Should men go on a date and expect their date to pay at least half?

Question

quaranta · Accepted Answer

I think expecting the woman to pay for herself while going on a date is not, but should become, the norm, for multiple reasons:

1) Considering the amount of contacts guys can get, they probably want to go on many dates before picking one of those women. And, it costs. It's objectively a problem and it can discourage some guys from going on dates. Given many dates end up in failures, the sensation of wasting money can grow over time together with a sense of hate towards women (of course, you invest a lot and don't get anything in return but mixed signals of fake kindness...).

2) If the man pays for the entire date it puts a lot of pressure on the woman. If the woman is not entirely sure about wanting to continue dating the guy, she will potentially feel in an unpleasant debt, like if she owes him something. A debt that is created artificially, as an attempt to "buy" the woman and of course that sets some expectations on her (why else would someone pay so much for something they don't believe to happen?).
Feeling expectations is generally an attraction killer feeling, if the woman is not sure already. And if a woman doesn't feel that then it's a red flag about her sense of self and responsibility over the others.

3) Why would you date a girl at all if the requirement is to pay for a chance with her? It starts already on the premise that you have to "beg" her and put more effort, implying you are automatically the "weak" side, why would you want to be in an unbalanced position? Don't you want to be chased too, equally, instead of putting yourself in this role of pleb who pays the tax to keep his hopes up? And why would you accept a woman expecting that from you?

4) Given the options on social media and the amount of possible contacts with potential dates (for both sexes), women should "pay for their chances" with men too if that dynamic has to exist, because they can get rejected as well, as they are now active in trying to get a date with their targets and have an overload of competition.

5) We are not in the 50s anymore, women have more valuable careers and can select partners more easily and with much more initiative than when this tradition started. They are more autonomous and confident now, so if they go on a date it's not because they were pressured or "convinced" (by peers, society norms or the man himself), but they decided that. So the guy doesn't "owe" her anything, being a mutual and way more consensual decision than in the past, where she is an active actor there, too. Symbolically, the date is "hers" too.

6) A woman who pays for herself implies that she is responsible and financially decent, which is a good sign because if nowadays a woman is in her 20s-30s and is jobless, even given all the enormous options (and encouragement) women have to start any career, that means something isn't right. In the 50s, women were encouraged to not start careers and to be housemaids, so the fact they were not financially independent was expected, but today it's totally different and a red flag if they aren't. Being expected to prove that should be the norm.

7) Expecting a woman to pay for herself equals to consider her capable to have her own money and entirely autonomous in her decisions, which is also a form of respect towards the female gender in general, as not considered "inferior".

But still, since today there are still some situations where some women really expect the man to pay for them (and is not just him insisting a lot for that), then it's better saying before the date itself that you don't want to pay for both, maybe motivating it by saying you want to just know each other better before putting expectations on her. But I would personally say nothing and see if she actually pays for herself without my input, to test what her morals are, as a possible dealbreaker, especially if she didn't put any other major effort so far.

jennifer_bloom · Accepted Answer

If I go on a date, I make sure I go somewhere I can afford just in case he decides not to pay for me. That is why I will visit places like Kelseys or Montanas and not Sushi Tei or Canoe. I also will not make a guy take me to a place too expensive for him. If he works as a cashier, we can eat at Tim Hortons.

MCheetah · Accepted Answer

Option C. But really more so, option D: All of this needs to be discussed beforehand and a woman needs to make it clear if she's a traditional (conservative) woman who expects to be paid for, or if she's a modern "independent" woman but also not an actual hypocrite and thinks her coochie entitles her to free sh*t when she has a college degree and a full time career.

I don't really respect men who still have this old-school idea that "Men should always pay for women on dates" when women are no longer ladies anymore and modern women want all the "equality" (despite literally having more rights and privileges in society than men) with none of the responsibility for it.

I mean, I kinda get it from an old-school perspective; this idea to "protect and be the provider," but these guys are foolishly living in the past and it ain't the 1960s no more, fellas. No man under 40 should still be idiotic to be simping to women in the 2020s. Nowadays, that is HARDCORE simping.

I have the philosophy my old boxing coach taught me: "Treat your respect and money equally: work hard for it and don't give it out to anyone like Halloween candy."

But yeah, traditional, right-leaning simps are still a thing; thinking women are still ladies and that bribing your way into her panties still works and won't just get you MeToo'ed just on the 'implication.'

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The chivalrous thing to do is to pay for the whole meal. The respectful thing to do is split the meal. It really depends on the ideology of that particular guy and I think that interaction tells you a lot about the person.

A man who pays for the whole meal is looking to be a provider. He wants to wear the pants in the relationship. He's probably going to want to be the one making decisions further down the line and surely holds conservative values.

A man who splits the meal is looking for a partnership. They have respect for you and view you as an equal. They surely have liberal values.

A man who doesn't pay at all is a loser and a waste of your time.

Summeroflove · Answer

Up to them! If you feel entitled to a free date and don’t appreciate it. Whatever.  It’s a nice gesture and you do it because you DO NOT have to do it.  I don’t waste time with entitled women

Anonymous · Answer

If you have ever worked a day in your life You know that Money Is Something that is worked for So Pay For yourself and not the other person they won’t be Grateful if you pay for them anyways Paying for them will just make them Rude entitled little Brats and that’s why nobody is ever grateful and sees everyone as some benefit instead of valuing others is because of the mob mentality Of Pay for me It becomes your moral obligation because I am Female and we Demand respect respect is Morals Also known as If you Don’t do as Your told your a little Brat that deserves to die so pay for my Shit or Be seen as all men are bad.

TheUniqueOne96 · Answer

Yep, I think that's the fairest way, although it should be discussed beforehand to avoid this becoming an issue on the date.

If a potential couple are ACTUALLY traditional however, then it's fine to pay for the first date to be paid for by the man - this means the woman is traditional and @mcheetah basically summed up some women's hypocrisy on that.

teamvic · Answer

So the way I think it should be is If the guy asks to take her on a date then he should pay but once the second date comes they should at the very least split it. Because at that point it shouldn't just be the guy showing interest if the girl wants to go on that date she should have to show it too

VanillaSalt · Answer

Most likely Ide pay… depends on the connection. If she’s dicking around on her phone she’s paying half. If she isn’t interesting ima suggest splitting. I enjoy doing for others more so if I think it’s going to benefit me in the long run. But I’m also obstinate… if I think she’s using me I’ll be a spiteful prick just cause.

Then again I feel like a haunted house… 3 ghosts this month. WTF!

Pyrofox · Answer

The idea is the thought not that a woman has to pay half. Thats all that guys want to know from a potiential forever partner. Its like a metaphorical check that your gonna be there finacially if like y'all have a kid bio or adopted are you gonna help monetarily to support the family or are you just a leech.

RavVid · Answer

First date NO. Subsequent dates - is that before or after I have fucked her? After we have started fucking then I think she should start paying. Preferably before then. It depends on what she earns and what i earn.

If equal income then it is important to me as it shows she will be fair dealing with me.

jshm2 · Answer

Depends, these are the sorts of things you talk about BEFORE going.

You have a lot of growing up still to do, it seems.

If you're going to a party you ask what to bring and what the dress code will be. Why do you think a date will be different?

xJeremyx · Answer

Does not matter whether you are a man or woman,

You ask her/him out, you pay.
You get asked out, you offer to pay (for your own food, at least).

And always consider the other person's finances when you go on a date.

Simple as that.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Not specifically half, I think each person should pay for what they got, so if what you got costed $15 and what they got costed $50, you should pay $15, an they should pay $50. Expecting someone else to pay for your share of date costs, is unreasonable.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

I think it's something you could maybe discuss to avoid possible disappointment from either side on the date? I never understood opinions like anonymous who calls a guy to expect us to split the bills a 'cheapskate'. If you refuse to pay you're below a 'cheapskate' in my opinion. Brokeskate then?

Rizack · Answer

Personally I like to pay on the first date, but I won't refuse is she wants to play half.
Like, I can pay on the first and she can pay on the second, I know a lot of girls who don't feel at ease getting offered and wants to even things out as soon as possible

DrBanana · Answer

If I invite you out I would expect myself to pay.
That being said if she felt more comfortable going Dutch I wouldn’t hold it against her.

If she invites me out I would expect her to pay but I let her know this and bring my own money just encase.

Sparkie460 · Answer

I think the guy should always pay when you take a woman on a date. It's the man's duty to pay. If he wants to go Dutch he should let her know ahead of time so she can be prepared to pay for her meal. It would be very awkward if she is expecting the man to pay, like he should, only to find out when the check comes that she's expected to pay half.

dragoblack · Answer

On the first date, always expect to pay for your own food and drink, that way if he offers to pay, at least it means something compared to expecting him to pay. A guy offering to pay shows financial stability and responsibility. If a guy sees you expecting him to pay it's a causion flag and a sign you dont have your own financial responsibility and stability, plus with as many manipulative people are out there in the dating world, it's a sign of possibily he is being used.

Miristheiss · Answer

If he asked her out he should pay.

If she asked him out she should pay.

"Paying" really only applies to the first few months of dating. Once they become a couple then no one should have to pay for everything anymore.

Hulk30 · Answer

in potential sexual relationships ya shouldn't really expect shit but men should do the spendin and hustle just to rape women into savin and not splurgin financially that way they can't turn around and depend on us financially when they got money themselves also it has the subconscious affect of makin us look more romantic which can easily get us laid in the process of all that

JJMcc5049 · Answer

I believe if you're a gentleman and asked to take somebody out then its implied that your paying. Nothing is expected because you paid just a thank you. Going out while in a relationship when its not a date and just eating is a bit different and a grey area lol

FunnyGiy · Answer

I think paying for a date is a very nice gesture. This is why you do it. Because you don’t have to.

If a woman does not appreciate me or feels entitled to it. She isn’t my type. I’m not into one sided bitches. Sorry!

XXblack88 · Answer

C. tell the person before the date so they know what to expect. That gives them the option to opt out if they don't want to do that. Personally I would be ok with paying half the bill I would just like a heads up so I can put that money aside.

emeraldsaphire · Answer

I'm of the opinion that all first dates should be Dutch. Otherwise, there is an uneven power balance.

dustybiker · Answer

Both sides should expect to pay half in first few dates.

Anonymous · Answer

Not "at least half". Both people should expect to pay exactly half. It's almost 2023 for fuck sake. When will women start actually walking the equality talk they've been talking for decades?

art84 · Answer

I always thought the man paid or split the bill. If I was going on a date then I would gladly pay for both me and my date. Unless she wanted to pay for herself which I wouldn't mind.

slatyb · Answer

Asking someone on a date implies that one is willing to pay for the date.

Hairylegs222 · Answer

Both pay half or take turns paying each time. Entitled women and gold diggers obviously think differently.

claw09 · Answer

If you feel like you're expected to get a free meal, you're just a prostitute who can chose to refuse after payment.

Anonymous · Answer

Both should pay their half. It's not the fucking 50s anymore.

exitseven · Answer

Whoever does the asking does the payin. it's usually the guy.

Charlesbrandonf · Answer

If you’re not homeless you should be able to pay for your food. No offence.

Randalama · Answer

I don't date so I never have to spend anything. I invest the money in marijuana instead. This has proven to be a workable method.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Half of what? Unless something is sold as an "experience for two," the tickets are sold individually.

Illustrator01 · Answer

I don't expect my date to pay half. But I do expect her to offer to pay half. Whether she does or doesn't offer, I'll pay for us. But if she does offer to, she's wife material

genericname85 · Answer

not "half". but whatever they ordered.

Exterminatore · Answer

Yes. Men and women are equal now. They can get their own door and pay their own way.

annabananna · Answer

Just do whatever you want and feel comfortable with.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

It would be nice, but so would winning the lottery or finding a leprechaun.

Twalli · Answer

My view is that men should always pay for the first date and always be able to pay, but not expected to.

Anonymous · Answer

We need to know beforehand, so we know if you're a cheapskate or not.

BJP21 · Answer

I usually do the traditional gentlemen thing, unless the other speaks up.

Mafia24 · Answer

Why half? She should pay 100% if she wanna date me.. I believe in women empowerment.

Anonymous · Answer

Whatever happens to a microwave meal from the supermarket and a film. What is the fuss for, dating and shit is like trying to put someone on a pedal stoll so they can gossip with their friends about...

Guardian45 · Answer

The One who asks, pays! After the first date, it can be negotiated.

grega239 · Answer

Yes because Its 2022 not 1950 and traditional gender roles are outdated

KrakenAttackin · Answer

I would expect her to at least offer to contribute.

Anonymous · Answer

Women should stop expecting men to spend money on them.

fonduegirl · Answer

Of course Xx

TroyDT2 · Answer

Whatever you do, make it clear

whiskeyontherocks · Answer

Depending on who asked

Zolly99999 · Answer

I don't expect a woman to pay half... ever.

Jerre · Answer

If the man asked, he shud pay 100%

RandomGuy1032 · Answer

Make it clear so she knows not to go

peedy · Answer

Equal rights

Should men go on a date and expect their date to pay at least half?

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Should men pay, if it's not a "date"?

Should men go on a date and expect their date to pay at least half?

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Should men pay, if it's not a "date"?

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