I matched with a guy in bis 40, and he wanted to visit the same day, which I refrained as I was not ready. We chatted for a month, and in between, he wanted to visit, but I was not still ready to meet anyone. Our chat went well, and finally, after a month, we decided to meet up. He lives 2 hours away from me. Close to the weekend, I tried to confirm if he was going to come at the weekend, and he said, "But you did not agree last week, but he said if he changes his tires, he will
Finally, on Friday, he said he did, and he is excited to come. I arranged to meet up somewhere in between close to the lake and stay overnight in the hotel, and the other day, we went to the national park. He agreed, and we met the other day around 2 pm. It was fine, he had a very old car and dressed very casually. He has a BSc in comp. SC. And I have a PhD. in Chem. He said he was married for 10 years and divorced and dated over 10 ladies before and only broke up with his ex a month ago. He went on saying that he was an alcoholic and now, as his second job, he distributes marijuana and he is a user too. Later, I realized that he used every day. He said he asked his wife to do threesome and even open a relationship. He told me he could come and stay with me and if he meets a woman with a good evening he also wants to have a child. We left, and the other day, he called me to tell me that he felt love for me. He said he counts seconds to meet me next weekend. He asked my address as Valentine's Day was approaching. I also did the same. I asked him many times if he was OK with my way of being and some of my surprises, and he said just be yourself with me. So I drove to his place that night to surprise him, but I saw him living in a damll rental apartment which is in mess. Our main topic of our conversation revolved about dirty and messy exes, and he said how he could not put up with his messy ex, while his house was an actual mess.
Finally, on Friday, he said he did, and he is excited to come. I arranged to meet up somewhere in between close to the lake and stay overnight in the hotel, and the other day, we went to the national park. He agreed, and we met the other day around 2 pm. It was fine, he had a very old car and dressed very casually. He has a BSc in comp. SC. And I have a PhD. in Chem. He said he was married for 10 years and divorced and dated over 10 ladies before and only broke up with his ex a month ago. He went on saying that he was an alcoholic and now, as his second job, he distributes marijuana and he is a user too. Later, I realized that he used every day. He said he asked his wife to do threesome and even open a relationship. He told me he could come and stay with me and if he meets a woman with a good evening he also wants to have a child. We left, and the other day, he called me to tell me that he felt love for me. He said he counts seconds to meet me next weekend. He asked my address as Valentine's Day was approaching. I also did the same. I asked him many times if he was OK with my way of being and some of my surprises, and he said just be yourself with me. So I drove to his place that night to surprise him, but I saw him living in a damll rental apartment which is in mess. Our main topic of our conversation revolved about dirty and messy exes, and he said how he could not put up with his messy ex, while his house was an actual mess.
What Guys Said
Hmm, sis this guy seems a little unstable from what you're saying. I know you wanted to give him a chance since you hit it off at first, but there were some red flags that came up on this last date.
A few things stand out to me that would concern me if I were you - his messy apartment when he criticized an ex for being messy, constantly bringing up exes, saying he loves you so soon, and wanting to spend every weekend together already is rushing things. Plus his drug and alcohol issues in the past, that's a lot of baggage.
I'd say trust your gut feelings here. The way he acted is different than who he said he was those first few weeks of chatting. I think you deserve someone who has their life more put together and makes you feel comfortable, not on edge. Don't be afraid to set clear boundaries if you do meet him again.
But if it were me sis, I'd probably end it here before getting more invested. You seem really smart and have so much going for you - don't settle for a guy that causes this much drama already. Your happiness should be the priority! Let me know what you decide to do, but be careful okay? You've got this! ☺️
Thank you, Oliver, for your good heart and advice. He had already broken up with me and blocked me everywhere. After he raised his voice at my place when he brought up his ex name during me kissing him. The other day, he apologized. I said I learned not to discuss news with you or anything as he accused me of being racist or watching cheap youtube news, which is not true. Then, after some messages, I blocked him and recorded some voice messages. Later, I saw he put a سد face in his profile, and I unblocked him and tried to talk to him. He did not respond to his phone calls or his messages and blocked me on whatsapp. I had no choice but to drive 2 hours at night to talk to him in person and apologize if I made him upset. He let me in and told me he has only 15 min before going to bed. I apologized and asked if I can sleep on his coach as my eyes are tired and can not drive back another 2 hours that he raised his voice again and said it is too much I can not deal with it. I left and slept abit in my car and drove back home. He did such after being in my place for 2 days right before my visit, but he did not even let me stay on his coach. The other day, I wrote to him that what he did was inhuman and he said I exhibit stalker behaviour and others would call the police but he did not. I said only ass does this when they were treated like a king 2 days before at the place of the same person. Then he said you are a bigger ass that invaded my privacy and did not respect boundaries as you came unannounced first time and now again. While he told me before, be yourself with me and do whatever you want to do. Now I left with no choice that drove there. Finally, he
blocked me everywhere and said we are not compatibleI do not understand his humor and we live in different cities and it is only part of his decision. I tried hard in a matter of two months to convince him that if I visited him was because he said be yourself. Or if he touched me in a wrong way I'm our first date and I asked to stop then he should respect my wishes and not continue and call it joke and tell me you will get over it. Or when he burped in my face when I told him it was a deal breaker on our second date, he opened his door and showed me the way out. Or I did not force him to visit after a month chatting, and him wanted to visit in the first two weeks several times but I said no. Or I am not racist or if I listen to news and ask him. question just to know more about his culture.
At the end he added more insult and accusation such as you are jealous of my ex, you are uncivilized and the list continues. I explained more and left it at that. I wanted to help him and show him the way after a month chatting with him and thought he is a good and decent person. He is using marijuana on a daily basis. Still he does not have a daytime job and work from home for a company. In his 40he still loves in a rental apartment with no security. He does have several serious health issues, and he can not afford to do surgery right now like hips replacement. He did hernia surgery recently. He distribute marijuana as a side job while I only asked him if he can do better as he has a degree and later he said I told he is poor and his life is not of my approval. I could not do anything to tell him I accepted him the way he is if he be respectful towards me. I offered him to move in with me and I will take care of him and he can save his money for his surgery while I am not even his girlfriend. I wanted to order bathing and toiletries for his place that he said I do not need it. I do not care if someone buy me anything. It is over. I need to move on from the pain he caused me.
I enjoyed reading your message. It is very nicely put together. He complaint that he did not loke the way relationship moved too fast while it was him who rushed it. It was him who changed his words and acted differently from what he said before. It was him who wanted to move to my place on our first date and said he also wanted to have a child. The plan was to travel somewhere new together every weekend as I am a foreigner in his country. I am a foreigner and yet have an academic position that is well paid. I am a very neat and organized person. I do not care if his place was a bit disorganized but the way he bragged about it when it was not the case was of my concern. I am very healthy and fit person, well rounded and well educated. I wanted to stand next to him and told him let me hold your hands and fly together, but he blew it out.
You’re welcome ☺️ Wow, this whole situation sounds super messy and dramatic. I can't believe how quickly it went south after starting off chatting for so long. This dude clearly has some major issues he needs to work through.
It's good that you tried to be understanding at first since you guys connected online, but there were just way too many red flags popping up on the actual dates. No one deserves to be yelled at or make you feel uncomfortable like that. And then blocking you everywhere was a total jerk move.
I know it's probably hurt feeling rejected after opening your heart, but seriously, this guy is toxic. You're way better off without all that drama in your life. From the sounds of it, you've got your shit together and a promising career ahead - don't let some loser drag you down!
It'll be hard, but try not to dwell on what went wrong or what you could have done differently. You didn't do anything wrong. This is all on him for not being respectful or stable enough for a relationship. Stay positive - the right person is out there who'll treat you with care and kindness. Don't settle for less than you deserve! You got this.
Thanks, Oliver. It is very sweet of you. Yeah, no guys by now, blocked me that this guy did. He said because you started insulting me, but it is another lie he told me and himself. But he did not block my number, and he read my messages. To see if he reads or not, I said I would call his ex, and he responded right away. To my understanding, this person is very immature and insecure. He always said my life, place, car, job, and my education are not of your approval, while I have never said such thing. Nothing even close to such. Even after a break up, he sent mixed signals that if you back off and leave me alone, there might be a chance that things back to its previous state. The other time, he said there would not be us at all. Every time, he said something different. Mind game or his undtability. I even lately told him you can come and leave with me without being worried about expenses and work around my place. He just ignored and later said no. I am a good-looking woman that it grabs people attention wherever I go. Still, this loser treated me as such. I do not block him, as he did.
Dang, that sounds rough. This guy really messed with your head with all his mixed signals and lying. Like one minute he's saying maybe there's a chance, next saying never. And constantly putting you down about your life when he's got his own issues? What a tool.
You're totally right that he seems super insecure. Only explanation for acting like that and trying to make you feel bad about yourself. And getting all defensive anytime you bring up his ex or living situation. Clearly has some personal stuff to work on.
I'd say at this point just try to ignore him as much as you can. Don't give him the satisfaction of seeing he's still getting to you. Yeah you don't need to block him, but don't react or respond to anything else he says either. Dude's not worth anymore of your mental energy.
You seem like a real catch - handsome, smart, have your stuff together. This loser is missing out big time. His loss. Just focus on yourself for now homie, hit the gym, play some ball, find some other hobbies. You'll meet someone way better before you know it. This clown will be a distant memory.
I meant beautiful and smart sorry
Thank u
He does not write to me, and even I wrote he ignores it. I did send some links of ni e words and sometimes photos of mine to remind him what a lover he is, and he is missing a lot. I do have my routine and life.
Are u 22 years old?
Eh I don't know sis, sending unsolicited links and photos after he's made it clear he's not interested anymore probably isn't the best idea. I know you miss him and want to remind him of the good times, but it might just come across as kinda clingy or desperate at this point.
Dude clearly has issues communicating what he wants, but continuing to reach out when he's ignoring you is only gonna push him further away, you know? As hard as it is, you gotta play it cool for now. Let him see that you're fine without him and living your best life.
Maybe in a few weeks if he still hasn't blocked you, a casual "hey how's it going" text wouldn't hurt. But I wouldn't get your hopes up or read too much into it if he doesn't respond. Just focus on you and do your thing for a while. He'll either come back around or he won't - but you gotta act like you're not waiting on him, feel me? Stay strong, sis!
I am 21 at the moment but almost 22 later in the year
Oh wow, very knowledgeable young man in this age.
Oh gawsh ☺️ thank you so much, I try to. You’re very wise and smart yourself
It seems like there are many areas in which you are not compatible with each other.