Girls, is a 30 year old guy who’s not a virgin but has never been in a relationship or dated anyone a dealbreaker?

[Anonymous]

I’m just about to turn 30 and I have never had a girlfriend or dated anyone. I’ve actually only been on one date in my entire life and that was 8 years ago. I have had 2 hookups, the first one was from that date I had and the second one was with a girl who we were introduced to by our mutual friend. I just can’t let go of the idea that I’m gonna be alone forever at this point because all girls will be completely turned off by my lack of experience. If this is true, please vote that it is a dealbreaker. Not answering honestly to try and spare my feelings is not helpful.

Yes its a dealbreaker

No its not a dealbreaker

Depends on the reason why he’s inexperienced

[Enlightenme21]

Its not a deal breaker for me but judging from the comments you need to do more soul searching before jumping into dating.

You seem insecure and immature, not saying that in a bad way just being honest about how you project yourself.

You need to develop more deep casual relationships with others and try to avoid the girls who are just using you for sex.

You seem tk follow along things over actually being self built. Try leading yourself over following the crowds.

Thats of course if you want tk have a real relationship thats healthy.

If not well bad relationships do help with learning what you need to fix about yourself and work on when associated with a partner.

[DizzyDesii]

I would rather date a 30 year old virgin who never hooked up but has been in a relationship OR a 30 year old who had sex but only in a relationship. I dont mind dating a virgin, but I want us to have similar values and a certain level of self respect. Also, if a guy/girl has never been in a relationship, its a bit of a flag to me because I’d wonder whats wrong with em (in terms of looks or personality) as to why they haven't at least been in one. At the same time, i’d take a relationshipless guy over a hoe. So 🤷‍♀️

[Asker]

But if you found a guy with an average level of experience, you’d pick him over the relationshipless guy?

[Asker]

And for me, its because I had my confidence consistently undermined throughout the years by my friends and family, and was also ridiculed by those same people for not having a girlfriend to the point that it made him feel so bad that he couldn’t even ask anyone out. And now I never even meet any women and haven’t in years. I had no guidance when it came to this when I was younger, only mockery and ridicule.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont care about experience in terms of sex. I like to learn together. But in terms of a relationship, it would be a bit of a relief to know im not his first everything. I dont mind being his first in sex but I don't know if i want to be his first/only kiss and his first/only girlfriend. I date to marry. Its a lot of pressure being someones first everything and hoping things remain perfect enough for him to want “this” forever.

[DizzyDesii]

Im not here for the pity story. As i said above, how do you have the confidence to hookup with 2 girls but not even ask one out? I want someone who knows themselves and knows what they want and goes for what they want. I dont mind teaching but you gotta cut the excuses and put in some effort too

[Asker]

That’s where we differ, I want to play the field so I wouldn’t be dating to marry

[Asker]

Its not a pity story, that’s exactly what happened to me and I shared it so that you would have some context about my situation. Like I said above, the first girl came onto me and made the first move and the second girl I was introduced to by a mutual friend and we hooked up that night. So both of those happened without me having to take that first step. I’m not even making excuses lol, for the longest time I have believed that it is now too late to go after what I want because I will get rejected for the lack of experience 100% of the time.

[DizzyDesii]

You want to play the field so now we definitely dont pity you never having been in a relationship. You clearly dont want that

[Asker]

You’re too crazy with your belief that a date has to lead to marriage to the point that you’re outright shaming people who aren’t also doing that. There is nothing wrong with dating around if you’re new to dating.

[DizzyDesii]

there's nothing wrong with dating around. We all do that. Sleeping around is another story

[DizzyDesii]

Actually whats your definition of “a hookup” since you claim to still be a virgin

[Asker]

I haven’t slept with anyone in 3 years, I do not sleep around.

[Asker]

I never claimed to still be a virgin, did you even read the title of this question? My definition of it is a sexual encounter that either happens just once and never again. If it keeps happening with no commitment established, then you’re friends with benefits

[DizzyDesii]

I admit, this whole time i thought it said “a virgin” instead of “not a virgin” lmao. My bad. But my responses still stand

[Chikky]

Deal breaker for me, it shows you're all play and no commitment. I like someone that can commit and learn from the experience

[Asker]

What if it has nothing to do with commitment and its actually because they had their confidence consistently undermined throughout the years by their friends and family, and were also ridiculed by those same people for not having a girlfriend to the point that it made him feel so bad that he couldn’t even ask anyone out? And now they never even meet any women and haven’t in years, as is the case with me.

[DizzyDesii]

But how do you have the balls to hookup but not the heart to ask anyone out? Lmao make it make sense

[Asker]

With the first one, she came onto me and made the first move and the second one was we were introduced by a mutual friend and we hooked up that same night. I never asked anyone out because both of those hook ups happened without that step in the process.

[DizzyDesii]

You could have easily stopped them and said “im not that kinda guy, can we go out on a date first?” But you didn't. So now a lot of us may assume you are that kinda guy

[Asker]

I did go out on a date with the first girl I hooked up with and paid for the whole date... Don’t jump to conclusions, people may assume you’re that kinda girl.

[DizzyDesii]

I do jump to conclusions because i wasn't given the full story. You could have easily said you wanted to be in a relationship first before hooking up. But you made it clear now that you want to “play the field” so as Chikky said, you’re all play and no commitment. You dont want a relationship.

[Asker]

You should have sex before entering into a committed relationship so that you know if you two are sexually compatible. I do want a relationship, just not one where marriage is assumed to come out of it. I would rather just have fun and see what happens over the course of the relationship.

[DizzyDesii]

You “should” have sex before entering marriage if anything. But before entering a committed relationship? Lmao pretty backwards thinking. But we’re entitled to our own opinions, so live your life. I initially chose option C but now that I have the full story, i wouldve chosen dealbreaker. Not that you care of course

[Asker]

No I don’t care because you’re crazy. You do realize that most people do in fact have sex before entering into a committed relationship, right? That way you can know if sex will work out between you two before committing and having to break up if you’re not sexually compatible.

[DizzyDesii]

Im not crazy, just a major difference of opinions. And yes i know in todays hookup culture world that most people just fck around INSTEAD of entering a committed relationship. Keep dipping your dick in something you hardly know and you may catch something you dont want. But I’ll hush now. We’re going to simply disagree on the matter

[anon1903]

Exactly!!!

[RayCrolla123]

when I tell you that this brought tears to my eyes cause I’m a female and went through the same exact thing with my family and it took years of healing. I’m now 32, and is getting back to my best self… and I’m a virgin and feel like men will find me to be weird. I

[Paulalove98]

You’d be frowned upon because you’re a guy and the sad truth is people don’t value men’s feelings as much as women’s these days but I’m sure there will be a woman out there somewhere who will look past your experience and see you for who you are. But if you mean hookup as in “sex” I don’t think that makes you a virgin at all unless you’re talking about making out and foreplay. Anyways, 30 is a milestone but you still do have a time.. you have more time than a 30 year old woman would accordingly since women have a clock and guys don’t but just don’t lose faith. I went through hurdles to meet my boyfriend.

[DubiousIntentions]

Depends on why. Just because most get all their experience early in life doesn't mean someone can't learn. We were all inexperienced at one time. Just think, some might even find it fun to be a teacher. I would be more concerned with someone with a high body count. They are in it for sex and are more likely to "stray" - aka "cheat" in the future because they like the variety and might find it hard to just have one sexual partner.

[provokeesmokee]

I dated a woman nearing 40 who was a virgin and had a few relationships but nothing serious.

Worst mistake.

She didn't know herself enough to know how she'd react to a relationship. It was exhausting.

To me, it's a dealbreaker.

I don't have time to waste waiting for a guy fresh to dating to figure himself out. I'm in the market for people who, like myself, already know themselves, their likes and dislikes, their values, and their preferences.

[natured]

I don't really thing it's an issue, nowadays intimacy is being put on a scale, trying to pull pornographic stunts... that will never work... trust me, even people with experience might lack in some things... To me, intimacy is not even valid if there is no connection whatsoever but hey it's just me...
Find you a Woman that values your true nature, not your sexual experiences...

[Anemone978]

If he was a man whore and never dated, absolutely he is off the table.. as for you.. I don't know why did those 2 girls only end up hookups and not gfs?

[Asker]

Well the first one, there was no chemistry at all on the date itself and I actually tried to end the date early, but she wasn’t ready to go home yet and asked if we could go to this lookout point nearby and she just climbed into the backseat of my car, so she initiated it but we never went out again after that. The second one was just a drunk hookup with a friend of a friend and we didn’t even get to exchange contact info afterwards.

[Anemone978]

I see.. yeah I don't think I would date someone like you.. You just sleep with anyone who will fuck you.. and you don't make an effort.. or so it seems from what you told me. So it doesn't show you could be a good partner.. You put out that you are weak. No one likes weak men. Women like their men to be confident and prove if shit hits the fan you can handle it.

[Asker]

Well I gotta say that most men will sleep with anyone who will fuck them, not just me because that’s how we are. I have never made an effort because my confidence got shattered at every turn and that really discouraged me from ever doing so. As for me being weak, I don’t know where you’re getting that from based off of what I said. It feels like you just threw that in at the end for no reason.

[Anemone978]

Well I get that.. but I don't tend to like guys like that, its nothing personal. As for being weak I got that because you have low self esteem so that shows weakness in a person. Guys with low self esteem tend to cheat as well, not always but it is common. I am not trying to put you down I am just critiquing you so maybe you look at your issues from other peoples perspectives so you can work on it and get the girls you want. You biggest issue is confidence women like confident men who will take charge. If you don't take charge, to us women it looks like weakness. Really that seems like your only issue because if 2 girls are willing to bang you on the first date you must at least be attractive lol

[petitedollbabee]

Depends on the reasons behind him never having a girlfriend. Usually people who reach that age but have never dated, have some serious baggage or red flags that keeps potential partners away.

[Asker]

What if its because they had their confidence consistently undermined throughout the years by their friends and family, and were also ridiculed by those same people for not having a girlfriend to the point that it made him feel so bad that he couldn’t even ask anyone out? And now they never even meet any women and haven’t in years, as is the case with me.

[petitedollbabee]

Then no, that’s not a dealbreaker.

[Simslover92]

My boyfriend, 32, was in your same predicament. Didn't bother me at all that he had never been in a relationship because I had never been in one either and wasn't a virgin. I'm sure you'll find a girl that doesn't care about that.

[MemeSupreme]

yeah, there's like certain things your first few relationships teach you that's important. i would worry that your inexperience would cause issues

[Asker]

So even if you and a real connection with a guy and great chemistry as well, you’d break it off solely for the fact that he’s inexperienced?

[MemeSupreme]

the thought would cross my mind, but it's not a definite bc it really just depends. once you've started dating you will understand what i mean.

[Asker]

Is it even worth it to start dating though if there’s a pretty good chance that I’ll be universally rejected by women solely because I have no experience? That’s a belief I’ve held for years now. So you would listen to the reason behind why a guy has no experience before making a final decision?

[MemeSupreme]

no, you should still try. i don't trust people and i've got issues, but i still date people despite every instinct telling me not to. just gotta take chances in life, so if i liked a guy a lot then maybe 🤷‍♀️

i feel like if its such a concern for you, then just lie. tell girls you've dated a few times, but they were years ago and weren't serious.

[Anonymous]

a person who has only had hookups and no real, long lasting relationship is a deal breaker, yes...

[Asker]

You’re taking at face value though. If you had more context as to the reason why, would that make a difference to you?

[Opinion Owner]

well... you had sex without being a relationship first. you went on like one date and had sex? i just don't deal with guys like that.

[Asker]

You do know that these days most people have sex before a relationship starts in order to assess sexual compatibility, right? Also, that girl made the first move and asked me for a date.

[Opinion Owner]

yeah no... not how it should work. that's being easy...

[Asker]

That is how it works most of the time though. Just like how I know a guy who thinks oral sex is disgusting and immoral and no one should ever do it, but that doesn’t mean that people are gonna stop doing it.

[Opinion Owner]

seeing your responses to others, i can tell why you're single.

[Asker]

Why, just because I’m realistic about how the dating world operates lol