How to not be bothered by a guy I was seeing now having a girlfriend?

[Anonymous]

So I was seeing this guy at the end of last year and it went on for around 5 months. It was my first time going on dates, my first kiss, etc and I was really into him. He seemed really interested in me as well and said stuff about wanting to meet my parents and go to future things together so naturally I presumed it was heading towards having a relationship. Anyways, he stopped making an effort and it got to a point where it was literally just me trying to keep things going. I got tired of it (after a good months effort tbf) so stopped being the first one to reach out and didn't hear from him which hurt tbh. (Also, worth noting we work together - big mistake I know - so it's not like he wasn't seeing me).

Anyways, yesterday I found out he now has a girlfriend. I thought I was over it and not interested in him anymore but tbh it shattered me; probably even more so when I found out they had been seeing each for less time than we had. I'm confused why I feel like this; I feel like I wasn't good enough and I just want it to not bother me. Luckily I'm leaving my work soon due to getting a job elsewhere so I only need to put with seeing him a little bit more til I can completely eradicate him from my life.

But does anyone have any advice on how to not let this bother me or get over it? And dating tips which could help me for this kind of thing in the future?

[henrygolding]

Well first off, I'm sorry to hear that you're in this situation. The short answer is that what you're feeling are the growing pains of starting out in dating. You may not like it now, but your future self will appreciate you for overcoming and learning from this. Also, you should know that you ARE enough and that this guy (first date, first kiss, etc) was just not the right fit.

Secondly, for the record, I don't think its fair that he led you on with statements about meeting your parents and going to events together. 5 months is a long time to date someone, and I would expect them to set expectations for a LTR.

You're feeling this way because you were rejected. But, what you need to realize is that you are not the only one who has experienced this. EVERYONE experiences something like this in their dating life. It sounds strange, but I think you should take comfort knowing this. People who end up with their life partner or have had beautiful relationships have experienced rejection many times over before ending up there.
It's a good idea not to ignore this feeling, at least at first. Learn from it, and don't let it keep you from being your best self. For me, the best way to handle it is to talk about it with you closest confidant and friends. Journaling and voice memos are another way to get it out. Prioritize yourself, your hobbies, and friends who keep you moving forward.

If you want to see how serious he is in the future, pay attention to how he introduces you to his friends. Does he say "This is my friend" or "This is my girlfriend". This bit is subjective, you'll have to decide the timeframe, but it is something small to consider. Also, remember that relationships take work. That means both of you, equal effort, need to engage with each other. Does he communicate with you weekly or daily? Do you go on dates often or less often? Is my commitment to this relationship building me up or breaking me down? I leave you to answer these questions but I think they're the type you want to ask yourself at any stage of dating, early stages included, and to see if you should be dating that person.

[Asker]

Thanks so much for your advice. In a way it was a good experience as I know what my boundaries are now and what not to put up with. I'll make sure to take your comments on board for the future :)

[boggboss]

Try and stay distant to him don't follow him online and just keep busy