Advice on avoiding future awkwardness when I run into the girl who turned me down (good reason she’s taken) in the future?

[Anonymous]

I had my eye on an attractive younger woman at a local CrossFit gym for a while. She drops in sporadically vs where I am more consistent. We got in small talk and I got good vibes from her. But it wasn’t an easy place to get a private conversation in since it’s smaller and lots of people are around.

She’s very attractive, in grad school and approachable. We had small talk probably 4-5 times before I finally went for it yesterday and asked her if she liked to get breakfast. She smiled at me and said “thanks but I have a bf”.

I knew that might be likely so it didn’t bother me at all. I could also tell from her body language she was most likely telling the truth, a bit flattered and there wasn’t a hint of “you creep” reaction at all. I was slightly disappointed but she handled it the best way possible.

It’s been a long time since I’ve approached a woman directly like this. Covid and dating apps has unfortunately been the way to go. But I felt proud of myself for having the guts to ask. I figure you miss every shot you don’t take.

However the crappy part is I will most likely run into her again. I plan to keep friendly and small talk. But I hate that awkward feeling especially when I am in a gym, work, etc. trying to get something done.

[jennifer_bloom]

Would you consider asking the relationship status earlier in the dialogue? Not blaming you but it could save you time.

[Asker]

I actually tried to look her up on social media to find out beforehand. She never brought him up in conversation when asked about her weekend plans.

I only see her sporadically and I had to find a unique moment to chat with her (the coach was in earshot and so was other female members). I asked her outside after the session while she as getting her car. It was a bit rushed and awkward. But honestly there wasn’t a “perfect moment”.

I wasn’t upset at all. She handled it the way she should have. But for you ladies remember this isn’t fun anticipating all this and sticking my neck out. Always respect a guy who politely asks you on a date. She did but I’ve had others in the past who were very rude about this.

[Asker]

*look her up on social media to find out her relationship status. Couldn’t find her anywhere.

[jennifer_bloom]

Okay, but don’t beat yourself up, since you did not know, you are innocent and if she is attractive she probably gets hit on all the time and doesn’t panic when it happens.

[Asker]

Oh I’m proud of how I handled that. Did my best. Also sometimes women might be “on the rocks” with their bfs. I don’t encourage cheating but if things change down the road she knows I am possibility.

But the crappy part is the gym is close knit. I will most likely run into her again and I want to be focused on training. I just hate that awkwardness.

[jennifer_bloom]

It will phase out and stop causing you stress with habituation because human minds and spirits are self healing devices

[Asker]

Yeah it’s not a big deal.

[OlderAndWiser]

Just put on a brave front and ask her "is that boyfriend stll treating you right?"

[Anonymous]

Either say hi or ignore her existence, but don’t hide from her.

[Asker]

Good advice.