It's really hard for me to trust men?

Question

Hi, now I have social media and spend lots of time on it.
I came across an account on tik tok her name was Trashley Anonymous. She went through her trauma and abusive family. Her brothers r@ped her when she was 14, and she resorted to sex work after that. She said that she's slept with over 60,000 men. That's a lot of guys and that's the size of my town actually. She did it for 20 years, has been on podcasts and such explaining what happened.

I've seen lots of stories like this, along with women getting assaulted. AND to be honest, I don't know if I want to get married and such. I'm terribly afraid I'm gonna marry a man who supports or supported this industry. I know it seems stupid. I'm on online dating apps and I just haven't met anyone. If I don't use online dating I'm never noticed. Everyone around me is always noticed.

Is there good men?
(I'm afraid to approach cause im large, and I know I'll be laughed at or treated as a joke.)

RearEntryGuy · Accepted Answer

A person is not made up of a character. And every attribute the person possesses is manifests at various degree. And that which we see in a person is dependent on our upbringing.

Let me illustrate:
Person A:
Graduated in Cambridge Uni, always put on a smile, very famous in social media (have over 1 million followers), is ambitious, and always raise funds for charity.

Person B:
Basic education up to High School, smiles a lot, don't use social media, not ambitious, no charity.

This is my perception of two real persons in my country. Which one do you think is a "good guy"?

Think of an answer.

Now the revelation.
Person A was a Prime Minister of my country, he laundered over USD600M, charged and found guilty over many charges, sentenced to 20+ years in prison, etc now appealing.

Person B is a hawker in my neighborhood, has a family with a few kids. I enjoy his food and we chat a lot whenever I patronized.

How?

Again, the above is my surface view of them.

Another person may sees it differently.

This is because despite the charges, Person A still have millions of supporters and may win a senate or MP seat this year.

Person B, I don't know his private life. But I believe he has both friends and "foes" too.

Get my point?

A person cannot be judged by mere appearance or short-term acquaintances.

It takes time to know a person. And if you're not willing to invest that time, then even if the person is "good", you likely view him as "bad" if his mannerism offends you.

And the truth is, we as individuals can never have a perfect liking of another person's mannerisms and idiosyncrasies. Thus we become haters.

Slartybartfast · Accepted Answer

If I wanted a popular and profitable account I'd post an image of a pretty girl and make up stories like that..

I read on the internet that it wasn't Trump that incited the Jan 6 coup attempt, but alien lizard people and antifa.

I don't go to MGTOW, MRM etc pages because it's an echo chamber of pain, men are angry, hurt, abuse victims that get no support and they go there to vent.

Men are five times as likely to be murdered than women.

Men aren't taught to protect themselves from online predators and will most likely go where a pretty image in the screen invites them.

Only to be robbed and murdered at five times the rate when they show up and NO ONE seems to think there's anything wrong with that!!

Men are never victims even though they are the majority of victims. At a huge margin. Not even close.

whirled_up_girl · Accepted Answer

I think it's fine to take time to build trust with someone and not just trust them off the bat but I also think it's not healthy to just flat out assume someone of the opposite gender is automatically bad news because of experience one person had or maybe a few people have had. Just take time to get to know someone, you can be careful about getting to know them without expecting the worse from them.

HeartFullOfGlue · Accepted Answer

Its not stupid at all. There are good men out there, you just need to be really careful.

whosDmann · Answer

Well, I think wen u always see or hear negative stories especially about things like that , it would be a bit normal to feel a certain way .. but have u watched things with happy endings? You might feel a bit different about everything maaayyybbee not being so negative!! And I'm can't knock any dating sites cuz I'm sure they work for some people. But... don't rush it !!! Let it just happen.. you might run into that person wen ur randomly putting gas or grabbing a soda... if u try to hard, u might find someone but just settled on that person ... LET IT HAPPEN!!! 🤷‍♂️

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

I'm completely the opposite of everything you have said about men!

1st of all you can trust me blindly and that's something you might not be even able to do it with your parents...

2nd if i was in serious relationship, i can never cheat or fall out of love except if she cheats and stops loving me...

3rd i never lie, i always say the truth cause i hate lies...

4th when i promise, i always keep my promises...

5th sex to me comes after marriage which means if i'm with you, it's because i want everything in you and not just sex especially that it will come after marriage which means that i'm not playing around...

6th why would i take you as a joke if your large, your heigth and weigth will never make judge a person, maybe i prefer a specific range for how tall a girl can be or how much thin or large a girl can be to me but i take everyone seriously...

7th my rule in life is to treat the way i want to be treated...

Anonymous · Answer

"Laughed at or treated as a joke" - not unless the guy is 5 years old! It's just your insecurities, which we all have, but just remember confidence is attractive! You like guys to have it right? Same back. Most guys would love to be asked out also.

But it's not easy for most people these days you're not alone. And the women that are getting "noticed" or getting attention, most often it's unwanted attention they're getting. Just look around this site even, it's prove of this.

AviatorTom · Answer

Don't believe Trashley Anonymous. Just do teh math about her claim of 60,000 men in 20 years. That would be an average of about 10 men a day, every single day of those 20 years. That's ridiculous. I'm guessing that Trashley Anonymous is actually a guy having fun on Tik Tok with an outrageous story.

There are plenty of good men out there that you can trust. To be fair, there are some bad eggs, but they're in the minority.

awkward_author · Answer

Good men exist, and you can ask potential boyfriends questions about the sex work industry to see what they think about it. If their answer is a deal breaker, move on. There's also different ways you can be safe on dates (ex. meeting in public places).

Gingerguy33 · Answer

There’s way more good guys out there then you think

Wise4myage · Answer

Theirs lots of good men in this world, so never give up hope.

Throwdownxxx · Answer

You are likely spending too much time online and worrying about this. Of course there are good men. Go out and meet men in the types of places you would want your man to be.

TheBigGuy9 · Answer

You’re selecting a few stories out of the 7.9 billion people that live in the world. Don’t let a few stories get you all emotional and automatically thinking the worst things.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

I'm not saying you're a bad person but stay single. Nobody deserves to be with someone who thinks that they are inherently bad.

OddBeMe · Answer

Well, yes there are good guys. I think you can see the devolution in Trashley’s life that placed her a bubble of abusive men.  But being able to swim with sharks and not get spooked is key.

Snakeyes7 · Answer

Remember that men are not a hivemind just as women aren't. There are good and bad men just as there are good and bad women. It'll take a while but remember that men are just as human as you are.

Luckycharms12 · Answer

Loads good people out there and some bad just have be able to see the difference

Anonymous · Answer

Does anyone else hear a violin playing? Lol

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