Is my boss hitting on me?

[Anonymous]

about 6 months ago I had an issue with my direct manager, I went to resign because I had another job offer and her boss ( the big boss) came to speak with me and told me how much I was valued etc etc and convinced me to stay. Over the past few months he has checked in on me regularly and has been SUPER nice and very complimentary of my ability to do my job (I think I’m good but not worth all the attention I’m getting) saying things like you’re expensive’ but ‘worth the money we’re spending on the business’ ‘Attractive people generally get promoted’ I made a reference to wearing a ‘pussy bow’ which was innocent and explained that it was an item of clothing and the equivalent of a male wearing a tie I then told him to google it and his response was ‘ I’m too scared to google, I might get an image of you in my head I can’t shake’ he will say things like ‘do you miss me already’ if I message or call after not speaking for a day or so.. He is inconsistent with messaging or talking to me/ seeing me in person, but for example last week he spent nearly 5hrs talking with me about work and how amazing I am…. Because the communication is inconsistent and I guess what I am perceiving as him ‘flirting’ isn’t everyday and random, I don’t know whether he is just being super friendly and it’s just me taking the attention the wrong way?… or are my spidey senses right?

[xColinx]

I'd normally say he's flirting with you and that's his primary motivation. But did he only start to act that way after you mentioned thoughts of quitting? If so, that's where it gets tricky...

I think he genuinely appreciates your work contributions, and at the same time his flirting (and interest in you) has started to cross the line of what's appropriate in a professional work environment.

Does he ever make you feel uncomfortable?

[Asker]

That I’ve noticed yes, when I started at the company he would sit next to me at events or make an extra effort to speak with me, so I never thought it odd I just thought I’m new and he’s making an effort.
The attention ramped up when I said I was going to quit.
He hasn’t quite crossed the line where I’m uncomfortable - I can take a joke and laugh things off, I know I can even handle myself if he did try something… I guess I just want to be in the front foot plus make sure I still have a job and not jump to the wrong conclusion

[xColinx]

Seems like you have a good mindset about it. Stay focused on your work, try to avoid/ignore distractions, but also be aware of this boss guy's action & overall treatment towards you.

Do you have a partner? If so, during casual conversation you could comment about the plans you & your partner have coming up, blah blah blah... to send a subtle hint that way?

[richardcory]

‘Attractive people generally get promoted’ isn't an appropriate comment. Was your question about a "pussy bow" innocent - did you not realize it might be taken differently (I'd never heard of one).

What do you want to do? Do you want him to stop flirting with you? If so, be careful about not flirting back and if he doesn't get the message, ask him nicely. Or are you interested in the risks of an office romance?

[Asker]

Yes I did think it was innocent, especially because after I said it I explained what it was so that there wouldn’t be a misunderstanding.

I have also said ‘I’m all good- I’m easy’ and that was met with ‘ never say you’re easy’

I now do have to think about everything I say and whether there is a sexual meaning …

[Asker]

Sorry- no I’m not interested in him romantically, the power dynamics are difficult, so I haven’t stomped my foot and said STOP you’re inappropriate, especially because I’m not clear on whether he likes me… if it was just sexual comments then I think I could say he was a creep, but it’s the blowing up my ego and saying how wonderful I am with the odd sexual comment.

[richardcory]

OK, he is flirting. If you want him to stop, you need to avoid doing things that can be seen as flirting back. He may be happy to keep it at the current level of flirting - and you need to decide if that is what you want.

But "pussy bow". "I'm easy". You shouldn't need to think all the time - but those are pretty obvious double-entanres (however that's spelled) to most people.

But you aren't alone. On a business trip once, a younger female coworker invited me to come to her room after dinner to "hang out". I knew her well enough to know she didn't mean anything by it- but for most peopled...

[_Maya_]

Honestly it sounds like all the compliments are work related. I wouldn't take that as flirting. What is weird to me is that you mention that you talked for 5 hours. Presumably this was at work? Seems like an awful waste of time while on the job. I wouldn't take this as flirting. Don't get romantically involved with your boss. Nothing good can come of that.

[Chikky]

Seems like you enjoy the attention as well, you both do actually. But be careful, it doesn't end well most times

[Asker]

Yeah I’m not sure how I feel about the situation, yes I do like the attention, but who doesn’t like Praise and attention from their boss? i just don’t want to misinterpret his kindness and sabotage the work relationship.

[Chikky]

Well you can ask him about it, if you both are free with each other and can talk about those things honestly

[Avicenna]

You’re on yo something. Done of the things he’s said aren’t appropriate for a business environment.

[KingslayerC]

I'd call it flirting. My standard is if I'd want my wife hearing me talk like that, and the answer is "no." Which is one of the reasons you would never catch me talking to one of my direct/indirect reports that way. Even when they are blatant flirting with me.

There's a tiny chance it's not flirting, but that would mean he was grossed out by you (not wanting an image of YOU in his head) and was only saying you were attractive to be nice. Doubtful.

[Truthatanycost]

'I made a reference to wearing a ‘pussy bow’ which was innocent'

There is not one planet a woman can make a statement like that and it be perceived as innocent. You must be fooling yourself...

[Asker]

Well that’s the male species problem.

I have also said ‘I’m good, I’m easy’ and the comment back to that was ‘never say you’re easy’ …

[Truthatanycost]

No. There are certain phrases I wouldn't say around women either. And there have been times where women have got the wrong idea about things and it was nothing like the phrase that you said.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Let's just say if my girlfriend's boss was talking to her like that, I'd be fucking pissed

[FinalFantasyBro]

It's sounds like you should consider human research or finding a lawyer if case he really does something.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he’s flirting and likes you

[SolSolBunBun]

If So Who Cares. Your Boss Is In Charge.

[Anonymous]

No..