What do you think of a 33 year old guy who want to get with a 24 year old girl?

[Anonymous]

I've been talking to an older guy on a dating app and yeah now we have numbers. Clearly he's talking to me but like isn't that weird for him to be with a girl that young? He says my age is ideal for him scientifically speaking because he's not looking to have kids just yet. One of the first thing he said to me though was I want babies. I'm just tired of young guys who aren't ready for something serious. This guy is divorced tho so this is just a red flag right. I don't know if he even makes big bank or anything. he's a lawyer.

[OlderAndWiser]

1. Red flag because he is divorced? If he had never been married, you would be asking what's wrong with him. A divorce may mean that he has a significant problem, such as addiction, or it could just mean that he married too young, too quickly, and he and his wife eventually decided that were not really a good match for each other. Or maybe she cheated on him!

2. Some people are saying red flag because he's not ready to have kids. Well, he's not in a relationship, he's divorced (I don't know how recently,) and he wants to be more careful if he remarries, so. . . why SHOULD he be ready for kids now? If he said he was ready for kids NOW, then THAT would be a red flag!

3. Can you give me his name and phone number? I'd like to call and warn him that one of your main criteria is how much money he makes. THAT is a DEFINITE red flag for him, as soon as he learns about it.

4. So you are trying to determine whether he is a good prospect for marriage and you haven't even met him in person yet. ANOTHER RED FLAG.

5. Here's a "secret" that you discover as you get older. Virtually everybody has some baggage, some problems, some things that should cause you to pause and think about whether they would be a bad companion in a long term relationship. And those guys who you are thinking are substandard because they don't check every box. . . maybe they think you don't check every box, either. Reasonable people understand that a great relationship doesn't mean you found somebody who's perfect; it means that you found somebody who you love so much that you can tolerate their flaws and imperfections. And it means that they feel the same way about you.

6. So maybe instead of picking him apart before you've even met him. . . maybe you should meet him and see if there's enough common interest to start spending some time together. And don't ask about his salary on the first three dates!

[Asker]

1) he said the problem was that they lived in different states and she wouldn't move for him basically. I live in the south he lives in the north oopsss. But. I would move after I'm done with school (2 years.) But I stalked him looks like he used to live in the same state as the girl so Iidkk what happened. He still has pics of her on Instagram. I told him that's a big red flag. He said he was with someone he would take them down.

2. He lit said I want babies first thing he said. Im conf maybe he thought that's what i wanted to hear. A 24 year old girl I told him i was tired of talking to boys and wanted a man. Then i was like well i want babies when I'm older 29/30. He was like what about 27 and a half lol.

3. Lol I just mean if I'm going for a settled man. I wonder if he has money saved up. I wonder if his ex wife gets some of it too. How does that work? He lives in an a very expensive area. I wonder what his quality of life is.

4. WDYM I only want to date for marriage.

[OlderAndWiser]

Let's say you are 30 years old when you have a baby. That means he is 39 years old. Most people have at least two children and you shouldn't have them real close together so let's say you are 34 when you have a second child. He is then 43 years old.

He will be around 61 years old when your youngest child graduates from high school and at least 65 when that child graduates from college. Most people have retirement planned and do much more saving after they have finished paying for college for their children. And they are retired by age 62 but he is still putting your youngest through college up to at least age 65.

That is far from ideal!

[Asker]

ok i will meet him marry him and have babies right now

[OlderAndWiser]

That is one of several options.

[Asker]

what are the others?

[OlderAndWiser]

Meet him, have a reasonable courtship period, then have one child.

Meet him, have a reasonable courtship period, then have one child and adopt a slightly older child.

Meet him, have a reasonable courtship period, and don't have any children.

Meet him, have a reasonable courtship period, and agree to having babies in your late 20's-early 30's, with both of you understanding the long term consequences of that decision.

Meet him this weekend, get married the following week, and immediately get pregnant. . . as you suggested.

Think about it and you may see other options.

[Asker]

i like the option i suggested the best

[Asker]

but fr lol thank you for lit going down every scenario lol

[Asker]

this brings up interesting point tho with kids at an older age those consequences. you are right i should have just one kid maybe

[OlderAndWiser]

Planning and thought now will pay big rewards later in life.

Thanks for MHO!

[Asker]

no problem you put too much thought into helping me to not give you MHO. that would be a crime if i didn't lol. Now you got me wondering. if he's 9 years apart from me. He'll prob die before me too :( i can't handle that fuck

[OlderAndWiser]

For Caucasians in the US (and I don't know your race or where you live, so this is just an example,) a 25 year old male has an additional life expectancy of 49.8 years, while a 25 year old female has a life expectancy of an additional 54.9 years. So even if you marry a guy your age, ON AVERAGE, you will outlive him by perhaps 5 years.

[Asker]

damn : ( i hope i die early

[OlderAndWiser]

The reality is that if you have a successful long term marriage, it will probably end with one of you watching the other one die, and then being alone.

[Asker]

:( sad kill me before my spouse dies pls

[Lliam]

Age, itself, isn't a problem. I assume that you are mentally mature. Most girls are by 24. And by their early 30s, guys are usually mentally mature, financially stable and ready to settle down. That's when I started thinking about finding a life partner and settling down.

There is no reason why you shouldn't be sexually compatible.

So the only questions are:
Do you want to start a family and how soon? You still have plenty of time. An ideal age for women is around 29 or 30.
Does he ever want to have kids? You said that he said he did, but not just yet. What does that mean?
Why did he get divorced?
Does he already have kids?
Is he phobic about marriage after his divorce?

You can only find out the answers to those questions by talking to him.

Being divorced isn't automatically a red flag. There could be any number of reasons. Just be wary of his attitude toward commitment. Judge for yourself.

[Asker]

yes I said 29/30 to him. He was like what about 27.5 loll.
He said he got divorced because of religion. His ex wife said something rude about his religion. And then they were long distance basically and she didn't want to move.
He wants to be married. Explicitly wants marriage.

I just be scared he's "bad boy" persona. He doesn't seem 33 at all. He seems super young, my age. Drinks and parties a lot. Has tattoos. Gym rat. He gives off super youthful, my age.

[kylee2437]

He’s a red flag. He’s at a prime age where people start having kids. Ultimately you have to wonder why he STILL isn’t ready to have kids. It shows signs of immaturity and shows that he probably isn’t interested in having kids, or specifys that does not have his shit together.

[kylee2437]

And I don’t want to be the one to assume , but I assure you his divorce probably had to do with his lack of ambition to create a family.

[Asker]

I wonder if he was trying to entice me. he actually asked so do guys my age match with you? And I was like i just changed my preferences. Im tired of talking to little boys. He liked that. and later on talking totally diff convo he said i want babies. (I wonder if he thought that's what i wanted to hear since I was done talking to boys) and I was like huh. I want kids 29/30. He was like what about 27.5. But he was like yeah your age is good though because I would want to explore and be married for a couple years before having kids. That kinda vibe.

[kylee2437]

@asker he is interested in you because of your age. You are nothing more than a fetish to an older man that sets his age range so low so he purposely can interact with women your age. It’s inauthentic. He will probably throw around the “you are mature for your age” and such to make it seem like your age range wasn’t initially what he was going for

[Asker]

he did say the mature part yikes lol. We just talked for 2 hours and now he's going to call again ugh. he's soooo cute and sweet and smart. I lit got so wet fuck. He does want kids though. Its ok if I fit his fetish right :( prob is I'm going to get old too one day. Only once did he say you're a baby still oof. Otherwise, he didn't mention my age.

[Jazzy54]

Nothing. You two are adults. However, if you have concerns about him being divorced, don’t proceed with him.

[Avicenna]

That's not weird at all. He's not THAT much older than you. But his reasoning for being interested in you is pretty dubious.

[Asker]

just weird he's older than my brother. I'm younger than his little sister.

[Avicenna]

Honestly, that is totally insignificant.

[Asker]

yeah i feel weird he lit first things he said was i want babies. like not a companion etc. i want babies. I'm just a baby machine

[Avicenna]

That part was weird

[lightbulb27]

might be a flag he doesn't want kids yet... what does that mean? nothing wrong with that to hold off until financially stable, but be clear. take it slow.

understanding the divorce situation.. e. g. what he learned and grew, that it is resolved, that's relevant.

that you are going in the same direction is important.

[Asker]

he does want kids but just wants to have fun be married with his partner first. i said i want kids 29/30. He was like what about 27.5 lol.

yes need to understand the divorce ugh how do i keep bringing it up. That was my first question to him about his divorce lol. I want to get to know him too not keep talking about divorce divorce divorce. But i need to know more eventually.

[lightbulb27]

sounds ok to me so far...

[DextroShade]

You are both adults and the guy is always supposed to be older. Most guys don't get their shit together until around that age anyway. Also, divorce isn't a red flag for men like it is for women because women initiate 80% of divorces. You should not disqualify thus guy for his age regardless of what bitter feminists might tell you.

[summiter]

It is difficult to tell. Does he just want sex or is he looking for a long term relationship? What do you want out of it?

[Asker]

i want to date for marraige. he seems to want to too. He did make a dirty joke today. I turned it down lolll playfully tho. I usually love them but i want to act serious. not a slut

[slatyb]

No, it would be weird if you were 18. How do you feel about him? Would you just go with anyone who made good money?

[Asker]

yes money is importnat. im expensive. and I will make a lot of money soon hopefulyyyy. I want my husband to make more than me,

[SnowedIn]

If you're both of legal age, consenting, and happy, go fo it.

[Vikkrram]

Tbh i won't think anything bad if feelings are genuine and you both are happy

[ProbablyClueless]

I wouldn't have any interest in that, but I suppose it could be done in a healthy way.

[Emanon25]

It’s okay as long as you both understand each other and feel comfortable

[Peg-a-sys]

Right on,, Go team penis!

But really why should anyone have an opinion.

[Anonymous]

Not a bad age gap