Would you be understanding if someone who is just your friend had to stop talking to you for awhile because they are attracted to you?

[Still-alive]

You only see them as a friend but they are attracted to you. so in order for them to try and get over you they have to stop talking to you for awhile. pretty much cut off all contact until then.

think you'd be understanding of that?

Yes i would be understanding

I would be confused that they can't just get over it while still talking

I've been there myself so i definitely would understand

[blueonblack22]

I do not “make friends” with women I feel attracted to. I usually have my mind up with 5 minutes or less if I am physically attracted to them or not. If I am not physically interested then it’s virtually impossible for me to grow strong feelings later. I might get to know the girl and like her as a person. But my attraction or lack thereof is almost always decided very quickly.

If I am interested I will obviously be friendly. I will chat with her, see if she’s available or not, observe her body language and listen to her tone of voice, etc. I will look to qualify her and try to figure out where I stand (especially if I have to run into her again). But if she’s single and giving me warm vibes I will make a move and ask for a date.

Unfortunately some women are naive at best or at worse play dumb to this and conveniently assume the guy just wants to be friends. If a man approaches you, starts more than one long conversation and he’s not taken himself there is a 99.99% chance he’s interested. He might be on the fence/curious or have a huge crush. But he’s interested to a certain extent. Men are still expected to make an approach by women. Most women are still hesitant to approach men they like.

[Guy13]

i would be fine with that. And if it was because I had a partner then I would respect her. At that point, one with this type of thinking and character would turn me on... It's odd how those things work out.

[Aerissa_Jade]

No way because that is the end of the friendship and they are ending it. They can and should be an adult and just deal with it without temporarily ghosting me.

If they stop talking to me for awhile, they've ended it and eventually if they want to start it up again.

I don't do close friendships that are stop and go.

Instead I move on, they will have no way to get back in as they are no longer a friend.

How would they even start talking to me again? A few months later and I wouldn't feel the closeness to them anymore as a friend, it would be like seeing a friend I haven't seen in years. You aren't close, you can talk again BUT now I don't want to hang out with them or do anything as I have others I am spending my time with.

I imagine a conversation trying to start things up again would go something like this.

Them - "How you been and how are you doing?"

me - "Fine"

End of conversation as I won't be sharing anything with them as I no longer trust them.

[Still-alive]

Well that sucks... some people just can't be friends when they are attracted to them. by continuing to talk to them it will only hurt them more because the other person doesn't feel the same way. Leaving for awhile to get over it helps more in the long run for those people.

if you dont wish to continue being their friend then oh well i guess.

[Aerissa_Jade]

I actually had a friend do something like this in December, he said he can't be my friend anymore too much is going on with his life and he is too depressed.

He didn't state it was due to any type of attraction, just that he could not be my friend right now and needed a break that I should leave him alone and that he'd reach out when he was ready to be friends again.

This was on December 8th 2022.

Prior to this, we texted daily and met up occasionally and suddenly he was just gone. Then on Feb 17th he wanted to meet up to talk about things. He really didn't want to talk, he wouldn't talk about himself or anything. He just wanted me to talk, things were never the same since and now we haven't even talked/texted or anything since Feb 17th.

To me the friendship is over, things were strange when we met up again. Then he blocked me said he wasn't ready yet and he would unblock and reach out when he was ready.

I am not going to wait around for him to be ready, since he blocked me, I blocked him back.

[Aerissa_Jade]

Keep in mind I'm a digital nomad, so if someone in one city/state wanted to take a break, I might not be back to that area for a long time again. I stay in one place for the winter but moving all the time in the summer months. No pattern, just where ever I feel like going to.

Barring any of that if they want to text again when I'm now in a different area, that would be fine but they would be my lowest priority to respond back to after everyone else and I would respond back but no way to meet up in person again being in a different area.

[rosemilk]

that's how i lost some guy friends :\ it's not fair to me. sure i would understand, but i'd be upset because i would feel like they're only friends with me to try to date me and once the feelings aren't mutual they stop even being my friend because of that.

[Still-alive]

sometimes it doesn't start out that way though and develops over time getting to know you.

[rosemilk]

which is even worse

[Still-alive]

So it means that initially they saw you as just friends but it grew into something more for them.

[rosemilk]

yeah but then you lose years of friendship :\

[coachTanthony]

Yeah I am not hanging out with some chick that I am attracted too and is already taken with me having no shot.

[little_bird1]

No I don't because every straight man is attracted to almost every woman by default. I think you are confusing just feeling sexual attraction towards a person versus romantic feelings as in wanting to date them. If it's the first one and he needs to stay away from me because he can't control his desires, then I'd say good ridance; he'd probably end up raping me or someone else since only rapers can't control their urges. I wouldn't want to see this person ever again, they obviously don't even know the true meaning of friendship. It's like a spoiled child who is giving a silent treamtment because he didn't get his toy. But if it's the second one then yes completely understandable and neccessery, it's one of those sad situations but it is what is. Best to say goodbye and move on.

[Still-alive]

yes i mean romantic feelings not sexual attraction

[Anonymous]

In general, it's understandable for someone to need space or distance from a friend if they are struggling with unrequited feelings of attraction. It can be difficult to maintain a friendship when one person has romantic feelings that are not reciprocated, and taking some time apart can be a healthy way to process those feelings and work towards moving on.

That being said, it's important for the person to communicate their needs and intentions clearly and respectfully, and to respect the other person's boundaries and autonomy. If someone needs to take a break from a friendship, it's important to communicate that in a way that is clear and non-blaming, and to be open to reevaluating the friendship when and if they feel ready to do so. Ultimately, it's up to the individual to decide what is best for their own emotional well-being and to make choices that align with their values and goals.

[alice55]

I would be confused as to why we can't just continue talking cause when you love someone even if you ghost this person once you start talking to them those feelings come back so him not wanting to talk to me for a while would have no purpose or just would mean the end of our friendship so I feel honestly I would still send him some message cause I have nearly no friends (like none in really life).

[Still-alive]

Its not ghosting if you tell them upfront what you’re doing

[alice55]

Yea but you get what I'm saying it's still not talking during quite a long time cause I would assume it would take some months to get over the feeling not some weeks / days.

[Still-alive]

Yes it can take awhile.

[alice55]

This suck but anyway if he wanted to do it I would let him do it though I'm pretty sure I would still send message from time to time.

[Quackthulu2]

It’s a problem if someone is pretending to be a friend when they are secretly hoping for a relationship.

[Still-alive]

Well they may not be hoping for a relationship nor even completely aware they are that attracted to you until they get to know you more. That’s happened to me.

[SpanishRose]

I've lost a lot of guy friends because of this, but I always understood. They wanted more than I could give. and as their friend I accepted that they needed space and time to heal and feel better. It sucks but that's the way it is sometimes...

[serious]

In my case, I would assume female friend.

The answer is YES. I would understand that and it won't matter to me if she said she wants to stop being my friend for life. If she decides to break friendship it would be the right thing to do.

[SixOfClubs]

If he attracted to me, I would stop talking to him before he does.

[Still-alive]

Would you never talk to him again?

[SixOfClubs]

I've had this situation several times and there is no other option but to end the friendship with him

[Still-alive]

Would you tell him or just ghost him?

[SixOfClubs]

I told him. These kinds of conversations are difficult but necessary

[Still-alive]

Have you ever liked someone but they only thought of you as a friend?

[SixOfClubs]

Fortunately no, what about you

[Still-alive]

Yes many times. I guess you wouldn’t know how it feels.

[SixOfClubs]

I don't know and I hope I never know. Unrequited love is a kind of heart cancer

[Still-alive]

Do you have any empathy at all for those who experience that?

[menina]

That would never happen with me, but if it did I would be confused. However, I would try to be understanding and I would give him the time he needed.

[KathrynTaylor]

Yeah, sure. But they’d have to cut off from me for a long time. Because once I make my mind up, I don’t change it.

[SnowedIn]

I would be confused but I'd also be gracious and let them do them. I think that's weird and short sighted but oh well.

[NostalgiaSenpi]

I am influenced by that particular thing and would rather they tell me as I'd give them a shot. Why not be with someone that's interested in me? The only way I wouldn't is if they're not female.

[Miristheiss]

Sure.

Unless I was single and I fancied them too... then we'd be ON!

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

Yes I would be understanding

[McKellar]

Yep, fully understand that part. She either cut off communications from me, and I've done that to women.

[Twalli]

I've been attracted to friends but didn't cut it off, we stayed friends. Okay, I'm dating one, but that's not really the point.

[Guardian45]

That has never happened to me, but I have been that person with a female. It's difficult to be just friends, especially when you were lovers.

[lottiebannotie]

Yeah I'd like to think so gotta be better than the cold shoulder I dunno

[douride2]

Been there done it.

[llorando]

Yes i would be understanding.