Why do you think people tend to stick to their own race/ethnicity usually when dating, mating or finding someone "special"?

Question

Some people say it's hidden racism.

Some people say it's culture (people with different race/ethnic background can have the same culture and pretty much experience the SAME things or similar!).

Some people say it's because they are scared of what their parents/family would say if they dated someone outside their race.

What do you really think it is? And does it disappoint you or frustrate your or make you angry sometimes like it does for me? I mean, it's not like I can CONTROL what ethnicity/race I was born with!

It's just something I noticed in recent years, weirdly enough, versus back in the 2000's, 2010's or older!

BCA6010 · Accepted Answer

Cultural values definitely matter more in terms of long term dating or marriage. It's by far the biggest factor in that respect, and relationships founded on shared values almost always last longer.

For people who just want casual flings, it's going to be much more based on physical attraction than anything else, and while people will generally gravitate towards the members of the opposite sex who are most familiar, I've known many (mostly white or mixed) guys who seemed exclusively attracted to a specific race other than their own. Two are now married and have kids.

There's definitely outside factors, and there's always those people who date for some form of exoticness. The US media right now is jokingly (but not really a joke) called out for going to extreme lengths to feature as many interracial couples as possible in advertisements, with the intent of "representing everyone" according to marketers. Sure... And of course the ole' tried and true "what will my parents think" excuse which funny enough, seems to be much more legitimately common in Asians and Indians than anyone else, and basically a "get out of jail free card" more often than not, especially with the younger adult generations who are more prone to villainize or go against their parents.

HighValue · Accepted Answer

Because of general morals/political views.

For instance, if you date a White man, there is a much higher chance of him having conservative views. If you date a Black man or woman, there is a much higher chance of them having liberal views.
If you disagree you are being dishonest with yourself. Just look at voting statistics. 95% voting for one party repeatedly shows the patterns.

If you date a White woman you have more of a chance of her having liberal views. (casual sex/promiscuity in her past, drug or heavy alcohol use, kids from different guys, lazy and doesn't want to contribute to the relationship, etc.)

Recently more Hispanics have realized that conservatives match much more closely with their morals so they are finally starting to change how they vote.

If you date an Asian man or woman, they are more likely to have conservative morals/views.

Morals and views matter a lot in a relationship so if you pay attention to which groups are more likely to be compatible with you it could influence who you are more or less willing to date.

wheresmrcunnunglis · Accepted Answer

Hmm, I think it's some of the reasons you shared. As well as how it can be easier for one who is of the same race or ethnicity to understand the cultural nuances, trials, and tribulations one goes through without having to inform one of it. Which for some can be either a daunting task or an exciting endeavor to embark on when it comes to dating outside of one's race or ethnicity.

I know when I dated white men, I almost swore off of them ( kinda still do ) because I was tired of explaining why certain behaviors or ways of thinking were racist. Or being exposed to their prejudice friends, family, or even being brought to restaurants in a part of the city I never would have known of, outside of them, and experiencing prejudice there. That restaurant experience was an eye opener though to just how different ethnicities' worlds can be in realms one would not even think of!

I would say interracial dating is a bit easier in the 2010s to now than it was back then but it is still rough. But it may be easier with other non-white or Asian ethnicities or races when it comes to interracial dating.

Note: watch me get dislikes for that last paragraph.

Jacadia · Accepted Answer

I am a white woman. I had relationships with: an Iranian man for 11 years. In the end it did not work because his race did not accept me and I am catholic he's athiest. His family was trying to find various women to marry and he refused and when he sent a photo of us they cut me out of it! So you can fall in love with any race but the chances of it working is slim when the other side is narrowminded and racist. he's now with a woman chinese/peru whose very controlling and if he ever lost his wealth and job they would dump him to the street thats the Asian way. My other relationships: a local man English/french mix he was rotten. After that a french man and again totally different upbringing and he's liberal I am not: so it can never work. Its not just culture that can make a relationship not work its many factors. With the french guy he thinks I should speak french and I cannot learn it however I am half Irish and the only time he says he wants to hear Irish music is St Patricks day! I told him well I am Irish every day just like your french every day! That is not acceptable!

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I read that familiarity breeds attraction and research shows the more common a face is, the higher their desirability to men and women so I think people are attracted to their people cause it’s what they are familiar with.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

"I mean, it's not like I can CONTROL what ethnicity/race I was born with!" So if a guy isn't attracted to you, he should pretend to be attracted anyway, because it's not your fault? But what about "it's not his 'fault' that he isn't attracted to you?"

Avicenna · Answer

There can be any number of reasons why, and it’s usually not due to racism. People with a similar background and values are usually easier to communicate with and are usually more accessible to you.
And sometimes there are other factors that aren’t race-specific but there are disparities among different races. To give you an example of this, I won’t date a single mom (have done it before). Well, that means my dating pool is childless women, and it’s more likely to contain white women since they’re more likely not to have kids. Asian women are, as a group, more likely to not marry a man who already has kids (which I do).

Furthermore, otter factors like education and social class gone into play. Better-educated Hispanic and black women are much more likely to be in interracial relationships because they have different professional and social circles. That may also be true for Asian women.

People with a military background are also more likely to have had or be in interracial relationships.

RavVid · Answer

Interesting question.

I think there is a like likes like factor. Supposedly we find a feminized or masculinized version of our own face very attractive. That is were my first sentence statement is coming from and the second sentence is from scientific tests.

You could take that to be some inherent racism or more correctly tribalism because whilst I am white/Caucasian I don't find all white/Caucasian female faces equally appealing. I like rectangular or almond female faces more than other shapes.

There are pheromones too. Now people might rail against what I say next but it is true. I find that despite my liking the body shape of a lot of black girls I do find their natural body scent to be muskier and it doesn't appeal to me as the more sugar & spice natural scent of white/Caucasian females. I'm a guy who particularly likes sniffing breasts.

Despite all that there are some classic strong likings between phenotypes. White/Caucasian guys do have a thing for Asian girls and vice versa. White/Caucasian females do rather seem to like African men.

And I agree that there are advantages in terms of culture and acceptance in dating within your culture and race/phenotype.

I could never see myself being attracted to a girl and not going for it regardless of culture and race phenotype. I do think like likes like and with something as important as choice of partner we are always in a fairly narrow field of choice.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

I think a lot of that comes from a general level of comfort with people of your own race. You both have similar life experiences, which makes the relationship easier to have.

The brutal truth of dating, mating, and general romantic attraction is that beauty standards became standards for a reason. It didn't happen because of racism, per se. People didn't just randomly look at dark skinned people one day and think "well, I really hate them, so I'll just start calling them ugly." People were attracted to pale skin, high cheekbones, light eyes because they associated those traits with money. You don't have to work in the sun all day and get a tan if you are rich enough to pay someone else to do the work for you. Being/looking rich is good in any part of the world. So people looked at darker features and naturally thought "huh... I don't know if associating with that person is going to elevate my social status."

It's only been in very recent years that we've turned this idea on its head.

Babygirl_S · Answer

Racism:prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism by an individual, community, or institution against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.
Racial "preference" is a type of racism going by this standard definition so we can safely say that nearly everyone is a racist to an extent.
I don't think most people prefer their own. They prefer white. We have been conditioned to favour them.
It's good for them to have colonised the world and shaped the beauty standards otherwise considering the kind of dance moves and mating call (singing) other races have they couldn't stand a chance. Black and Hispanic people really produce sexy music and dance so well. You can feel how sensual they are. Even dark Europeans are spicier than the ones who colonised more often.
Most "bedroom jams" are sung by black people.
White men won the wars so they look more powerful to most women now. It essentially is a white man's world due to his past efforts to make it so.
I come from a country that was colonised for centuries and that subconsciously affects the type of men I find more masculine and attractive.
I still wouldn't reject a handsome black guy (I'm talking about dark-skinned guys too).

BullShark · Answer

I think it really has to do with religion more than race or ethnicity. Personally speaking, I'm a Pakistani guy, so I'm Muslim. My parents are open to the idea of me getting married to any other girl outside of the country as long as she's Muslim and shares the same beliefs as us.

Still, there are some people who shun even that and I think it's because family members think a partner who's not familiar with our traditions and culture wouldn't be able to fit in, when that isn't really how it goes. People make traditions, not the other way around, and as long as you're willing to accept and continue your partner's family/cultural traditions, I don't see the problem.

SimpleGuy95 · Answer

I think it also has kind of safety aspects because choosing people from the same race that are born in the same country or on the same continent have a higher chance of sharing the same culture, same morals and values.
It´s also "easier" in a way because they make the majority of the people that live around you.
I don´t think it´s racist or closed mindness it´s attraction.
Plus it´s also something inherited in a way that you follow the example of people around you.
The same way as you saying you can´t control the in which race/ethnicity you´re born another person could say: "I can´t control who I´m attracted to"
Some people are attracted to different cultures and some aren´t and both are doing the right thing nevertheless.

TransAm85 · Answer

I was never really secluded. I have some Redneck relatives that are extremely racist against merely black people, but that's their problem. My mother grew up in the hippie movement. She loves everyone. Her first husband was half Mexican. Then she married my farmer father who was a lazy drunk. Does that explain something? The farmers and suburban people are supposed to be the "holy" people, yet they're actually the ones who do the most drugs. I dated a drug dealer who had a trap house in Kenosha. We fucked in there and I saw how they make the damn crack from bricks of cocaine. His best customers were suburban white people. This racism shit has to stop. I've lived w/black people, I married a Mexican, and I know many Rednecks. Everyone has good and bad sides, but we're still human. What fucks it all up is competition for $$ I think. Status. Material wealth. That will not make a person truly happy.

Weapon77 · Answer

That's a gross oversimplification. Many try to pass it off as stick to the same race, but here are a few things to keep in mind: A) We have ethnicities, but Homo Sapiens is the only true race (so we are all the same race); B) everyone is has mixed heritage to some extent, so VERY few people are sticking exactly to their own genetic admixture; C) I don't know a single person who sticks to their own ethnicity exactly, so I'm assuming someone is incorrectly lumping huge, diverse ethnic groups into one inaccurate pseudo-group; D) I personally have gone out with girls of various heritages: Dominican/Chinese, French/Italian, Native American, Native American/European, Black, Black/European White, Celtic, Scandinavian, and Latina. I'm German Jewish, Celtic, Scandinavian, Native American, Peruvian, Bolivian, and Camaroonian. I know at least in my case I didn't just stick to my own "race"

Anonymous · Answer

I don’t know if this makes me racist but dating other ethnicities was bullied out of me at a young age. When I was 7 years old, my primary school boyfriend was black and my whole family bullied me for it until I was 15. When I was 12, I had an Asian boyfriend and my family bullied me for 2 years about it. When I was 13, one of my best friends was Indian and my family told me I wasn’t allowed to date them unless I wanted to disgrace my family.

When I was 14 I got a white boyfriend. My family didn’t bully me and they greeted him with open arms. So I learnt that if I dated someone who wasn’t white, my family would look down on me and my boyfriend. Since then I have only dated white guys, or half white guys. I don’t know if this makes me racist or not. I have no problem being friends with people of other ethnicities but I can’t date them out of fear of being bullied.

TwiNshichamp1 · Answer

Iam a black man I don't feel bad/see either way to date other races. Personally I like white girls , is not that Iam racist, is just that is the way Iam, the way was born and they way I feel. White women makes my blood boil while I see them, they attract me more than other women (even from my own race) ,(They are beautiful, charming, gorgeous and mindful) but is just they don't attract me. I think society should come to a conclusion that, the world has charged and everyone should date/having relationship with anyone they like. Culture difference may contribute but also people put a lot of opposition on it from happening.

glassdunes · Answer

I disagree, the American media might portray that buy recently there has been a shift towards body positivity, accepting melanin for what it is, a pigment not genetic link to intelligence (which is random by the way, to get your intelligence score, you are rolling a d 20 in dungeons and dragons and hoping for a good roll but more importantly an education you value for life) , I doubt in all countries they actually see white as the attractive color. Its though to say but I like my women like I like my coffee, just throw me a cup and I'll be great! It's not like bolly wood actors are from California. Since intelligence is random, I would assume looks are too, even as a preference. meh w. e

Blackcosmo · Answer

It's natural to be attracted to someone you're more similar to and race is quite general. I feel like it's less strange for me to date someone with a similar skin colour and maybe ethnicity than date someone with a very different skin colour/ethnicity. With that said, I don't bear a grudge to people who are different from me but rather I'm more likely to go for someone who is more similar to me. This is the thought of people who aren't racist but prefer someone similar.

Man-O-Metal · Answer

Some people says it's hiden... Wow. Never heard that one before. We are attracted to whoever we like and that's it. Why does everything have to have these labels that make it wrong? What does it matter? Please just be comfortable dating whoever you like and leave it at that.

DaveJord · Answer

Well Freud would say that men and women, are attracted to people based upon the relationship they had with their own mother or father. So if you had a positive relationship with your mother and father then you would be attracted to people that remind you of your own mother or father or people that have similar personality and physical traits as your mother and father.

AviatorTom · Answer

Most people like familiarity, and that includes people who look like you and have the same values as you.

And that works both positively and negatively. I know of a family whose daughter fell in love with a very nice Catholic guy while at college. Her parents made her break up with him because her family is Baptist.

JustiReno · Answer

People need to grow tf up about racism for real, time to stop talking about it, time to take care of your own family and if you have any generalized prejudices so what, bet karma will come around and teach you a lesson. But, you understand your race a lot more, babies at? are aware of race and their race’s status in the social structure. I don’t think I’m better or worse than anyone else but I understand that if I call the police I may get a different reaction then someone who is white or black

Chris_8036 · Answer

For me my best friend growing up was a Native guy so I was always at his house and I was used to different people and comfortable with his family from a young age. When I would go to parties I was very comfortable flirting with the Native girls, and it didn't take long before I was in love with one.
If I hadn't had that Native best friend growing up I probably would've just stayed to my own race and been uncomfortable around others.
I think I was lucky to get that experience.

crossdressingrihno · Answer

All these things are possible factors however I'd argue that more than anything else people are attracted to people of their same race for the same reasons their attracted to people with blonde hair or brown hair or red hair or green hair or whatever color hair.

I also wouldn't argue it as being unfair either.

Texasgal95 · Answer

For me personally it’s all about character not looks. So skin color doesn’t matter to me; I just haven’t had the luck of finding someone outside of my race that I connect with on a deep level. I would never rule it out though

Zeus_66 · Answer

Who are these people saying it is "hidden racism?" Absolutely absurd. Many people date within their race for the same reason why religion has elements of segregation, etc. Not always a bad thing. Human condition tends to operate within it's own commonality and environment.

Married myself outside of my race, by the way. And I have no issue with the overwhelmingly majority of the world marrying within it's own race. Actually, scratch that. I don't care who marries who.

Anonymous · Answer

I live in a state that's 95% white. I mean, It's just exposure to most i think. I'm actually probably more attracted to black women. But my interactions with black women have been more positive than my I traction with white women.
I guess I'm just trying to say we're a product of our environment and experiences. If you have more interactions with your own race, you're probably going to feel more comfortable with your own race.

sheikalana · Answer

I cannot speak on behalf of others in my case I'm mixed raced myself and always dated people outside of my ethnicity but I've always lived in places where there was lots of diversity and people from different ethnicities, religions and backgrounds. Those who stick to their own ethnicity maybe never been exposed to other cultures or maybe is just their preference and they prefer to date someone from the same nationality or ethnicity.

Shamalien · Answer

Unfortunately people are racist? No, fortunately. Dating within your own race is a safer bet as you will have more in common. For super weird people who have little in common with their race it makes more sense to try a different one, but it will require more travel to meet in the middle.

I’d date any race before people start bashing me here >.> your own is generally safer tho

monkeynutts · Answer

It can be something as simple as diet, I have stopped drinking milk because my partner was lactose intolerant, you may find other cultures could create greater and more absurd compromises. But truthfully, language barriers, personality traits, it's easy to understand and relate to a partner who you share many similarities with.

RingusUrDingus · Answer

I've come to the conclusion this "racism" narrative thats been pushed the past 8 years or so is predominantly a woman's narrative.

Ask yourself why all the gamers hang out with each other. And why all sports players are seen with each other. Or why any people with similar traits of any kind hang out.

Rather than going on some esoteric, and judgmental "racist" rhetoric.

Selena1987 · Answer

I prefer to date with my own race. There isn’t any specific reason I can mention but I desire it unconsciously. At the next step, I can go with people similar to me (face, skin color, height …)
I think I can’t be with some one who’s Chinese Japanese generally east Asia also with black people, …

Twalli · Answer

It's a combination of that and exposure. In certain areas there aren't a lot of people outside your own race. A smaller pool of people of a different race means a limited likliehood of a shared attraction between you and a person of the other race. In contrast a larger number of your own race increases the likliehood that you will find mutual attraction

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

No, but for me it feels more genuine and meaningful to be with someone of your own race.

You love who you love regardless of their skin color and background. For me, I can only love a black woman or a woman that's bi racial/multi racial that's mixed with black.

Paul09 · Answer

Traditions, religion, where they live, what their parents brought them up to believe. Who knows. It is a bit strange. I wouldn't care what race

charlsmalls96 · Answer

I would guess people just feel comfortable dating people who share the same culture. And of course racism comes into play, even if the couple has no racist feeling, their families might, which would make it hard to want to stick around to say the least.

Adam1978 · Answer

It's nature, your preference will be similar to your own genetics, since that was appealing to your parents and grandparents and so on. It's not racism.

Phoenix98 · Answer

There’s not really one reason.

sometimes it’s the demographic of your area or who you just happen to click with, sometimes it is cultural, other times it’s just your personal tastes.

none of those reasons are wrong.

driven159 · Answer

It's hard to say your own race because there is so much of mixing the races is there really a pure race anymore in a thousand years there may be no race anymore but the human race we would mixed the races all up by then

SkipPerk · Answer

I date women of other races and married a woman of another race. I disagree with your statement

LilyoftheLake · Answer

People tend to date people similar to them - not just racially, but financially, education level, IQ, religion, and so much more. It's not really about race, it's about similarity!

melanieeeB · Answer

It's not racism to me (unless they're really racist) but I guess it's more cause they just understand each others views and culture

that's personally exactly the reason why I would never ever date someone who is from my ethnicity, cause I don't support most of the culture and distance myself from it and I know how most turkish men are and it's just not my cup of tea

ImJustSomeGuyLol · Answer

I think it's convenience. Although many of us may live in western societies, we are still active and drawn to our cultures, so we may date someone from our communities or even date someone that understands our culture.

sadrik · Answer

I wanted to change that habit in my family, i met a girl from an other country fell in love deeply (or that's what i thought) but even our definition of love was different, and she just left for someone else, but fuck it, life never stop, so the lesson is find someone close to you, love is just words nowadays

Adronicus · Answer

Humans are tribal by nature, regardless I'm allowed to have a preference & won't be shamed into something I don't want to do, people can take their labels & shove them:)

Prof_Don · Answer

Cultural compatibility is what matters most. For most people, I feel that cultural familiarity tends to overlap with race/ethnicity…at least in America.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

Geography and what is socially available. say there are 1000 single girls here where I live, something like 980 will be white.

fonduegirl · Answer

Unless you've exceptional adjustment skills of a wattpad main character, I'd say you should do the same. Diversity is nice, but adjustment issues are more serious than you can comprehend.

cth2188 · Answer

I date women my race and don’t care what anyone has to say.. my happiness and life is my business. Some people do and others don’t it depends on cultural aspects and etc

Caliguy88 · Answer

I don't know, I’m not racist at all and always seem to end up with with girls. It’s certainly not that I have not tried with literally every single race. As a average white guy I feel the ethnic people are more closed off about dating. I don't know.

Anonymous · Answer

Inbreeding, not the incestuous kind; but rather in group. In group attraction is more common than out group attraction. Though both are needed for a healthy population. The ideal split is 80/20 for in group.

Shiningtempest · Answer

Some people stick to their own race/ethnicity when dating or marrying due to similar political & religious views & shared lifestyles.

anton_dee · Answer

I don't think it is racism or anything.  Persons of same race, culture, etc. usually have same interests, tastes, etc. So they naturally gel together quite well...

SiberFox · Answer

I want my kids to look like me, and I prefer my own kin to others.

Aurora1010 · Answer

Many people think it's easier to date someone from the same culture as you

Jamesshinobi · Answer

my coworker said that she only wanted her son to marry a black woman because she wanted her grand kids to look like her and that she doesmt care if anyone doesn't like it and i respect her for that.

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

I think its literally just as simple as dating whoever is the most available. Most black people live around other black people. Most Asian people live around other Asian people. Most white people live around other white people.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

You're more likely to have things in common with someone of the same culture.

Anonymous · Answer

Go with what you’re attracted to, I’m pretty sure that’s what people do anyway

Wubs3000 · Answer

Most of where I live and generally my school is dominated by white people and Asian people.

shaysh87 · Answer

It is racist. But the reality is, we will always see people within our race as "our own kind".

Staximus · Answer

Birds of a feather flock together. That's the way it's always been.

JamesRandiDebates · Answer

Why do bluebirds only mate with bluebirds? Why do geese only mate with geese? It's the way nature intended.

collie22 · Answer

seems like people are attracted to there race but i don't know

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