My boyfriend's family said they will disown him if he marries me. He still wants to get married anyway. What should I do?

Question

He doesn't want the girl they picked for him because even though she's pretty he said she's a fake and jealous person.

Regardless, of whether they are pushing a girl on him or not, they think he wants a human vacuum cleaner but he wants a partner he can have fun with and doesn't just agree with him and serve him. He wants someone who will light a fire under his ass.

Also, his mom wants a girl she can exert control over.

So he just told me that basically him and his whole family are in a war about it. I mean I said I understand if he has to pick them but he said he isn't going anywhere.

My boyfriends family said they will disown him if he marries me. He still wants to get married anyway. What should I do?

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

Unless you two are going to live in another state and won't see or interact with his family, I'd advise against it. And what exactly does "disowning" him entail? Is he rich and doesn't have to work and disowning him will render him destitute?

Or is he able to make a living independent of this family? Does he have a poor relationship with his family to begin with, independent of his potential marriage to you?

If the former is the case, I'd be somewhat worried about that also. He's in his mid- or late thirties and his parents are insisting who they want him to marry? Seems pretty draconian, unless there's some giant inheritance in the offing.

But, marrying under such negative circumstances worries me. Is marrying you giving his parents the finger? Do you WANT to be in the middle of such a negative situation?

At some future date do you want to hear, "I married you despite the fact that my parents didn't want me to, and I lost all the money due to me because of it."

That's an awful overarching burden. Money is one of the top reasons people divorce. I wouldn't want to start my marriage with money being taken from my husband and familial relations being soured because of me. It's a bad start..

HOWEVER, if you're going to be far away and he has independent income, you might be OK. Have lots of long, serious discussions and see if this rift between his parent and himself can be healed. In-laws don't have to love you, but toleration is a minimal requirement. What happens when you have children? When he needs some of that inheritance?

I think he needs to work on his parents before you seal this deal and see if he can make headway. Family is usually key to good relations in a long marriage. Money is too.

, Good luck.

shyman87 · Accepted Answer

I might be the only girl who replies to this, but here's my opinion...

I think you should definitely marry him! After all, it's your lives and future you're talking about and not his parent's reputation. If you both think this is a mutual decision, don't worry about what others have to say. If you both believe you're happy with each other, then go ahead and marry each other. Don't let other's opinions show you up!

I'm tellin' you girl--YOU. GOT. THIS!!!

Don't doubt the spark you and your boyfriend have! Live your best life, and have no regrets!

Moose304 · Accepted Answer

I will be 100% honest here and say I have seen this crap happen several times in my 64 years on this planet. Only 1 time did it end well. A family tie can be VERY strong, especially if there is money involved and time DOES NOT diminish it. Back about 25 or so years ago a man I knew of said this to his daughter if she married a guy. This man was well to do and his family name and money are all over Georgia. The daughter went on and married the guy. Her father also made good on his threat. Over time the pressure on that marriage got to be more than both of them could handle. The marriage flew apart. The daughter got back with her family but was unhappy, and about 10 years ago overdosed on some pills and died. I only have 1 piece of advice for the asker. Go get some good advice from a neutral party like a priest etc. Then if you still want to get married, do so with BOTH EYES OPEN!

Wraven · Accepted Answer

That's probably one of the strongest willed characteristics of someone, of you two both really love each other, have nothing to hide, and feel you could bridge the gap of life together, go for it.

Not many guys will risk his paternal family to strike it out alone with someone else.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Then stick with him through thick and thin from here on out if he chooses you over his family. That’s one of the hardest decision to be made but love wins.

Datboi65 · Answer

I have noticed you're from Morocco, so it makes absolute sense why his family thinks this way.

His family is strict and traditional, as they should be. Most Muslim families are, and they probably did not approve of you two dating before getting married, as arranged marriages are culturally common. Also, the wife is usually the homemaker while the husband is the breadwinner, even if both parents have jobs.

In the west, parents are less protective of the son and more protective of their daughter, for obvious reasons. In the east however, they are strict on both. A man being disowned by his family may not necessarily mean much in terms of finances if he is old enough and has a job to provide for himself, but since the country is more community-oriented, it holds more weight, because families are more culturally important in Morocco and cutting family members of isn't something that is done as commonly as in the west, so it's a big deal if it happens.

Now, for your part. If his family are making a big deal out of it, leave him alone. You aren't going to gain anything from him losing his family, and he may be too short-sighted to see it, hence his insistence on being with you. He has been sold the lie that arranged marriages are hell and that he would rather pick his partner, but the truth is that parents have more life experience and they are better at vetting individuals than himself. If he cannot let go of you, then you need to do it for him and let him go.

Anonymous · Answer

YOU, don't have to do anything. It's their problem, not yours, not his. And most likely, it's an idle treat and they don't actually mean it (just trying to manipulate and control). But if they want a relationship of any kind with their SON, they'll realize eventually how stupid this decision would be. So I don't know how he feels about it, but hopefully he won't "give in". And as far as you go, don't let this get to you. I know it's hard, especially if you care, but it's completely on them. My personal response if a family member ever said that to me..."that's really too bad you feel that way, I hope that's not the case, but this relationship IS HAPPENING. I hope you can change your mind" (and that would be the end of it - I wouldn't be "trying to convince them" or "begging", all on them.

Kabluie · Answer

We talked about some scenarios like legally getting married on-paper first, can do that and then when the tide turns can have a real ceremony anytime later. That way in the eyes of the law you can be married without anyone else knowing except for a witness that has to sign.

In-law parents aren't even necessary in the process at all, if anything it's more of a courtesy like the guy getting 'permission'.

Sour-rose · Answer

Sounds like it's just a "mofo, i swear to god if you do this I'll... I'll... I'LL..." and if they go through with it, here comes the true test to see if he'll swim and grow wings later and fly... or sink. Sooo if he wants to go through with it, better have a plan and keep at it.

Sarahr123 · Answer

He is a man he can make his own decision and they are wrong and abusive to use that kind of emotional blackmail. There is a way to deal with everything. If I thought a girl was wrong for my brother or son I would explain to him and try to make him see sense. If she was absolute danger then extreme stepts may be required but otherwise I would let him learn for himself and leave her himself.

Honesttguy · Answer

If my family tried do shit like that i would walk away from them and say i have no family. Just cus they let their parents treat them shitty now think it's ok to do it to next generation, fuk them bro, they need to do some spiritual work and its non of my business that they failed at that.

That would be me in situation like that.

To be a men is to walk and create your own path in life. Not to listen to parents telling him what to do.

UdosUNDERDEVELOPMENT · Answer

Romantic relationships are just as important as family relationships , they are circumstantial for the development of ones own freedom because of the social system bound upon us , which in the ideal existences both types of relations become obsolete and will eventually be more of a play quest than an obligation to be a part of , because in the end we all just become universesal neighbours who have universesal freedoms , being able to participate in all universesal existences without abuses and evils.

BullShark · Answer

unless it doesn't affect you directly, I think you should respect his decision and actions. If he's willing to stand up for you and defend you in front of his family, then you're really special to him and he really truly loves you.

in the unfortunate case where his parents do end up disowning him, just remember what I said and to NEVER leave his side no matter what, because this man right here left his frickin' family for you. I wish you both all the best.

Losalt · Answer

I'm guessing this is a cultural thing?
Possibly the Indian subcontinent?
You might want to elope together to a city once one or both of you got a good education.
Cities tends to be a bit more liberal and you can have friendships and a good life with less of those issues.
Possibly move out of the country for good measures.
The key here is how the two of you feel about each other.
It won't be easy.
But if you genuinely love each other then that's what matters.

Greedier · Answer

Oh my, it must have put you in a tight spot Ig, so it's totally normal to ponder and get confused in this kind of situation.

• Well, but do you want to marry him?

• Does it matter too much to you that his family isn't in favor of this marriage?

• He seems willing to put everything at risk, are you willing to do the same too?

I think once you have the answer for these questions it'll help you to make your decision and clear your mind. ^^

theblacksheepcat · Answer

i married someone who family didn't like me and it ended in severe stress and anxiety who to say that he won't regret his decision later on in life and resent you? you have kids and they won't know their dad side of the family once all the glitter fades away reality will set in i would move on if i was you and let whoever is “worthy” have him

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

Have you met his family? If you’re a better choice for him, they should come around. It won’t happen overnight, but likely eventually. If he’s really the one for you and you are the one for him, it’s worth a little more time and energy to have his family on the same page.

libsaretards · Answer

If you go through with this relationship, you better stick with him through good and bad. Before you decide, you both better determine how much you love one another and if both of you are mature enough to endure a marriage with a rocky start. Many couples start a marriage off with help from family, but many also manage without. You better be sure there won't be resentment down the road. If you can achieve this, then your love is true and should go forward.

NovaCourier · Answer

You just keep a tight hold of him! He is clearly committed to you and loves you if he is willing to turn his back on his own controlling family for you. He wants to be free. He believes you can give him that. So keep him!

Literalbillionaire17 · Answer

That’s your love and he’s willing to give up his family to marry you. I understand you don’t want to cause a division but he obviously loves you and wants to be with you so marry that man😂. It’s rlly sad though that his family his that terrible.

Gent207 · Answer

Over 20 years old?

Living on his own? I. e. pays his own bills

If yes to all the above then FUCK WHAT HIS FAMILY WANTS OF HIM!

BE A MAN and stand on your own two feet even if that means standing alone. Family is not determined by blood but by it's members and shared experiences

countrygirl8754 · Answer

Stay with him but I'm actually afraid that If y'all were got in an argument he gonna blame u for it.  . see where his heart is  Talk to him about it  Tell him how u feel

Apulu_Imback · Answer

He is already adult so legally the parents don't have any rights on him. Hell they don't even own him now to disown him.

HaveNoName · Answer

Would you like to be with a guy for the rest of your life whose family despises you? He will have a stressful & miserable life divided between you and his family. This is how short term marriages out of lust are created.

My boyfriend's family said they will disown him if he marries me. He still wants to get married anyway. What should I do?

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