When it is the right time to tell a man I don't plan on being a girlfriend for 5+ years?

[Shelly2002]

I don't want to be a man's girlfriend for 5+ years. I don't want to spend years into cohabitation nor get pregnant either and then him stalling and me ending up being another one of those women that had to either nag or break up to get a man to commit to her.

Given my current age, I'll accept being his girlfriend for 3 years at most but nothing more. Afterwards I want to be his fiance. I'm single at this moment. When is the right time to tell a man that?

Basically I don't want a long-term relationship. I'm seeking for a future husband, not a long-term boyfriend.

Updates

4 mo

I plan on laying the cards from the beginning. Otherwise men get too comfortable with living together with a girlfriend for years. Then the woman gets stupidly pregnant and they're doing co-parenting, which I don't want that either.

[Anonymous]

Women have created a very difficult situation for themselves. In the past, women addressed this issue by not having sex with a guy until he put a ring on her finger. But women have completely reset the expectations about premarital sex and now men expect sex from a woman, and many will move on to the next woman if the one they are with says she's waiting for marriage. It's a tough situation and I don't know what the answer is. I mean ideally women would all join together and decide they will all wait for marriage. But that's not going to happen. That genie is not going back in the bottle.

[Shelly2002]

yeah I know that. What they don't realize is that doesn't favor our fertile years. I've already done the math. Tell me if my calculation is accurate:
- Let's say I meet him now (at my current age of 21) and date with for 3 years, holding off sex. In 3 years I would be engaged at 24, then it's followed by about 6 months to 1 year before the wedding takes place. So on the wedding, I would be 25. Then the first 1-2 years into the marriage is us spending time for ourselves and saving money before having kids. So I would be like 26-27 years old by the time I have my first kid.
This means I have to start the vetting process and seek marriage-minded man right now. Now is the time, not when I'm 26, not later, now.

[Shelly2002]

Those women giving away free sex and being happy with cohabitation, along with being lovebombed tend to realize that he can say he loves her all he wants but won't marry her... by the time they wake up they are likely already in their late 20's or even early 30's by then and the man is still taking his time. Bad for the woman.

[Avicenna]

I'd have that conversation when you talk about going exclusive because that's part of it.

[Shelly2002]

Good point so he already knows what to expect and can't BS with the ''Oh you're nagging me, oh you're pressuring me'' excuses if I lay all the cards on the table from the beginning.

[Avicenna]

True

[aceleon]

i thought for a second that you were those girls who had commitment issues.
just tell him if he doesn't already knew it.

[Shelly2002]

Nope I have no commitment issues. I don't want to waste my time being a man's girlfriend for years and him never proposing. In that case, the one with the commitment issues is the man not proposing, not moving the relationship forward.

[Tim2nice]

You need to find a man first then worry about the future. You’re too young to think about marriage now

[Shelly2002]

Though time flies fast and if I wait too long, then it's going to be harder finding a man with my same goals. I'll do the math briefly.
Let's say I were to meet my boyfriend right now. 3 years later I'll be 24. If I get proposed at age 24, then it's about 6 months to a year for the actual wedding to take place. So I would be 25 by the time I get married. Then in general most newlywed couples don't start having kids immediately after marriage. Give it 1 or years of planning and saving money and I'll likely be 26-27 years by the time I have my first child.
So using my time wisely, paying attention to my biological clock early on and not delaying too long would be in my favor. If I just focus on just finding a man, let things naturally flow and never communicate this to a man... then the man gets too comfortable keeping me as a girlfriend for too long and this isn't good for my fertile years, for my time.

[Shelly2002]

Then all this ''let the man take his time, don't rush him'' has a limit too. What if by letting him take his time he doesn't want to get married until 8-10 years later passes... that's too much. I can't wait that long either.

[Billlewis]

Give him a deadline and then enforce it.

[Shelly2002]

Yes that's exactly what I'll do. Too many women get caught up in this cohabitation thing and let him take all the time they want to and before they know it, they're already in their mid-late 20's or even early 30's and still just his girlfriend he gets free access to sex. Either that or the women in those stories stupidly get pregnant and think he's going to suddenly propose afterwards.

[Billlewis]

I just started following you and I'd like to invite you to follow me as well if that's alright.

[Shelly2002]

Ok thank you