My secretary is hitting on me, and I have a girlfriend. What do I do?

[Anonymous]

My secretary who is currently 24 keeps flirting with me while we're passing alone in the hall way, or if my assistant is not in my office with me. She hasn't made any physical attempts, but has comments about my recent working out, good looks, how she wished she had a guy like me, and even admitted that she wanted to sleep with me at a work outing. Of course; I resistsd all of her attempts; and made sure to tell her that she's acting inappropriate.
After a month or so of her flirting, and me reminding her that it's not ok for her to do this. I had to make the decision on whether or not to approach HR, and my boss as well. Since she's very much a valued employee at our company, and has been the best secretary I've haved yet. It's been difficult making the decision to let her go.
So now we come down to what I need help with. After my discussion with my boss, and HR. They both decided that her work outweighs her advances towards me at this time. Since we've had such horrible luck with secretary's at our company before. Both were reluctant to let her go. HR wanted more evidence, and since its ran by a high strung feminist. I actually received some backlash about blaming a woman for hitting on me, and that I must have been encouraging my secretary to thinking that I like her.
Now I'm stuck with the HR lady trying to look at me as a womanizer, my boss who resists confrontation at all costs, and a secretary (who I forgot to mention is highly highly attractive) who keeps wearing tighter, and tighter outfits.
I truly don't want to quit my job, but I'm in a tough spot.

[Ozanne]

I'm sorry in advance and I know this is probably an unpopular opinion, but I'm just not really believing that you have gone to great lengths to go to your HR team and manager and the response is that her work is greater than the advances she is making on you. That is just so incredible to believe. HR teams are put in place to specifically handle these complaints. And your comment that she's now wearing "tighter and tighter outfits"? As if, they were tighter, and just getting tighter... and tighter... AND TIGHTER... AND... it's as if you're describing a bubble that's about to burst.

I mean, women who sexually harass may use their wardrobe as a weapon on their advances, but it's also a visual that can be seen by all. If her dress code is now inappropriate, just that alone is worth reporting.

I don't know, I just think there are some holes in this story, because if you truly had a problem, it would be dealt with. The issue is not with your secretary it's with the people you work for who are doing nothing about this. Let them know that you will be contacting your human rights tribunal in your area to get this resolved. If the excuse to not deal with this issue is that she does great work is applied to everyone out there who committed sexual harassment, then none of them would be fired - like, ever.

Tackling sexual harassment in the workplace is there BECAUSE it limits good work to be done as at least one person is uncomfortable at work. It is also proof that she has the inability to be a good worker herself when she uses her time at work to hit on you and create a disturbance. Nothing makes sense here. If your workplace is truly dropping the ball on this one, then you need to go above their heads and make a formal complaint to your human rights tribunal or your state's labour relations board so that something is on file and the complaint can be reviewed by someone over and above your employer.

[emmabee11]

You shouldn't of said anything dude... that girl sounds like a real trouble maker, what i would advise if your aloud is just tell her to not go into her office ever again until she can learn to behave approriately, if she has files then send them to your email and you will print them off yourself, if someone needs you tell her just to tell them to go on through from her deck and tell her if there is no reason to talk other than flirting to not speak to you, just treat her like the naughty child she's acting like, don't be soft with her. Us women get this kind of behavior from men almost all the time so you can understand how annoying it is, so we have to be tough with men, we know being nice isn't going to work so don't be nice to this girl, take a page from a females book, whatever is happening there you can deal with, so set some boundaries with her. She sounds like she just wants to sleep with the boss to reap any benefits she can to higher her career... only reason she would keep persisting, but i know your not stupid, you knwo it's your job on the line too.

[aamy811]

Continue to be extremely blunt with her. If she flirts don't flirt back. Stop being as cordial. An maybe jut stop talking to her.
If she continues pull her aside inform her HR is watching we actions and that you don't find her behavior in the work place even slightly cute or appropriate. Let her know that I she continues her actions Hr will have to take effect.
Bring your girlfriend in and introduce her I everyone
She'll probably calm down by now for fear of her job.

[Asker]

I'll definitely start being more blunt, but her friend is in HR, and found out what the HR manager had mentioned as being on her side. Though, I'll just press the HR matter further if I can.

[aamy811]

Thanks for MHO

[Lionist]

This is absolutely not right. HR should fire her. Just as all the men are being trampled threw there sexual harassment women need to be held to a higher standard as well if they expect it in turn, this is a law suit if they don't fire her just as it would be for a man. DO NOT PUT UP WITH THIS. Go back to hr and let them know this is sexual harassment... men and women need to quit thinking they can just say and do actions that are just not respectful to others. The only way to do this is to hold each sex accountable.

[Lionist]

As a matter of fact you should take this to the better business burrow since her friend works in HR.

[martyfellow]

Sorry about the fembot in HR, but often fembots gravitate to power at HR in the corporate world, since that gives them access to the powerful people in the company in the quickest way.

I'd say keep telling your male boss about the problem, but don't DEMAND any action.

And don't threaten the secretary since you know the fembot will blame YOU and back her up if there is a confrontation. Your secretary probably has figured that out; that's why she doesn't listen to your protests.

Just be as professional as you can, try to get your assistant and other people to be witnesses to what is going on as much as possible. Take pictures of your secretary's outfits without her seeing you do it, or pretend you WANT a picture of the staff and include her.. that way you have some sort of proof.

[madhatters4]

I would suggest to HR that if the roles were reversed and a woman made a similar complaint that perhaps they'd handle things differently.

then I'd directly confront the secretary. explain that you have a gf and comments about your physical appearance, wanting to be intimate, etc are both inappropriate and make you feel awkward. if she doesn't seem to heed that warning it may be time to secretly record a conversation with her so that HR has the evidence

[zora88]

At this point you're looking at a two lawsuits, one with her sexually harassing you and the other with H. R turning a blind eye, several counts. Keep a notebook of every day, hour, and specific places (office, break room, etc.) these occurances take place. That will help your case. If you can try voice recording audio of her sexual advances and you telling her you wish for to stop on your phone. Contact a lawyer. And fast time is your best witness. Make sure you have a copy of your complaint to H. R. If you've only complained once I'd do it one more time. She won't stop, she knows she is attractive and likes you as the prey. Jump on this fast. A lot of men tend to never do anything about these kind of situations or situations that invovle another woman overstepping boundaries. Trust that this will cause a rift in your relationship. You don't want your girlfriend thinking you actually enjoy it and want her there for as long as she wants to stay. Not to mention the toll it's already taken on you. If you're here asking how to get this to end its already affected you outside of work and may have been affecting your work performance. Handle your business. Best wishes and stop Sexual Harassment!

[Asker]

Agreed! Not one to take things too far myself, but sounds like I may have to. Appreciate the push to do so. Going to attempt to give her another week of refraining from such actions, and try explaining the severity of the situation. After that, then I'll have no choice. As my girlfriend has once stopped by in the last month for lunch, and her mood instantly switched to full B on B mode.

[Kabloosh75]

This.
Put in another complaint. Threaten to sue the company and that will get them to do their job.
Sexual harassment does not apply to one gender.

[zora88]

You're welcome! Also most companies have policies about management and H. R "gossiping" about complaints issued by staff, she shouldn't be talking about it unless she is investigating and not just break room talk. That to is grounds for the H. ar representative to be fired as well. Good Luck!

P. S what is B on B I can only assume, would like to know for sure though!

[nixbay2346]

Your employer and the HR are in direct violation of several sexual harassment laws. Honestly, I was in this very same position for nearly 2 years, I tried and tried but ultimately I had to seek out an attorney, and I was fired. I did net a handsome settlement and I do mean handsome, but I lost my job that I loved and can never work in that field again. Would I do it again? YES sexual harassment comes from both ends, it is an issue and it is often swept under the rug. You need to seek out some legal "advice" I am not saying file suit, I am saying get some help from outside the workplace, clearly they aren't going to help you and if you allow it to continue at current pace you could find yourself on the accusing end of this thing. Start documenting, put a recorder in your office or in your pocket, use your cell phone to record video, keep a diary with dates, times and specific comments made. You won't be able to use recordings or video in court ( unless you record them in a public place where privacy is not expected) but you can turn them over to your attorney so he knows your not lying and can better prepare you in case something happens. Most of those attorneys work on a contingency basis no money upfront. I strongly urge you to seek out help, this could go sideways on you at anytime.

[Anonymous]

Ignore her. Put more photos of your gf and you up! Be bluny with her and only have professional discussions. Have your gf come up on your lunch break. Ignore her. Don't talk to her unless there are witnesses around. But whatever you do.. Don't touch that chick or flirt back because it'll bite you hard in the butt.
Also... start looking for a better job with a better corp. Because if the shoe was on the other foot things would probably be diff.
Your comp. Shouldn't ignore your cries just because they think she is an asset. If she keeps this up she's gonna be your liability!

[Asker]

Definitely agree on ignoring her, and both myself and I see her as an asset. That makes it truly hard to attempt to let her go, but when you've got double D's hovering over your desk while you work, and her outfits just seem to diminish with my ability to work while she's around. It becomes very problematic. Of course; most guys want a "nice thing" strutting around their office, but over time. It becomes very distracting, and even my assistants wife is getting ticked off, because some young hot thing is making her feel jealous at her husbands work. It's almost comical in a sense. Like Jennifer Aniston in Horrible Bosses.

[Opinion Owner]

Now it kind of seems like you're enjoying her advances although it is disturbing. Your comment make it difficult as to where you actually stand.

[Asker]

I apologize as I sometimes turn serious scenarios to a humorous one. My initial complaints are as how I truly feel. I've set a meeting with a few other managers in my department, and going to see if I just can't trade her out to someone else. There's a female manager down the hall who has been needing a new assistant. So, I'm going to attempt to try to see if she'll snag the promotion, and then just head down that way. If she does, the new position will be a full time job, and won't give her any spare time, or reason to come into my office.

[BertMacklinFBI]

what i would do, just ignore the fuck out of her, even if its being rude. and if she approaches then i would say the work place is a place of professionalism, and bee-tee-dubs did you not hear i have a fucking girlfriend the first 10 times, the fuck is your problem. okay you can modify that to make it sound a bit nicer but that's just coming from the heart lol.

[Chick180]

No, that was nice enough.

[BertMacklinFBI]

@Chick180 i got approval :)

[JSmuve]

Hahaha "bee tee dubs"

I've got a new phrase for my arsenal!

[BertMacklinFBI]

@JSmuve bahahaa i love it!

[Asker]

Really wish I could say something along those lines, but i'll paraphrase it a tad to her. Sadly, she isn't getting the hint, and since she's my secretary. We do have to converse multiple times throughout the day, but I'll just limit it to work specific stuff only going forward, and walk away for the rest.

[BertMacklinFBI]

exactly, so like if its business/work related then its all good, but if she strays away from the topic then I would just be like, this isn't work related, we're done. straight and to the point. cut her off if have too.

[FallenAngel92]

You're in a tough spot you are her boss and most companies have rules that you can't have a relationship with someone who works under you. Just put more pictures of you and your girlfriend up around your office and just try to ignore her advances.

[Asker]

She's pretty persistent, but I'll try anything that's professional, and might work.

[sahdahh__]

Tell her, "I have a girlfriend, who I love, and not only is what you're doing innappropriate, but it's incredibly disrespectful to my relationship. So, please, can you stop." Don't talk to her unless you have to, ignore her attempts, and be blunt.

[MoshingExec]

Digital recorder. Gather evidence. Then sue your company for sexual harassment.

You do realize that if she is that aggressive with you that she is likely doing the same to clients. Not good.

[DodgersGM]

What she's doing is against the law; hostile work environment goes both ways.

What exactly what H. R.'s response? Do you have an attorney, or do you have a contact that you can run this situation by?

[Walterider]

best that u just leave the company... flee from this, men are weakest at girls flirting over them, making men so hard to be faithful... that's the best choice..:)

[Asker]

Isn't it? I mean, I've never cheated before, but I'd hate to find myself at a company outing. To where I'm drinking, and she for some reason tries to manipulate the situation in her favor. Of course; drinking isn't an excuse, but I'd just hate to allow any kind of situation to happen as to where my girlfriend would question me you know?

[Walterider]

yeap u're right, just follow my advice.. u'll have a better life dude.

[abundantlyrich]

Leave the place or secretly record her voice or film the event happening. Confront her... Record her responses. It's the best thing to do as they won't believe you are telling the truth.

[Asker]

Can't record people without their permission. My HR friend said it would be dismissed if I did, and would get me into further trouble. It's best that I have others around who catch her in the act.

[Ratiocinative]

Your company's HR department may dismiss the recordings, but they would be permissible in a court of law should it ever go there. Face-to-Face conversations are permissible in a court of law when recorded as long as at least one person in the conversation consents, which if you're in the conversation you're the one who is consenting. Sounds like you're in a tough situation and you might want to consult a legal professional to help you weigh the risks and benefits of you options in this situation.

[nixbay2346]

Thats actually not true, if you are in a public place where privacy is not expected you can record anyone or anything and depending on the State you can admit it as evidence. California will not allow it, but most states have an exception rule to this.

[Anonymous]

Really, all you have to do is just ignore. I mean women are always getting hit on everywhere but you don't see them complaining and talking about quiting getting so stressed out it we just naturally to ignore it and move on with our lives. Let her do her thing and you do yours. She'll eventually get bored and move on to the next.

[FuturePxxnStar]

Just ignore her. Keep thinking of your woman and how much sexier she is than this little homewrecker.

[Anonymous]

You should tell her if she doesn't stop with the inappropriate flirting then you'll take things further just as a threat so maybe then she will see you're not interested and you're trying to be professional something that she clearly is not.

[Anonymous]

No, they do not just get to decide to ignore it. They are legally obligated to immediately conduct an investigation of her behavior. Time to play hardball, because you have grounds for a lawsuit. Speak to a lawyer.

[Chick180]

Did you warn her you're gonna talk to the HR? That'll scare her.

[Asker]

I did, and after the whole HR situation. Her friend in HR found out that the HR manager is on her side. So... that apparently isn't going to help.

[Chick180]

Can't you just tell her you're not attracted to her? Even if you are.

[Asker]

I've really given her no inclination that I'm interested, or even remotely attracted to her. Even with her tight leathery shirts, and blouses with her double D's. I keep my eyes above her neckline.

[Anonymous]

How could this possibly be a big deal to you? You have a chance of having a side pussy, just enjoy it.

[datgirl]

Haha I hope you say the same thing when or if your SO has a dilemma similar to this.

[Hariss]

Would you like to be cheated by your guy? Or you don't care because you just look for fun everywhere? sometimes girls make guys do things by leaving no other choice for them and later being innocent and love to blame them for same, becareful towards your suggestion what you will not like for yourself happening with you. I feel so sad to see that a girl herself suggest of cheating on another girl. Do u always grab a free chance of sex?

[Opinion Owner]

I don't care about being cheated because I cheat, too.

[JSmuve]

I'd just put up with her advances and watch her squirm. She'll eventually give up.

[JSmuve]

Oh, and if all else fails send her my way. I'm always in need of hot flirty babes in tight outfits

[hypno-trip]

There's a vain side of me and a responsible side of me both fighting to answer.

[breastman69]

Just Bang her brains out on top of U'r desk & take plenty of Pix !!!

[__ena13__]

Tell her to back off and that you already have a wife.