Is it true that most people settle in relationships?

[JHAYES317]

Some examples:

If a girl is dating a guy shorter than her, she is settling for him because she cannot find enough eligible taller guys that meet her other criteria.

If a guy is dating a girl fatter than him, he is settling for her because he cannot find a skinnier girl interested in him that he is attracted to.

If a girl is dating a guy with a small package, she is settling for him because she does not want to be perceived as shallow for caring about size, but she would prefer a big package

If a guy is dating a girl who wants an open relationship, it’s not that he wants her to get with other guys, but that he doesn’t want to lose her so he will do what it takes to keep her in his life.

If a girl is dating a bald guy, she is dating him because he “makes up for it” with wealth or fame or other physical aspects like abs or junk size.

Not saying there are no exceptions to this, but I’d say this applies to a vast majority of relationship dynamics.

[picachixa]

My husband is shorter than me. Its not cus I "settled " I chose him over another cute tall guy I liked. My husband just had more to offer and height didn't matter anymore when everything else was a lot more than what I wanted. Intelligence. Attractive. Kind. Caring. Cared about who I was. Cared about his family. Had a set plan for his future. Always committed to his goals. Vs a hot tall guy with no personality. If my husband was tall, of course I would still go for him. But not for his height. It wouldn't be a bonus too cus it just doesn't matter. Id say when people actually settle. They settle when they lost the opportunity to be with the person they truly loved. When the one that got away, got away. That's when people usually settle. Iv noticed that recently in other people. Or when people feel like they are getting too old and still have not found somone they wanted. I don't think it's because "they can't find anything better". Its when they feel time is running out and their job doesn't have many people from the opposite sex or their job doesn't let them meet new women or men or its very demanding. That or the one that got away , got away and they can't seem to find someone with the same feeling that person gave them. So theu just settle. These are things that lead people to settle

[JHAYES317]

Ok that’s fair…but there are a lot of girls that would tolerate dating a short guy, but would PREFER to date a taller guy, and as a guy, knowing that your girl sees other guys as more physically attractive is painful

[picachixa]

Eh not really. Not necessarily. My first hard crush was short. And I was inlove with that dude for YEARS. I wouldn't perfer dating a taller guy if I think my man is attractive. Otherwise Id be dating a taller guy lol. a lot of women aren't as shallow as men. Its odd for us to be staring at other dudes like "dam I wish I could be with him". Like I feel thats a guy think to do. Stare at other girls with bigger breasts than your girlfriend.

[picachixa]

But I can't speak for all women. ...

[JHAYES317]

But my point is a lot of women find height in itself attractive, even if they would date a shorter guy, they would prefer to look up at a guy and feel small than to look down at a guy and feel insecure about wearing heels etc

[picachixa]

I don't know I think at this point that's just preference. I honestly like my husband being shorter. Personally I think it's way more fun especially in bed lmaooo I feel there are some positions tall men wouldn't be able to satisfy 😂 I like being able to grab my husband and not have to reach up like I did with other dudes. but I know girls tend to like tall guys. So yea you are right. But I think if a girl likes you. Just go for it. She's probably one of the girls that like short guys or don't mind it

[picachixa]

It's personal preference at that point but I think you shouldn't be thinking a girl is settling for you just cus you short. Short men have other things to offer and she probably just found that out. The hidden secret about short men that other girls aren't aware of until actually dating a short man lol

[JHAYES317]

I guess I just don’t like the idea that my height is ok but they’d prefer me to be taller…

[picachixa]

I think at that point you are just reflecting your feelings about yourself on to them. I would never perfer my husband to be taller. I love the boob height. I am thin and he is big. But short. I love it way more than when Iv dated a tall guy. Its just way more fun personally

[JHAYES317]

And I’m not saying you are wrong lol…I’m just saying IN GENERAL most women prefer taller men

[picachixa]

In general... Well I guess so yea... From what other girls have told me. But just like guys , there are guys that like taller girls. I mean I never thought my husband settled just cus I was tall. So why would I think the same ya know?

[JHAYES317]

That was point with this post, lol, that exceptions like yours aside, the only reason most girls would be short guys is because they can’t get a tall guy

[picachixa]

Well if she's ugly , obese and 36+ than I agree. But if she's hot then no. Even with my expection aside. She could most likely get a tall guy but she picked you. That's not settling.

[JHAYES317]

Why 36+ lol?

[picachixa]

Cus Iv noticed girls over 36+ start to settle cus they think they won't find a guy and want to have kids immediately.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

It’s in our genes to find the most suitable father/mother for our future children, the ones that are better fits might never stop coming.

So, in a way, literally everyone settles with someone. Even the best looking of humans.

On another note, you either settle for someone or you’ll keep on the permanent quest of the perfection, ending up with your arms full with elusive shadows, that come and go and leave you with nothing.

In the end, we all want stability, we realize that this quest of perfection only lead us to disappointments, as we found out that nobody is perfect.

However, some people are more compatible with us, than others. Is it settling to like them?

I don’t think that is.

Because the perfection we look for, is non-existent.

We don’t live in a fantasy world.

[JHAYES317]

Are there certain preferences of yours that you are more or less strict on? Like are height/dick size/baldness dealbreakers for you?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

No.

My 175 cm tall grandpa’s sister married a very nice 165 cm bald man and they have two model daughters and the grandma always says, he is the best man she could dream of having…

He passed away 10 years ago, she never married again and cherishes the memories she had with him.

One can fall for anyone, love’s not only for tall dark handsome men or model women.

[JHAYES317]

Ah ok you seem you like a well adjusted person. I agree with you for what it’s worth, I’ve found myself falling for women who I would normally not be physically attracted to due to their personalities before, and looks fade with age so emotional and mental compatibility are more important overall.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I agree…

[KrakenAttackin]

"In the end, we all want stability, we realize that this quest of perfection only lead us to disappointments, as we found out that nobody is perfect".

The question is, how run through does a woman have to be before she realizes this?

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

@KrakenAttackin Not run through at all :) As far as I know I have only been with one man who was my fiancé.

[KrakenAttackin]

@LaFemmeFatale_1. Not you specifically, but American women are a different animal. The cock carousel is a very real American enterprise, and American women wholeheartedly embrace getting run through as a way to "find themselves".

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

@KrakenAttackin I don’t think it’s about American women. There people who like or dislike it everywhere. My British coworker often told me French and Chinese girls are the same and they will sleep with you if they know you for 10 minutes. Now I don’t think I can generalize it for all French and Chinese or American women. There are people who are and aren’t interested in sleeping casually anywhere in the world. It’s not so nice to generalize. Even if they do, they have a right to choose whatever they want and you have a right to choose whoever you want.

[JHAYES317]

Lol if a girl offered sex before the 3rd date I would say no…let alone first 10 min. I don’t want to be with a girl who would sleep with anyone that fast personally. But maybe other guys don’t care.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

That’s wise, I don’t think it would be safe to sleep with a girl who’d be ready to sleep with you in the first 10 minutes. I was shocked when I heard my coworker saying that.

[JHAYES317]

The only exception would be if I was in somewhere like Amsterdam and I was at a legal brothel because all the girls are tested regularly

[Manab]

Most people don't know this but male height and hair genes largely depend on their maternal grandfather. Although a lot of other factors can contribute and short parents can have kids taller than them.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

@JHAYES317 His grandson - my cousin is just 15 years old and is already 2 meters tall. His grandpa was 165 cm. So, you see, height is something that can be changed pretty easily. And nothing to worry about.

[JHAYES317]

It can’t be changed but yes genetics are unpredictable and parents height doesn’t dictate the kids height always

[dynamicyandere]

I’d say anyone that regularly checks out other options while they are currently with someone, is probably settling (at least in their mind).


Because, if they’re happy with who they’re with, why the wandering eyes?


Or why keep so many options orbiting around them, so many Plan-Bs? Keeping options alive by staying in contact with people they shouldn’t be?


If someone is 100% convinced that the one they’ve chosen is the one that they want to spend the rest of their life with, they don’t even entertain other options because they’ve made up their mind.


People who are fully committed to their partners are not settling.


It’s the ones who are ‘settling’ that tend to have shaky commitments.


Divorce rates are about 50% so I’m guessing that couples who ‘settle’, probably match the divorce rate relatively closely.

[dynamicyandere]

If someone has the opportunity to leave their partner to be with anyone else in the world, and they choose not to, then they aren’t settling. They have found their person.

There are people who have found that.

But you’re right in that it’s probably not the majority of couples.

However, if you only consider being with a 100% flawless human being as not-settling, then everybody is settling because nobody is 100% perfect.

[bobalife]

Well I would like to oppose this as it’s all in a negative context… it’s not universal, but relative in my opinion. I believe in most cases people get in these relationships because simply they’re happy with the person being who they are. But of course if there are people who decided to “settle” for “less” than what they were seeking and not happy; then, it is for the wrong reasons and only got with someone just because... there may be more internal struggles that’s unresolved or some type of void. But we can't make a judgement that most are thinking this way.

[JHAYES317]

Let’s be honest here, if possible, most girls would wanna be with a tall, full head of hair, big dick, and rich guy, who is very charismatic. But realistically there aren’t enough of those guys for every girl to date one so inevitably people are gonna have settle for alternatives, not saying they are entirely unhappy with their choice, many people can be very happy not having all their preferences satisfied, but it’s still technically settling

[bobalife]

Well if you wanna put it that way, most women and men has a superficial ideal right? But when it comes to solid long-term relationships, usually people should focus on the top 3 most important things because in the real world there is no perfect person and that’s not settling lol. It’s just being human and it’s still acceptable, not less lol.

[bobalife]

I don’t think settling is universal and absolute, it depends on the individual and circumstance to determined this outcome in my opinion.

[JHAYES317]

I’d still call it settling, personally, but that’s just the reality for most people unless you look like Chris Hemsworth or Megan Fox or whatever, like as a short guy, I know whoever dates me almost certainly would prefer it if I was taller or had a bigger Johnson, or had no hair loss, med stuff, etc…but the reality is I can’t control any of that really so just have to hope that it doesn’t bother them enough to have a wandering eye.

[bobalife]

Well if that’s the narrative you want to continue to be written, it’s up to you. I do think you’re being hard on yourself and this context of “settling”. But I’m just giving you another perspective to consider. I prefer guys who are taller than 5’8” but if I decided to be with someone under that is not “settling” because I’m just simply fine and happy with my choice. Preferences isn’t always a definite and each their own is different for everyone on what they accept/unacceptable within/outside their preferences. Yes, reality is learning to be happy with whoever decided to be with you for just you and be happy just being you.

[JHAYES317]

Yeah I know like logically you’re right, I should just grateful for whoever decided to love me regardless of my flaws, but I do think part of me would wonder if I was just a placeholder and that she would leave me if she found someone who fit her preferences better…I mean the divorce rate is pretty high so clearly a lot of people are window shopping to some degree even in a relationship.

[bobalife]

Oh no…. Please don’t think those are your “flaws” due to these “preferences” and such. Tbh we all hope for someone who would love us for us and we all deserved it :) you’ll find someone who will definitely appreciate you for you just as you would for her I’m sure. I think we all do have that fear that there could be someone better and they will fall for them… but I learned it the hard way that if our partner truly made us feel that way and act on it (not due to our insecurities and past), they’re not the person for us. The right person will make sure you know you’re special and the reasons why they chose to be with you. Of course relationships will also take time to build a solid foundation and efforts to make it work too.

Divorce rate is high not due to these superficial reasons though… what you’re worrying about is in regards to attractions… I think marriage falls apart due to bigger issues such as finance, not communicating & compromising on differences in values/lifestyles, unfaithfulness, or lack of fundamental framework of in relationships prior to marriage.

[JHAYES317]

But isn’t unfaithfulness caused by not being satisfied in a marriage? For example, if a woman settled for a guy with a small dick, then she may cheat on him with a guy with a big dick for example? So if she hasn’t settled for the small dick in the first place knowing she liked big dicks, then the cheating wouldn’t have happened in the first place no?

[bobalife]

Sometimes I wonder if it’s better to not know people preferences in case it causes fear and insecurity? And if the person already accepts and loves you? But other times, some people know and doesn’t mind it because they still choose them at the end of the day and their partners is faithful/dedicated.

Life is quite interesting I admit. Even for me ideally, I’d like girls who seem more modest and very feminine visually… yet I tend to crush on girls who are the opposite physically yet still hold very feminine energy. So I don’t think that’s settling for less. If I like someone, I just like them for them lol. But I know everyone can’t say the same. It’s why I think it’s relative lol.

[bobalife]

if a woman got with a guy knowing his size isn’t big, there’s no reason she would cheat due to a size…. There are bigger issues… if it’s about “sex” then, I’m sure it can be a variety of factors such as maybe his sex drive is very low, there’s no quality time and hence a decrease of connection, lack of affection/intimacy, lack of attention, etc. if it’s truly a size problem, she wouldn’t be with him in the first place lol.

[bobalife]

Well I can’t speak on behalf for why cheaters decided to cheat. But obviously there are problems in the relationships or the person who choose to cheat is just a scumbag with their own problems.

[JHAYES317]

Not necessarily…I’ve heard about women getting with a guy with a small dick because he had money or fame or whatever, but she would cheat on him for guys with big dicks. I feel like having a lot of money is the one thing that will get women to compromise on their preferences, but that’s a double edged sword cause you’ll never know if they really loved you for you, or more for your money.

[bobalife]

Well then, it’s true, this does happen for both women and men. But that type of relationships is more superficial than the solid long-term relationships I was referring to. I was speaking more in regards to meaningful relationships and feelings…

[JHAYES317]

For me it’s not so much if they have preferences I don’t qualify for but they can’t be very set on them…like if they are like “I don’t really care about height, sure I’d prefer slightly taller but it’s no big deal” that’s fine. But if they are like “tall guys are automatically attractive just for being tall, and a tall ugly guy would beat out a short handsome guy”, no I can’t do that. That’s the difference for me.

[bobalife]

Well this isn’t a gender thing, yknow right?😅 women with heights… men with body size… both gender has a say on what they’re okay or not okay with lol. What they’re open and not open with. We aren’t everyone’s cup of tea and not everyone are our cup of tea, and that’s okay! I don’t think it’s offensive, I believe it’s important to be mutually open and respectful of people choices/preferences/ etc. You just gotta meet women who are okay with you and I’m sure for you to be okay with her too. Maybe learn to be confident in what you have, who you are, and bring in that swag haha. Short kings are attractive. Tall kings are also attractive. I guess that’s why we date to find that right person right? I’m sure you’ll find her :)

[JHAYES317]

Yeah I get what you mean (although weight isn’t comparable to height since weight can be lost, height can’t be changed)

[Screenwriter]

Maybe those people aren't settling, but they accept the fact that it's difficult to find EVERYTHING that you want in one person. Everyone's the same height lying down. A fat girl can always lose weight, and there are men who prefer chubby women.

Do you think most women would accept a man who disappointed them in bed? It's not shallow to want to be excited about your partner sexually. And any man who cuckolds himself is absolutely nuts!

No one has control over the genetic soup they're born with. Only a third of men go bald. But is that so bad? It's such a minor thing. Sure, hair is pretty, but it's icing on the cake. If the cake's delicious, you can live without the icing. Not settling, but being reasonable.

You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes... you get what you need.

Getting what you need is the win-win. It's NOT settling.

[JHAYES317]

That’s not true…most men go bald. www.healthline.com/.../baldness-gene My point is, no girl will ever prefer a small dick or a guy shorter than them, or baldness etc…so if they are with a guy with one or more of those flaws, then they are settling, simple as that. And no guy wants to hear that their girl would prefer them to have a larger dick or be taller because then they’ll constantly be worried about their girl cheating on them with a guy with those positive characteristics

[Screenwriter]

I was with a short man with an average penis and a full head of hair who turned out to be a bad partner. NOT because I wanted a man with a bigger dick who was taller.

The issues you site are unimportant in the light of long-term relationships unless a man has a micropenis or is a little person. Though there are societal acceptance issues influencing both women and men to THINK this way, and thought I've been with taller more endowed males, my choice was an active choice, NOT one of settling.

I chose someone I thought would be a good long-term partner, who was attractive, fun and funny and smart. Down the line, I found out he was also abusive and would not get help for the ONLY issue that was ultimately important and ruined our relationship.

And I tried. We went through almost getting divorced twice because I loved this person. Had NOTHING TO DO with dick size or height.

If you think those are "positive characteristics," you're mistaken. Most men are endowed well enough. Major hair loss doesn't usually occur until after age 35, except in a small percentage of men.

Everyone's hair thins over time due to androgenic hair loss. Half of men and 30 percent of women experience this, until, past age 50 s it ups to 85% of men and 50% of women.

But, Androgenetic alopecia in men is associated with other medical conditions, including coronary heart disease and enlargement of the prostate. Additionally, prostate cancer, disorders of insulin resistance (diabetes and obesity), and high blood pressure (hypertension) are also related to androgenetic alopecia. And as people get older, these factors come into play.

[JHAYES317]

I’m only 25 and according to my doctor I’m already losing my hair a little…I don’t have any of those medical conditions as far as I know, if anything I have slightly low blood pressure. I do have thyroid problems though so that probably doesn’t help…but my dad would be bald by now if not for a hair transplant, so maybe it’s just genes, anyway, by only issue, do you mean he had some sort of physical issue and would not get help for that? Or was it something more mental?

[Screenwriter]

Nothing wrong w him physically. He was abused as a child and was the one third of people who decided to do the same to someone else. He is 61 has been with a woman for past 15 years and my son has told me he's verbally abusive toward her. Some people do not recognize their shortcomings and refuse to work on them. This is 24 years later! Jesus.

I think everyone should see a therapist. We all have flaws to hone. Some more serious than others.

[JHAYES317]

I’m sorry to hear that. I still have trauma from my mom disparaging my dad and vice versa when I was growing up, it’s a really toxic environment to deal with

[Screenwriter]

Well, Jay, on the hair point, my closest male friend and poet, John Tarver, a wonderful neon-bright redhead, was going bald when I met him at age 19. Did it compromise his looks or his intelligence or his sexiness? It didn't. He was a wonderful, brilliant, funny man.

All you can do about hair loss is use good shampoo and make the hair you have look its best. If you have thousands of dollars to spare, you can have professional hair plugs inserted, but that's only if you have lottery money or a trust fund.

And I suggest to you to see a therapist. You are one of many people who witnessed such dysfunction in your family. It's clear they were very unhappy people who took their misery out on each other. What is doubly sad is they were so blind as to not see that YOU heard and witnessed this violence and harmed their child.

After a few years of working with a pro once or twice a month, you'll get to the point where you can forgive them because they were emotionally blind and striking out in their pain. And you'll also be able to support them where ever they are in their life journey.

And if it becomes too difficult to be around them because they're repeating that kind of ugliness, just say you don't want to hear it, or you'll have to leave. It hurts and damages you, JUST LIKE IT DID WHEN YOU WERE A CHILD. I'd put that out there.

People who are wounded often don't realize that their fallout wounds others. You might get an apology, but don't hold your breath. If you ever DO get one, thank them, and start on a new journey loving your parents. But always love them, because they did the best that they could with what they had. And sadly, many parents had very little to give because they received very little themselves! Kisses!!! Happy New Year...

[JHAYES317]

Thanks

[wiltingrosepetal]

"If a girl is dating a bald guy, she is dating him because he “makes up for it” with wealth or fame or other physical aspects like abs or junk size."

I'm sorry, what was that? 💀 Don't you think personality plays even the slightest part in the relationship? Dude if I meet someone I connect with I wouldn't care about his baldness, come on

[JHAYES317]

No obviously personality matters, but purely in terms of physical attraction, a bald guy isn’t gonna be as attractive to a woman as a guy with hair…

[Anonymous]

There's difference between desires and needs.

Being tall, sexy, handsome.. are not really needs. I know a quite ugly guy with a hot woman that all guys are hitting on. Yet, she chose that guy.. shorter than her. Smokes although she hates smoking, I myself camt see why but she just married him and had their first child recently.

So, not really compromising like one opinion owner mentioned. A woman's perspective is different than a man, where personality and charachter is the main for her. And that also applies to men in its own way.

[Baublebar234]

I personally think 90% of people settle. But somehow “settling” sounds terrible when it’s really not. Settling for LESS is (keyword is LESS). But a lot of people think they’re “above average” than what they actually are. So in result, people tend to look for more than what they actually bring to the table themselves. So when that’s not available, then they think they are “settling” when really they are just with someone near or close to their level.

[HawkPerception]

Most people don't have:

-Perfect personalities and all the traits you want in a partner
-Perfect bodies
-A lot of money
-Perfect sexual compatibility with you

So the answer is yes. Most people settle in relationships and anyone who says differently is delusional.

[tiajoka]

Wow, are you suggesting that not everyone gets every single thing that they find ideal In a partner in one person? Jee, that's crazy! I thought everyone was dating a person who is perfectly what they want who is also perfect to that other person.

[JHAYES317]

Well no if they were the divorce rates wouldn’t be so high lol…

[tiajoka]

I was being sarcastic. Literally everyone has aspects of themselves that is not ideal to the majority of the world. A man whose 5'4 might be most preferable to a woman who is 5'0. Lots of guys like bigger chick's. Lots of women like bald men. These fsctors all can be potentially ideal to others; and plenty of people who are indifferent to them.
There is also no couple in existence that has 100% of what each other want. Your examples are only a spec of dust, there are millions of things like that and everybody has something but mostly a lot.
Divorce rates are high not because of that though, but because people compromise the things that are actually important. Not stupid things like height, sexual organs, or physical attributes... but morals, religion, values, desires for the future and family. Not finding someone who matches those things is why divorce rates are high. Not because a dude is bald.

[JHAYES317]

I dunno I’ve heard of people divorcing because the guy got ED before…

[tiajoka]

That wasn't the reason lol. There is Viagra, or sex therapy... it's not a reason to divorce. Those people either didn't believe in marriage to begin with or divorced for other reasons and blamed it on that.

[JHAYES317]

Viagra isn’t a magic potion…it has a lot of side effects and like any medication doesn’t work the same for everyone. Plus some forms of ED where it’s medication induced or caused nerve damage makes it practically impossible to get an erection. Would you stay in a marriage if the penis simply would never work again and you would have to only get oral sex the rest of your life? Doubt it…

[tiajoka]

You're doubt would be unfounded 🤣

[SotiCoto]

I'd only accept a girl taller and heavier than me.

If you're simply trying to say that nobody gets a partner that perfectly fits their tastes then that would be right, because ideals and reality don't play nice together.
But it isn't like everyone has the same standards.
If I ended up with a skinnier girl somehow, that would be settling from my perspective.

[systemsareyo]

98 percent likely they do and that's why I always love divorce humour, relationship comedy, dating comedy, observational comedy, and anything at the expense of something like a cheater or an affair or other gossip. I loved The Break Up movie, seeing Vince and Jennifer at each other's throats the whole movie verbally was a real treat and joy. As much as the opening to Wedding Crashers movie as well , lol that different actress lady didn't hold back 🤣 😂🤣😂🤣 hahahaha LOL 😆

[systemsareyo]

Glad I'm merrily single and I have daydreams and imagination instead, or a fan fiction lol 😂😆 or diary of my own, or video game like The Sims. Lol. I'm just so picky, no woman could ever stand me lol and I'm so picky and fussy about what women I'd only be into. Lol. Women that just don't exist, lol like any man's fantasy of a wonderful wife lol 😊🫣😊🫣 observant, helpful, fit, 20s, healthy and pale and in amazing personality and shape.

[Joshydavid25]

Yeah, I would say they do, and there's nothing wrong with it.. Many learn to be happy with what they chose, and some compensate it in other maybe not so healthy ways.. Settling is not a wrong action.. Sometimes looking at what is right in front of you is the best option..

[Quigly]

Just because you like something that's not the same as what the majority of women like doesn't mean you settled. It just means you aren't normal.

For example:

If a girl likes short guys, it's not settling for her to be with a short guy.

If a girl likes other women, it's not considered settling to be with a woman, for her.

[Djaay]

If ( Look's ) were a fork in the road... if you turn left , there's nothing right , if you turn right , there's nothing left. It's not about Settling but accepting another's flaws as we all have a few. Settling is to articulate, evaluate and judge another. Acceptance is to admire , respect , have integrity with , forgive and to elevate along with yourself.

[WhitneySnow]

Some people really have no problem with these supposedly negative characteristics (though I would never date anyone who wanted an open relationship)

[JHAYES317]

Having no problem with them and preferring them are two totally different things. A girl may tolerate a short guy because they are rich or well endowed or whatever, but they will almost always prefer a taller guy

[WhitneySnow]

I disagree. Not every girl feels that way. But ok.

[JHAYES317]

Really? All else being equal, you see a short guy and a tall guy at a club, you’d go for the short guy?

[WhitneySnow]

I didn’t say me. But some girls might. And a lot of girls might pick the shorter guy over the taller guy if he had a better personality.

[JHAYES317]

That’s why I said all else being equal, meaning you are going off of appearance and nothing else.

[WhitneySnow]

There are still plenty of girls who are indifferent to whether their boyfriend is short or tall

[JHAYES317]

Not on dating apps

[smartyanne]

I don't think we settle, I just think it takes us a while to figure out what we really want

[JHAYES317]

Sure but I don’t think you lose the attraction like even if you start dating a short guy because you prioritize other things like financial security or personality or whatever, in all likelihood, if you saw two guys in the club and one was short and one was tall, I’m willing to bet you’d go for the tall one

[smartyanne]

I wouldn't go for either cause I don't know them, sorry, not into random hookups

[JHAYES317]

It was a hypothetical situation…my point is that you will likely always be more attracted to tall guys than short guys no?

[electromagnetic]

Or and this is just a wild guess, they just like each other … 🤷🏾‍♀️

[JHAYES317]

Again, you’re missing the point, I’m not saying that personality doesn’t play a role it does, but a short guy will never be the ideal, neither with a small dick or a bald guy. They have to make up for those things…they are never preferred

[picachixa]

Not everything is about looks. Many women look for personality too. Which non bald tall men wouldn't be able to give

[JHAYES317]

True…but women don’t know a guy’s personality until they meet them…so they aren’t gonna give a guy they aren’t attracted to the time of day to get to know them a lot of the time, especially on dating apps.

[picachixa]

I agree. But personally I have been on dates with guys that "a lot of girls want" the tall cute guy. Some of them were even models I met at work when I was working in a high end restaurant, but they always seemed so empty minded. It was so hard for me to like them. I was always attracted to men who had personality, class, nerds. So for me, settling would have been going for one of those dudes just for their looks. Because it'd be like living with a rock. Couldn't have a decent conversation with them. Size of dk doesn't matter when you cannot have a real conversation with a human. For me what was always more attractive was the way of thinking. So I always gave guys that I didn't find "attractive" at first sight, a chance. Because sometimes when I got to know them, and I saw how smart and poised they were. That turned me on so much. You have to remember to. Much like men. Women also like different type of guys. We aren't all the same and we don't all like the same type of guys either. Nor do we find the same type of guy attractive.

[picachixa]

Also... I don't know I can't comment about dating apps cus Iv never been on one

[JHAYES317]

That’s true but it does shrink my dating pool massively being that I’m not tall or well endowed.

[picachixa]

That's true but also, those girls are usually very vain and empty headed so. At least from experience Iv met girls like that and they always end up cheating.

[JHAYES317]

Thats my point if they were dating a tall guy with a big dick they probably wouldn’t have cheated

[picachixa]

I ment the girls that are shallow and date for looks. The girls that date a man just cus he's tall and has a big dick are usually the ones that cheat.

[JHAYES317]

But that also means that the girls dating me don’t find me attractive and are just dating me because they can’t get a tall guy with a big dick no?

[picachixa]

J hayes. A girl will date you if they like you. If she is hot. And she perfers to date you even though she has other guys that has hit on her in the past. It means she wants to be with you. I think you are stressing way to much over this. she's with you and wants to fuck you, she likes you and she isn't looking at other dudes. She chose you. Unless she's some obese smelly girl. I doubt she is settling. Women with options don't settle. They pick.

[JHAYES317]

I guess that’s my worry that if a woman ends up with me it’s because she ran out of options…

[picachixa]

There are so many dudes out there. Hot girls don't run out of options unless they are 36+ and hella ugly lol. Don't worry. If she picks you, she genuinely wants you.

[JHAYES317]

Hope so

[picachixa]

My advice is to except it. My husband on the first year of being together, I almost broke up with him because I couldn't stand his complex of being short. It was always an argument because it mattered more to him than it did to me. And it was causing a lot of problems. So If you find a girl you like. Accept that she wanted you. Because if you don't, you could hurt your relationship this way. In the midst of his insecurities of being short. I started to feel hurt and insecure for being tall. And it started to break me because at a certain point I felt if I was shorter and more petite, my husband (boyfriend at the time) wouldn't feel such way. So just accept the love and don't think about it too much. Cus sometimes you will make your loved one feel hurt aswell

[JHAYES317]

Oh I don’t have any issue dating a woman taller than me…in fact I would prefer that…I would have more of an issue dating a woman heavier than me though

[picachixa]

Yea but ya know. After hearing your man keep feeling insecure about being short. It just gets to ya. It started to make me feel insecure for being tall. So just careful how you act around your girl.

[JHAYES317]

Well I am insecure about being short but it has nothing to do with any girl I’m with, it’s more because it affects my career opportunities tbh

[picachixa]

I can see that. It has happened to my husband as well. People don't take him as seriously. And it really bothers me.

[JHAYES317]

Now you know why short men are insecure. When you are constantly overlooked and viewed as inferior to tall men, it’s hard not to get bitter about it.

[picachixa]

I get it. And its ok to share those feelings with your partner. I think once it starts to complain about height or assume they settle for you it becomes a problem. My father is short. Most of the couples in my family are short men tall women. But also maybe its cus I am latina. Iv noticed back in my country people tend to not care so much about height as much as here in the U. S. i never saw guys treated differently or comments about height even between girls. So that might also be why I never cared for height.

[JHAYES317]

Ironically all of the girls who have been into me have also been Latina for some reason lol

[picachixa]

Yea. I think in our culture we don't really care for height. I think its cus in south America a lot of men tend to be short anyways so its kinda just normal. There are other traits that we tend to care about more. Im sure some American latinas probably care about height but growing up in a latin community I never really heard them say "I only like tall guys". It was a popular trait they cared about.

[picachixa]

It wasn't* a popular trait

[JHAYES317]

Apparently the fact I have facial hair and a hairy chest seems to be more desirable among them as well for some reason lol. Working on a small sample size of course, can’t speak for all latinas lol.

[picachixa]

Omg yea! 😂 This made me laugh cus its so true! a lot og Latinas love hairy men 😂 thats something I always heard girls say and I myself looove when my husband grows out his facial hair. We even have sayings in my country that hairy men are more desirable

[picachixa]

*a lot of latinas

[JHAYES317]

Ironically in America a lot of women say I should manscape, that body hair and beards are not desirable. But maybe I’m just not good looking enough because when Henry Cavill did it suddenly it was hot lol

[Altheavas]

Your points are a little out-of-touch, but it’s true. Cause I did, I settled not because I don’t have other options, but because it’s rational.

[JHAYES317]

Are you worried that you will get a wandering eye due to not having all your preferences met?

[Altheavas]

A little, but I can’t avoid that, it happens. I just reminded myself of my responsibilities, my commitments and values that I don’t wanna go against.

[Altheavas]

Attractions are traps, mental illusion, gotta stay toxic.!
Just kidding!

[JHAYES317]

Are you religious? Sometimes religion helps people avoid the temptation of cheating

[Altheavas]

I have given up on religion, but I am still very spiritual and I believe in energy. I grew up in a religious family, and very strict too. Majority of my upbringing shaped my moral views today. So far, I can say,
that I have self control. Playing my role as a woman, I usually upheld myself to a standard, and if I have to leave, I do it nicely, and quiet too, the drama isn’t coming from me and so I leave a positive impact.
Yeah, I have not cheated on any of my partner or X’s. That would temporary took a toll on me, knowing myself.

[JHAYES317]

Good to hear…sadly a lot of women aren’t like that

[Altheavas]

I don’t not think cheating has to do with religion, it’s depends on ones views, rational, morals, will power.

[JHAYES317]

No what I was saying though was that a lot of people in religion tend to view cheating as a sin and therefore are less likely to engage in it

[Altheavas]

I’m so liberal in my views today, and I agree, religiously that’s a sin.
Detach from religion, it’s a choice; it’s how much you care for yourself and the person you’re exclusive with or committed with. Like I said earlier it’s ones rational, and the valued they upheld to their words and acts.

[JHAYES317]

Hey I agree with you. Personally I would sooner break up with someone than intentionally cheat on them. It is possible I could accidentally cheat on them, because I’m pretty socially awkward and don’t have the best social awareness, but I would never intentionally do it, because I’m Christian and while I can’t say I’ve never sinned, I mean sex before marriage in of itself is technically a sin, cheating is an easily avoidable one.

[Altheavas]

Agreed, sex before marriage religiously sinful, dear GOD I’m not perfect…! Eeehhh

[JHAYES317]

Neither am I sadly. And yet I still consider myself Christian, even if non-denominational. Just have to ask for forgiveness and make sure I am living intentionally as opposed to acting entirely off impulse

[coolbreeze]

Many people settle. I know guys and girls personally who settled with somebody because they were afraid to be alone or they couldn't get the person they really wanted to be with to settle.

[Astarlessnightsky]

No, once you find some you love nothing else matters.

[Nikki1989]

I never did. The right guy found me.

[JHAYES317]

Lucky you