Is he fishing for compliments or insecure?

[WinCx3d]

Met a guy at a bar in the middle of July. I instantly pursued him. Asked him for his number and everything. The very first date he said he was ugly but i told him he want and didn’t pay it any mind. After a few dates i noticed he would say things that was weird to me.

Like he would say “i know you don’t really want to be with me you probably have other boyfriends”
Or “you have hoes “ just to name a few things

Two days ago he said “why didn’t you answer when i called if you’re talking to other guys just say it”

This morning while on FaceTime he said “i know you mess with other guys because you’re real cute and you’re just down to earth i don’t know why you want me “

TL:DR; why is he talking down on himself when I’m truly not messing with other men

[hahahmm]

So you chased a random guy you met at a pick up joint & you're surprised that he thinks you chase other guys that you meet at bars? To all the people saying he's insecure... about his looks, yes. About thinking she's with a different guy every week: no. She hasn't built the trust up so he's looking at the odds. You see a fisherman at the pier with a fishing pole & you'd be a fool to think he gave up fish cause he caught 1. ha ha ha ha.

Building trust takes times but lots of people think it can happen fast. Nah... just that a lot of people fake having trust.

[OlderAndWiser]

These are his insecurities and they do not emanate from anything that you are doing or not doing. He will have the same problems in his next relationship. This relationship is probably doomed because you will eventually resent the unfounded accusations.

[greyislife]

Definitely fishing (which can be a sign of insecurity) He’s also probably indirectly trying to gauge if you actually find him attractive and if you are talking to other people (which is a bit immature in my opinion)

[greyislife]

My advice is to continue to date others as long as you guys have not established you are exclusively dating. And be honest with him that you are dating as you are single. If he is insecure he will likely fall off on his own. No need to waste energy on a man who you will have to constantly reassure in the future and the relationship cannot be healthy as long as he’s insecure (I’ve learned this the hard way)

[Birdlegs]

Y’all be dating multiple people at the same time? I did not know that good to know tho

[greyislife]

Standard dating (meaning just met, still getting to know each other and going to dinner or something) usually involves people dating multiple until you decide one of them meets your needs or doesn’t. Unless someone expresses they only date one at a time or want to date exclusively then it’s safe to assume they are getting to know multiple people.

[mvpverona]

He’s insecure because he doesn’t feel he is on your level. It seems like he has low self-esteem. This is toxic because you consistently have to uplift him. This is draining to your energy. Help him from a distance.

[serious]

Well he may be telling the truth when he said that he is not good enough and it is possible when a man knows that he is not so handsome and doesn't have any appreciable qualities. In this case, I am quite he it not talking down on himself.

This can happen if a woman is out a man's league and in this case he thinks you are out of his league.

Yes it is possible he is insecure and he said those things because to him you are very beautiful and he thinks it is unlikely that you don't have any guy friends or boyfriend for that matter and it is not possible for you to like him.

[Tunasub]

I think the comments are a start to what's to come.

in my opinion he is trying to manipulate you into doing exactly what he wants and that is to tell him everything that you are doing.

When he says shit like that and you have already told him the truth, don't tell him again and again. In fact say yeah that's what I'm doing since you want to think that after I told you countless times that it isn't.

This is one thing that you do not want. Because it will turn out to be a do as I say not as I do type deal..

You may want to just let this one go.. he will get worse.

[MzAsh]

You are incredibly intuitive and honest.

[Tunasub]

In today's world I think it's best to be this way. I trust me.. and only me..
Not that I'm not friendly because I am. But when it comes to people I'm not totally sold on the goodness of Thier heart right off the bat. I am like this because my gut, my intuition has not been wrong too many times.

It's been right enough for me to trust and believe in that feeling that I get.

I have been wrong but I've been right a boatload more than wrong.

[Dnc873]

You're a damn unicorn, you approached him and asked for his number? and he's acting like this? dude wtf.
But honestly sounds like he has self esteem issues, he's gonna need to work on that quick if he doesn't want to run off women like you. The whole “why didn’t you answer when i called if you’re talking to other guys just say it” is particularly obnoxious

[WinCx3d]

Yeah i did

[MzAsh]

Well like tunasub said, I think he’s trying to get you to tell him everything you’re doing. But so far he’s doing it in an innocent way. But that wouldn’t last long. He is insecure and has a lot of trust issues and is projecting them on to you. Next he’d likely start hounding you about what you wear and where you go, accusing you of trying to attract attention from other men. Red flags here. 🚩 🚩 🚩

[Fireguy17]

Wow, tough call on this one.
On one hand it sort of seems like he is fishing for compliments, but when you look deeper it almost seems like he is trying to guilt you into being with him.
Either way it probably wouldn't end up being a very healthy relationship if it ever progressed to that point.

[WinCx3d]

How is he trying to guilt me into being with him

[Fireguy17]

Saying things like I'm ugly, you probably have other boyfriends, why didn't you answer my calls, you were talking to other guys.
He almost seems like when he says those things he will get you to prove to him you aren't doing those things.
Sort of the start of being very controlling, so personally I would be very cautious if you keep seeing him.
I could be very wrong about this, but just somethings that you posted just aren't sitting right with me.
Take it slowly and be careful.

[WinCx3d]

Is this his way of saying he wants me to date other guys?

[igaveyouanickname]

TL;DR: Run away screaming.

Insecure AF. Thinks you're out of his league. He's negging and dissing you already. That's uncool.

Don't because he will be jealous if you talk to any male friends.

Also, insecure men tend to go down the paths of either withdrawn/passive, argumentative, or abusive. He'll also be drama-drama.

If you gain any weight, he'll probably call you fat instead of being supportive/positive.

[Lliam]

Wow. Sounds like super low self esteem. The fact that he won't believe you would make me wary. If you got into a relationship, he would always be distrustful and worrying that you were cheating. He doesn't seem capable of making his own assessment of you.

[Finchie40]

He is insecure and sounds a little narcissistic if you ask me, Didn’t you approach him and ask him for his number? So why would he think he was ugly? Lol Also the fact he is assuming you are playing him and talking to other guys isn’t a good thing , just shows he doesn’t trust you and he more than likely doesn’t trust himself. Usually people that accuse others of doing stuff like that are the ones doing that shit , So something you should really reconsider

[kellytheman]

To me he does sound really insecure about himself and maybe he can't believe you like him. Guys don't really fish for colimpents even though it nice to hear once awhile but we don't make you give us one. He also thinks that you are cute he can't believe you are not seeing other guys which is another form on insecurity.

[lasher010]

Poor guy needs some confidence. Make him think that he's the man. I've felt like that before it's a terrible way to feel because nobody likes somebody that's like that. You need to tell him straight up that he needs to get some confidence or people aren't going to like it. It's the damn truth. Tell him that it's all in his head that you never would have liked him if you didn't think he was good looking. Tell him to get it together you want a man

[ohshee]

Okay time out it's what the second or third time you got out with the guy and he's been negative since day one what's that tell you it's going to be nothing but drama press the eject button and move on

[Savage_Wisdom]

He has very low self-esteem. Likely because of a past relationship that went bad, or being bullied during his childhood. This isn't an issue that you can fix.

[Screenwriter]

He has serious self-esteem issues that you can't help him with. He needs professional help. Bid him good-bye, kindly and ask him to see somebody. He probably won't, but at least you tried.

[slatyb]

Wow, that's extremely tiresome and destructive to relationships. He has a hole that you can't fill. Tell him to stop. I think he should see a counselor.

[NathanDavis]

not only he is very insecure about himself, he's also trying to be a bit manipulative with you...

[WinCx3d]

How do

[NathanDavis]

he's kind of accusing you of things you didn't do? that's a few kinds of messed up... that's why

[goaded]

He's messing with your head, but possibly not on purpose. There's a book called "Surrounded by Psychopaths" that gives good advice on dealing with manipulative people.

[paradiseonearth93]

He sounds really insecure. That would turn me off completely. Stuff like that can become toxic real quickly

[Flower7]

Sounds like a lot of paranoia. Could become dangerous. At the very least, it would be extremely annoying for you to deal with on a regular basis.

[MotorcycleMan]

Sounds like a lot of insecurity leading to jealousy. Could be trouble down the road.

[BeenThereLovedIt]

His last girlfriend probably cheated and you are dealing with the messy afterbirth