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It isn't wrong, it is a preference. I choose to not date anyone that smokes or does drugs. I have tried to look past the smoking if I really liked the person but it just became impossible.
I also prefer someone that is intelligent and they don't have to have their entire life planned out but I would like someone that has some direction.
The only con to having a preference is that you might end up missing out on a really great person due to a life style choice. I have kids and I love them more than the air I breathe and a fear I had was finding someone that will accept my kids into their life, not necessarily as a mother but just as family. Because I would rather end up single and alone for the rest of my life than to find someone that I adore but they were horrible to my kids. Even if they were hiding it from me but my kids spoke up and said something to me I would listen. I wouldn't try and down play it to be nothing afraid of losing that person. My kids didn't ask to be born, but they need me to protect, support, and provide for them.
Don't feel horrible or guilty about your choice. Stick to your guns of you are happy with your preference. The one thing in life that happens too much is people settle instead of sticking it out and that is only sacrificing true happiness for make believe happiness.
It's fine you're 23. I'm 32 and don't want a girl with kids.
It depends solely on the intent. As long as your not rude about it, it is your standard then make sure that you can handle it if God forbid your a single mom with kids. I understand you don't have kids yourself. But it's best to make sure you have solid rational reasons other than just because you yourself don't. Unless you don't want kids of your own. Be very careful because children didn't ask to be born. And not all men as women are bad. That is why you befriend and build friendships and not date complete strangers. Just like I wouldn't date a man who watches porn, masturbates, and have premarital sex, so do you have the right, not to date or marry a man with kids. As much as it isn't my ideal to not date a man with kids as I too am a virgin with no kids of my own. I am not going to judge every single father the same. But I grew up with a blended family and it's hard. It isn't for everybody. But somebody has to want to love those men. Just stop worrying about people who have kids, otherwise is single dads or men who have kids somewhere are mostly whom you attracting there must be a reason why and you need to find that out. IF that is happening to you. Once you desire a sexual union it's RISKY either way.
Well, if you have no patience with children, then not only is it not wrong for you to not date a man with children, it shows a level of self awareness that is sorely lacking in far too many people these days! Good for you for recognizing that in yourself, and avoiding any situation that could result in you neglecting or even (god forbid) inadvertently abusing them emotionally!
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Nah not necessarily. We all owe each other not a dang thing though conversely owe ourselves the world-which I think too includes the partner you’re little heart ever so desires …. AND it dawned on me one day that my hero of a mom was in her mid 20s with 3 boys. It sounds sillly but when I did realize yes I finally went onto a couple dating profiles and re-check the box to allow matches with people who have kid; and not for the fact that I could be missing out on some one because people don’t complete us-relationships thrive when we compliment the other person. Simply logic , because I’m a hardcore INFJ Pisces Moon all CAP, would suggest compatibility will be less of a barrier the lord “open minded” I am. Like energy aligns with energy alike. Also deep down I felt like I was hardcore being judgmental which brought it back again to being the oldest in a single parent household-I literally seen mom go through some ish and overcome statistics. Y’all women , single parents, single moms are some other types of blessings I have no words for. I thank my mom just for being nice to me let alone not giving up. But hey some say I have too much trust in humanity - I say so what fu*k it- hope is too strong. Hope is not perfect but it’s possible. Just like a single parent holding it down with boundaries non point and baby daddy got a good heads on his shoulder etc. They’re out there somewhere…. far away from broken phone screens and smoke screens paired with gas lighting.
Well, its not exactly a bad thing to avoid dating a man who already has children. Sometimes that could be a very stressful experience because to get into that man's life completely you literally need their child's approval, which is not easy to get. Its just your preference to not date men with kids. But I think you should still work on your children skills, because one day you might a child of your own or maybe you will meet this amazing and perfect man but he might have a child, have skills to deal with children is not a bad thing. And once you connect with children, it can also help with your anxiety. I also had some very bad anxiety issues so I used to avoid parties and birthdays and all, but once I started to connect with few of my young cousins, it became easy, became a bit better.
No, it's not wrong of you to be that way. If you do not want to be a parent, then you shouldn't feel bad for drawing a line at men with children.
Similarly, there is nothing wrong with you drawing a line with overweight men, short men, tall men, or [insert physical or mental characteristic here].
It is your life and you are allowed to be picky.
I am curious - what prompted the questioning of your preference? Did someone brow-beat you for being that way? Did you just assume people would judge you and were curious?
Now I'm just being curious. :)
Depends , if you are talking about some dude who is about your age , sure rule them out , they have had a poor decision , been unlucky , or slack in decision making , there may be some exceptions to this rule , but this is a general statement.
If you were however looking a further a field , for a wiser , happier , reasoned , settled individual then youd be crazy to rule out a man with children , financials matter however , children can be expensive.
Things will change a great deal in your life , as time moves on , so just stick with your feelings , you are very young , make money , enjoy life , this is where you set yourself up. However life is never black / white , its all a plethora of Grey ! Curveballs will come ,
always however remember , financial stability is key , far more important.
The idea that " love " is some flying fairy with an arrow , thats just BS , there are many you match with , pick the really good ones.
Nope. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Once you have kids, your life is not yours anymore, it is all about that child for the rest of your life. Granted things get easier when they become adults, but that doesn't mean you stop worrying about them. But until then, no more doing whatever you want to do. I knew I wanted kids and I knew I wanted them when I was young. I am now 52 and my boys are 21, 22 and 26.
Now, when I date, I will not date anyone with kids younger then 15 or 16. Of course that all depends on the mom. As long as the kids can watch and take care of themselves, I am ok with it. But if she can't go out because of the kids, I pass. I already raised my boys, I am not raising kids again.
If you don't want kids ever, I totally understand this. I like kids and I still thought other parents 'inflicted' their bad mannered kids on the rest of us in public while the parents IGNORED them.
Kids running around isles or wherever making messes, bumping into people and worse... all while the parent (s) ignored them and continued about their business chatting with friends or each other or whatever. Then if anyone says something, says my kids weren't causing any issues.
Just like that airplane that had to land recently due to bad kids.
Anyways to your question no it is not wrong, but as you get older the 'single' pool of men without kids is going to diminish. After my divorce, it was very hard for me to find someone without kids to date and I wasn't opposed to dating those with kids either.
I'm a single dad myself , and no , far from " wrong " , 99.9% of women will not consider single dads , I put myself in this position , knowing full well after the marriage I endured , then ended after binning her , I never wanted to " date " , let alone endure another relationship. There are far more available men than women on the market , therefore single dads stay single , like it or not. We cannot compete in the sausage fest " dating market " , & does not bother me. I fully understand your viewpoint.
At this point in your life, if you are marriage minded, you should be looking for someone to build a life with. And that means that more likely than not, it's a single, younger guy who is starting life like yourself. When you are 30 and even more so, 40, you are going to be dealing with a lot more divorcees. You don't need to deal with that now.
So, I wouldn't deal with a woman with children and shouldn't deal with a man with children. Those are hard, harsh life realities you just don't have to deal with. Start clean with a good, single childless man and build something together.
I’m mostly the same. I don’t want kids. I feel like the only girls I’d date with kids are ones that I fall for via friendship. I would not start dating someone with kids off the net or setup from friends. I really don’t want to raise someone’s kids. If I wanted them I’d have my own. I know some girls though that would rather not have their own and meet a guy with kids so they can have a premade family so to speak. One girl can’t have her own so I get that. But it would not be a 100 show stopper. 95 percent. Lol
No, it is not wrong. That is your right. Childless people should seek out other childless people. Why should anyone get with an already existing family that isn't theirs when they can start their own? And if you don't want kids at all, then that gives you even less reason to do it.
Don't let anyone shame you for this decision.
It's okay. I like kids, though. Maybe if you spend more time around them you will learn to appreciate them more.
When people ask me if I want kids, and I hesitate, that isn't because I don't like kids. It's mainly just the 0-2 age range that I'm dreading.
A man with kids usually means he is a widow because it is extremely seldom a man wins custody in a divorce. But if they do he must be a good man who had a REALY bad wife. So bad the judge didn't like her.
But I have no idea what your motive is. I can understand guys not wanting to date chicks with kids because it usually means trouble in more ways than you can count on quantum computer.
But for the most part I say it is understandable cause who would want to raise somebody elses kids.
You're rather young to close the door on children, but if that's your choice, that's your choice. I didn't decide on children until later in life and I wasn't interested in this until after 35.
But keep an open mind. You might meet an exceptional man who has a child. Child might be nice too!
No. I would never marry someone with kids. I don’t want to ruin some kids life or have some kids hate me for marrying their dad. It’s messy and those men come with baggage. If I got divorced I also would not remarry because no man can give my child the love of his biological father.
Well in today's world I think you're making a good choice just because we don't know where this world is headed and if we don't know where the world is headed why bring kids into the world first of all and then I understand if you don't want to be a stepmom or have any other type of title like that did I understand and I respect your decisions I don't think there's anything wrong with that at least you're being honest
You have the right to keep company as you choose, including deciding for yourself whether to date someone.
Not everyone likes kids. That doesn't make someone a bad person, but in the same way they should not become teachers, pediatricians or other such professions they should not become involved with someone who has kids.
It is your preference, nothing wrong with that. I am hoping for the same too. I was intentionally careful and picky when it comes on to relationships and sexual relations so that I wouldn't have children with the wrong person. I hope my future husband did the same, but if my soulmate comes with a child, then I will take what plan God has for me.
No, not at all... but I'm the same way, so maybe that's why my opinion is the way that it is. Dating someone with kids means you're not only taking on the responsibility of a relationship, but also the possible responsibility of raising kids that aren't your own. Possible baby-mama/baby-daddy drama in there, too. The guys/girls main focus will always be the kids (which is fine) but it isn't for everyone, especially younger couples.
No you’re not. That’s a personal preference, it’s also mine as well. It feels too step-mother esque and then also you don’t know what they have going on with the child’s mother, no one wants any extra drama with that. I like the idea of one day marrying that special man and us building our own family together. Maybe if I were in my 30s, it wouldn’t bother me as much but me being in my 20s with no kids, it’s not something I choose to be involved with.
You have the right to date (or not date) whoever you want. If you don’t want to date single dads, then don’t. It’s your life girlfriend, live it your way.
A lot of people without kids (of both genders) don’t want to date single parents. Having been raised by a single mom, I can understand their frustration about it but nobody has the right to tell you that you’re wrong for not wanting to date them
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