For men who go 50//50 on dates, how do you tell the woman you aren't paying for her?

Question

How do you tell the woman you aren't paying for her. Do you tell her before the date? Wait till the middle of the date? Wait till the check comes?

For men who go 50//50 on dates, how do you tell the woman you arent paying for her?

The 50/50 thing just seems so embarrassing on the man's part. I just wonder how y'all approach telling a woman you aren't gonna pay for her. It seems like something you should bring up before even going on the date

WhiteSteve · Accepted Answer

I can’t even imagine not paying for a date, not with a new pursuit anyway. Like I’ve let my girlfriend pay for dinner if we’ve gone out for my birthday, but that’s it. I don’t even really feel that comfortable with that, haha, but she insists on it.

Honestly, I kind of tie this whole conundrum in with this mess we have with dating app phenomenon. I don’t remember hearing “why does the guy always have to pay?” back in the day. It was just kind of “the way it is.”

So the hot part of the take is: you’re dating too much if you’re going broke doing it. I worry for the younger crowd that we have so much ease of access to potential options that maybe we’re hyper-dating. When I hear guys complain about this, it’s often based on “how am I supposed to pay $100 at a restaurant X-amount of times a week/month?” And that’s a legit question. But the bigger question is “why are you going on all these dates?”

I get that we’re all out hunting, and it might just be symptomatic of the new app-based approach, but (old guy talk coming in 3…2…1…) BACK IN MY DAY😂 I’d have been lucky to get one date a month, and I was doing alright relative to other guys. It’s not even out of being rejected, I just wouldn’t even meet people I was interested in that often. The dynamic was totally different. You just met by chance, and I wonder if that was better than dozens or hundreds or thousands of us all being able to cross paths virtually.

What I’m saying is, when I met a girl, I felt like I was in the running, and only against a few other potential suitors at a given time. Like my girlfriend today, when we met in ‘07, she had JUST moved here, I met her by total chance through a mutual acquaintance as a customer where I worked as a bouncer. And we just had an immediate spark we both felt, right from the introduction.

She’s very attractive, so I knew she wasn’t going to be won uncontested, even though she just showed up to town. Dudes are DESERT-thirsty, lmao, they see a hot chick and they just come running. But I could tell they were “left-swipes” when she’d interact with them (tough to have to stand at the door checking IDs while watching guy after guy take a run at her, and hoping she makes it to closing so I can take my run, haha). There was really only one other guy that seemed like he was a consideration, and to a lesser degree, the guy from back where she was from who she had just broken up with was still making his last-ditch efforts. But it was really only a two-man race, and I don’t think it was that close.

So, before I go way too long on it, if I met her today, it’s me vs hundreds of dudes on an app, and maybe a few dozen would suit her. That’s a lot of competition, so I think you naturally try to cast a wide net, and not put all your eggs in one basket. And then now I’d have to be on an app, talking to multiple women at a time, multiple dates a week, and if I’m young, I’m probably also poor, lmao, I never started seeing real money til my 30s, most people don’t. I think these days it’s a lot more difficult for a man to be a “provider” in his 20s the way we used to be able to expect last century, unless you’re in very specific lines of work.

So you could go broke quick and still not get chosen, ultimately, or have to sit there wondering if you let “the one” get away because you had to pick and choose which girls you could afford to take out. And that sucks, I get that. But at the end analysis, I think it’s kind of what I’m saying …dating apps changed the volume of potential partners, and with that comes increased pressure in the ways I already described, plus we all get Goldilocks-brain and become unreasonably picky with all the available options. And I don’t really know how we navigate it, honestly. I’m glad to be out of the game, I’m not built for this era, haha.

But I still can’t imagine not paying. I think I’d just be on dating time-out if money was that thin😂

OneViewpoint · Accepted Answer

Check is delivered... I pick it up. It's $100, your half is $50. Add $10 for tip.

Let's get this out in the open. If women want "equality" and this is the age of Tinder etc. where women can swipe left all day long and use guys for drinks or a meal whenever they are bored or lonely, then a guy should NOT be picking up the tab automatically.

Sorry, that went out the window with traditional dating roles. You wanna behave like men, then I'm gonna treat you like one of my guy friends until I find out if we're dating or I'm being used. I want the woman to have some skin in the game. I'm not your ATM or your therapist. And dining out with drinks is expensive.

Surprisingly, I find that isn't really a problem. I have a lot of women cold approach me and buy me a drink. Then I have no problem reciprocating for the next round. If I don't reciprocate that night (last drink, etc.), I make it a point to remember and take care of them the next time we cross paths. Which isn't usually a problem because I only frequent a few places with a large crowd of regulars. That sort of sets the tone for the money thing early on. IF we end up actually dating then I fall into the traditional male role.

Crimsyjo · Accepted Answer

I always offer to pay half. I never expect a man to pay and I never want to feel obligated to a man like maybe if he pays he thinks he's entitled to sex or a kiss. So I always want to be clear that I don't use men and I don't need a man financially. If we get together it's because we are compatible in other more important ways. Or like even with sex.. I see it as a mutual enjoyment. I won't be brought or bribed lol

Of course... if he insists on paying that's a nice thing and does raise him up in my eyes.

lilBigPotato · Accepted Answer

The thing is... You don't ask her to pay. That doesn't mean you need to cover her bills, but you should be elegant about it. If that is beyond his abilities, he should either just pay or really make that date amazing to cover up that awkward situation.

Finchie40 · Answer

When I ask a girl on a date I don’t expect her to pay a dime , cuz I am asking her on the date. I would never call a girl and ask her on a date and expect her to pay whatsoever. It’s the respectful thing to do , I know I am old school and I know sadly times have changed , and I feel bad for this new generation on how things are, if splitting a bill with a date works these days? , that is news to me. Me personally would like to see the girl again after the first date , Do girls’ today go on second dates with a guy that asked to split the bill? If she does , someone needs to stop her lol

HawkPerception · Answer

I bring it up before the actual date. If they're not cool with it, then good. Saves me time.

I don't understand why women feel entitled to be paid for in this day and age. Is she not also interested in going on the date? Does she not also work? Why should a man have to pay for the woman's time? Is her time worth more than his?

Like I'd be okay paying for the date and all the bills if she wants a traditional dynamic where the man works and she handles the housework like in the past. Otherwise, it doesn't make any sense. If you want equality, then that applies to all aspects in life. Not just the aspects you choose.

AviatorTom · Answer

I never planned for 50-50, always assuming (and offering) to pay for the entire date. A few times, when the restaurant bill came, my date offered to pay half, which I readily agreed to.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

When I was dating, I always paid for everything on a date, so this was never an issue.

SamIam96 · Answer

I think the man should always pay unless the woman makes a point of contributing. It's about the vibe he wants to send. Anything other than him paying the tab sends a bad message.

He's cheap.
He's petty.
He can barely make ends meet.

Why would he want to start a new relationship with some unnecessary drama? Particularly over the cost of a meal.

If he decides that the bill has to be split 50/50, or even worse, pay for what you order, then he has to be upfront about it. That way, she can move on if she chooses.

This subject has come up with women friends at work. For them, it's a deal breaker if he doesn't offer to pay.

TCredo · Answer

lol I have never even thought to consider this but if I try to put myself in the shoes of a cheap guy who would...

Both "after the check comes" and "during the date" are ripe for a public shaming AND if she walks out, the cheapskate would have to pay for the entire bill which is likely one of his top 3 worst nightmares.

While telling her before the date might seem risky (as I would hope the woman would say no lol) BUT to a cheap guy, if she says yes, he might feel like he's found the one!

So I think "before the date" is the only option - and has me wondering if these types of guys put that info on their dating app profiles lol :)

molonski2 · Answer

I've never had a 50/50 in my life , until very recently , and what happened was it was a last minute thing , by friend came from Bangkok, she is very wealthy , she came picked me up , we went to driving range , but then we went to Marriot for wine on the beach ( her suggestion ) , she said to me straight up " We'll go 50/50 " , its pretty expensive but I had never been previously , so no problem think 50% was 1400 baht , which is really expensive for here , plus you have VAT.

This is the first time I can recall doing this ( maybe I did as a teenager? ) , but I didn't want her to pay for me , despite her wealth and incredible car , which was rather nice.

matchrestore · Answer

Well, its a joint checking account, so I guess it doesn't really matter who pays... why make the server split the check?

In all seriousness, the only time I split the bill on dates was when we were both broke college students or if the girl suggested it.

blondfrog · Answer

I know you keep saying most women don't take advantage of men who pay for their meals as a free ticket meal, but this is so not true. Also what's your rules on two lesbians dating? Which ones has to pay? The one who is more masculine or do they make the waiter pay? I've had almost every woman I've taken out on a date use me as a free meal because I would never hear back from them after that.

HaveNoName · Answer

I was never in the dating world as I got married before I could ever experience dating 😀

Nevertheless, even when I went out for lunch with female coworkers (not as date), I never allowed them to pay. I just don't see that as proper (unless of course, she had made it clear to split as a condition to go). I guess it's just a cultural way of how I was brought up.

overlord337645 · Answer

if your doing that you need a reason if your seriously broke and can't afford it with your current job you either shouldent be dating long term or need to make that clear otherwise your just a total peice of work who can't even bother to be polite to a woman who took the time to go out with you for me 50/50 is a red flag it shows your cheap and or you are broke either way you can't support a family

AnonAndrew · Answer

I don't do the 50/50 thing. I just have a habit of paying.

Sometimes a girl will object and offer to pay her share, I say it's not necessary, and that's that. It's a very nice courtesy from the girl, I think.

On occasion it's happened that a girl insisted, and then I let her pay for herself. That's been very rare, though.

MicroJ · Answer

That's not a date. Those guys are losers. Seriously, if I take a girl out on a date, I pay no matter what. Call me old fashioned, but I'm the one who asked her out.

MillieBee1993 · Answer

As a woman, I expect to pay my share on the first date - always.

We're both total strangers, who BOTH set time aside to meet up. His time is just as valuable as my own time that we BOTH dictated toward doing dinner date, having lunch, etc.
We are strangers, and I would NOT expect anyone else to pay for my meal or even my coffee.

loveslongnails · Answer

If a man ASKS a woman out on a date, and subsequently expects her to pay for half, here's what I recommend: As soon as you find out, just nod and say "I see", but don't agree. Instead say " Well in that case, I'll have the... best entree, best cocktail". Then before the check comes, excuse yourself, go to the bathroom, call an uber, and leave.

Zack-Bann · Answer

I always show up ready and willing to pay the full tab Sometimes Im with a woman who doesn’t like that and I naturally just let us split the bill  (I don’t like someone paying for me either)

Sun_Kim-Ai · Answer

I don't tell usually unless she proposes it first and/or insists about it.

The general rule where I live is that usually the person who invites the other out is the one who pays - I had women who asked/invited me out (even in non romantic settings) picking up the whole tab.

In such occasion I tried to pick up at least 50/50, but if they insisted I let them because it'd be equally rude to not let them pay, feels like you are doubting they have the means to cover for the meal.

sinderella18 · Answer

It's about enjoying the date, I know boys from school who can't afford much so if we go out together I offer to pay towards whatever we do.

Sometimes it's not a date, just hanging out, like the sports centre, bowling or getting a burger

Joshydavid25 · Answer

It usually consist of her insisting on paying her fair share.. I wouldn't call it embarrassing though since in this day and age, women could pay for their own dates since they're working and independent.. Usually I pay no problem though.

Mangospacho · Answer

That would be such an awkward conversation to have before the date. I would rather just pay for her meal and avoid that dreaded conversation.

dragoblack · Answer

She should always assume she is paying half when it comes to dates. It's not the guy's responsibility to pay for her if the date is bad or she is rude & disrespectful. A guy paying for the date is supposed to be a show of financial stability and a gentlemans kind gesture. To treat it as mandatory or "bare minimum" just negates to point and shows disrespect.

Makeushiver · Answer

I think that whomever suggests a place to eat has a burden of acting as host. Don't talk her into going to a place she thinks is too much and then expect her to pony up 1/2. If it seems like it's a bit confusing than suggest that you pay the bill and she takes care of the gratuity which can be a significant ~20% of bill

IslaTheWitch · Answer

I don't go 50/50... everyone pays for themselves... and he doesn't have to say it... I prefer my freedom of choice, and I decide for myself...

PrinceWalnut · Answer

Why would I do 50/50? She needs to show me her worth by paying for me smh

Juxtapose · Answer

I don't need to clarify that I am not a sugar daddy. If she refuses to pay for herself, I will straight up leave the restaurant. Why would I date some sexist leach?

If I am outright expected to pay, then I expect guaranteed oral. How about that? Or am I supposed to pay and get nothing out of it and get taken advantage of like some fucking idiot?

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I always bring money but if a guy insists on splitting I already know he has no real interest in me so I block him after the friendly outing.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

I always go expecting to pay all. If she offers to cover something I won't argue, I'll let her oay what she wants. If I expected her to pay I'd say before we went out

Billlewis · Answer

I always insist on paying for the date in its entirety, and if I can, I’ll try to get her to let me pay for her dates with other guys, too.

genericname85 · Answer

she'll see when i tell the waiter to split the bill. but typically talk about this before the date even starts. for me, if i "invite" you that means i'll pay. if i say "let's eat together" that means you'll pay for yourself.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I vet her on a couple of simple meetups before I take her somewhere nice, just to make sure her goal isn't free meals and entertainment. At that point I do not care about paying. If it were a consideration I would not be dating her.

Still-alive · Answer

I personally always pay no matter what however it would be nice (but not required) if they offered even if i insist on paying. just show me they truly aren't there just for a free meal. thats all i want.

slatyb · Answer

I would never ever. If she insisted I would let her. Usually this is a sign there won't be another date.

KrakenAttackin · Answer

If a man wants to go 50/50 it likely means he has no interest in seeing you again.

Mrtcn01 · Answer

if it is a date, date i pay for her... if it is a pre-date or something which to know eachother i say when bill comes.. it is not embrassing for me.. if i dont sleep with her, i dont pay for her.. if we are close firend or friend dinner in that moment i can also pay for her. (maybe in future i can sleep with her ) :P

Dargil · Answer

Most servers (Waiters and Waitresses) give the check to the guy. If she tries to step in, I take it and say  Maybe next time.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

If I'm making her go 50/50 I don't plan on seeing her again. Even if didn't see any potential, she would have to be extremely disrespectful for me to make her pay.

Anonymous · Answer

I never ask a woman to pay half. I come prepared to pay the whole ticket, but if she doesn't offer to pay half, she won't get a second date. I'll still pay all of the bill if it's a first date, but she better fucking offer. If she doesn't, I know she one of the self-important, entitled ones like you, Apple. And that's a no-go for me.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

I never do that 50/50 nonsense. If I couldn't afford to take a woman on a date then I would date. Smh! I blame women for this cause if I was a woman and a guy said that to me I wouldn't even talk to him.

KITEinStorm · Answer

A man who invites you on a date does not offer to pay 50//50, the woman has to offer this when the bill comes. Of course, in 50//50 a man should not put a woman in a difficult situation by choosing an expensive place.

MikeRJ · Answer

I have never not paid for my date. Ladies, if you go to a movie or dinner with a guy and you don't know his intentions, if he insists on paying, he is telling you that you are on a date.

Fireguy17 · Answer

It doesn't happen very often, but it was always discussed beforehand.

RingOfFire · Answer

Any man who goes 50/50 on a date doesn't deserve to call himself a man.

Anonymous · Answer

There's at least a chance the date goes so well that I will change my mind and pay for her, so I wait until the end of the date. If she's been a cow then I pay my half and go. I don't give a shit about offending a piss poor date.

Tarifa · Answer

Just hanging out with a friend, I'd expect her to pay half, although it wouldn't upset me to pay the bill. On a first date, and possibly the following dates, I wouldn't accept her to pay.

jahaims · Answer

If you are equals it's assumed you are splitting. Taking someone out on a date isn't some prize that gets paid for. A date is a mutually agreed upon meeting to decide if you want to start a romantic relationship or not.

oldpigg · Answer

I don't give my money to women and I don't invite them on dates either, in any case she will have to pay for my food too.

larry69 · Answer

I have never let a woman pay for me. It happened once when she was sneaky about it.

Sevenpointfive · Answer

she asked me out and now she expects a free meal and free sex. na ahh

LunarEclipse433 · Answer

I go on a date I pay. But they are non existent so no problem. LOL

Jerre · Answer

I never worry about that as I always pay 100%.

HungTexan · Answer

I’d just pay the entire bill.

chrissykerdock · Answer

good luck with that no date no blowjob

Nifrayu · Answer

Unless the payment situation is agreed upon prior to the date, it should be assumed that we are paying separately. So if it wasn't discussed, I wouldn't fret about splitting the bill.

Anonymous · Answer

With me there is no chance at all that she's paying, unless she's a total bitch

blackeagle007 · Answer

Why is it guys have to pay 100%? One date isn’t gonna guarantee another

Anonymous · Answer

Many moons ago, before social media, I remember asking as we sat down how we should fund the event. Course, I didn't have a second date...

BCRanger10 · Answer

I never went 50/50. I always paid.

MrShaun · Answer

I would never split the bill!!! She gets the whole thing! Sugar-mama..

Priya99999 · Answer

Firstly when you plan a date, you gotta be open about who's gonna pay who's gonna pick up who

Sunrising · Answer

Do females not pay for us? 😃 Lol !

For men who go 50//50 on dates, how do you tell the woman you aren't paying for her?

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For men who go 50//50 on dates, how do you tell the woman you aren't paying for her?

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