Did you ever leave a date early because you got weird vibes from the other person?

[Anonymous]

The other day I met a guy over coffee. He was very nice over text and when he called me that I thought he was worth getting to know over coffee. He was 13 years older than me (though I think he may be older than that having seen him in person). He persuaded me into coming claiming he looked much younger. From the point he entered into the building I felt something was wrong. He didn’t really try to engage in a conversation and rather stared at my face like a snob. He was very different from how he treated me online vs. now. He even made a few grumpy remarks like “why did my co-workers not promote me?” (We used to work in the same office) or why did I speak in English when I could speak in our native language? I got really uncomfortable sitting at the same table with this man and texted my friend to call me. I got up and told him I had to leave to help a friend and he asked if I was tricking him. I lied and said I needed to go.

He sent me several messages after that and I replied to one saying that when a friend needs help I need to go. Then his messages became really harassing and aggressive towards night. He said he was only interested in sleeping with me and that I was a dumb girl. I didn’t reply to any of these messages and blocked.

[Anonymous]

If you ever feel uncomfortable in any situation, you have a right to leave. Why make yourself stay there when the guy is acting like a creep? I don't see the point in still being nice to him. You made the right decision!

His true colors eventually came out. Sounded like he faked his personality to get you to meet with him and that's all his fault. Don't blame yourself for wasting your time with him, you didn't know he was such trash until he revealed it on a first date.

His attempt to make you feel bad after the first date is just straight pathetic bully tactic. He's so insecure and he knows he messed up bad with his bad attitude and personality.

He's trying to act like he doesn't care that you rejected him by conveniently mentioning he was trying to use you for sex. Lol see right through that.

He feels embarrassed because he's probably repeatedly getting rejected and to save face he acts like he's this tough guy trying to use you for sex and then he calls you dumb?

Wow that guy is so weak his insecurities are so blatant. I don't get why he doesn't act mature and just leave.

Why does he have to be rude for no reason it'll just further prove to you that you were right. What is your native language by the way? That's cool that you are bilingual.

I went on a second date with a guy. The first date was ok, I couldn't tell if I liked him or not.

Then the second date he got really insulted by me because I said I wasn't into super hero movies. I like the boys on prime video, it's more mature. But I don't like the movies that are obviously made for children, I just can't get into the cringe humor made for kids.

He got so upset over that. I wasn't trying to insult him or anything. I told him it wasn't my style and he would keep poking about it like it was this really big deal and he was like angry.

We were at a restaurant, I later ordered a beer because I had to be buzzed in order to have a good time and ignore him in a way lol. I asked if he wanted to split the check and he agreed to it right away.

He got all self conscious about it though and he was trying to save face in front of the waitress saying that he tried to convince me to pay for my half but I was adamant on refusing him.

I'm just looking at him like um... That never happened... I offered once and he agreed and that was that. I was just done with that date. I wanted to pull the waitress to the side and pay for my half really quick and then just leave. Like not even come back from the bathroom.

I didn't want to leave him with the check, even his he's being really rude I still didn't want to lower myself to his level. But I couldn't find any worker for some reason and I had to basically sit through that date until the bitter end.

I remember like a day after the date he asked me if I would sleep with him through text. I'm just like wow this guy must be blind. I just ended things and that was that.

[Asker]

I’m Turkish actually but grew up speaking English most of the time. So sometimes I mix up English and Turkish when I speak with people, but I never got such a negative review before. He also complained that I was screaming in the cafe while talking? Um I was barely able to talk to you… also he looked much older than he presupposed so he tricked me about that too. Tbh I do think he just wanted me for the wrong reasons but that’s really gross, you should see us together you will know why.

Your date doesn’t sound as bad, but I see how he seems like a manipulative dumbass. Like picking on you for something and then complaining to the service people about you? I hate it when people suck up to other people like that to make you look bad

[petitedollbabee]

You dodged a bullet. He sounds like a nasty person.


I have once. I met this guy on tinder and we met up for a drink at a bar. The whole date he wouldn’t stop bragging about himself, going on and on about how he could never date a lazy girl because he’s so fit and loves to hike, which I found funny since I never exercise. He didn’t ask me any questions about myself, he just sat there talking about himself for 2 hours when I didn’t even ask him any questions. So I made up some excuse and left the date. He said we should meet again but I blocked him on tinder that night.

[Guy13]

Firstly, always good to be offensive with a great defensive Plan including shared GPS. I've done that plus the "friend" ringtone in that it is different from the "old school" ringtone my phone makes.

At the point of Uncomfortable that you expressed, I would have not been nearly as gentle as you in that you lied... My phone calls are like male phone call and 95% of the time to look important OR these are not our parent's Times Segways. Some women think they are Keanu Reeves and I'm not itching to find out what you have underneath your long black coat Moments... I come clean, you know... rather than Defensive friend calls.

That being said if I was you and as uncomfortable as cited above THEN... Name, thank you for the initial contacts by phone (NOT TEXTS... that was impressive expression eye contact). Name, this is not working for me and I wish not to disrespect you and lead you to think otherwise.-Whether he gets the "Verbal Block" or "No Contact" will tell you even more about the individual.

I have left a 100 for 3 martinis bill...20 with the bartender to "he was not sure about your transportation" check etc. There's ways to do things but making it CLEAR there's no future is ultimately a Win-Win.

[exitseven]

When I went to college I had a friend who was a commuter that lived in the city. He told me that his girlfriend had a friend that she wanted me to meet. So on Friday night him and his girlfriend picked me up at my dorm and we were going to meet this girl at a bar about 4 or 5 miles away. She was already there when we arrived. I thought she was pretty. We sat at a table and we talked and she seemed pretty snotty to me. I was in Air Force ROTC and she was sort of an anti war hippie. We just didn't really have much in common and it was obvious that she did not like me. My friend and his girlfriend thought it would be funny if they left the two of us together. So they sneak out and when we figured out they were gone this girl tells me she is leaving too. I ask her if she could give me a ride back to my dorm because it would have been a 5 mile walk in the freezing cold and she said no. As she started to drive away I jumped on the hood of her car and held on while she drove through the parking lot trying to shake me off. I had a good grip on the hood so she couldn't shake me. She finally stopped and let me in the car. She gave me a ride back to my dorm and I never saw her again.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Bethany22]

Since it was during the day (daylight hours with lots of people around), it probably wasn't mandatory to leave early. If it was dark out and you were worried about your safety then yes, get someone to pick you up, even if it's just a cab. He admits he didn't want you for good reasons, so good riddens to him!

[AviatorTom]

Only once. Our first date... The woman was nothing like her online picture, she was late for our date (meeting for dinner), rude and uncouth. I ate dinner (because I was hungry), paid for my meal, and left.

[Asker]

This is too good. I laughed loud lol

[coachTanthony]

All my clients do a 20 minute video chat. If they have weird vibes or look different you will know. Don't waste your IRL time... do a video chat first.

[Summeroflove]

He’s a piece of shit. Sorry about that. Yeah you can call something off if you feel weird. He’s just a bastard

[Asker]

Ikr!! Who the fuck insults a co-worker like that? He’s just frustrated he didn’t get any and probably not gonna find anyone with that attitude

[Summeroflove]

Probably not. If he wants a whore. Then he can go find one and not waste good womens time.

But I can tell you. He’s only going to attract what he is. Because women with morals are repulsed by this kind of behavior.

He feels entitled to sex with someone. Probably the type to rape someone.

[Asker]

I’m pretty sure he used people for sex before. Assuming he’s about 40, he probably made a living out of fouling young girls to be with him and then left them after it was done.

[Summeroflove]

Probably and that’s why he’s 40 and single

[Asker]

Probably the king of fuckboys when he was a teenager? What’s your take on this?

[Summeroflove]

HAHA! Probably. He probably lived his whole life like that. Now that he’s 40.

My take is. If he don’t repent. He will be alone forever. Either never having kids or having kids and paying child support to multiple women and have kids himself he’s trying to drag around. If he’s even responsible enough. His choice.

[Account]

You dodged a bullet, girl. He sounds like a toxic, bitter person who is unable to handle rejection.

As for your question, yes I have.

[Avicenna]

No, I've never had a first date that was THAT bad. It would have to be really bad for me to cut it off prematurely.

[jennifer_bloom]

A guy lied about his age so I immediately turned him down and ignored his texts.

[lightbulb27]

I've not but certainly girls I've been around I wanted to leave.

What you got was disgusting and you were wise to trust your senses and get out of there. Someone can be whatever they want online, and that's why you have to be careful. There are good, legit men looking for parters, but there's selfish idiots as well. That could have just of easily been a trafficker. Girls really need to be trained before touching these "smart phones".

You are wise to have a plan and bail out. No wonder women are so skitish, men don't have to deal with anything... that bad... most of the time.

What bothers me is that there is no "sticky label" that follows that man around so other women can be forewarned. One less savvy than you, can easily become victim and that's unfortunate.

[Asker]

I just didn’t understand how he was even planning to go through with that plan? Like I was gonna have coffee with him and go home with him? How would that even work? He just sat there and stared at my face and sipped his drink. Zero charisma.

[lightbulb27]

tough to say, but you can watch videos where guys, who are savvy, do that and get laid that day... sometimes with multiple women. So guys who are lame try these things rather than developing their emotions and communication skills.
You sound a notch naive about that, you can read some books or watch videos to get an idea if you want or keep your mind pure. I feel bad for the women who fall prey to this (players) because it is in essence, emotional lying. Some women want to play that game.
The whole point of this, your question and experience, is to improve yourself so you are more wise to the world, don't live in fear, but have self confidence and strength to find what it is you want. That should be the outcome, not fear. Obviously, you had some good parental influence to get where you are at, or at least common sense. Some girls don't have that and require a lot of training.

[lightbulb27]

need pointers to that stuff lmk.

[Asker]

Wow that sounds wise! Yeah I think I never interacted with an old man like that - usually people make it clear if they are only in it for the sex. He invested a month of writing poems and flirty paragraphs which now I think are super creepy. It’s like he worked his way up and when I quit he got in a rage of anger. You know how Ted Bundy did that when he missed a girl who he was planning to kill? 😂😂

[lightbulb27]

I didn't study Bundy, but yea... Jeffrey Dahmer! You are so right, it's the same response. I was ghosted once by a woman I fell for "online". In my fantasy mind, it was heaven and then she ghosted. It was like part of my body was cut off and I never had feelings like that. Reality was, it was all in my head, I'd idealized her. {oint being, "he" can be a normal person (as if I'm reference for normal, but you know what I mean.. lol)... just a person that emotionally exposes themselves and isn't ready for the shock.
But yea, you crushed his hopes and dreams and he's hurting. Its fine, that's called "training". But who knows what he'd do with those emotions, they are dangerous. Ideally... he learns and grows up to be a man.
Be careful with people... you do hold a lot of power and these are matters of the heart... women can crush guys. It's why some do crazy things.

There's the other side of this which is you... why you were drawn in by him. if you see patterns within your experiences that are not serving you well, then you need to look at yourself if you want to change those patterns. hope that makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Yeah you dodged the bullet. One thing I hate doing with people is talking about work shit. It’s different if you know someone from work and you end up dating them and expressing displeasure about stuff at work. But even then I probably wouldn’t since if things go south the girl I dated could tell other colleagues I said x, y and z about them. Prefer keeping that stuff to myself.

I think thats why far less girls are willing to meet a guy in person that they met online. In no way shape or form am I siding with him but I think the problem is the culture and environment we live in today makes human beings go after others for the wrong intentions, it’s not pure. As a guy I’ve rejected one night stands with girls because im not about that life. Men and women, guys and girls have their bad habits, bad traits and bad personalities. Hopefully you meet a better guy in the future.

[rienna888]

No, I feel kinda bad, even if I’m not attracted to them o try to stick through it. But yeah I recently went on a date with a dude who was very rude to me, it’s obvious that he’s insecure because he’s shorter than me and had a bald spot. And I’ve went on dates with more attractive men and they were way nicer. I was very nice to him but he was so mean to me. Not to mention he was cheap. He said I was toxic and I didn’t even do anything, just a really sad excuse of a person.

[MountAverage]

A couple of times. One date sat down and for like ten minutes didn't even look at me while we were talking. Like, she was actually looking in a different direction, 90° from me. And another at some point started ranting about how you can't trust any scientific studies - and she was a teacher. Just no.

[loveslongnails]

Why did you even bother to lie? If that happens again, just tell the date " I can tell this isn't going to work out, so I'm not going to waste your time or mine. I wish you success on your next date, and kindly stay here for 10 minutes after I leave." That's all you ever have to do.

[USLegionary]

Yeah. I took this girl out way back. Seemed like the perfect little package. Anyway she was rude to the waiting staff frankly abusive to the point she made a waitress cry. There was no need and i left in disgust.

[lilly15345]

I should of left when I was on my first date with my toxic ex he wasn’t rude in person he would act nice in person but he would get jealous of me talking too another guy in high school and I graduated the month after that may 21 I should told my gramother and my mom I want too leave ealry

[slatyb]

You were right to leave. You probably shouldn't have engaged with him further after that. How did you meet him?

[Asker]

I know right!!! He was from my workplace which I initially thought was cool because ex co-workers usually respect each other? He had slid in my dms and texted me for about a month sending me blocks of texts about how much he has feelings for me. He also kind of lied about his looks- said most people think he’s younger than his age but this was not the case at all

But when it came to the real meeting, he looked irritable and old. He was nothing like the person he made out to be online. He even criticized my work questioning why I didn’t continue as a full-timer in the office. A few hours later he sent me horrible messages belittling me and saying he has just wanted to use me for his sexual needs. It was disgusting

[Asker]

I didn’t reply to any of these harassing messages although there were quite a few. He texted me on WhatsApp first and then texted my number. I blocked so hopefully he won’t find another medium

[ZenJen444]

Hate to break this to you but once he met you he realized you weren't what he wanted. He wasn't impressed with your appearance. So is your dating profile pic and old one, filtered or of someone else? He seems disappointed

[Asker]

If I was concerned about my appearance, I would have posted a different question here. Plus, given the shit he is I would have hoped he never was interested in the first place. And since we are at it, HE was much uglier than I would have presupposed so I have no other concerns about this other than having wasted my time to meet him

[ZenJen444]

I'm saying he was not impressed by how you looked. He didn't find you attractive.

[Asker]

Do I look like I care about what this man thinks about me? You seem like one of the trolls on the Internet who feed off other people’s experiences.

I’m glad he didn’t find me attractive by the way. I would not want to be near that man ever again. If you prefer, I can give your number to him and see if he finds you attractive and you can sleep with him 😏😍

[ZenJen444]

Yes you do look like you care because you're posting about him. If you didn't care you wouldn't be asking us for advice. You'd move on

[Asker]

I don’t agree. The point here is to talk about experiences, not mourn over people as you accuse me of doing. Anyway seems like you are quite stubborn about this so I’ll leave you to be. Byeeee ✌️

[ZenJen444]

Then you care 🥴🤣 correct? Just move on he wasn't attracted to you. Let it go no use in posting about it its a wrap

[Fireguy17]

Good for you.
you followed your gut feeling and there is nothing wrong with that.
Sorry you had to go through that, but now you know for sure that you made the right decision.

[melanieeeB]

Yeah and everyone should! Better be safe or feel better instead of staying in an awful situation just to be "polite"

[Mangospacho]

I’ve never left prematurely but I’ve never had an experience like that before. You did right. What is that guy even thinking? If he’s that angry and bitter and condescending on the first date, no wonder he’s in his 40s and still single.

[Anonymous]

why did I speak in English when I could speak in our native language?

That stood to reason though. And in finding that a "grumpy remark", you are the snob.