Is it wrong for me to try to pursue a relationship with an attractive woman if I am not attractive?

Question

I am not ugly, but I am not conventionally attractive either, mainly because of my very small stature. I try my best to look attractive by wearing nice clothes and proper grooming. A lot of people will say that personality is more important, but I feel that looks are what is usually sought after first, and personality after that. Usually people end up in a long-term relationship with someone at a similar level of attractiveness as themselves.

Now the girl I was interested in is a conventionally pretty girl. She is quite intelligent and very kind. She has shown me a lot of respect and kindness. She asked me to accompany her to a festival and saw me perform music on stage. I told her that I was interested in her because I felt things were getting uncomfortable. She said she has a boyfriend but "we can definitely be friends" and told me we can meet again someday (she has moved to a far off place for her studies).

Was I stupid for even trying? Do you think she felt bad about this whole thing and is just saying that we can stay friends out of politeness? I am glad to have met her and would like to stay friends, but does it make any sense to think that she would want to date me?

As a responsible adult, how do I get it out of my head that I could somehow date a conventionally attractive girl?

blueonblack22 · Accepted Answer

Well the way view yourself is not always the same as women view you. I have been very surprised in the last that women who I thought were out of my league thought I was really attractive. Then other women who I thought for sure would be smitten by me were ironically weren’t interested. I wasn’t arrogant to those women either.

Anyway I once briefly got my foot in the door with an absolute solid 10 in college. She looked like a young Kim Bauer from the old 24 TV series but way hotter. It was liken my dream lab creation manager to make my fantasy came to life.

But I screwed it all up. Reason being is was so excited that it was next to impossible to be myself around her. I was so infatuated and intoxicated by my own brain chemicals shut made me blind to all her shit tests. I did over pursue her. In hindsight I felt like a pathetic fool. But I was young.

Anyway what matter is if you can maintain self control and treat her the same as you would treat an average looking girl. She will know you like her by your body language but don’t let the cat out of the bag too quickly. If you can’t do that it’s really easy to screw it all up quick.

NathanDavis · Accepted Answer

looks are not that important to everyone...

my ex (es) was (were) off the charts when it comes to looks... and I assure you I was not up to their "level of attractiveness" lmao

but again, they were never after the looks, it's just not their priority... they were after something way more substantial than just a "pretty face"

difference is, I've never been insecure about looks and they were also single and they were actually interested and into me... in your situation you mentioned she already had a boyfriend, so don't overlook that and make it all about your looks... lol

Valdemort · Accepted Answer

It's not wrong, if anything, you took your chances. Kudos to you!
If there's anything I can tell you about women, yes we want someone to look good, but females tend to lean towards personality (and hygiene) far more than looks (at least the women looking for a serious relationship).
Don't worry too much about what you look like to others, because you will never be the same person to each.
As Pirandello wrote "One, No One and a Hundred Thousand," so you can never satisfy everyone.
I too, have been attracted to men I'd consider far out of my league, only for other women to tell me they wouldn't consider them attractive at all.
To each their own. Don't be too hard on yourself, love is already confusing enough as it is.

AviatorTom · Answer

No it's not wrong. Let her decide if you are attractive or not. She may have a completely different idea than you do.

inked2014 · Answer

It is not wrong, just foolish. If you ain't attractive and she is, it might work for awhile, but sooner or later she will start cheating and/ or leave you. When you are not attractive you need money/ assets to level the playing field. Women are very mercenary. Then again if you loose your money or she helps you go through it, she will still leave you. I know from experience, my ex-wife did the same thing. She was attractive and I was not. Now I am old, broke and alone. I could be using my money I had now. I had 9 years of expensive ass pussy.

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

Are you a confident man around women or are you too shy?

You can be of average looks, but if you’re more confident than the more better looking men and not needy, whiny, controlling, or blowing up a women’s phone to the point of aggravation, you will get the girl in the end.

exitseven · Answer

You sound like a good guy that plenty of girls would like to be with. You were in the right place at the wrong time. If you want, keep in touch with her. Maybe the boyfriend is a jerk and she might realize that maybe you would be better.
You definitely were right to try.

AnusNdaPainus · Answer

Take it from a guy who is actually pretty decent looking

if you were better looking women would only want you for sex

the good thing about being a guy is that on the list of what makes a woman attracted to a man

looks are barely top 5

molonski2 · Answer

Who is to say where beauty lies? No , of course its not wrong , you could well be the most handsome man in the world to many , I think your only issue is your own confidence , certainly pursue , go for it.

Biancam13 · Answer

Of course not. She may even think you're more attractive than you view yourself. Attractiveness is entirely subjective. As long as you respect her decision, whether it's yes or no!

tzdc21 · Answer

No dude, shoot your shot. And you should pursue someone you find pretty. You don't want someone ugly. Keep trying

236color · Answer

No it's not wrong. It's what I'd refer to as a low percentage shoot, but go for it if you want to

Heolurt · Answer

I've always been told so but a guaranteed difference between you and I, is one of us has the looks of something that belongs under bridges and in caves and I'm sure you are average to attractive.

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

No, not at all.

Bricealan · Answer

You can't demand qualities in someone that you don't possess yourself

LiamJHayden · Answer

Nope. I am hardly "All That" but if she catches my fancy and we click, I'll pursue it.

serious_miss419 · Answer

If looks are what’s important to you, then you’ll only be with someone that only goes for looks as well. Self projection

genericname85 · Answer

whether it's "wrong" or not is mostly determined by your success doing so.

Anonymous · Answer

Wrong? No. But be realistic about your chances.

Anonymous · Answer

Wrong? No. Pointless? Most likely. If you don't mind wasting your time and energy in a fruitless effort, then more power to ya man.

fuddly · Answer

Focus on increasing your bank balance It will make everything possible

Anonymous · Answer

Just look for another girl. That girl is taken, don't waste your time.

NotTacocaT6969 · Answer

Appearance is irrelevant.

Is it wrong for me to try to pursue a relationship with an attractive woman if I am not attractive?

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