I’m 33 years old 5 foot 115 pounds I have my associates degree, a career, I own my own home and car and have a 12 year old son. I feel like I have a lot going for me but have never been pursued much. I never get hit on or even DM’d. It makes me a tad insecure that o always have to pursue like there is something wrong with me.
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I say it because I feel like I have a lot going for me. Lol hahaha.
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+1 y
I’m literally only wearing mascara eyeliner and lipstick and I so don’t understand about the clothes. I maybe a tiny high maintenance but not in my clothes or makeup.
Why do I never get hit on?
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Forget about the mean responses, the truth, there is nothing wrong with you, as humans, we are all wired different, no human is 100% identical to another physically and mentally. (That’s why true love rarely exists - we are all different with different likings and thoughts). It’s a natural phenomenon that, there’re people whose charisma attracts people towards them than others, there people who are social while others the opposite, extroverts and introverts, there’re people good in this, others that and we are never the same. Now, back to your question, why you never get hit on. I disagree on some part with that sentiment, no woman in the whole universe who doesn’t has an admirer, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and even the one person most people might think he/she is ugly has someone who finds him handsome or her beautiful. You might not feel beautiful, some people might think you aren’t but there is someone out there who finds you very beautiful and has even tried to hit on you but you dismissed it since you have limited yourself to a certain standard of men who aren’t available, it human that it’s we who limit ourselves to greatness. All men can’t be Brad Pitts and Bradly Coopers, all men can’t be rich (haven’t said you are after money), not all can have same academic qualifications etc. So you need to lower your bar of expectations, your soulmate can be anywhere, even from a different race, region or country.
I will give you the brutal, honest truth: you don't have as much going for you as you think.
These are the things that you list: 33 years old, 5' & 115 lbs, Associates degree, Homeowner & car owner, 12 year old son
Out of all of that, the only thing positive thing is the second one: you haven't let yourself go. Everything else is either a negative or doesn't register with guys. The fact that you (and a lot of women) list degree and home/car ownership as desirable qualities suggests that you're trying to market yourself as being a provider, an historically male role. You're basically saying that because you have things that you find attractive in men, therefore men should be attracted to you. It's a fallacy. The only men you're going to attract are feminized men who want the women to take the masculine role and pursue them. Hey, you're already saying you've got the material assets; in for a penny, in for a pound.
The kid, I'll be blunt, he's a liability. No self-respecting guy is going to raise some other man's kid, especially when that kid is 12. And if I guy did want his own kids, he'd be looking at a younger woman, preferably no older than 25/26 who hasn't been hit by crow's feet, fine lines, and other features indicative of age; not a 33 year old.
What you, and other women, should be focusing on, but never do, is list what personality qualities you bring to the table. Think of yourselves as being in a complementary support position to him. What qualities do you bring that would allow you to support him and his life? What makes you feminine? Can you address his emotional needs? What qualities do you have that would make him choose you? Don't list things like degrees and houses because, quite frankly, everyone has a degree these days and a house or car can be bought.
As for the looks, you do have a sourpuss expression on your face that will turn guys off, so I don't know, maybe smile more.
Between the glasses and the hair style, you look like you kill men for amusement. You have a harsh look abut your face that probably scares most guys away. But looking beyond that, I can see the potential for you to be beautiful. Have you ever considered getting a makeover?
You seem like a nice person so I hate to say this but it's going to be harder for you. You're in a bad age range for women when dating. In the sexual marketplace, women lose value as they get older and men gain value.
You just listed off your resources like a resume which is masculine. Any man of value really doesn't care about any of that. A man worth a damn will already have his shit together. They more so care about your attitude and cooperation.
Next, you have a 12 year old. I hope you know that this is a huge liability for any man. It's such a huge deal that even if you did attract someone, it'd be hard to actually consider commiting to you seriously. No smart single man would ever become a step-father when he could find someone without kids and start his own family. It's a bad deal.
I don't want to say it's over but you're chances of finding someone to commit are low. Competition is stiff. To help you out I want to say be more feminine because you seem very masculine in your photos. Y'know smile and adjust your posture to be approachable.
Men do not care about your education, career, that you own a house, or that you own a car. They do care that you are a single mother, because that means biological father dramas, “you are not my father” dramas, extra expense raising the crotch fruit of another man, and that a new man will be last on a list of other priorities. Education is a negative, because it usually means a crippling student debt (which women usually expect their husband to pay for them) and that the woman will have probably been indoctrinated with Communist/Feminist lunacy at university. If a woman has been to university, there is a 90 per cent probability that she will initiate a divorce, as part of which she will destroy the man financially... because Andrea Dworkin and Gloria Steinem told her to. Finally, you are at the Wall. Your physical appeal and ability to give a man children of his own are about to fall off a cliff. Most men want children of their own. You may be none of the things that I mentioned above, but men in your age range have gained sufficient life experience (usually by being fucked over by at least one other woman) that they will see you as covered in red flags. As a matter of self preservation, they will choose to not go there.
Hey dont listen to all those negative comments that are being written. Those are all coming from guys with no strong personality and are not real men. "They can't handle you". They just want a pretty little girl who submits under their control and dependent on them. So they can feel "manly". A true man doesn't a woman to make him feel manly, the woman no matter how 'bitchy' or strong personality she has will naturally become all girly and feminine infront of a real man.
You actually have the hot but strong personality vibe. You are very pretty and i am telling you that you are HOT!! You are also an independent woman and seem like you have a strong personality meaning that NOT any man can handle you. The only liability you have is having a kid, but some men won't have a problem with it.
The reason you haven't had much going for you is the same reason you saw here in the comments. Most males are non-real men and just want an easy no personality woman to be with. So basically... since you naturally require a real man, those are hard to come by. You just haven't met many real men that is all to it. All the men you met so far get intimidated when they see you.
Wanna get more men to look at you and not be intimidated? Smile more :). Im sure you have a beautiful one. Or just wait to meet a true real man who is not afraid to approach a strong independent woman. All you are doing now is filtering out the bad weeds of men.
You're measuring your attractiveness from the metric of how women are attracted to men, not how men are attracted to women. Women want the man with an education, career, stability, house, car and what not.
Men by and large want attractive young women who are kind and pay attention to them. For men and women having kids makes dating tougher. It makes opening up and giving/getting that attention more difficult both ways. I found that out myself after having kids, you have to protect them, that means creating distance when you're dating, the point of dating being to grow closer to someone else. It's a conundrum.
Anyway, as far as looks go, the only thing I see appearance wise that doesn't necessarily turn me on is that you look a little too thin, and unhappy.
1. u have a kid. That brings you down by a lot. Only really good guys and simple are usually your options. They'll have sex with you casually tho.
2. a lot of men are chasing 19-25 because they body look great, they stupid, and these girls usually are more responsive to older men. around 30!
3. There's this new thing where men don't care about your money or schooling apparently. They got their own money but they will call u a good digger if you ask for it.
4. Do you smile make your self more inviting. So you seem fun or are you mean. Are you a man hating person. Are you too much drama. Men like "manic pixie girl" or girls who just agree left or right.
5. Are you too sexual online. But also do thrust Traps. But that mostly attracts hit it & quit guys and simps
Lose the stern look and smile more, you look angry in those photos, people don't approach angry people because of fear.
Having a kid is offputting to a lot of guys when it's not their kid, this isn't something you can do anything about, aside from finding the few guys who don't mind.
Don't wear your hair up like in the first pic, keep the hairdo in the third one, but keep in blavk like the second
As far as clothing? I guess have low cut tops that show more cleavage?
Your body build would also look better in goth style because of your morticia adams/elvira type features, find a guy who's into that.
Thats really all I can suggest aside from you taking the initiative and hitting on guys instead of waiting for them to hit on you.
On initial inspection, if you were a high school teacher, and I was still a 17 year old, you would be the one that would give me inappropriate goosebumps.
On subsequent inspection, you also mentioned being only just 5 feet tall. For me the contrast in a woman looking intimidating but simultaneously also being easy to intimidate because of their small stature, comes across as exciting.
In conclusion, I have absolutely no idea why you aren't getting hit on.
My guess would be that most men still perceive you as intimidating, and prefer someone who looks shy and meek.
Here's my honest feedback. (I'm going to address you like I would a man.)
Problem 1: "I have a 12 year old son."
Problem 2: You come off a bit entitled. " It makes me a tad insecure that I always have to pursue." Like how men literally always do? There's nothing wrong with making the first move.
Problem 3: Resting Bitch Face.
Problem 4: Your age. Most women near 35 and older are undesirable by the majority of men. You look older than 33.
Problem 5: Ditch the Feminist Glasses and Evil Principal hairdo.
Potential Problem: If you're being too picky and entitled, then stop it! You're pushing 40 and have a kid. NO WOMAN should be picky and entitled, given that situation, unless she literally looks like a porn star in her prime. IF you are holding out for a six foot three, doctor earning six figures, then stop it! Otherwise, keep going after decent men and not "ten out of ten" men.
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