Is it wrong I will not date a man or marry a man with children?

Question

I will not at all marry or even date a man with kids. I don't have kids either.

NyceGuyFinishingLast · Accepted Answer

It isn't wrong, it is a preference. I choose to not date anyone that smokes or does drugs. I have tried to look past the smoking if I really liked the person but it just became impossible.

I also prefer someone that is intelligent and they don't have to have their entire life planned out but I would like someone that has some direction.

The only con to having a preference is that you might end up missing out on a really great person due to a life style choice. I have kids and I love them more than the air I breathe and a fear I had was finding someone that will accept my kids into their life, not necessarily as a mother but just as family. Because I would rather end up single and alone for the rest of my life than to find someone that I adore but they were horrible to my kids. Even if they were hiding it from me but my kids spoke up and said something to me I would listen. I wouldn't try and down play it to be nothing afraid of losing that person. My kids didn't ask to be born, but they need me to protect, support, and provide for them.

Don't feel horrible or guilty about your choice. Stick to your guns of you are happy with your preference. The one thing in life that happens too much is people settle instead of sticking it out and that is only sacrificing true happiness for make believe happiness.

red324 · Accepted Answer

It's fine you're 23. I'm 32 and don't want a girl with kids.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

It depends solely on the intent. As long as your not rude about it, it is your standard then make sure that you can handle it if God forbid your a single mom with kids. I understand you don't have kids yourself. But it's best to make sure you have solid rational reasons other than just because you yourself don't. Unless you don't want kids of your own. Be very careful because children didn't ask to be born. And not all men as women are bad. That is why you befriend and build friendships and not date complete strangers. Just like I wouldn't date a man who watches porn, masturbates, and have premarital sex, so do you have the right, not to date or marry a man with kids. As much as it isn't my ideal to not date a man with kids as I too am a virgin with no kids of my own. I am not going to judge every single father the same. But I grew up with a blended family and it's hard. It isn't for everybody. But somebody has to want to love those men. Just stop worrying about people who have kids, otherwise is single dads or men who have kids somewhere are mostly whom you attracting there must be a reason why and you need to find that out. IF that is happening to you. Once you desire a sexual union it's RISKY either way.

CrazyGirl2 · Accepted Answer

Well, if you have no patience with children, then not only is it not wrong for you to not date a man with children, it shows a level of self awareness that is sorely lacking in far too many people these days! Good for you for recognizing that in yourself, and avoiding any situation that could result in you neglecting or even (god forbid) inadvertently abusing them emotionally!

92KixNcereal · Answer

Nah not necessarily. We all owe each other not a dang thing though conversely owe ourselves the world-which I think too includes the partner you’re little heart ever so desires …. AND it dawned on me one day that my hero of a mom was in her mid 20s with 3 boys. It sounds sillly but when I did realize yes I finally went onto a couple dating profiles and re-check the box to allow matches with people who have kid; and not for the fact that I could be missing out on some one because people don’t complete us-relationships thrive when we compliment the other person. Simply logic , because I’m a hardcore INFJ Pisces Moon all CAP, would suggest compatibility will be less of a barrier the lord “open minded” I am. Like energy aligns with energy alike. Also deep down I felt like I was hardcore being judgmental which brought it back again to being the oldest in a single parent household-I literally seen mom go through some ish and overcome statistics. Y’all women , single parents, single moms are some other types of blessings I have no words for. I thank my mom just for being nice to me let alone not giving up. But hey some say I have too much trust in humanity - I say so what fu*k it- hope is too strong. Hope is not perfect but it’s possible. Just like a single parent holding it down with boundaries non point and baby daddy got a good heads on his shoulder etc. They’re out there somewhere…. far away from broken phone screens and smoke screens paired with gas lighting.

RJJ33666 · Answer

Well, its not exactly a bad thing to avoid dating a man who already has children. Sometimes that could be a very stressful experience because to get into that man's life completely you literally need their child's approval, which is not easy to get. Its just your preference to not date men with kids. But I think you should still work on your children skills, because one day you might a child of your own or maybe you will meet this amazing and perfect man but he might have a child, have skills to deal with children is not a bad thing. And once you connect with children, it can also help with your anxiety. I also had some very bad anxiety issues so I used to avoid parties and birthdays and all, but once I started to connect with few of my young cousins, it became easy, became a bit better.

BigPunny · Answer

No, it's not wrong of you to be that way. If you do not want to be a parent, then you shouldn't feel bad for drawing a line at men with children.

Similarly, there is nothing wrong with you drawing a line with overweight men, short men, tall men, or [insert physical or mental characteristic here].

It is your life and you are allowed to be picky.

I am curious - what prompted the questioning of your preference? Did someone brow-beat you for being that way? Did you just assume people would judge you and were curious?

Now I'm just being curious. :)

molonski2 · Answer

Depends , if you are talking about some dude who is about your age , sure rule them out , they have had a poor decision , been unlucky , or slack in decision making , there may be some exceptions to this rule , but this is a general statement.
If you were however looking a further a field , for a wiser , happier , reasoned , settled individual then youd be crazy to rule out a man with children , financials matter however , children can be expensive.
Things will change a great deal in your life , as time moves on , so just stick with your feelings , you are very young , make money , enjoy life , this is where you set yourself up. However life is never black / white , its all a plethora of Grey ! Curveballs will come ,
always however remember , financial stability is key , far more important.
The idea that " love " is some flying fairy with an arrow , thats just BS , there are many you match with , pick the really good ones.

godfatherfan · Answer

Nope. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Once you have kids, your life is not yours anymore, it is all about that child for the rest of your life. Granted things get easier when they become adults, but that doesn't mean you stop worrying about them. But until then, no more doing whatever you want to do. I knew I wanted kids and I knew I wanted them when I was young. I am now 52 and my boys are 21, 22 and 26.
Now, when I date, I will not date anyone with kids younger then 15 or 16. Of course that all depends on the mom. As long as the kids can watch and take care of themselves, I am ok with it. But if she can't go out because of the kids, I pass. I already raised my boys, I am not raising kids again.

Dragonpurple · Answer

If you don't want kids ever, I totally understand this. I like kids and I still thought other parents 'inflicted' their bad mannered kids on the rest of us in public while the parents IGNORED them.

Kids running around isles or wherever making messes, bumping into people and worse... all while the parent (s) ignored them and continued about their business chatting with friends or each other or whatever. Then if anyone says something, says my kids weren't causing any issues.

Just like that airplane that had to land recently due to bad kids.

Anyways to your question no it is not wrong, but as you get older the 'single' pool of men without kids is going to diminish. After my divorce, it was very hard for me to find someone without kids to date and I wasn't opposed to dating those with kids either.

FatherJack · Answer

I'm a single dad myself , and no , far from " wrong " , 99.9% of women will not consider single dads , I put myself in this position , knowing full well after the marriage I endured , then ended after binning her , I never wanted to " date " , let alone endure another relationship. There are far more available men than women on the market , therefore single dads stay single , like it or not. We cannot compete in the sausage fest " dating market " , & does not bother me. I fully understand your viewpoint.

Floppy2112 · Answer

At this point in your life, if you are marriage minded, you should be looking for someone to build a life with. And that means that more likely than not, it's a single, younger guy who is starting life like yourself. When you are 30 and even more so, 40, you are going to be dealing with a lot more divorcees. You don't need to deal with that now.
So, I wouldn't deal with a woman with children and shouldn't deal with a man with children. Those are hard, harsh life realities you just don't have to deal with. Start clean with a good, single childless man and build something together.

Caliguy88 · Answer

I’m mostly the same. I don’t want kids. I feel like the only girls I’d date with kids are ones that I fall for via friendship. I would not start dating someone with kids off the net or setup from friends. I really don’t want to raise someone’s kids. If I wanted them I’d have my own. I know some girls though that would rather not have their own and meet a guy with kids so they can have a premade family so to speak. One girl can’t have her own so I get that. But it would not be a 100 show stopper. 95 percent. Lol

TruthBringer · Answer

No, it is not wrong. That is your right. Childless people should seek out other childless people. Why should anyone get with an already existing family that isn't theirs when they can start their own? And if you don't want kids at all, then that gives you even less reason to do it.
Don't let anyone shame you for this decision.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

It's okay. I like kids, though. Maybe if you spend more time around them you will learn to appreciate them more.

When people ask me if I want kids, and I hesitate, that isn't because I don't like kids. It's mainly just the 0-2 age range that I'm dreading.

Pantera9000 · Answer

A man with kids usually means he is a widow because it is extremely seldom a man wins custody in a divorce. But if they do he must be a good man who had a REALY bad wife. So bad the judge didn't like her.

But I have no idea what your motive is. I can understand guys not wanting to date chicks with kids because it usually means trouble in more ways than you can count on quantum computer.

But for the most part I say it is understandable cause who would want to raise somebody elses kids.

Screenwriter · Answer

You're rather young to close the door on children, but if that's your choice, that's your choice. I didn't decide on children until later in life and I wasn't interested in this until after 35.

But keep an open mind. You might meet an exceptional man who has a child. Child might be nice too!

Sarahr123 · Answer

No. I would never marry someone with kids. I don’t want to ruin some kids life or have some kids hate me for marrying their dad. It’s messy and those men come with baggage. If I got divorced I also would not remarry because no man can give my child the love of his biological father.

ohshee · Answer

Well in today's world I think you're making a good choice just because we don't know where this world is headed and if we don't know where the world is headed why bring kids into the world first of all and then I understand if you don't want to be a stepmom or have any other type of title like that did I understand and I respect your decisions I don't think there's anything wrong with that at least you're being honest

MeghanL · Answer

You have the right to keep company as you choose, including deciding for yourself whether to date someone.

Not everyone likes kids. That doesn't make someone a bad person, but in the same way they should not become teachers, pediatricians or other such professions they should not become involved with someone who has kids.

Newhead · Answer

It is your preference, nothing wrong with that. I am hoping for the same too. I was intentionally careful and picky when it comes on to relationships and sexual relations so that I wouldn't have children with the wrong person. I hope my future husband did the same, but if my soulmate comes with a child, then I will take what plan God has for me.

BitterSweetApplePie · Answer

No, not at all... but I'm the same way, so maybe that's why my opinion is the way that it is. Dating someone with kids means you're not only taking on the responsibility of a relationship, but also the possible responsibility of raising kids that aren't your own. Possible baby-mama/baby-daddy drama in there, too. The guys/girls main focus will always be the kids (which is fine) but it isn't for everyone, especially younger couples.

sd1223 · Answer

No you’re not. That’s a personal preference, it’s also mine as well. It feels too step-mother esque and then also you don’t know what they have going on with the child’s mother, no one wants any extra drama with that. I like the idea of one day marrying that special man and us building our own family together. Maybe if I were in my 30s, it wouldn’t bother me as much but me being in my 20s with no kids, it’s not something I choose to be involved with.

silvermoon84 · Answer

You have the right to date (or not date) whoever you want. If you don’t want to date single dads, then don’t. It’s your life girlfriend, live it your way.

A lot of people without kids (of both genders) don’t want to date single parents. Having been raised by a single mom, I can understand their frustration about it but nobody has the right to tell you that you’re wrong for not wanting to date them

menina · Answer

I see nothing wrong with that. Dating or marrying someone with kids when you don't have them is not easy. You must be prepared to deal with his children, with their mom and they might not even like you. They could also sabotage your relationship, so I understand you.
Don't feel bad.

Leavesbound · Answer

Children can complicate a relationship especially for younger people so I would not say it's wrong if that is your choice. The more important thing though is whether you want any of your own and your feelings on that should be made clear to whoever you are dating.

FunkyMonkee · Answer

No. In the first place, it's just your preference. Not everybody feels the same as everyone else! If that was the case, life would be pretty boring! when asked if he likes children, W. C. Fields would say, "It depends." When asked, "On what?" He'd say, "On how you cook `em".
Secondly, not everybody is keen on the thought of being an instant mommy or daddy if marriage steps into the picture!

LogicBomber · Answer

Typical female mentality.
Unlike men who often will date women with children even when they shouldn’t...
women are to self absorbed and want all the attention in a relationship, so splitting that with another females children is usually a deal breaker for most women.

Likes2drive · Answer

Well it limits your options a little bit but you are still young enough to find plenty of guys with out, my kids are grown and out so that’s not a problem for me usually

David_Kek · Answer

No one wants to take care of other peoples kids. Only ones that do are pedophiles or those that have kids themselves that can't find anyone that will take them that doesn't have them themselves.
FYI, you have zero patience with other peoples kids. When your clock says it's time, you'll warm up to your own. Or you'll be an abusive mother, one of the two.

supercutebutt · Answer

It's not "wrong" but it is foolish. All couples grow to hate each other eventually. So it's wise to marry a gentleman with kids because one of them could grow up to be hot and then right around the time you are ready to call it quits with the annoying and old husband, you can easily transition into a love affair with his spry & sexy offspring.

Commander_Red · Answer

That's your preference and there is nothing wrong with it. Kids are a lot to handle, especially if they aren't even your own kids, it takes a lot more effort to bond with them. However, if you're someone who doesn't like kids or doesn't want them, then you aren't compatible with single dads.

I-C3_ME · Answer

You can refuse that yes, your not obilgated to go out with every guy, especially if you have these grievances. Otherwise you'd be wasting your and he's time if you want true romance.

So yes you can be abit picky about your dates but remember, it works both ways tho

InferiorElegy · Answer

When you become a single mother just remember that even you won't date a single father so why should any guy want to date you because you're a single mother. A lot of guys will pass on you because they don't want to date single moms, they'll probably want to have sex with you only because they'll be thinking she's got kid/s so she puts out.

hi_it_is_me123 · Answer

Tf man. Guys on gag or guys on the internet trashtalk single mums and so dont worry. You dont even have to be so nice and so be free and trashtalk single dads. Sorrynotsorry. I am done with people and their hypocrisy when it comes to single mums. Nobody want a man with baggage anyway and you are also very young

lexiflexs · Answer

No it’s common sense. Why the fuck would most women with a brain, self esteem or an ounce of self respect pursue a man with children? We don’t need that baggage. There are plenty of high quality men out there without kids...

HawkPerception · Answer

I personally would prefer to not date a women with kids, but the older I get the less of them don't have kids. It's sad, but by the time I hit 30 I doubt there will be many women around my age that haven't had kids.

rievious · Answer

We're getting older. I don't think we have a choice for long. I don't want to be a father yet and I'd prefer it if the kid was my blood... maybe not bc I do have genetic heart problems BUT people are deciding to have kids and it will come down to either being single or making that choice... hopefully I find the right girl who has no kids but it doesn't always work like that.

BlacklightShade · Answer

You are young. You should find someone who is as free as you are.

420Rachel · Answer

Nah. Some people don't like kids. It definitely does take a lot of patience to deal with them. I have a wild 2 year old so I understand. 😂 Just do what makes YOU happy.

BigManSAB · Answer

You're not wrong at all. I've dated people with kids and its really not worth it. The kids will never love you as much as they love their real parents. When the kids act up it's always your fault. Also, most single parents don't understand that they have no value in the dating market. If you don't have kids yourself, you're doing the single parent a favor by dating them.

Start a new life n family with someone who hasn't created life already

legalboxers · Answer

at my age, Im the same. And I thank society for this because no one really knows who I am or takes the time to know who I am. They take what I post at heart, and not know what its like to walk in a size 8½ sneakers wore down completely to the end. I can't have kids, I know this. Does it bother me, somedays yes, somedays no. I want to be a parent, I dont want to adopt. I am pushing 50 and it sucks.. ½ my life has blown past me.

Apple1996 · Answer

Most guys dont even have much custody so the kids would barely even be around if he did have them. But it's okay to have preference on this type of stuff if you dont want it then find a guy without kids

JosephPit · Answer

There is nothing wrong with that. We all choose what we like and don’t like and what we want and don’t want. If you don’t want someone who wants or already has kids, that perfectly fine. No need to get doubtful about it

virtue2332 · Answer

That's the great thing about having a choice. Although you are limiting the market on some amazing encounters you also have a choice and can choose to change your mind whenever and however you see fit.

rosemilk · Answer

It's not wrong, it's just something you don't want to deal with. For a lot of people it is a deal breaker. I'm glad I don't have to try to date someone who already has kids, as I've already been dating my boyfriend for awhile. No baggage, no drama 🌸

ct1243 · Answer

You know where I am at with men lol it’s always a no in my book. You’re not wrong if I were dating men o wouldn’t have a problem. Thank goodness I’m exempted 🤷🏽‍♀️😅

Coulis · Answer

No, that's your preference and that's fine. If you choose to miss out on a supportive father as a mate who is capable of empathy and sacrifice that's your call.

Since so many are deadbeats, I see why you feel this way.

yofuknutz · Answer

I figured you asked a question like this you know I'm just here for the point in the Bible yet supposed to be fruitful and multiply whatever.

DWornock · Answer

Why do you believe you don't have the right to make choices about your life and that you must follow the dictates of others? That is what your question implies.

DarkCarousel · Answer

Not at all. That's your preference. It's actually better that you don't get involved if you already know that you don't like kids.

CentralPerk77 · Answer

You’re only 23 - I think this is fine. When you get older it’s hard to find anyone without them so eventually you kinda start to feel a little more open on the subject. Kids are just dream anchors.

beebella · Answer

No, I don't want to date someone who has kids either. Not because I don't like kids (I'm actually great with kids), but because I don't want the baggage and I honestly don't want another blended family.

Evening-Pitch1418 · Answer

Just be upfront with him. Unless you could possibly seeing yourself with kids without hesitation then you could still be with the guy. Otherwise kids complicate stuff and add stress.

Emmaky02 · Answer

I don’t think it’s wrong at all. Not everyone wants to have children. It’s totally a personal preference. It really is a big responsibility & I respect you for your choice.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

It's your preference that you choose not to date a man with no kids and I think I'm not so sure I want to date a woman with kids cause she could always go back to the baby's daddy?

pajamasam · Answer

Nothing wrong with that preference in my opinion. Just reject the men who have kids politely and I don't see an issue.

Barry88 · Answer

There's nothing wrong with that. If you don't like children, I think it's very good to rule that out. It wouldn't make you happy and his children neither.

Citizenkirk · Answer

It's wrong too commit yourself to a situation that violates your ethics or moral beliefs.  It's also impractical to pretend to be comfortable with a lifestyle choice that doesn't fit you very well.

Inexpensivefurniture · Answer

Kids aren't something that can be compromised on. If you don't want them in your life then you aren't wrong for turning down or avoiding men with children.

lakotabebebe · Answer

It's fine if you don't want that. It's becoming more and more common and it shows that our society is developing in a way where we have options beyond being a housewife.

kamalravi25 · Answer

It is not wrong for now.
Because it is only your choice not other women's.
There will be women who would like to date or marry them.
It would be wrong if all the women thought the same way like not dating or marrying men with children.

Searlas · Answer

It’s not unless you are planning to never have a child otherwise the tables turn and you experience rejection because you got one.

loveslongnails · Answer

Why would it be wrong if you don't like being around kids? I assume you don't want to have any either, right? What's "wrong" with that?

Is it wrong I will not date a man or marry a man with children?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Am I wrong for not wanting to be with a man on who has a child or children?

Is it wrong I will not date a man or marry a man with children?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Am I wrong for not wanting to be with a man on who has a child or children?

We're glad to see you liked this post.