Can't tell you either.
You have been together for 5.5years already.
That build a deep connection to each other.
Leaving him will put you through pain. But staying with him could also put you through pain, because he might be hiding things from you.
Either way, it is not fair to GaG users or to yourself to ask something like this because it's easy for everyone to yell "leave" or "stay". Because they don't have to deal with the consequences of this very big decision.
On the other hand I could give you some advice to perhaps try figuring out WHY he would not be showing it to you.
Can it be that he is not trusting you enough? Why is that? What is the reason that he would prefer to be looking at other women?
Try to find out these things. Then you can "grow" from the situation.
IF you choose afterwards to leave him, you still have learned and grown in personality.
IF you choose to stay, you might have built a deeper trust with each other.
There are too many grey areas to say for sure what is best.
Either way, it's something that "you" have to choose.
I'm sorry for not giving you a straight answer on this one. It's just not fair to u.
he may have doubts. I think you stay but you communicate and work stuff out. If it isn't resolved after some period of time, then you can check out.
I didn't get stuck on dating apps as I'd been there and that was a waste. but I followed other women that I had talked with/chatted with on FB for quite some time and really angered my girlfriend.. now wife. I didn't like to let go of my fantsies and there's no comparing the dream of some perfect woman to a real person and relationship. Now I know that the real person is much better than the face and fantasy, but I didn't know then. I think there's lots in the past that cause problems in the current, I saw a video about how porn wires the brain all wrong for that kind of mis behavior.
It's much better now, I turned that stuff off long ago and got away from other women. there's a point of letting go that needs to occur. It may be personality, or addictions or who knows what. It could be your relationship and if that's the case, then you two gotta communicate.
I hate to say it, but even at those ages which is where I was, there is a lot of growing up that can have to occur to have a relationship. It may be awful pain to get through, but that's what it is... change!
100% LEAVE.
We've been together for 5.5 years and are set to be married in 7 months. I catch you swiping through a damn dating app and your first move is to lie to me about it when confronted. Then you give me some BS line about how you were "just seeing who was on there". No way. I'd be done on the spot.
If you're in a relationship, why do you need to know "who's on" a dating app? Why does that matter? Who cares? You're with someone you're supposed to love. It doesn't matter who's on a dating app. If you're looking for friends, a dating app is NOT the place to be searching. If it isn't an issue, why didn't you tell your fiance/fiancee? If you're hiding it, it's already a problem. Lying when you're caught and confronted just makes it worse.
This is definitely not a good relationship to stay in. Their true colors have shown. It's time to cut ties and start your healing process so you can move on to better things and a better, more loyal partner.
If you aren't happy in a relationship, be honest. Break up with your partner. Don't get on a dating app until you're 100% SINGLE again.
Leave. He's still shopping to see if anything "better" is out there and is just settling with you for the time being. A lot men will use a woman as a placeholder until they find what they really want. If you marry him there's a chance you'll end up divorced later down the road cause he will cheat or leave once he finds what he's really looking for. Don't stay any longer with him, he's already proven that these years spent with you have just been to waste your time, don't let him any further and move on.
Opinion
56Opinion
I don't think it's a "leave" or "stay" choice. I think that it's obviously a HUGE problem. I think that you have a right to find out what's going on. If he's been unfaithful. Then it depends on what you want in terms of wanting to make some effort to work thing out, or to leave.
I am someone who would leave my partner (or wife) if they were unfaithful. So I am inclined to say "leave" if you're forcing me to choose. But if I were you, I would have questions I'd need answered, and explanations to demand. If you're in a situation where you feel "he is cheating" then I'd say leave. If you aren't sure, it's worth finding out as much as you can about the true nature of the situation you're dealing with.
But obviously don't just stay and "accept" his lies about this and try and pretend this all didn't happened.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
Good luck
u Don't marry him expecting this to change after you are married. What you KNOW is that he is looking at dating apps. What you don't know is whether he has done anything more to pursue someone else. At this point, do you have 100% absolute trust in him to be faithful to you? If you are ging to mary him, you SHOULD have 100% absolute trust in him.
You ddn't mention whether you have any children together. That needs to be considered.
You most likely need to leave that situation. Just think: how do you know he hasn't been swiping on dating apps all this time that you've been together? That kind of thing would certainly be cause for alarm.
I would say first try to see if you can get to the bottom of it, get him to come clean. But it most likely will just give you even more heartache if you through with a wedding and find out he's meeting up with other women off these apps.
Yeah. Bye. Leave him. Before you get married and he cheats then
In all likelihood, he’s been cheating and you finally caught him.
That’s why as a women should never wait this long for a man to settle down without straight priorities… To me he wasted your time. I want to say leave because this habit won’t change it’s clear he is looking for another women and if she is “ better “ than you yeah he will leave you. On todays world this is called “ sorry I’m not interested about you anymore” not even love you anymore because love never existed here obviously because he isn’t respecting you. ( considering his age he should act very ver mature by now)
In the end do whatever you want and feel but remember that you can always find someone else who respects you and please never spend for 5 ,6 ,8 years of -Your Life- to move on! Set a deadline be clear with the guy within 1 year I want this and this. Say what you are looking for exactly as it is.
You're 45... What benefit is it to you to leave this guy? You're beyond over the hill, and realistically the chances that you'll find another guy worth spending your life with are slim to none.
So, don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Go into counseling; tell him this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed (maybe he's having a mid-life crisis and just wants to see if he's still got what it takes to attract women), and build a plan/ timeline where you can rebuild trust.
Everybody messes up; everyone is going to let you go to some degree- give this stupid sob a chance to make it better- if he doesn't then you can think of leaving.
This is why women to bump up their standards even more when we have selfish asshoke men like this in the water. Basically telling you to lower your standards and ve treated like trash, then when it's all over they will blame you for choosing him/stinking around. Never let anyone determine your worth just cause they feel unworthy themselves ladies.
@AmyHew1tt Serious as a heart attack. You've invested 5 years into a guy, and he acts out in a small way before the wedding (it's easy to go on a dating app, not like he was hiding another woman, or dating)- you don't call it quits and at 45 pretend that you're going to do well on the dating market. Guys she'd like to date in their 40's/ 50's sure af are not looking to date a 45 year old.
@BlueScorpio What a typical modern feminist response. If your standards are that the person you're with will never fk up, then YEA, lower your standards. This gaslighting bs of "know your worth, you deserve (fill in the blank)" being fed to women, and anyone who suggests you be more realistic being jumped on has got to end. In under a decade half of you over 30 will be unmarried and childless (and unhappy I'll add in case the fantasy of single and thriving after 40 is still alive) because of this stupid feminist line.
@Mmmariaxc There are plenty of men of her age in the world, sure. 70% of them are married. 80% of the remaining men don't meet her standards (typical female shooting for the top 20%), and of those remaining (4%) men how many do you think would entertain dating a 45 year old, when they can shoot for a women in her 30's (who may still be able to have kids), or younger? Men don't find women in their 40's appealing- ask any over the hill woman about becoming "invisible."
@MzAsh lol bs. Now it becomes clear how full of it you are. While you're married, you suggest other (single) women destroy their own chances, based on what? That other men flirt with you? Yea, I'm sure all those other guy want to marry you, not just sleep with you- clearly you're naïve.
"You're special- he has no idea how lucky he is- if I ever had a girl like you- I would never- I would always- if he ever messes up, baby girl- I'd give you the world..." Many dumb women have left good relationships for this bs, then get smashed and passed. Don't mistake sexual interest, and words in pursuit of that make you think you have real opportunities out there...
You husband needs to get you in line- there's no way a self-respecting man would tolerate his woman having other guys around her saying things like that.
So by your logic, she should stay with a guy who is more than likely going to cheat on her and ruin their marriage out of fear she won't find anyone else? Being single is better than being in a shit relationship. If he's on a dating app now before they're even married, he's 100% going to have an affair afterward. No one who is satisfied and happy in their relationship is going to be checking out other options. And the fact that he lied about it is an obvious red flag to anyone.
She can find someone else, even in her forties. Granted, it's not as easy as it is in your twenties. But you must have a worse opinion of men than some women do if you think it's impossible.
@AmyHew1tt Thinking guys don't find women in their 40's appealing isn't thinking low of them... You're also assuming any minor behavior must lead to the most extreme: "he's checking girls out, it's only a matter of time before he cheats..."
@AmyHew1tt Yea, bs... Always some fringe anecdote you make up to try to make your point.
@MzAsh *Sex is always in high demand. *Young women will be in high demand for partners- but you're far past your prime, and the fact that you have any credibility in giving advice to women is preposterous. A 20 yo woman is in far higher demand than a 20 yo guy, but a 40 year old man (with an average level of success) is far higher in demand than a 40 yo woman.
Plenty of people in their forties get married, so yes, if you think that anyone over thirty is a lost cause, that does say something about your opinion of men.
And he's not just checking out girls. There is a big line between noticing another girl's ass as she passes him on the street, and being literally on a dating site and lying about it.
@AmyHew1tt Where's the line? You seem to have arbitrarily drawn it to make your point. Why is there a big line between checking someone out and being on a dating app? Why is there not a "big line" between being on a dating app and actually dating someone else? Is this because it doesn't make your point?
Why is it only a slippery slope towards inevitable cheating past your arbitrarily drawn line (dating app) and not mine (checking women out)?
Can you wrap your brain around this, or because your a woman will the neurons not connect because of your need to be right?
Why are you ignoring the fact that he lied about it? If it was really all as clean as you seem determined to think it is, why would he lie? As a woman, as any person, I am not going to be looking for a new guy to date while I am preparing to get married to someone else. There is no reason for me to do that if I intend to stay in my relationship. A guy would be 100% pissed if his fiance was signed up on a dating app and looking at other guys and lying about it.
How is their marriage going to last? Trust is completely frayed. Every time he's unclear about where he's been or has a drink with a female friend, she is going to be thinking about the dating site. It's better for her to get out now so that when things inevitably go wrong, whether because he cheats or she's paranoid, she won't have to bother with divorce.
How is this me desperately trying not to admit to being wrong? You are defending this guy who is displaying behavior that would put any self-respecting woman, or man, on guard. No one should have to lock themselves in an unhappy marriage because someone else is telling them they will never have another chance.
The difference between checking someone out and using a dating app is obvious. For example if you go to the grocery store and a woman catches your eye you didn’t go looking for her but everyone appreciates a good view. If you put the time into making a dating profile to check women out you are actively searching for someone else.
@Mmmariaxc So, your argument goes to intent, and by someone's action in downloading a dating app and making a profile (30 seconds) you've reasoned "intent to cheat" (and thereby reason for this 40's woman to leave)... but is that actually correct? Can you reasonably infer that the reason this guy downloaded a dating app could ONLY be to physically cheat on his girlfriend?
Let me ask you one thing, and I hope this resonates with you as a woman in her 20's. Have you, or have any of your friends, downloaded a dating app solely for attention? Don't tell me this doesn't happen- I would argue MOST women on dating apps do so at least PRIMARILY for attention. Is it unreasonable to entertain the idea this guy could have done the same?
Alternatively, going to the store: Seems pretty innocuous, but can you assume that a person (even someone in a relationship) isn't going to the store with the INTENT to POSSIBLY find someone to cheat on. How about the intent to check someone out? Possibly flirt?
My point is that you're trying to draw an arbitrary line built on your ASSUMPTION of intent. We cannot assume intent. Let's let them talk it out, and find the core of this issue before we jump on the "leave him" bandwagon.
@AmyHew1tt read my argument to the other woman- I don't advocate choosing the nuclear option as the first line of defense, and I also don't advocate someone cutting off their nose to spite their face.
Can you please acknowledge the fact that he didn't just make a dating profile, he LIED about it. This is a huge warning sign, and one very few people would pass over casually.
There are thousands of ways people can try to find a new partner. Going to the store, sure? The gym, a party, whatever. Yes. But that's all beside the point and has nothing to do with this situation.
And I imagine it could be true, that some girls and guys will sign up for a dating app for attention, but not ones you should stay with, and even in that you can safely bet more than a hundred bucks they're going to be cheaters once the honeymoon stage of the relationship has passed. People in healthy, happy, content relationships will not do that. And if that was all it was, attention seeking without current intent, why not be upfront about it?
However, I do agree with you at least that this is their problem, and they do need to talk about it. If she decides to stay with him, I'm fine with it, it's her life. So let's agree to disagree and end this with some amount of respect on both sides.
Relationship are about overcoming problems together!..
You need to sit and talk with him, why did he feel the need to look, tell him ,
"If you are looking then you are not sure, and if you are not sure, you are not ready and we shouldn't do it!".
Let him give you explanation, maybe he was deleting his profile on app and swiping one last time!..
" If he proposed to you, and gave you the ring, then you are already his queen seated on heart of his throne. You just need to remind him, about the commitment he made."
I see a giant red flag. Yeah I get being nervous but he changed his story twice. That’s enough for me to think somethings up. To me if I was engaged to be happily married I wouldn’t be creeping tinder or dating apps; I’d be planning a wedding and my future.
Well... took a long time... but his colors have finally shown. Now that he's committed to marry you, he's decided to see what else is out there. You need to GET OUT!
Sounds like he was just cruising along with you until COMMITMENT loomed in the offing. Now that it has, he's unsure or wants to play the field.. Who knows.
Don't waste your time trying to find out. Ugh.
Is he using it like social media to see who likes his profile? Sociwl media is an ego boost.
Don't ask that above directly though because you just give him an idea for an excuse. But that is a real possibility.
Also possibility he has intentions of cheating.
You need to find out then decide. Making decisions in the spur of moment is bound to have regrets
You can probably find info through mutual associates or research... maybe there are some ethical tests you can do to serve if he truly loves you.
Need to get more details, ask him to let you go through his phone to find out everything, if he says no... then he has something to hide, leave him then... because he has probably been cheating on you anyways and will continue to do so.
Don't give him notice on it, just say unlock and hand, because he has proven he is not trust worthy.
You could just leave too as trust has been damaged and move on.
To be fair, you need to talk it out, before proceeding.
Could be you caught a bad moment, could be you caught a habit.
But he's stuck with you for over 5 years. You should give him at least 5 minutes to explain what the hell is going on with him.
At first, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and keep an eye out. Keep track of the times he claims to be working overtime, when he goes out but doesn't tell you where he's going, does he become more secretive with his phone, dubious transactions on a credit card, etc. If he's cheating, leave him, but if he's telling the truth about being curious, then you can decide what to do from there
If it was my fiancee doing that I would call it off. It doesn't exactly indicate certainty on his part which is what you want to marry. I suppose everybody has moments of doubt etcetra and maybe does double checks in their mind but this seems like special pleading to me.
I would at least defer the marriage till there was more certainty but I think trust is broken now.
It sounds like he’s possibly bored. Ultimately you know the answer to your own question. I’m not saying he’s not up too anything. I’m just saying you have over 5 years invested so you should know him good enough to decide what to do. I would say definitely don’t get married without getting to the bottom of why he’s looking at dating apps and trust your gut. Deep down you know the answer
Why would he even want to see who is out there?
He should be so enamored over you that he would not have the slightest desire to look at someone else, then there is the dishonest with living about.
I would be pretty hesitant to go any further with him.
It sucks after all of that time together, but you deserve to be treated better than that.
Sorry you are going through this.
“Wanted to see who’s there”
Yeah… if I was engaged to be happily married I wouldn’t be interested in seeing who else is out there.
I’m not one to encourage people to bail out of relationships at the first sign of trouble - and obviously don’t know your particular situation, but this is a pretty large sign of possible trouble and the last thing you want to do is get legally tied together when he’s already got wandering eyes.
He might be a sex addict. It takes one to know one.
This has to be heartbreaking for you. I guess since you are both older then you both can have some real communication on all of this. Tell him you are ready walk unless he gives you the deep dark truth on this.
It’s your choice you can leave and find someone in love with you.
Or stay because it’s convenient and accept his cheating because if he’s swiping I can almost guarantee this isn’t the first time in 7 years maybe have a lover of your own on the side to keep it fair.
If you guys separated I could understand it. I know if I were with someone and she was on tinder or something I’d be very upset. Once that trust is gone it’s hard to ever get it back. You’re going to always be suspicious of him and that’s not a good way to live
He's engaged! This is a pivotal moment in his life! It's a SCARY time! I guarantee you 99.9% of guys will do a little bit of serious thinking when they have that "oh shit" moment and realize that they are about to be MARRIED.
Don't you want him to be 100% sure before he pulls the trigger? Don't you want him to have no regrets?
After 5.5 years, if you still don't know if you want to be with someone, then you are wasting time.
@BlueScorpio I understand your point. I'm just saying that some people might have jitters. It's only human.
This sounds like a pretty tragic situation, together for that long, engaged, then you catch him doing that and the first thing he does is lie to you? (How exactly did that go by the way?) Then after lying to you he changes his story? I'm sorry you even had to question whether or not to continue with the marriage after this much of your life has been invested with him.
I don't trust liars.
No reason to stay with someone whose still checking his options after asking you to marry him.
It’s far better to find out he’s an a*s now than later. Bullet dodged.
Call of the wedding. Every thing was fine for 5 years. I don't know who popped the question but clearly it was a mistake. I would say leave but at the very least do not marry this guy
Stay but ask. Communication is really the only thing a marriage needs.
Sometimes people keep old tinder accounts to vicariously live. I would argue it’s like porn. Not cheating, we all think dirty, or what if…not a big deal. Unless you also have evidence he’s actually dating…
Please please leave. If y’all aren’t even married yet and he’s doing this, you’re throwing years to come away. Also. in my opinion if he wanted to marry you ; it wouldn’t take him 6 years to decide to do it
Sounds to me like he is looking for a better offer. If he finds that, don't be surprised if he dumps you.
At least web know the asker is a lot more way better then you.
You asked but can't handle the answer? Why bother asking? I'm thinking you already know the answer. You will always have that bit of doubt in tour head whether he is seeing someone on the sly.
I didn't asked the question dumb ass!
@Alwayreckles93 You could well be posting as an anon. And how does it seem that she knows more than me? If she did she wouldn't be asking her question on here. *rolls eyes*
This should not be a question. If you are in a committed relationship and the other person is on dating sites, you end the relationship and find someone who is honorable.
Is this for real? Sounds like a troll. I would think the answer would be clear. Maybe I’ll help: do you want to pursue a relationship with an admitted liar?
If he's “looking” seven months BEFORE the wedding, imagine what he will be like seven YEARS after the wedding!
Put the hammer down and give him an ultimatum. If he doesn't cut it out, or just simply isn't worth the commitment anymore, then leave.
Trust your gut instinct never go wrong n saying that he just wanted to see who was there what kind of excuse is that
Oh, dear!
He's having second thoughts.
Seems like he's exploring his options even though he'd deny it.
This is the universe trying to warn you. What you do with the information will determine whether your life is peaceful, or traumatic. Unfortunately most people appear to be on a path of trauma...
Evidently.
No matter how far fetched it might sound, that seem to be the case for more people you might think.
I mean to be fair, the book and movie series most women masturbated to after all is 50 shades of Grey.
That is about peaceful calm love and not abusing handcuff strangle type of content though... Right?😅
Bodily Sadomasochism is a word I stumbled upon unintentionally while watching regular tv a quite long time ago actually.
No, I am nowhere near being that type of man.
Chremastophelia is what could be united with harm if shit hits the fan an done without safety boundaries.
I just wonder why. This freaks me out hella much.
Might as well ask. What's the worst that can happen? You leave. That's it. Might as well ask to be sure.
You are beautiful you deserve better cancel the wedding. He is an idiot!
Tell him
"Why window shop when you own this"
Big red flag. He's bored and even if he didn't cheat he had the intention to.
Don't be in a hurry to dump him, some of us do that to see if we still have the charm, talk to him, if he gets all defensive then he maybe he's in the fault, tell him he has to stop it that it makes you uncomfortable, I'd say stay but with caution
I say in-between since there is no “stay” or “leave” answer. Just say there is a yellow flag, put the wedding off for a year.
That's a bad sign. If he does that it's more then likely he is searching for contact with other females sooner or later
probably need to have the talk on why it's happening if you don't have an agreement to see other people.
If you can, make sure he's not chatting with anyone there. I'm in a relationship and have went through matrimonial websites to see who's there. But I'm fully and only into my girlfriend.
I’m so sorry girl but u don’t need to marry this shitty guy. If it’s like this now imagine when you’re married. It’s not you it’s HIM ♥️♥️
Oh that's a red flag as big as Mars. He's about to be married and is swiping in Tinder to see who's out there? Nope, dump the idiot.
he's not satisfied with you. He wouldn't be looking if he was. don't put yourself through it move on. you will see he will too, quickly sorry for being blunt.
Revive the bedroom?
So disrespectful!
A guy in his 40's can be a lot better then you.
@Alwayreckles93
older guys being better at bed is a myth. Because reality is, by the time a guy hits his 40s, his dick slowly starts malfunctioning. Takes much longer to ejaculate, smaller cum load, less powerful dick, erection disappears faster than you'd like. Guys in their 30s are the best in bed. They're experienced enough to pleasure you while their dicks can keep up.
Bruh I don't know but your dumb ass comment is really ain't a nice idea
@She_smiled_back21
I've fucked many guys in the past. Seen many dicks. Older guys dicks were my least favorite by far.
@Haha456 he is still dumb and weirdo
@Haha456 Are you bragging or complaining? Oh wait, X-per 1? Must be trolling as I can't see a girl bragging about that kind of stuff. 😂🤣
@Haha456 we have a dick major here
Obviously leave. Why would you want to stay? For what reason could you possibly have.
I'm ao sorry. Please get the strength to leave *hugs*
Personal experience they will cover it up or make excuses as long as you suspect or ask them, the thing is he didn't involve you in these dating sites as swingers do he didn't say anything till he was caught
That's not normal behaviour of a committed person. Leave or stay is really your choice.
Serious question, when is the last time you sucked him off, and how how often do you do it without being asked? Men don't think about other women as much when they're getting lots of that.
This doesn’t look good, honestly. You’re not even married and he’s already looking at cheating.
I would say stay it's kinda hard but you're probably the main woman and they're side checks get promise from him and hopefully he changes
He is going to cheat on you. Call off the wedding and kick him out.
It's stress post marriage after that he never know if he can attract women or not... is like he LL be hand cuffed so it's just to know that if he still... So that why he do that I think
If you forgive him, he will learn that it’s okay to behaving towards you behind your back this way.
I don't think any one should get married these days. Marriage is for suckers.
Talk first. If you don't get the right answers, then leave.
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