Should I text my ex girlfriend for her birthday?

[EMTorres1021]

Hello all, thank you for your time and responses.

I was on again off again with my ex for quite some time. Both times we split, she was the on who ended it. I was pretty broken up about it. We recently tried to hang out and keep in touch, it was a little shaky.

When I tried to ask her out to lunch a few months back, she said that she was talking to someone and thought it would be inappropriate . Now, her birthday is tomorrow. I have been going back and forth about texting her happy birthday. It is such a small and silly thing to worry about...but what do you all think? There IS the chance that she is talking to some else right now, so I think if I do, I'll just be like every other guy. Thoughts? Thanks.

[Tamikaze]

Don't do it.

The reason that trying to hang out and keep in touch is shaky is because it is just not natural. Sure, its natural to seek the company of someone you never wanted to break-up with in the first place. You still have an emotional attachment to her. But spending time together trying to be buddies or acquaintances just doesn't work. YOU still have feelings for her and she knows it. Neither one of you may be actively recognizing this, but underneath it all you know this is true.

So, don't wish her happy birthday. There is no point. I am sure she knows you are a nice person and if you ran into her you would wish her well. That is really all that you should do at this point. Purposely contacting her like family or friends would is awkward.

I remember by ex-husband wanted to take me out to lunch for our anniversary/my birthday a few months after our divorce was final. I was horrified. Talk about uncomfortable. We talk because we have a daughter together. It took about 3 years of avoiding personal stuff like that for him to finally step away from any hope we would reconcile.

[Ashmo13]

I totally understand and actually, It is bigger than a small thing; totally get it :P She really may be 'talking to someone else' but I would say, go for it. Say Happy Bday (follow your heart). You already are ahead of 'every other guy' because you two have the history (good or bad). All you can do is try, but is she worth the heart ache? If she is, then give her room to breath but still be there for her. I know it might be hard, but in time, the truth will come out for the both of you.. Best of Luck!

[EMTorres1021]

Thanks so much. It's always great to hear from people with similar experiences.

[Anonymous]

I've always found courtesy relationships a waste of time. My mom thinks it's rude that I don't say happy birthday to my ex, even though we've ended it on good terms and he's attempted to be my friend a few times. I think you should leave the past in the past and spend more time living in the present.

Would she be moved by your gesture? Would she be upset if you didn't text her? Would doing this make any change in your mood, for the better? If the answer to all these is "probably not", then you're wasting your time.

[EMTorres1021]

I can't say for sure if she would be moved, but I think there may be a chance that she would be upset if I didn't. But the thing is, she would probably think that I have reason to not text her, so she would understand why I didn't in a way.

I thought that by texting her I am being civil and genuinely wishing her well on her birthday, even if I never talk to her again after that. I just have the hardest time making up my mind on this because this is the one person that I did in fact love.

[Opinion Owner]

If you feel like you should, then do it. I don't understand how this is an issue since you two are over. Are you still hoping to get her back or what?

[EMTorres1021]

I suppose, in a way, I do. There are unresolved feelings for me, so most of my decisions are treated pretty cautiously.

[Opinion Owner]

You should probably talk to her about it instead of getting your hopes up because you might be hanging on to a thread that leads nowhere. She's already seeing someone else. Tell her what's on your mind so she can either confess sharing your feelings or let you move on.