stupid, and these girls usually are more responsive to older men. around 30!
3. There's this new thing where men don't care about your money or schooling apparently. They got their own money but they will call u a good digger if you ask for it.
4. Do you smile make your self more inviting. So you seem fun or are you mean. Are you a man hating person. Are you too much drama. Men like "manic pixie girl" or girls who just agree left or right.
5. Are you too sexual online. But also do thrust Traps. But that mostly attracts hit it & quit guys and simps
On initial inspection, if you were a high school teacher, and I was still a 17 year old, you would be the one that would give me inappropriate goosebumps.
On subsequent inspection, you also mentioned being only just 5 feet tall. For me the contrast in a woman looking intimidating but simultaneously also being easy to intimidate because of their small stature, comes across as exciting.
In conclusion, I have absolutely no idea why you aren't getting hit on.
My guess would be that most men still perceive you as intimidating, and prefer someone who looks shy and meek.
Here's my honest feedback. (I'm going to address you like I would a man.)
Problem 1: "I have a 12 year old son."
Problem 2: You come off a bit entitled. " It makes me a tad insecure that I always have to pursue." Like how men literally always do? There's nothing wrong with making the first move.
Problem 3: Resting Bitch Face.
Problem 4: Your age. Most women near 35 and older are undesirable by the majority of men. You look older than 33.
Problem 5: Ditch the Feminist Glasses and Evil Principal hairdo.
Potential Problem: If you're being too picky and entitled, then stop it! You're pushing 40 and have a kid. NO WOMAN should be picky and entitled, given that situation, unless she literally looks like a porn star in her prime. IF you are holding out for a six foot three, doctor earning six figures, then stop it! Otherwise, keep going after decent men and not "ten out of ten" men.
My first honest impression looking at your pics, and I'm strongly against making "judgments" without getting to know someone (but lots of people do it anyway), you look like you have a very strong personality lol. Like you could be "bitchy" maybe? You just have that very serious look in your face you know? That could be something maybe guys make assumptions about you? But being a mother won't help either, that will turn a lot of guys away. But also just age and it's hard in general. And I don't mean age as in "your old", not at all, I mean age as in guys might just assume you're not single. I know I assume this with most women myself, that they either aren't available, or aren't looking, because in my experience, it's often 1 of the 2. But I wouldn't take this personally. There's nothing "wrong" with you. Just approach guys you're interested in. Nothing wrong with that and most guys would LOVE this! I would.
Well, I assume you want an honest opinion, so here goes- main thing is that you simply don't appear to be friendly and approachable and seem kind of pissed off at the world. Again, that's just perception and I don't assume you're like that, but the truth is most people judge a book by its cover. I think that explains it even more than you being a single mom, although that discourages lots of men as well. You also look somewhat older than your age, and that might also be a problem.
Contrary to what some people say, a woman having a good financial situation and career is a plus in finding a guy for a long term relationship, especially since you're a single mom (guys don't want to have to support someone else's kid).
Resources. Resources are no things that attract men. They can be pluses but that's it. Women like that in men. Men are attracted to how your gonna compliment his life how good you see for him.
You have a son. Which signals to many men responsibility for another man's seed. Which brings in a slew of emotions from a former partner id personally want nothing to do with.
Maybe look at single dads, because o would never advise any man to Date a single mom but single parents can go for each other.
I’m 33 years old = post wall so not very desirable age
5 foot 115 pounds = attractive body size
I have my associates degree = irrelevant
a career = irrelevant
I own my own home and car = irrelevant
and have a 12 year old son = highly unattractive
The fact you think a degree career home and prior child are good things means you have zero understanding of men making me think you're doing a lot of things wrong wrong wrong = highly unattractive
All together im surprised men dont want to hookup with you more because you seem pretty attractive for casual sex (physically appealing + independent ie we can dump you and not feel bad). Im not surprised men aren't into dating you because you seem pretty low in terms of what men go for in relationships.
Maybe stop expecting the guy to approach you and take matters into your own hands. Why do women just expect men to "court" them? Maybe you also come across as cold. You look cold to me truthfully. Maybe smile a little more when you're around a guy you're interested in and that will encourage him to take a lead.
Career. Son. Both things taht don't usually bode well with a relationship. For somebody even the fact that you have a degree could represent a problem. For they might feel inferior.
And finally age. Most guys prefer younger partners, that are going to stay beautiful for longer or be better candidates for pregnancy.
I don’t know that’s what I’m trying to figure out. It’s a bit frustrating Because I hear about girls constantly getting hit on and guys messaging them in all different kinds of situations and scenarios.
In the UK, we tend to be used to confident women, and where I am they often take the lead in the hitting on lol. Likely because we’re lazy fuckers at times lol.
I would approach you. When will you be in the city of LA?
Sexy pictures. You look gorgeous, you kidding me. I'm young and still very much attracted to that fine ass body. Have to meet you if I want to know about your character. For now, you are very much sexy in all of be above manners.
Maybe your going about it the wrong way maybe the way you see yourself or project your self is wrong , I don't know you but threw your pictures I feel you and what I feel is very nice it's beautiful but I also feel a misunderstanding on the way your projecting or acting. Not sure but would be easy to figure it out
You're clearly a very charming woman but you give off an uptight vibe the likes of which hitting on you might earn a guy a at best a glare and at worst a kick in the nuts.
Don't worry about it too much, a lot of people have unfriendly faces (I am one) so you might need to make a tiny effort at first but as soon as someone feels comfortable around you no doubt he'll appreciate the charm
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Honestly, as a guy who's only dated older women before, you're super attractive and charming.
Maybe you should smile more, but I don't personally see that as a problem.
Job, career, house, car don't really matter much UNLESS you want a sugar baby, and I don't recommend that.
All is goood until the 12 year old son part honestly, that's a major turn off for most guys, I would need to be massively in love with you to look over that fact, and going the long haul with you would be a tough decision.
Overall, again, you're really attractive for your age, I would date you casually in a heartbeat. Though for a serious relationship, I'd need to have a pretty promiscuous past to even things out between us you know?
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Well for one they don’t know about your accomplishments or your kid from first appearance, you actually look older than what you say, not sure if it’s the glasses and hairstyle , maybe because you’re slim in the face because you don’t weigh much or maybe you smoke cigarettes but you have a nice body. I guess when they find out more that you’re single mom that puts most guys off , the other things you accomplished doesn’t matter to most men so maybe go online and see what some older guys will do because that’s probably going to work better, smile in your pictures without glasses
I don't know. You look good on paper. Maybe people are a little scared away because you have a son but I'm sure plenty of guys would not mind that. This whole past year has been a horror show for us all for so many reasons. Maybe this has somethng to do with it. I kind of like the sexy librarian look as well.
I think you are gorgeous, smile a bit more in your pics and maybe giys will hit on you more. I personally dont hit on ladies anymore as 95 percent of women responded that they are not interested, so i figure its not worth it to bother
One, you're 35 and you're a female. In terms of sexual reproductivity, that is like being an 60 year old male.
Two, you have a career. Careers take up your entire day and most of your worries. When you come home you'll basically want a sex buddy... people innately know this.
Three, you have an ego that says you deserve to be hit on. No you dont. What you get is what you deserve.
I am not trying to be critical of you. However, I will give you a few suggestions. You need to go natural, and forget about the makeup. You also need to fix up your hair. That is the second thing a guy notices when he looks at a woman that he is interested in. Finally, You need to take of your glasses when searching for Mr. Right. You will look much sexier, and catch his attention right away.
33 years old , single mom, career oriented, you have your own home and car.
Congrats, you're a man with boobs.
Few men would want to raise someone else's kid.
Career, car and home are irrelevant to a man ( at least over here). Call me a sexist if you want but men would rather have a woman who can keep the house in shape and all that.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Usually negative things... Over 30, single mom
Insignificant traits... degree, career, home, and car. (Most men don't care about these things in a female)
Honestly... I think if you smiled it would take away from the unapproachable "bitch" vibe... NOT saying you are, but that's the impression I get.
if it makes you feel better i would surely ask you out and be with you. and if other men can not see it that is their loss. but also because your good looking some men feel an attractive woman will reject them so they do not even try. they choose to reject you first.
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