Why do people think dating was easier in the 90s-early 2000s?

Question

Unless you’re currently 35+, you most likely weren’t dating or even alive during that time period so what makes you think it was easier?

For those who were there and either experienced dating or saw other people date then, what made it easier? Was it easier as most people say compared to today/what we witness today?

BeMuse · Accepted Answer

In the 90s you had 14.4, 28.8, and then eventually 56K modems to get on the internet near the end. Most people didn’t even use the internet. Of those who did, it was mostly guys. No one really had cell phones. People use to call each other on land lines and met up place every day. In general people were out and about more to socialize. There were common gathering locations were tons of people went to congregate, talk, flirt, hear about what was going on, etc. because that’s how you communicated (face to face). I was a teenager during the 90s. So from my experience you could go to certain shopping malls and meet like 30 different girls within a couple hours that were all around your age. Some went to your schools others that went to other schools. There were always girls at the beach. There were often girls at the park. There were always girls at the movies. There were girls at action parks (go karts, minigolf, arcade games, etc.). There were girls at the mall. There were always girls at the bowling ally and arcades. There were girls on exercise paths. There were girls at the skate park. There were girls at the community center/teen center. There were multiple underage keg parties every weekend. There were girls at raves, concerts, etc. People use to meet up at people’s house like 20 people at a time guys and girls mixed hanging out and having fun on a normal school day. Teens were often in nightclubs and bars on weekends because they carded you less back then. People were always walking places because they had places to be. You could pick up girls in front of minute markets and on side walks and just about anywhere you went. If I look at the behavior of younger generations I barely ever see any of them anywhere anymore and especially not in groups unless you are in a really large city. They are at the bus stop in the morning. They go to school and then they walk home from the bus stop. They work typical minimum wage part time jobs. The beaches are often empty with the exception of an occasional old lady, beach fisherman, or visiting tourist unless there is some major event. It’s bizarre. Arcades, bowling alleys, action parks, city parks, community centers, movie theaters, malls, etc. are often ghost towns now. I only hear drunk people going crazy and blasting music on days like new years eve these days. Kids sit around on their computer in their room now and talk on the internet, watch streaming TV, and play online video games while girls often take provocative pictures for Instagram and Facebook to try to get attention. Cock teases use to have to pull their pants down in front of a group of guys and show off their thing or come up and ask to sit on a guy's lap. lol Behavior has definitely changed in young people.

VanillaSalt · Accepted Answer

Was it actually harder? Both sides have pros and cons honestly. There’s a few questions I want everyone to ask themselves and if ya want I wanna get some answers.

Dating just sucks but in this case is it the grass is always greener on the other side?

Today less people are what we consider to be acceptable.

At what point does it become good to “settle” for less than ideal?

You women that say all men want is sex… is it you and your only getting a specific type of guy? I don’t just want sex and I’m a pretty decent guy so by your numbers I should be swarmed by women wanting a man like me.

Ladies… you can’t all be 7s. Most of you HAVE to be 5s because that’s average.

Paradox of choice… When given many choices we tend to question our choices. So is having many options better or worse?

Sexual liberation gave women freedom to be men. Now we have men refusing to be better because women will eventually give it to em. Ironically women are forced to put out quickly or lose mens interest.

At what point do we need to consider changing for others a good thing?

What value does the opposite sex bring to our lives now?

Marriage… marriage marriage… It’s not just cause God says it’s a commitment that meant something. Divorce was a mistake. We should leave the people that make poor choices to make the best out of their situations as long as their not abused. I mean who’s gonna get a 30 year mortgage when the average length of marriage lasts 10 years? Who gets the kids when you split? If a man marrys a woman she can cheat and leave and still get money as though it’s natural. It’s so one sided so why marry? And without that ring and marriage as a commitment are you really committed?

More people are fatter today.

My biggest question is this though… Nearly everyone here says it’s worse but what are you doing to change it? Are you just accepting it and using the apps and social media?

MidnightOwl57 · Accepted Answer

Ok although I was very young back then and don't remember that era well, my impression from speaking to people, who are older than me, and reading about it, was that dating back then was much easier.

Dating nowadays is so frustrating... lots of dead ends, fickle people uncertain about what they want, excessively opinionated, uncompromising people etc. It's so hard to find someone who is compatible and who eventually wants marriage and a family. Also, beauty standards are extremely high due to social media apps that have turned people into commodities. Almost like day trading in the stock market. Get in take a small profit and get out. Dating options are vast and quick. You can always find someone prettier or more handsome thinner or heavier. That doesn't even include fake accounts and predictors. These options are time consuming and stressful. Dating 20 or more years ago was not all consuming. People went out with friends or anyone'ss family gatherings and met people through work friends or at school functions. Social interaction levels were more friendly and casual. We also were more skilled in interacting with others on a personal level. Today dating is disposable like a bic razor. Use it once throw it away. I dont ever remember using the word ghosting. It's easy to ghost because you really dont know their family or their friends or their co workers. You really dont know them. Your just a commodity to be traded for someone new.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

I don't think it is or ever has been easy to date, no matter WHAT year it was.

Dating is stressful. You get dressed up. You get matched up, online or through a friend or family member. You have high hopes. You meet the person or talk to them on the phone or online. You THINK you might have a chance.

But after a date or two... or even two dozen, things fall apart. Then you have to start over. Nothing about this process is easy.

Arranged marriage might've been easier. You had NO choice. Neither did the other person. Someone else chose. You were married and stuck for life. But many arranged marriages fared better than "marriage for love." Because, over time, layer upon layer of a person's personality is peeled back.

Sometimes you grow together. You enrich each other's lives. But there are fits and spurts of mediocre experiences to wade through until you find someone deeply suitable. Usually it takes loads of trial and error and time.

It's NEVER been easy.

ManOnFire · Answer

I'm old school, yeah. So back in the late 90s and early 2000s people more often would talk on the phone even if they weren't seeing each other in person, and I still like to talk on the phone and hear a woman's voice. Texting is fine too, but I do come from an age where having a little more of a personal/intimate interaction was valued. That's where I differ from so many people of today's generation, who are much more okay with just seeing words and pictures. I need more than that.

Having said all that, dating/mingling with chicks back then was a lot better and seriously based on a concrete interest in one another, and I think females back then were friendlier than they are now. Today you have to deal with alllll the women who are scared to text, who ghost, who are suffering with social anxiety, are nervous about dating, are overthinking all kinds of tiny details, full of emotional damage or baggage from an ex lover, a past life of hooking up, or bad relationship with their parents, or are juggling more than one guy and can't keep their story straight. And then of course you have all the ones you gotta avoid that are only interested in money and social image.

kylee2437 · Answer

Because you didn’t have to date in those years to realize how much the world has changed between the early 90s and now. If you don’t think texting / the internet has impacted dating - you aren’t paying attention enough. Look at an older couples text threads and look at a newly aged couples text threads and you will see quite a difference

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Online dating makes dating MUCH easier for me. I think that every woman I have dated for the past 15 years has been a woman I met on a dating site. I know that some people think online dating doesn't work but I think that some people just don't know how to use dating apps.

I am currently living wth a girl who I started dating in December 2020. At that time, she lived in another city 85 miles away from me and I would have never met her unless we met online. After dating for seven months, she moved to my hometown and we started living together.

Once I was out of school, the women I met were either co-workers (shouldn't date a co-worker) or women at my church (shouldn't date them for the same reasons.) I could go to bars to meet women but I don't want to date women who hang out at bars. Online dating opened up a huge group of women who were available and interested.

AviatorTom · Answer

It was easier because you didn't have so much social media to criticize your every move. People interacted face to face, not in text messages.

In the 90s, no one ever asked "My boyfriend didn't answer my text right away. Should I leave him?"

Avicenna · Answer

Because it was. People interacted more in person then and didn't have their noses stuck in their phones. Nor was I expected to constantly be in touch.

Guy13 · Answer

No idea. Women have never been easy to deal with🤷🏻‍♂️

elew4too · Answer

I lived through the transition. When I started college, I had a Nokia brick phone using T9 to text. By the end, I had an iPhone with dating apps on it. Overcoming your nervousness, building confidence, working on your respect/framing, etc. was much more difficult than swiping on an app, but it was MUCH more rewarding once you got a woman's number. You felt like you earned it by being well-groomed, approaching her with confidence, building rapport, maintaining conversation, being playful/respectful, etc. Those skills may have taken years to develop, but you became a better man because of it.

Women were also much more receptive to being approached in the 00's/early 2010s, especially in bars, parties, etc. Most expected (and some wanted) to be approached. Nowadays, I hate to say that it's rarely safe to approach women with intent, unless you're in an environment where that's clearly an expectation. You could also match with someone who would never swipe right on you in an app (and vice-versa). Winning people over with personality was much more feasible.

Modern dating is. . . diverse. There's dozens of dating apps. There's dozens of social media sites that all have their own messaging system. There's emojis. There's read receipts. There's that bubble that pops up on the screen when someone is texting a response. Technology has made things more complex.

Dating back in the day was easier because you could only talk to a girl over the phone or in-person. That was it. Your likes and posts on social media weren't over-analyzed. You didn't have multiple conversations going on at once with your dating app matches. If you had a conversation going on, it was because you went out, genuinely connected with a girl, hung out, and got her number. Dating back in the day was harder, though, because you had to overcome your fears and develop your confidence, charisma, etc. in order to get women's attention in the first place.

silvermoon84 · Answer

I’m part of the 35+ generation and I wasn’t dating until 2006 but I knew people who were dating long before then. I would have to say it was because things were more concrete then. We didn’t have texting and social media when I was in high school. Cell phones were still a luxury for underage kids then and social media wasn’t even a thing until MySpace came out in the early 2000s, when I was already in college (now I hear about 10 year olds asking their parents for iPhones and it seems foreign to me, but that’s a conversation to have on another day). If you wanted to ask someone out, you had a few options: ask the person face to face or call the person’s house and risk one of their parents answering and in either case the person had to give an answer. Today we have to many people who just read a text, leave the text on “read” and don’t answer or simply just ghost. Nothing is definite until it’s Facebook official. When breaking up, it’s now more common to simply stop talking to the person or break up over text or simply change your Facebook status to “single” instead of giving a good break up speech.

Like I said, I didn’t start dating until 2006 but even then it was still done face to face because that’s how we did it before the digital age. I miss my analogue childhood.

BlackBeauty90 · Answer

Let's see  Online dating wasn't that common.  For most online dating is just another bar or club. It's a cheap dating option with little thought for serious relationships, more friends with benefits & hookups. Yes long-term relationships happen but statistically they're minimal compared to cheaper relations.  Community clubs, etc. were more actively used Nowadays few people go to community clubs. Those that do are typically of the older generation not the younger generation - who frequents bars & clubs more often - and as such options for dating when below 40 years in age is far more limited than before.  Standards were more commonly encouraged / sleeping around discouraged Statistically marriage & divorce ratios have only increased.  With people in their 20-30s nowadays divorce rates is 60+% . Most of them married whoever showed them attention and as months, years wore on found that they were more dissimilar than not.  Similarly ideology nowadays is not to have standards and sleep with whoever says hello to you. Back in the day people had self respect and respect for others and as such had standards. Sleeping with whoever says hi or sleeping around wasn't as common.

chicosuave · Answer

umm no social media or the web in general. phones were huge machines that were stuck in one place. people had to call peoples homes or show up at their house. girls mentalities were different. they had less power in terms of abundance so thats why dating was much easier and better. I dont know if you realized but women are the gate keepers in relationships so they made it even more complicated thanks to social media etc etc. Women were stuck with the same men from the same town or city and gps wasn't around so people werent traveling that easy back and forth. Also less option for women in dating the more likely she is willing to commit. now in days women complain guys can't commit because they gave a lot of power to a certain amount of dudes that dont want to commit to them. They reject the guys who want something more because they know they can get any guy and they think they can get guy who can't commit to them. Also their expectation were normal and not delusional back in the years.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I was alive then and it was easier to date then. Something like holding a door open for a woman wouldn't get you scolded by her for being sexist. You didn't have to worry about looking in woman's general direction being taken as sexual harassment. Patting a woman on the back or talking to them was still acceptable.

I'm 40, so I've seen a time when a six-pack on a woman was the thing, then the big tits hit around 1993, then the big butts, and now we have giant landwhales walking around with body positivity. Yeah, you got your big titts and ass society... congratulations. Along with those sort of changes, came social changes that just changed everything. Like when I was in High School... you'd get thrown in a garbage can and the teachers and principals would just have a laugh about it... now though... that would be some serious shit. That's how much things have changed and it's changed with the dating game as well. My kids look at me crazy when I talk about all the fist fights I had to do in school. I guess that shit just doesn't happen as much anymore.

Anonymous · Answer

I was not dating, or even alive back then. But this is my perception based on talking with people who are older and reading about how things used to be.

In my opinion, online dating has made things worse, not better.

The fact that more guys seem to be interested in little more than sex is not a positive trend.

Back then it was much clearer what men and women were supposed to do in dating. Today men complain that women don't approach or pay for dates, and women complain that men approach too much or don't do it the way they want.

It also just seems like there is more and more animosity and less respect and empathy between the sexes. There is so much negativity between men and women and it's very discouraging and depressing.

Yes, we have a more fair and equal society today, but at what cost? Has it been worth it? I really don't know.

I honestly don't like living in this era and wish I could travel back in time back to when men were men, women were women and dating was more fun and innocent.

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Anemone978 · Answer

Well the dating world changed completely even just from 10 years ago... like I found my husband online 12 years ago... now trying to find a partner online is almost impossible.. all they want is sex and almost no one wants to commit... the worst thing is people will waste your time like they want to date... then once you like them they surprise you with the "nah I'm not looking to commit rn" BS. It's because there is so many easy ways for people to just hookup with people or meet for sex that there really isn't a need for guys or even slutty girls to commit. Really its kind of like how people online would cock off at you but when they see you in person have nothing to say... its like everyone has become internet cowards.. same as the ghosting or blocking bullshit...

SeriouslyFunny00 · Answer

I think both are okay for both have pros and cons in them.

Before it's good 'cause of two reasons:

(1) there's no prejudice between the opposite gender and

(2) Without the influence of social media, people can get to know one other completely. These days, it is much more difficult because more individuals are becoming superficial.

Currently it's good for the reason that:

... it's much easier to mingle with people with the help of internet. If it weren't on internet I wouldn't find my special someone.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

It was much easier then.

Feminism, me too, and other misandry cultures in general have made it impossible for most men to approach women, or be approached by most women, and people interact offline less now, and don't meet their neighbors.

Internet was still a thing in the 1990s/early 2000s. and social sites and dating sites were a way to connect with likeminded people instead of being fed agendas and ads and subscription fees.

Most people had common sense then, and they weren't offended by everything. It was also a time where modt people did not judge a book by its cover, so stereotyping was rare.

genericname85 · Answer

it waseasier and i can explain why i think so. not saying this is objectively true. it's just what i think. there's 2 different compounding mechanisms:

1. The advent of sites like pornhub and the easy access to watching super hot girls being fucked reduced the "market value" of girls in male heads.

2. at the same time online dating started becoming a thing, which increased the "market value" of girls in the heads of the girls.

so it has become more difficult for both girls and boys to find something like a "good match" in their mind. cause the disparity between what they want and what they can reasonably get got very much higher.

notwoke · Answer

A few things:

Everyone wasn't walking around with ear buds in and strangers struck up conversations more easily.

I knew every person at the gym I worked out at. You weren't going to get sued for harassment because you said hello to someone and they weren't going to make you feel small for being friendly.

the internet wasn't a thing and you didn't hear about it every time a crime occurred 1000 miles away.

I could and did go to the grocery store or other common places and meet women and ask them out successfully. This was "normal"

Everyone wasn't so fucking sensitive or political

90% of women were thin and worth talking to vs. 90% are fat and not worth talking to unless you had blue balls nowadays

Petr87 · Answer

It was even easier during the 80's. If you were interested in someone, all you had to do was approach her for whatever reason and just start talking. Find a common interest, discuss that, and it just got easier from there. Simple and straightforward.

Now most of you have your stupid heads buried in your ridiculous phones, so you wouldn't even notice each other most of the time, and if you did you'd have to worry about "offending" each other because you'd used the "wrong pronoun", "misgendered", or held open a door for someone who turned out to be a crazy radfembot.

Take me back to the 20th century, because this century SUCKS!

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Way easier to date. Much harder to hookup. Today it's way easy to hookup and much harder to date.

Look, back then it was normal to just say hi to a girl, ask for her number or a date and then go on a date and she most likely wasn't a slut or feminist or other kind of female. However the average girl wasn't racking up bodies.

Today, we have tinder and nobody goes on dates, if I even try girls just say how about I come to your house because being in public gives me anxiety. Lol. Then we have sex. So it's easy to fuck but ofc if she's giving it out asap she's clearly not dateable so not interested in dating or anything anymore.

To actually find a girl I want to take on a date and then to go on a date, very difficult these days.

Red-Blaze · Answer

I was not around at the time, but I think it was harder, finding some and commuincating and all that mY have been much harder for pepole

Also we mostly hear from pepole that did meet and grow then pepole that did not that will give a morr biased look to pepole did it easier then even of not true and likely was about. the same just diffrent way

Jersey2 · Answer

Too many guys are flooding women with texts, swipes, pickup lines. They are all using the “knock on 100 doors and one may open”. This causes women to becomes jaded, put off, confused, inflated self worth, beyond picky… a great guy who can’t get noticed is out of luck. I know a great guy who was recommended by a girlfriend of another girl at a wedding event. She immediately blew him off by having him get a drink for her while she disappeared. No one would have done that in the 1990s.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

I think the dating apps ruined dating to a degree. Back then it was just funner to meet the conventional way and if you liked the lady, you'd just start dating. Now with the apps, there are all of these pre-conceived ideas of what the "perfect mate" should be.

Anonymous · Answer

When I started dating around 2001-2, it was millennial girls and they still had some sense of class and ambition, at least where I grew up. Gen z'er women today are impatient, want instant gratification, live their lives on the phone and in social media, and tend to be way more self-centered. They care more about how many genders there are, what pronouns they want to be called by, and what's in it for me than they do about finding something meaningful to do, or have, be it alone or with another person. Yeah, I know, that's a broad generalization and it's not true about ALL of them, but it sure fits a LOT of them in my experience.

RolandCuthbert · Answer

I was alive then and I think it is easier to date now with all the tools available. But so many people just appear to be lazier or looking for excuses. Now that I think about it. Maybe the issue is that it is too easy. I think so many people feel that they don't have to actually work at being social. It just comes naturally or something.

Emiliamazing · Answer

I grew up and went through nearly all of my schooling in the Midwest. I think I personally felt that individuals were more approachable in the area where I lived. Nearly all of my friends met somebody in person, as did I. No proliferation of online dating or social media at the time.

Kilapan · Answer

I believe that the comparison between today's appointments and those of 20-30 years ago is similar to the comparison that can be made in other aspects of life. Today there are tools that allow us to do things much more easily. However, the current social order and popular culture lead people to be increasingly lonely and have many insecurities that were not common before.

Pacquet · Answer

It was easier cause the internet didn't get in the way and people were more willing to spend time and learn each others values. Dating now is mostly bidding for attention. No one chooses each other anymore instead we've become slaves to always searching for something or someone "better".

Fireguy17 · Answer

I was alive then, and it was a bit harder to meet someone then.
Where do you meet someone, going to a bar?
There was video dating, before computers, that was ok, but now with sites like eHarmony, It's just lunch, Silver singles, it is easier to find someone.
The whole world is opened up to you, you are matched more with people that share common interests with each other.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

It’s cause of how easy it is for both men and women to cheat now due to everyone having the access to do it in their pocket. Literally. A person in a relationship could easily just go on a dating app and see who’s dtf that happens to live close to them.

We didn’t have this back then

Anonymous · Answer

In the 90s you were only competing with people imediately around you, not literally the entire world.

These days you see someone you like and think, hmm, they only live 300 miles away from me, it might be possible to have a relationship with this person; I'll see what the status of their face is.

Anonymous · Answer

I was alive, and a teen in the late 90's. Tech wasn't as advanced. It was STILL very difficult. It was different. In some ways easier, some ways more difficult.

I was never really good at it, and wasn't good with girls anyway. I was friendly, I could talk to them if they bothered... but not in a sexy/attractive way.

Finchie40 · Answer

Because social media wasn’t really a thing , people actually valued each other more instead of constantly being compared , people were more content with their lives over being selfish and think grass is greener

Paul09 · Answer

There was no social apps or dating apps. People met through real life. So yes in a way was. Felt more real. Now dating apps full of ghosts, or people that aren't interested in youm women have way too many choices , while men don't. Best way to meet for women for me as. A school or through Friends.

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

The internet has messed it all up.

Well, technically, it is not the internet that messed it up, as it is just technology. It is we who actually messed it all up.

Unnecessary data is fed to us, just messing us up even more.

Daniela1982 · Answer

What the hell? When I first clicked on this question the screen went white and there was a scene from 10 Things I Hate About You. Then it went back to being a black background and no pic? Another G@G Glitch?

jshm2 · Answer

Because you physically were there in the moment, and HAD to have game, to score or more.

None of this "Google me some pickup lines, and memes to post on Tinder" bullshit, that is weakening kiddo dating these days.

Anonymous · Answer

It was probably easier still in the 80s, 70s. 60s, and a dream in the 1950s and 1940s. As the relationship between men and women gets more and more complicated the art of dating becomes less and less fruitful.

Anonymous · Answer

Dating apps, the creation of new ideologies, the world being a more fucked up place now where people lack trust with each other. From young women adamantly saying their careers mean more, they are stronger than men/guys to people marrying trees or identifying as some hybrid animal. It’s just a messed up time. I think guys back in the day were more creative and I think young women were more willing to marry. Times have changed.

lightbulb27 · Answer

it was hard for me, I was a lame horse. I think it was easier when people lived in communities and didn't ahve unlimited global options with disconnected technology.

Anonymous · Answer

If people would get their faces out of their phones and learn how to talk, they would find dating is easier now than ever before. Dating apps and texting is killing dating and any potential for romance.

bolverk · Answer

It was easier and harder. Back then you had to work for a date, social media did not exist, you had go from step one learning about each other one step at a time, and you had no preconceptions.

inhua · Answer

there was more person to person interaction and there wasn't social media to distract couples from hot people

MadAndBankrupt · Answer

Because without technology the world was smaller and its known that smaller cities have fewer crimes and chaos. Now with technology even if you live in a farm you’re experiencing new york type chaos

rabbitzzz · Answer

I remember girls used to like me a lot before facebook and social media. But nowadays girls be like bitch I have 100s of dudes after me. You are an option.

Onedayprobably · Answer

I wasn't alive but I would say people needed each other in real life, and they probably didn't have lot of choice but to go outside and give it a try. Now, you can do all that and more in your room with a phone.

Paul_in_Indy · Answer

Casual sexy was not as straightforward back then. It is easier now.

zagor · Answer

For those who say it was easier to date then, it was probably just because you were 20 years younger...

Noodle_fan · Answer

from a man perspective , i think dating is easier for men now why? because compared to past , today there are more men that afraid to approach women , which means less competition

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

It’s gotta be worse today. Social media just means less time spent interacting with people. And not just that, don’t women just use it to post provocative pictures, guys cuck over it, and the cycle continues? Is that not all it is?

Vaporvan · Answer

I was alive, but I wasn't dating then. However, I think it's impossible to say things like internet and such like haven't changed dating and how it works.

Babygirl_S · Answer

It was harder at that time and arranged marriages were the norm. It is much easier now in my country.

Likes2drive · Answer

I was dating during that time, but it’s never been easy but probably easier back then since I was younger than now so it’s harder for me being older

Sasha0426 · Answer

I was born in the 90s and I’m 30. I’ve been single this whole time. So yeah. I wasn’t very liked growing up.

Anonymous · Answer

I’m not sure if it was easier to date then as I was only a teen at the time. But it was the done thing. Not sure it is so much now.

es20490446e · Answer

Just having a conversation with people was considered a normal thing.

msc545 · Answer

No metoo, no consent, no believewomen - none of that shit. Men could actually date women. They no longer can - not really.

Tomisworthless · Answer

No social media so you know the people in your area. Nowadays any girl can find some guy half way across bum fuck Egypt to date

007kingifrit · Answer

people were more similar, less radical, and we didn't have so many outlandish sensitive ninnies around

boobliker · Answer

I think it was as you did get the hate on SM as my remarks do now!

Why do people think dating was easier in the 90s-early 2000s?

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Why do people think dating was easier in the 90s-early 2000s?

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