Long distance let down?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been talking to/dating a guy for 2 years over that time we’ve gotten to see each other a total of 3-4 times spending about 6-7hours together I guess. Early on in our first year of our relationship, he talked about wanting us to get married, a bunch of plans he wanted to do together.. but all this year when I’ve revisited the topic to make sure we’re on the same page.. he’s said maybe, then he admitted he didn’t believe in marriage, and that felt like I just got hit in the face.. but then he told me in addition that he doesn’t know for sure yet wether im someone he wants to marry because we haven’t hung out enough. I understand where he’s coming from because we’re long distance. But at the same time it’s so hard not to break down crying, I feel like all this time has been a joke. Why’d he talk about doing those things with me if he wasn’t sure if im the one he wants to do them with?

What can I do? I know he has a point, but I feel so heartbroken because all this time I’ve had my mind made up that he was the one I’ve wanted.. but he’s still holding out his options? And I just feel so defeated and like distancing myself from him.

[Anonymous]

Sorry you’re going through this, I’ve been there and it sucks. Tbh It’s quite possible that he meant everything he said about getting married and stuff, but over time it’s hard to keep hopes and dreams alive in a relationship when they seem so unattainable. In real time, can you say you have a solid plan? Not the fantasy you’ve envisioned, but a real plan (not goal or intention) to either move closer or move in together? LDR is really meant to be temporary, and if there’s no plan in sight to really start your lives together, closer, then all that talk about marriage and babies just sounds like two people getting lost in a dream. Unfortunately this could be where he’s at, and the lack of being able to kiss, hug, touch, hang out in person, etc can really wear a person down and is not meant for everyone. He’s not able to feel like he’s growing intimately and personally with you, and that’s very hard. So instead of dwelling on the past and hurting over your fantasies of the future, focus on what can be achieved in the present and ask yourself if it’s really realistic to continue on under these circumstances. Are you genuinely happy, content and able to continue? Is he? These are important factors you have to make the hard choices about.

[Anonymous]

Why he is with you if he thinks you are not the one? He could simply asked for an open relationship or so whatever.. he was playing a mind game with you, I know this may sound harsh but it’s okay. You just leaned a lesson..
I think you should dump him if you are not happy with him and do never invest time and effort in a relationship if your partner has other plans! Good luck and you’ll be just fine!