How do I get my boyfriends attention away from gaming?

[Anonymous]

He is an avid pc player. On his days off work (like today), he can play up to 16 hours. I fell asleep earlier, but this has not really affected watching a movie and eating ice cream, or even a Netflix special that we both like!

It's now 3am here. We normally do ice cream this late due to our working patterns. But I feel sad so I don't wanna eat it now. He is too busy playing boulders gate 3.

I can't distract him with sex. He doesn't like it when I come onto him, dress up etc. I don't have my own computer so we can't game together. I just feel distant from him.

I've tried talking to him but nothing happens if I talk to him now he will say it was because i was asleep, it has becer stopped us before. We dont spend anytime together. He counts us sitting next to each other as spending time. We dont go out anymore either 😕

[Anonymous]

This isn't a relationship so much as a situationship.

The long and the short of it is that if you don't like it then you should leave.

Essentially what you are doing is what a lot of women do, you are trading out your cunt for a roof over your head or whatever it is that the guy is giving you.

I would have more sympathy if it were even possible at all for a man to trade out his dick for a roof over his head, sadly this is not an option that is available to men.

Your best move therefore is to work on improving yourself.

If you were not with him at all then you would also not be getting any attention from him, at least right now you are safe and you know where your next meal is coming from, if you want to have more choices then you need to have more power, your own money etc.

It might sound awful and frankly it is but he knows that you aren't going anywhere so he actually doesn't have to do anything in order to get you to stick around, that is unhealthy certainly but I don't think i would go as far as to say that it is abusive.

It feels bad for you because you don't have anything else in your life to fill your needs, you are looking to him to entertain you and validate you etc.

If you were married I would take a stronger line against him because he would have made a vow to love, honour, cherish whatever, but he hasn't done that, so he doesn't actually owe you anything, nor you him.

I am sorry that life sucks so hard, it is an unpleasant reality for many people.

[abc3643]

You don't.

You are a "gamer widow" along with millions of other women.

https://www.gamerwidow.com/

Fortunately, you are not married to the gamer.

He won't grow out of this for a long time and, in some cases, may never grow out of this.

So, it might be in your best interests to move on.

I will tell you this: One of these alternatives is likely to happen soon after you dump him...

1. He will immediately "wake up" from gaming now that you are gone. He'll want to get back with you... Let him stew in his juices. If he REALLY cares, a brokenheart will ensue and he will begin to melt in his mind as this becomes a real life life-or-death crisis, and not some stupid game. THEN you MAY want to consider taking him back, but don't make any demands.

2. He will be a bit shocked and smooth talk you into getting back together - he'll cut down on the gaming or, in his words but not deeds, "quit altogether", but, once things seem more or less back to normal, he'll start gaming again.

3. He really never cared all that much about you and is truly addicted to gaming. In some ways, his subconscious will be relieved that now he doesn't need to deal with your nagging for his time and attention and, instead, can now concentrate guilt-free on gaming.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

For men, this is pretty much quality time. Being able to exist in the same room as you is a privilege and a comfort. Does that mean it should be enough for you? No, you can tell him that you respect his interests and how fun the game can be, but you want to spend time with him in a way you can be close to him and you can’t do that if he’s on his computer in a single-person seat. Tell him you want to go out more, that it’s not enough and you feel like with him making such perceived little effort on your part that you feel he doesn’t love you anymore. The game will always be there waiting for him, but you won’t if you can’t feel loved by him.

[Summeroflove]

Not all men are the same though.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

For a lot of men, then. You don’t need to do a “not all men” response to every post addressing a problem with a boyfriend

[Strong_Warrior]

Shut up misandrist (feminist)

[Mewzinc]

I would just block them. The argumentative ones just want a reaction.

[Summeroflove]

Then you can say your boyfriend. Not “men”. Maybe if you have a problem with all men. Maybe it’s too. Maybe decent guys don’t want a sexist.

[Summeroflove]

It’s the same as not all women are the same. But people take their frustrations out on all of one gender even people they don’t know and hasn’t done anything to them.

It’s pathetic.

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy exactly like this. Games always came first no matter what. The solution is ending it. I know you don't want to accept that. You can continue to try but if he doesn't give a rats ass about your happiness then what makes you think he'll ever care? He's not treating you with the proper respect and love you deserve. He doesn't deserve you. Leave him with his games and you find a re man that doesn't treat you that way. Someone that deserves you.

[Opinion Owner]

find a real man*

[coachTanthony]

Only if you knew this before you dated him and got into a serious relationship with him. Damn it. And if this happened after you got serious with him well that's even worse because now he values gaming over you. So not sure why you want to stop him from doing what he loves because it's obviously not you and taking away his gaming won't change that.

[Asker]

He has been an avid gamer since a kid. It helped him through his childhood. Unfortunately it has become an addiction now.

[coachTanthony]

He’s not a child anymore. Unfortunately for him it’s his problem not yours. The longer you stay the longer you enable the behavior under the guise of calling it an addiction

[Asker]

That is true. I need a plan

[coachTanthony]

Rip it off like a band aid. LEAVE.

[Summeroflove]

Well it seems like he’s not really paying you much attention. I think you need to talk to him about how you feel. It’s possible you’re not compatible or that you need to make time to spend more time together.

[Asker]

We did talk. He made me feel worse

[Summeroflove]

That sucks Asker. Maybe he’s not worth being with.

[Asker]

I think you commented on my questions before. Like how to calm my anxiety down

[Asker]

And I can't leave. I love him

[Summeroflove]

It’s not right for him to make you feel bad about yourself for trying to talk to him. You have wants in needs too.

[Summeroflove]

It shouldn’t be all about him and all about what he wants. While you get little to none

[Asker]

I don't know anymore. Was it u who answered my anxiety question?

[Summeroflove]

I don’t remember. You’re anonymous so I can’t see if I have.

[Summeroflove]

You can message me if you want. I set it back to where anyone can message.

[Asker]

It's okay. I'm at work rn and can't talk sorry. Please put your messages on private again

[Summeroflove]

Ok Asker. I meant to open them up again. I was having problems a while back

[Asker]

Oh okay! Sorry about that.

[Summeroflove]

It’s just the way this site is lmfao 🤣

[Asker]

Dm u :)

[Summeroflove]

Thanks I got it

[Constatine]

yes you do.. and yes i do believe you love him... apparently he does not love you enough.

[Constatine]

leaving him that is...

[Summeroflove]

I understand. Sorry it took me time to respond. You closed your messages so I can’t send them unless you follow me.

[Summeroflove]

@Constatine unfortunately many can’t see it until they’re out of the relationship. Tons of guys I know too who did everything for their wives and swore they were just great. Until they divorced…. And then they came out and said how horrible they are.

[Asker]

Sorry again

[Summeroflove]

Don’t be sorry Asker you haven’t done anything wrong.

[DARKCLOUD1945X]

Leave him it is only the start. If your pussy cannot turn him from gambling your in trouble

[Summeroflove]

@DARKCLOUD1945X you can’t force someone to change

[AviatorTom]

Simple... wait until he's finished gaming.

[Asker]

He is asleep lol. Then at work. Then gaming and so on

[TallAnon]

We can always find new games to play, there's not really an end, haha

[SPIRIT208]

You could go 3 ways with this

1. Act interested in the game, ask him about it and try to connect through that

2. Confront him (recommended) and ask him a question like “do you love me?” Or sum, just try to get his honest opinions on the relationship

3. Dump him, if he doesn’t care about u, why should I care about him (not recommended but is definitely an option)

Ik that guys can be a little too involved In things often, especially video games, but they all come in phases, eventually his boulder gates 3 days will end when he gets bored, but that is still no excuse for ignoring and hurting someone.

At the end of the day it’s up to u to make the best judgement soon what to do because no matter how much u explain, only u will know it fully.

[Asker]

I do 1 and 2. But he gets annoyed when I ask questions or make jokes. And we had a talk. He made me feel worse

[Lokiion]

2. Is a terrible option

[Asker]

What u said do 2

[Asker]

Sorry wrong person

[Asker]

I have so many replies. I don't even know anymore

[SPIRIT208]

Yeah, that’s the downside of getting a lot of responses, not sure what to do with all that you see

[AaronKrieger]

Communicate these are serious problems for you and that you don't know if you'll stay if they continue. Also state that this isn't an ultimatum or that you're trying to change him, but that these are your wants in a relationship. That you are not attacking him or anything, but communicating.

I only say go to that extreme, since it seems like you've already communicated wanting to spend more time together various times, but it seems like his responses sucked (correct me if I am wrong).

I've known guys like this and they often don't change, so the girl breaks up with them. For me, I've been in a similar situation to this 2 years ago, so I ended up changing my schedule and dates that way she'd be happier. If he can't do that, then you two aren't compatible. Maybe I'm missing some details, but this is my conclusion based on what's said so far.

[EricSummer]

Gaming addiction is a serious issue. In case he himself notices that it is a problem you are best placed to help him get out of it. Unfortunately, if he does not agree at all and insist that he is fine then there is nothing you can do. You would then have to break up.

Talk to him how serious it is for you and make it clear that he is about to lose you.

For some people it works to restrict the hours of gaming. You make a plan together when he can play on his computer and when he cannot. Fixed times are easier than a budget of hours.

However, for some people it has to be the complete withdrawal. This counts especially of he does multiplayer games with a team that cannot respect timing restrictions. It would then be time to say goodbye to them.

[Constatine]

QUOTE :

... can't distract him with sex. ... He doesn't like it when I come onto him, dress up

... don't have my own computer so we can't game together.

... I just feel distant from him.

Just break up... really this is far far far from a health relationship. A relation means be there for each other... this is more like a one way street with a big wall on the end.

Answer A : If games are more important than sex, romance or being with you it is over Answer B : Playing together because only want games? Nope... do go there

Answer C : there you have it... If you feel like that it is already to late to change

Take care dear... that you may find the strength to do what is necessary and makes you happy in the end

[Constatine]

Anonymous
(18-24)
Your to young to be trapped in a relation like this.. ergo no one should be trapped in a relation like this 😊

[Constatine]

How do I get my boyfriends attention away from gaming?

you can't... this sounds like an addiction

[Truthatanycost]

That isn't a gamer, that's a gamer addict. There is a big difference. I also enjoy gaming and some weeks I don't game at all, while others I might game for an hour or two. 16 hours? that is addiction!

But what you need to ask yourself is why, out of all of the possible kinds of men you could have chosen, you chose one that is not fully avaliable to be with you...

[Asker]

We dated in college

[Shiningtempest]

@Truthatanycost If you think that's a gamer addict, you're sadly mistaken.

[Truthatanycost]

@Shiningtempest You don't think gaming for 16 hours a day is an addiction?

[Shiningtempest]

@Truthatanycost I don't perceive a person gaming for 16 hours a day addiction. Besides, a person addicted to alcohol & drugs are way worse than so-called gaming "addiction".

[zeitgeist057]

@Shiningtempest I would agree with @Truthatanycost, but not just based on the hours. Based on the definition of addiction, which is ANY behavior that interferes with a balanced life. Even a seemingly "healthy" behavior like having a good work ethic, washing your hands, or exercising at the gym can be a harmful addiction when it cuts into other aspects of your life. In this case, the obvious example that it is hurting the romantic life. If it's 16 hours EVERY day, and assuming a healthy 8 hours of sleep, then it's impossible to not be a harmful addiction that is impairing other aspects of his life.

[Asker]

He has been an avid gamer since a kid. It helped him through his childhood. Unfortunately it has become an addiction now.

[CaptainOverthink]

If communication fails then I'm not sure how to proceed..
Either find a way to remove more time so he notices (because watching tv passively together is not really hanging out anyway), so maybe he needs to understand that you guys are drifting apart as it is now.
Or..
Take a break.

[Asker]

I can't take a break. I have no where to go and no money

[CaptainOverthink]

Tough position to be in.
But you need to make him understand somehow, either through talking or through behavior (obvious such, so he sees the issue and understands the weight of the problem).
I get you have little leverage to bargain with (having no resources or places to go), so you'll have to play on his ability to empathize and sympathize.

Really though, you should work on a strategy on how not to be this vulnerable. You could get trapped with the wrong partner, used and abused.

[Asker]

I already think I am being emotionally abused. Life has been hard ngl

[CaptainOverthink]

Unfortunately, I think there's rarely any easy lives to live out there. Different burdens for sure, but hard just the same.

It will be harder still if any of us want any improvements over yonder. So there's really no point to let the struggles of the moment color the vision of the future. Just stand fast against the wind and keep a steady course.

[HiveBee]

Just leave him. He is addicted and you are not going to fix that. I guarantee it.

The only way you can fix him is to leave him and hope that he gets over the video game addiction and can be a good boyfriend for some other girl in the future.

But right now you're just wasting your time.

[HiveBee]

What I mean is, you might break his heart by leaving him. But that is what he needs or else he will always be addicted.

It might not be you. He might date 2-3 more girls who leave him for the same reason before he learns his lesson.

[236color]

I don't know, it seem to be a pervasive problem that even leads to divorce in some cases. I used to be on a pub trivandrum team. One night the category was video games. All of my teammates were younger and I said, "I grew up before the age if video games, and in the country, so I played with guns". It didn't seem strange till I said it out loud.

[madhatters4]

it seems to me you need to sit down and have a very frank conversation. explain that the status quo isn't ok with you. he needs to determine his priorities. playing games for 16hrs a day isn't health in general but isn't sustainable in a relationship

and if he isn't willing to realign his priorities to some extent then you need to determine why you would want to stay in that situation

[Unit1]

Wish i could say something to possibly salvage relationships with these avid gamers but video game addiction is not that uncommon or as simple to deal with.

Considering all else fails and the addiction is overpowering there is not much else left to do than breaking up since your needs are neglected and making your partner aware of it didn't do anything. Some Video game addicts are basically married to their videogames.

It sucks but it is what it is.

[Juxtapose]

Baldur's Gate 3 is a fantastic game but it can't replace a relationship. I don't know how people can ignore others around them for something that is best used as an escape when you have nothing else to do.

If he won't communicate and won't change his behavior then that's it, you better dump him.

[Anonymous]

It's got to be sex. Make sure you're always working to be as hot as you can be. This is good not only for motivating this guy, but also if you end up chucking him it'll help you a ton with the next guy. In my observation, girls seem to substantially under-invest in their own sexiness.

[Asker]

I have depression and body issues but I'm trying

[Opinion Owner]

Depression definitely won't help, so yeah--work on that. Body issues could be related. Though from what I've observed of women, "body issues" come in two varieties--"totally warranted" and "just in her head." You need to figure out which of those you are as the solutions to each require totally different strategies. But good news: we can probably get a good sense from just knowing your height and weight.

[Asker]

I'm 5'7 not sure on weight. Not fir but not obese. I probably just need a better diet tbh

[Opinion Owner]

Well, not obese goes a pretty long way! And at 5'7" you're likely able to carry weight better than a lot of shorter girls. What's your bra size and waist/hip measurements?

[Asker]

Why does this matter?

[Opinion Owner]

It's a HUGE part of your sex appeal. Either that's something you could work on or maybe it's already pretty good and you need to work on seeing yourself in a better light.

[Asker]

Okay

[Opinion Owner]

Just trying to figure out which of those issues is your bigger one so you know what to focus on. You'd be surprised at the number of girls I've seen spend untold amounts of time an energy on one of them when they really should've been working on the other.

[Asker]

U mean focus on myself instead of him?

[Opinion Owner]

Regardless you can only focus on yourself. The question is if you're better off starting your focus on your PHYSICAL self or your MENTAL/EMOTIONAL self. I've asked about your height/weight/bra size/measurements to get a sense of what your physical self looks like. If it's kind of a mess, then you'll be best off starting by fixing that FIRST because that'll help your mental game. If you're already a smokeshow then obsessing about your body is going to HURT you and you need to change the focus to your mental game.

This SEEMS so simple but trust me--if seen all KINDS of girls screw this up reliably. That's why I'm asking.

[Anonymous]

It depends on whether he consistently prioritizes gaming or enjoys it as a well-deserved break. If he frequently neglects your relationship, that’s a concern. However, if he fulfills his boyfriend duties most of the time and indulges in gaming during his free moments, like weekends, it’s not an issue. Every man deserves some ‘me time’ too.

[Davidbrooks]

Ok best thing you can do. Walk past the TV in lingerie. If he is more interested in the TV than you dump his ass, and find someone that appreciates you

[Asker]

He doesn't like me I'm lingere

[Anonymous]

That’s why I don’t be with gamers. That’s all they do.
Then When you leave, they pull some guilt trip and exaggerate everything.
Go to friends place for a few nights, don’t say anything; leave a note telling him he needs to consider if he still wants to be with you because he’s been distant without explaining himself.
Communication is key and gets failing that! It’s not your job to fix things.

[Asker]

Yeah he does that. And I have no where to go sadly

[Opinion Owner]

Make it happen! Don’t give up on yourself because of some dude

[Asker]

Without going down the homeless route. No.

[Opinion Owner]

Rent a bedroom from a wanted ad, and save up money from there. Get your own place. He’s a jerk

[Lisia]

He has a gaming addiction.. my sister has the same problem with her boyfriend.. I feel like nothing can get his attention away from it unless he wants to himself.

[provokeesmokee]

I left my ex who was like this.

Sometimes you can't get through to people, and you need to do what's best for you.

You deserve someone who wants to spend time with you.