What to do if you really like your new girlfriend but she turns out to be a feminist?

Question

Like she's so sweet, caring and fun to be around but when you learn about her more, you find out that she's a feminist. What should be done?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

If a woman is a feminist, she's not worth wasting my time. And there's absolutely no way she would have even gotten close to being my girlfriend before finding this out - in fact, it's a COMPLETE FAILURE of the guy if this happens, because it means he didn't vet her at all.

Don't try to change people - it will be a waste of your time. Simply cut them out of your life if they aren't acceptable. If you were stupid enough to make her your girlfriend, you are obligated to break up with her face-to-face and tell her why, but if she's just a girl you've met, as soon as you find out she's a femininist, that should be the end of your relationship with her.

What will make SOME women change is when they lose the attention from men that they value so much and rely on. Many won't ever change, and that's fine, but you don't have to give them any attention (much less your help or sympathy).

For fucks sake, grow a spine and have some self-worth. If you don't, no woman will respect you anyway, and they'll just use you until they extract from you everything they can get, and then they'll move on (at best), or you'll find out they were cheating on you with the drug dealer down the block all along.

Women ALWAYS test their men, and they do this in many different ways, but ultimately, they are trying to see if they can manipulate that man (even if they don't realize they're doing this). And if they CAN manipulate him, she will lose respect for him, and then that relationship is doomed - but she can do a tremendous amount of damage on the way out. You don't want to be an asshole, but you MUST NOT be a doormat or pushover - EVER. You need to EXPECT her to test you, and to push every boundary, and you need to catch her and say "no!" every time (metaphorically). If she can't figure out how to manipulate you, then she's going to have respect for you, and that makes ALL the difference in the world in your relationship. If you don't have her respect, she will have no problem hurting you, perhaps stealing from you, and often cheating on you.

And the only real leverage you have is ending the relationship. You can't prevent her from cheating. You can't prevent her from telling your personal details to anyone and everyone. You can't prevent her from going out partying with other women for a weekend, etc. But you CAN make it clear that if she chooses to do those things, your relationship is over, forever, and you'd damn well better stand behind that.

JoePro_ · Accepted Answer

As someone who supports women's rights, but not women's dominance (modern feminism), I would first determine what things you might agree on in terms of feminism, even if it's traditional feminism, feminism from 40 years ago. And then if it's important to you for her to be informed and not just blindly following man-haters who might be providing bad information...

First, I'd say be gentle with her. When she says something you don't agree with, just dig into what she means. Clarify the things she says in a non-judgmental, non-confrontational way. With honest openness to what she thinks, even if you immediately disagree. Then think about all the things she said, find one outstanding thing you don't agree with, and ask her if you can provide feedback on her opinion. If she says yes, great. Then say, "I'm not convinced this particular thing is true. Can we do more research on it? We'll find information saying it's true and why, and then we'll find information that says it's false and why, and we'll see what sounds more reasonable, even if we still don't agree with one another at the end. Are you interested in doing that with me?" And if she is, then she's open to having rational conversations with you, and searching for truth, and you might have found a keeper.

If she says "no", this could be a red flag that you'll face further resistance to differences in opinion in the future. And if this is a sort of resistance you're not interested in dealing with, then you might find a way to end the relationship.

Part of the give and take of your average relationship is a give and take in thought. Being open to new information even if you still don't agree with the opposing side after all is said and done. This isn't just about social things or political things, but it could be about the chemicals you use to clean your home, the food you feed your kids, the types of pets you have in your home, etc. There are lots of things you two might disagree on in life for a variety of reasons, but a willingness to hear each other out is vitally important for a working relationship and finding what works best for your home.

Just my two cents.

thatshydork · Accepted Answer

Nothing wrong with being a feminist, it just means she believes in equal rights. Many people think that because the word ‘feminism’ contains the word ‘feminine’ that feminism is just for women, but it’s not. Feminists fights for equal rights for everyone. It just so happens that the whole feminist movement was started by women who wanted the right to vote, but that doesn’t mean feminism excludes men’s rights. For example, feminism encourages and emphasizes mutual growth between all people and many feminists have also fought for men’s right to paternity leave.

alice55 · Accepted Answer

Dump her to assert patriarchy
This option make absolutely no sense XD

If you want to assert patriarchy you need to make her stop being a feminist (most women just become pushover when they're in love and accept anything even the most toxic dude).

Saying this from what I'v been seeing in my country...

Anonymous · Answer

She’s only being good to you  because in the current moment she finds value you in you.  Again don’t be mistaken I am talking about the  current moment.   It’s incredible how convincing and wonderful women can seem when they like you. The problem with the male ego is many of us yearn to be respected for just existing vs accepting the ugly truth is we are only valuable for  what we can provide women  (sex, money, attention, validation, etc.)  I made an extremely regrettable mistake years ago and I was in a similar position that you are in (close to the same age at the time too). The woman I dated was a moderate liberal and I was (and still am) a moderate conservative. Not a self identifying “feminist” yet. But she was on her way. We had plenty of good debates and she challenged me and vice versa. She changed my mind on a few perspectives and vice versa. She was the first to say I love you and she treated me great for an entire year.  Then she started to make friends with the wrong crowd. She got into improv and theater and was rubbing shoulders with radical feminist types.  In the beginning I didn’t take it seriously. I thought she had good judgment and would remain true to her own independent judgment. But direly mistaken.  We also had problems in our own relationship. I was dealing with some career struggles and truth is I needed to be single. She ended up breaking up with me which I saw coming. While I very devastated but I accepted it. She told me to “not be a stranger” and we hugged crying. I really did love her but I knew it was for the better we weren’t together.  A few weeks later we had to meet up for business purposes. I told her I missed talking to her and she gave the most malicious, brutal, callous insult I have ever taken from a woman in my life. She treated me like I was less than human. I’ve had plenty of women hurt me before and after but this was different. Never seen that level of hate and malice in my life. She didn’t say it out of momentary anger too, she really believed her words. Because given i was no longer of value to her then I was as expendable.  Don’t be fooled. Your new girlfriend has immersed herself in an environment where the most depraved female behaviors are not only considered acceptable but they are encouraged as “strength” or some heinous insanity.  The moment she loses interest in you is the exact moment she feel justified cheating on you and/or treating you as disposable. Because modern day feminists hate men because deep down they hate themselves. It’s debase human behavior. They will justify any horrible shitty female behavior.  At best you should tell her you want to be friends with benefits. But that could be a false rape accusation waiting to happen if she gets jealous you are dating other people. Modern feminism is NOT about equality. It’s about hated and a smokescreen for communism.

Lliam · Answer

If she's sweet, caring and fun to be around she's not a radical feminist. It doesn't sound to me like she resents or hates men or has a chip on her shoulder.

Maybe you're the one who is the ideologue. Did you tell her that you are a patriarchal male chauvinist? LOL

OMG, she believes in equal rights, has a mind of her own, isn't a door mat, doesn't grovel like a pet dog or fawn over you just because you have a job!

What do you expect from a woman? To cook your meals, do your laundry, clean your house, and act like your subordinate?

My wife and I are equal partners. We both earn income. It all goes to pay for our lifestyle and future together. We both do household and garden chores. We discuss things, ask for advice, collaborate and make decisions together. Neither of us is the boss.

She can think for herself and can be stubborn at times. I guess that must make her a feminist even though she is maternal, sweet, caring, fun, feminine, and respects and adores me.

I knew how to take care of myself when I was single. I didn't marry her so that I wouldn't have to anymore. I wouldn't feel right about sitting on my ass and not doing anything. When we both do household and garden chores and help each other, it's easier, we get done quicker, and we have more time to enjoy life.

She admires and values my capabilities and adores my masculinity. I admire and value her capabilities and adore her femininity. But I think anti-feminist, he man, woman haters would call me a simp for not asserting dominance over my life partner and not thinking that women are inferior to men in anything but size and strength.

tremendousfern · Answer

Kinda depends. A lot of women say they're feminists. What's most important is her actions. Does she treat you poorly? Does she submit to your lead? If she behaves like someone who would make a good wife and mother then she can say she's the queen of england for all I care.

Generally, I don't care about a woman's politics. The less political women are the better. I'd try to gradually persuade her to drop her "feminist" beliefs and just stop caring about that kind of crap. If she was really obnoxious about it though or it caused conflict in the relationship, I'd dump her.

JacobJordan · Answer

If she isn't spewing man hate then she isn't a modern feminist. Course if she thinks the wage gap exists she is stupid. If she still thinks women are oppressed she is dumb. If she thinks the patriarchy still exists she is dumb. Wage gap doesn't exist. Well technically it does women are paid slightly higher than men despite exact same experience roles etc. Women aren't oppressed haven't been for decades. Patriarchy doesn't exist hasn't for decades so being a feminist is just dumb at this point

GuyAnswersGirls123 · Answer

It might be useful to explore if you can peacefully disagree on topics like this where you two have very different views. That's one of the ultimate signs to me of whether a relationship can last is if you have two very opposing views on a subject that you'll never agree on but can still discuss it and even appreciate the fact that you'll never agree.

Jersey2 · Answer

F me… my daughter tried some of that feminist shit with me. I did not respond well. Don’t tell me about doing dishes when I just did some work around the house attaching TVs to walls and other things that saved hundreds of dollars AND was better than the so-called professional did. And certainly don’t tell me about what I should do in my relationship with her mother when we have been married since before she was born and she hasn’t had any longterm relationships herself except a toxic male who dumped her after a year and a half. I am very disappointed in how she acts at times and this has affected our relationship. I wouldn’t go near a feminist for a relationship.

Kaneki05 · Answer

None of the options apply. Already am a Feminist so I can't become one and obviously I have no problem with this.
If a girl is not a feminist that's what would be more the turn off cause what woman don't want her own rights? That's insanity.

SolitarySolace · Answer

Dump her because you’ll end up living under her boot. She’ll stop doing things for you that a girlfriend should do for her man because it’s considered to be bad to feminists to do anything for a man. They’d consider that uplifting patriarchy. So if your girlfriend ever considers herself a feminist, break up with her or at least threaten to break up and if she chooses feminism over you she never really loved you she cares about herself more

aceleon · Answer

any girl of mine cannot be this things

-slut (sexual past, attention whore, dresses revealingly, wants multi guys etc etc)

-feminist

-manipulative/opportunist (gold digger)

-unfaitfull in general sense

-cruel or unfeeling (like not liking animals or kids)

-shallow and materialistic

Flatmanlewis · Answer

We would be done. We’re not talking the classic, equality-minded, positive role model feminists. The current strain of liberal-ideology driven man-haters are so negative and I’d predict nothing but friction and their misplaced anger in my future. No need to do that. Choose your mate - Choose your fate.

Lionman95 · Answer

Date her until there is an actual problem and a conflict in the relationship because her being a feminist wouldn´t be a problem to me. I don´t see dumbing her as a way of asserting the patriarchy rather as avoiding of conflict if there hasn´t been any conflict yet just because she has with different views. That´s rather an option when she can´t be convinced of the patriarchy and a traditional relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

Women have rights like human rights and women have rights like men in society, but I am against the intense propaganda of this, although feminism seems to be women's rights at first, then it turned into female supremacy and domination, some women's comments such as masculinity is bad and toxic bother me personally, or their constant denigration of the patriarchal system was patriarchal in ancient Greece, but Aristotle raised geniuses such as Plato and Thales, the most common disease of today is ignorance.

WhyohWhy69 · Answer

I’m a conservative feminist. We’re more traditional feminists. Most of us like men. We just want to live our lives to the fullest. We don’t believe assault survivors should be vilified. We believe there are undeniable rights, freedoms and dignities for all good people.
Unfortunately, many men will dismiss us before even hearing what we have to say. All they’ve heard about is what entitled men who don’t like being held accountable want them to think. Not all men, mind you.

BonzoInBitburg · Answer

Sweet and caring aren't typical feminist behavior. Feminists are usually angry and complain about men. It's up to you but if she's sweet and caring and treats you well, then I don't see a problem.

sukumamu · Answer

Assert ultimate patriarchy by dumping her, turning gay, and marrying one of your homies. Tape on the door to your new love nest "No girlz allowed" in crayon.

Anonymous · Answer

Anyone can support fairness and equality. It doesn't take supporting an ideology like feminism to advocate for those things. But a woman who is willing to overlook all the shit feminism has been doing in the last decade is a bad person, by definition. Period.

Any woman who identifies as a feminist today is not worthy of my time and attention.

Anonymous · Answer

I voted D but it has nothing to do with "patriarchy". I did date a feminist once and I will never make that mistake again. Any woman who identifies as a feminist today is by definition and horrible person. Life is too short to date a feminist.

boggboss · Answer

If u like her personality from the get go I dont see the issue with her saying she is a feminist

Billlewis · Answer

If I discovered (as if I wouldn't have known earlier... lol) that the woman whom I'd just begun dating/serving was a hard core, dyed in the wool feminist, I'd be absolutely jubilant ❤️

Sirenboobzilla · Answer

What you're most likely referring to are Radical Feminists, otherwise known as Femi-nazis. Huge difference. They're the ones out to blame men for the world's problems.

IceCreamSandwich · Answer

I would dump my girlfriend if she turned out  not  to be a feminist. I don't date women who believe any group of people are inferior.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Yikes man, that would be a tough one.. I mean as long as we didn't start arguing or she wasn't a low-key female supremacists or misandrist, I think we would be fine.. Maybe..

A_Bell · Answer

Run. Run like the wind. Get NASA to measure your velocity incase you break the theoretical speed of light.

jshm2 · Answer

Pussy is pussy, kiddo. She has needs, maybe your magic stick could be what it takes for her to let out those frustrations.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Boo-hoo. As if stable people would have a problem with it.

Unit1 · Answer

i don't care. So long she's not a political activist. I can't stand political idiots. It does beg the question what else do they need? I don't see them going after oil rigs.

MzAsh · Answer

It depends on what exactly that “feminist” quality is.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

She can be very girly, but still wants equality for women. I don't have any problems with that!

gorydetails · Answer

Sweet, fun and caring are not feminist traits.

Starrrboy · Answer

Labels are irrelevant.. It's either I like her as a whole package or not.. Still, I hate people with labels, it would definitely make me cringe lol..

genericname85 · Answer

dump her. but not to assert patriarchy. i can't stand Karens and missinformed dunces who believe only what instagram influencers tell them.

OddBeMe · Answer

Opposites attract bruh. She with you because she wants to angry fuck you. Im an atheist liberal who married a Catholic conservative Latina chick. 15 years and still great sex.

exitseven · Answer

I would keep dating her unti l I get sick her her crap.

handsomelad70 · Answer

Unless she were fanatically anti-male and #girlboss-y, I guess I could hack it, at least for a while if she were great in bed.

Anonymous · Answer

Lmao if you don't see the struggles of women you're a read flag. What are you? A red piller wanting a trad wife thinking you can fuck the whole town?

Anonymous · Answer

Not gonna waste a second with someone who sees me as an adversity

Lyndsielee666 · Answer

Why is that an issue

Anonymous · Answer

Run. Stay away. Just stay far, far away. Dated one in the past and it was absolutely miserable. Worst relationship of my life.

serious_miss419 · Answer

Show her this poll and have her answer. Then you’ll know.

Sharkstealth · Answer

Do you really want a lesbian for a girlfriend? Wouldn't surprise me with today's youth.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, if she's sweet, caring and fun to be around she isn't annoying about it so I'd stay with her.

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Never date a feminist. Feminism is a hate movement against men these days.

IMHO1000 · Answer

If her values are not inline with you beliefs and values, find someone else. Not that hard to do.

straightmax12 · Answer

I would never love a woman who likes to bash on men and blame everything that's wrong on men, even if she's fun to be around.

apimpnamedslickback · Answer

I wouldn't see any future for that relationship

Anonymous · Answer

I'd probably break things off depending on how strong those beliefs are

Mariena_Anne92 · Answer

What’s wrong with being feminist?

Miristheiss · Answer

Not compatible... move on.

patois · Answer

How could I like her if she's a feminist?

WhitneySnow · Answer

Nothing wrong with being a feminist

LimitedBenefits101 · Answer

Dump her immediately.

laly520 · Answer

lol the last option is funny

msc545 · Answer

Keep seeing her but anticipate a problem.

JayBones · Answer

Just fake it until you fuck her then bounce.

DarkLegacy · Answer

I would have found that out beforehand

Dongie · Answer

Drop her on her feminist ass.

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

Dump her to assert patriarchy. 🤣

Cazaputas · Answer

Dump her.

Anonymous · Answer

Dump her. I don’t date feminists.

What to do if you really like your new girlfriend but she turns out to be a feminist?

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What to do if you really like your new girlfriend but she turns out to be a feminist?

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