What to do if you really like your new girlfriend but she turns out to be a feminist?

[YourFutureEx]

Like she's so sweet, caring and fun to be around but when you learn about her more, you find out that she's a feminist. What should be done?

Become a feminist yourself as it's a positive trait

Keep dating her until you have an actual problem with her

Ghost her to avoid drama

Dump her to assert patriarchy

[MrOracle]

If a woman is a feminist, she's not worth wasting my time. And there's absolutely no way she would have even gotten close to being my girlfriend before finding this out - in fact, it's a COMPLETE FAILURE of the guy if this happens, because it means he didn't vet her at all.

Don't try to change people - it will be a waste of your time. Simply cut them out of your life if they aren't acceptable. If you were stupid enough to make her your girlfriend, you are obligated to break up with her face-to-face and tell her why, but if she's just a girl you've met, as soon as you find out she's a femininist, that should be the end of your relationship with her.

What will make SOME women change is when they lose the attention from men that they value so much and rely on. Many won't ever change, and that's fine, but you don't have to give them any attention (much less your help or sympathy).

For fucks sake, grow a spine and have some self-worth. If you don't, no woman will respect you anyway, and they'll just use you until they extract from you everything they can get, and then they'll move on (at best), or you'll find out they were cheating on you with the drug dealer down the block all along.

Women ALWAYS test their men, and they do this in many different ways, but ultimately, they are trying to see if they can manipulate that man (even if they don't realize they're doing this). And if they CAN manipulate him, she will lose respect for him, and then that relationship is doomed - but she can do a tremendous amount of damage on the way out. You don't want to be an asshole, but you MUST NOT be a doormat or pushover - EVER. You need to EXPECT her to test you, and to push every boundary, and you need to catch her and say "no!" every time (metaphorically). If she can't figure out how to manipulate you, then she's going to have respect for you, and that makes ALL the difference in the world in your relationship. If you don't have her respect, she will have no problem hurting you, perhaps stealing from you, and often cheating on you.

And the only real leverage you have is ending the relationship. You can't prevent her from cheating. You can't prevent her from telling your personal details to anyone and everyone. You can't prevent her from going out partying with other women for a weekend, etc. But you CAN make it clear that if she chooses to do those things, your relationship is over, forever, and you'd damn well better stand behind that.

[GoodgirlNatalie]

If I knew an outdated sexist guy like you, I would cut him out of my life immediately too

[JoePro_]

As someone who supports women's rights, but not women's dominance (modern feminism), I would first determine what things you might agree on in terms of feminism, even if it's traditional feminism, feminism from 40 years ago. And then if it's important to you for her to be informed and not just blindly following man-haters who might be providing bad information...

First, I'd say be gentle with her. When she says something you don't agree with, just dig into what she means. Clarify the things she says in a non-judgmental, non-confrontational way. With honest openness to what she thinks, even if you immediately disagree. Then think about all the things she said, find one outstanding thing you don't agree with, and ask her if you can provide feedback on her opinion. If she says yes, great. Then say, "I'm not convinced this particular thing is true. Can we do more research on it? We'll find information saying it's true and why, and then we'll find information that says it's false and why, and we'll see what sounds more reasonable, even if we still don't agree with one another at the end. Are you interested in doing that with me?" And if she is, then she's open to having rational conversations with you, and searching for truth, and you might have found a keeper.

If she says "no", this could be a red flag that you'll face further resistance to differences in opinion in the future. And if this is a sort of resistance you're not interested in dealing with, then you might find a way to end the relationship.

Part of the give and take of your average relationship is a give and take in thought. Being open to new information even if you still don't agree with the opposing side after all is said and done. This isn't just about social things or political things, but it could be about the chemicals you use to clean your home, the food you feed your kids, the types of pets you have in your home, etc. There are lots of things you two might disagree on in life for a variety of reasons, but a willingness to hear each other out is vitally important for a working relationship and finding what works best for your home.

Just my two cents.

[thatshydork]

Nothing wrong with being a feminist, it just means she believes in equal rights. Many people think that because the word ‘feminism’ contains the word ‘feminine’ that feminism is just for women, but it’s not. Feminists fights for equal rights for everyone. It just so happens that the whole feminist movement was started by women who wanted the right to vote, but that doesn’t mean feminism excludes men’s rights. For example, feminism encourages and emphasizes mutual growth between all people and many feminists have also fought for men’s right to paternity leave.

[MrOracle]

Please name ONE THING that Feminism has ever fought for that reduced women's benefit because they had more than men. You can't, because there are no examples of this happening.

Feminist leaders have been crystal clear that they will never fight for men's rights or equality - they've said this explicitly - because, in their own words, "they are only interested in fighting for women."

People who fight for equality are called egalitarians, and Feminism has repeatedly rejected that label, because, as they will tell you, they will never, ever fight against unfair female advantages. They specifically push for more of them, in fact.

What you wrote is the propaganda that is used in the media and to new college students who are ignorant and naive, but it's far from the truth.

Feminism is and always was a female supremacist movement.

[thatshydork]

@MrOracle first off, why would they fight to REDUCE women’s rights? That’s not a good thing and not progressive. Second, I won’t waist my time trying to prove to you anything when I’ve already provided a list for you and it’s clear you didn’t read my comment at all. There’s nothing ‘supremacist’ about feminism, that’s just your biased opinion.

[Bobby88t]

Yes you are right i like feminist girls too

[MrOracle]

You made the (false) claim that Feminism was fighting for equality. To do that requires that you fight against ANY inequalities between men and women. Now you are admitting that Feminism has not fought against inequalities that favored women, only those that favored men. Given that Feminism has been around more than a hundred years, and have never fought against inequalities that favored women, you cannot make the claim that Feminism is fighting for equally - they are fighting for female supremacy. They are fine with women having unfair advantages, just not men. That's the definition of female supremacy.

[thatshydork]

@MrOracle *you* were the one who said “Please name ONE THING that Feminism has ever fought for that reduced women's benefit”. In the comparison of men vs women oppression in society, the women will always be more oppressed than men. We had to fight for our rights to vote and go to school, men didn’t. We had to fight to be able to wear pants and not skirts, women were considered to be ‘owned’ by their husbands, men were allowed to beat their wives, we had to fight to even be seen as people and not property, women couldn’t get jobs and were treated like they only belong in the kitchen of their own house while being beaten by their husbands, and more. Tell me, does fighting to be seen as equal to your male counter parts sound like female supremacy to you? Because making a broken system work for you when it’s been against you your whole life isn’t “having unfair advantages”. Sure, men also have issues like people thinking that men shouldn’t cry or show emotion, which, by the way, is something most feminists fight against, but in the sex oppression Olympics, women will always come out on top.

[alice55]

Dump her to assert patriarchy
This option make absolutely no sense XD

If you want to assert patriarchy you need to make her stop being a feminist (most women just become pushover when they're in love and accept anything even the most toxic dude).

Saying this from what I'v been seeing in my country...

[YourFutureEx]

No, it's not geo-specific. Feminine nature is same all over the globe and yes, you're correct. A woman will move mountains when she's in love.

[alice55]

I'm French so I just talked about French women cause it's what I know but don't surprise me that it's the same everywhere.

[YourFutureEx]

Femininity and masculinity are made by the nature and evolution, not the man-made borders.

If a woman is in love, she's seeing something beyond what others believe is toxicity.

[alice55]

It's not that, it's just the advantage she get out of the relationship reward her more than being single so she stay and when the rewards become less than the pain she dump him and get out. Nothing to do with love but only codependency, fear of being alone and need to be loved, the same would happen if she were with any others guys she find attractive.

[YourFutureEx]

Sounds like most of the women nowadays xD

[alice55]

I mean if most women had abusive childhood it's not surprising they're this ways.

[Anonymous]

She’s only being good to you because in the current moment she finds value you in you. Again don’t be mistaken I am talking about the current moment.

It’s incredible how convincing and wonderful women can seem when they like you. The problem with the male ego is many of us yearn to be respected for just existing vs accepting the ugly truth is we are only valuable for what we can provide women (sex, money, attention, validation, etc.)

I made an extremely regrettable mistake years ago and I was in a similar position that you are in (close to the same age at the time too).

The woman I dated was a moderate liberal and I was (and still am) a moderate conservative. Not a self identifying “feminist” yet. But she was on her way. We had plenty of good debates and she challenged me and vice versa. She changed my mind on a few perspectives and vice versa. She was the first to say I love you and she treated me great for an entire year.

Then she started to make friends with the wrong crowd. She got into improv and theater and was rubbing shoulders with radical feminist types.

In the beginning I didn’t take it seriously. I thought she had good judgment and would remain true to her own independent judgment. But direly mistaken.

We also had problems in our own relationship. I was dealing with some career struggles and truth is I needed to be single. She ended up breaking up with me which I saw coming. While I very devastated but I accepted it. She told me to “not be a stranger” and we hugged crying. I really did love her but I knew it was for the better we weren’t together.

A few weeks later we had to meet up for business purposes. I told her I missed talking to her and she gave the most malicious, brutal, callous insult I have ever taken from a woman in my life. She treated me like I was less than human. I’ve had plenty of women hurt me before and after but this was different. Never seen that level of hate and malice in my life. She didn’t say it out of momentary anger too, she really believed her words. Because given i was no longer of value to her then I was as expendable.

Don’t be fooled. Your new girlfriend has immersed herself in an environment where the most depraved female behaviors are not only considered acceptable but they are encouraged as “strength” or some heinous insanity.

The moment she loses interest in you is the exact moment she feel justified cheating on you and/or treating you as disposable. Because modern day feminists hate men because deep down they hate themselves. It’s debase human behavior. They will justify any horrible shitty female behavior.

At best you should tell her you want to be friends with benefits. But that could be a false rape accusation waiting to happen if she gets jealous you are dating other people. Modern feminism is NOT about equality. It’s about hated and a smokescreen for communism.

[Opinion Owner]

Also do NOT ghost her. That will make her feminism worse. But if you do break up with her says it because of feminism which you see as an active hate group (because that’s exactly what modern feminism is)

[Lliam]

If she's sweet, caring and fun to be around she's not a radical feminist. It doesn't sound to me like she resents or hates men or has a chip on her shoulder.

Maybe you're the one who is the ideologue. Did you tell her that you are a patriarchal male chauvinist? LOL

OMG, she believes in equal rights, has a mind of her own, isn't a door mat, doesn't grovel like a pet dog or fawn over you just because you have a job!

What do you expect from a woman? To cook your meals, do your laundry, clean your house, and act like your subordinate?

My wife and I are equal partners. We both earn income. It all goes to pay for our lifestyle and future together. We both do household and garden chores. We discuss things, ask for advice, collaborate and make decisions together. Neither of us is the boss.

She can think for herself and can be stubborn at times. I guess that must make her a feminist even though she is maternal, sweet, caring, fun, feminine, and respects and adores me.

I knew how to take care of myself when I was single. I didn't marry her so that I wouldn't have to anymore. I wouldn't feel right about sitting on my ass and not doing anything. When we both do household and garden chores and help each other, it's easier, we get done quicker, and we have more time to enjoy life.

She admires and values my capabilities and adores my masculinity. I admire and value her capabilities and adore her femininity. But I think anti-feminist, he man, woman haters would call me a simp for not asserting dominance over my life partner and not thinking that women are inferior to men in anything but size and strength.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Aww reading this made me miss my husband, we had that too… Guess that makes me a feminist… at least I’m not a simp like you 🤣🤣🤣( you know I’m joking)

[Lliam]

@Brainsbeforebeauty. That's right. I'm a simp for you, Beebs. 🌷🌹 You're a good gal, even if you ARE a feminist. 🙃😉 I miss seeing you here very often anymore.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

Yeah sometimes after dealing with all the stupidity at work, it’s hard to get on here and deal with more stupidity 🤣🤣 no seriously though don’t always have the time…

[JacobJordan]

If she isn't spewing man hate then she isn't a modern feminist. Course if she thinks the wage gap exists she is stupid. If she still thinks women are oppressed she is dumb. If she thinks the patriarchy still exists she is dumb. Wage gap doesn't exist. Well technically it does women are paid slightly higher than men despite exact same experience roles etc. Women aren't oppressed haven't been for decades. Patriarchy doesn't exist hasn't for decades so being a feminist is just dumb at this point

[tremendousfern]

Kinda depends. A lot of women say they're feminists. What's most important is her actions. Does she treat you poorly? Does she submit to your lead? If she behaves like someone who would make a good wife and mother then she can say she's the queen of england for all I care.

Generally, I don't care about a woman's politics. The less political women are the better. I'd try to gradually persuade her to drop her "feminist" beliefs and just stop caring about that kind of crap. If she was really obnoxious about it though or it caused conflict in the relationship, I'd dump her.

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

It might be useful to explore if you can peacefully disagree on topics like this where you two have very different views. That's one of the ultimate signs to me of whether a relationship can last is if you have two very opposing views on a subject that you'll never agree on but can still discuss it and even appreciate the fact that you'll never agree.

[Jersey2]

F me… my daughter tried some of that feminist shit with me. I did not respond well. Don’t tell me about doing dishes when I just did some work around the house attaching TVs to walls and other things that saved hundreds of dollars AND was better than the so-called professional did. And certainly don’t tell me about what I should do in my relationship with her mother when we have been married since before she was born and she hasn’t had any longterm relationships herself except a toxic male who dumped her after a year and a half. I am very disappointed in how she acts at times and this has affected our relationship. I wouldn’t go near a feminist for a relationship.

[Kaneki05]

None of the options apply. Already am a Feminist so I can't become one and obviously I have no problem with this.
If a girl is not a feminist that's what would be more the turn off cause what woman don't want her own rights? That's insanity.

[YourFutureEx]

You have to be a feminist if you want rights.
You have to be a doctor if you want treatment.
You have to be a lawyer if you want liberty.
You have run Walmart if you want food.
You have to be a tree if you want oxygen.

[SolitarySolace]

Dump her because you’ll end up living under her boot. She’ll stop doing things for you that a girlfriend should do for her man because it’s considered to be bad to feminists to do anything for a man. They’d consider that uplifting patriarchy. So if your girlfriend ever considers herself a feminist, break up with her or at least threaten to break up and if she chooses feminism over you she never really loved you she cares about herself more

[aceleon]

any girl of mine cannot be this things

-slut (sexual past, attention whore, dresses revealingly, wants multi guys etc etc)

-feminist

-manipulative/opportunist (gold digger)

-unfaitfull in general sense

-cruel or unfeeling (like not liking animals or kids)

-shallow and materialistic

[Flatmanlewis]

We would be done. We’re not talking the classic, equality-minded, positive role model feminists. The current strain of liberal-ideology driven man-haters are so negative and I’d predict nothing but friction and their misplaced anger in my future. No need to do that. Choose your mate - Choose your fate.

[Lionman95]

Date her until there is an actual problem and a conflict in the relationship because her being a feminist wouldn´t be a problem to me. I don´t see dumbing her as a way of asserting the patriarchy rather as avoiding of conflict if there hasn´t been any conflict yet just because she has with different views. That´s rather an option when she can´t be convinced of the patriarchy and a traditional relationship.

[Anonymous]

Women have rights like human rights and women have rights like men in society, but I am against the intense propaganda of this, although feminism seems to be women's rights at first, then it turned into female supremacy and domination, some women's comments such as masculinity is bad and toxic bother me personally, or their constant denigration of the patriarchal system was patriarchal in ancient Greece, but Aristotle raised geniuses such as Plato and Thales, the most common disease of today is ignorance.

[WhyohWhy69]

I’m a conservative feminist. We’re more traditional feminists. Most of us like men. We just want to live our lives to the fullest. We don’t believe assault survivors should be vilified. We believe there are undeniable rights, freedoms and dignities for all good people.
Unfortunately, many men will dismiss us before even hearing what we have to say. All they’ve heard about is what entitled men who don’t like being held accountable want them to think. Not all men, mind you.

[WhiteBoyChill]

What do you mean by “living our lives to the fullest”. If you mean the notion of telling women its ok to be promiscuous, than I am totally oppossed to that and I don’t consider it “traditional”

[YourFutureEx]

@WhiteBoyChill I don't think promiscuity or 'freeing the nipples' were the agendas of the first and the second wave feminism.

I think she's more of a second wave feminist that's also known as 'liberal feminism' that aims for women to be recognised as equal to men and recognised by the laws.

In addition to that, it's okay too if a woman wants to be openly promiscuous. At least it'll help us to easily identify their character and make appropriate choice.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Women already have equality. This notion that equality doesn’t exist is completely BS. Especially when you can find evidence that women are heavily disproportionately favored in divorce and child custody arrangements. And neither do they have to registed for the SS.

[WhiteBoyChill]

And no, I don’t advocate anyone living a reckless lifestyle that 1) poses significant health risks 2) subjects many people to depression

[YourFutureEx]

@WhiteBoyChill that's true, more likely than not, women everywhere, have all the adequate rights they need and in fact, they have more rights in a lot of places.

I don't advocate anyone living a reckless lifestyle either but you can only control people to not to do something, you cannot really motivate them. A cheater woman that's openly promiscuous is better for the society than a deceptively traditional women who will cheat on your back with the facade of their loyalty and commitment.

[WhiteBoyChill]

I would still argue that a cheater woman has no business getting engaged in the first place though

[sukumamu]

Assert ultimate patriarchy by dumping her, turning gay, and marrying one of your homies. Tape on the door to your new love nest "No girlz allowed" in crayon.

[BonzoInBitburg]

Sweet and caring aren't typical feminist behavior. Feminists are usually angry and complain about men. It's up to you but if she's sweet and caring and treats you well, then I don't see a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anyone can support fairness and equality. It doesn't take supporting an ideology like feminism to advocate for those things. But a woman who is willing to overlook all the shit feminism has been doing in the last decade is a bad person, by definition. Period.

Any woman who identifies as a feminist today is not worthy of my time and attention.

[Anonymous]

I voted D but it has nothing to do with "patriarchy". I did date a feminist once and I will never make that mistake again. Any woman who identifies as a feminist today is by definition and horrible person. Life is too short to date a feminist.

[Billlewis]

If I discovered (as if I wouldn't have known earlier... lol) that the woman whom I'd just begun dating/serving was a hard core, dyed in the wool feminist, I'd be absolutely jubilant ❤️

[Sirenboobzilla]

What you're most likely referring to are Radical Feminists, otherwise known as Femi-nazis. Huge difference. They're the ones out to blame men for the world's problems.

[IceCreamSandwich]

I would dump my girlfriend if she turned out not to be a feminist. I don't date women who believe any group of people are inferior.

[YourFutureEx]

Says the one who believes that non-feminist women are inferior.

[IceCreamSandwich]

They're not inferior, I just don't like them. Do you think people you don't like are inferior?