He initiates dates but won't follow through on plans?

So I've gone on three dates with this guy I met online a while ago. The first one was drinks, and we slept together; the second one was dinner, but he had to call it a night to finish some work before he flew to the south early the next morning...we made out to say goodbye; the last time, we saw a movie (during the day), had coffee and walked through the park, and we just hugged.

Every time we part ways he'll initiate plans for next time (which I agree to), but he won't text me...I have to text him to see how things are. The most extreme example was when I left his apartment the morning after and he asked what I was doing the rest of the weekend, and when I said he was busy he invited me to dinner...he texted me to check that I got to work OK and we made vague plans. It was "his turn" to text me, so I waited for him to confirm. He didn't text me until almost 1AM the night before!

Recently he was away on business for several weeks, and when he returned Sandy hit (particularly bad where he lives), so I wasn't surprised when I didn't hear from him for a while...but an extra week went by and I started to wonder, so I texted him. He was friendly enough, and asked what I was up to this weekend; maybe Saturday we'll see a concert.

I'm puzzled by two things here. First, why the physical intimacy decreased...time/scheduling didn't seem to permit, and I appreciate that I didn't feel pressured to put out; but I also still want to sleep with him hahah. Second, why he brings up seeing each other again but won't contact me about it...I feel I'm doing most of the work, but it seems to be paying off...

Does anyone have insight into what's going on here?

Yo if he were only interested in sleeping w me he would've made dates later at night & not have been busy booking flights. If he just wanted sex he would have gotten it. & sorry but the no sex on the first date rule doesn't fly: I slept w both my last boyfriends on the first date, & it was the same for some of my friends. In my experience there is no such thing as sleeping together too soon. If he likes you, it will progress accordingly. Please reevaluate!


Most Helpful Girl

  • You're not a priority to him at this point in time. Maybe he's busy with other things in his life, isn't ready for a committed relationship, or simply isn't interested in a committed relationship with you. It seems he likes you enough to bring up hanging out again, but not enough to make it clear that you're a priority and he wants to see where things will go. Take it for what it is. Decide what you want and proceed accordingly. If you wanted more and will be hurt if it doesn't go there, stop initiating contact with him.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • He seems to be losing interest after having slept with you on the first date.

    • Deluding yourself.

What Girls Said 2

  • You slept w him too soon and now he just sees ya as a booty call. If you're looking to meet a good guy who you can start a relationship with then make him wait a little longer for it. I hate the double standard that guys have w sex but unfortunately a lot of guys just won't take you serious if you put out right away. Good luck!

  • Sounds like he likes you enough to hang out with you, especially since it might get him laid. But he doesn't seem to like you enough to stay in regular contact. He's probably holding out to see if other plans come together before firming them up with you.

    FWB zone. If you're into him, just end it now because it's all downhill from here.

    • I agree with you on the "sex too soon" thing, but I stand firm that he's only halfheartedly interested for some reason.

    • K, yeah I guess that's the feeling I'm getting, that he isn't all that interested, and sex too soon isn't that reason...we'll see how it goes.

    • Maybe it's just simple timing... He might want the perks of a girlfriend, but not all of the time and energy it takes. It could have nothing to do with you, personally.