31 and never dated or had a relationship?

How am I supposed to overcome the social stigma or assumptions people women specifically make about a guy who is in this position? My reason for my situation is pretty much that I am not a very social person and had nobody to help me become more social. I was always afraid and over-thought just talking to people or approaching women and the results that might happen.

Thanks for the advice I will certainly try to put myself out there more and actually approach a woman I might be interested in.


Most Helpful Girl

  • you dont' have to tell your date that you've never had a relationshp before. I have a friend who is a guy who is 32 and he's not married. he's only had 3 relationships in his life. do not feel bad. it will eventually come and you need to be more outgoing, have no fear. just be positive, maybe work on the wardrobe and get a hair style that is nice. and maybe even read up on some dating books-i'm not joking at all.-i did this after my first boyfriend and it helped me tons-i attract a lot more guys and I get asked out more often because I've 'transformed' or adapted myself.

    i haven't had many relationships either and women who are going to judge you on that and make logic denying assumptions aren't worth your time. you need a woman who can think. (well, lol unless you don't mind she doesn't think) but if someone is intelligent, they don't automatically assume that there is somethign wrong with you for not having had the opportunity to have many relationships or a few. it could be your circumstances, your situation, your disposition, or other events out of your control. accept this is so and just be out there, get out there and meet new people. have fun and work on the confidence. don't over think it. there are guys out there who I would never wnat to be with because they've been with every woman in their town/ city and that just grosses me out lol. so just be yourself and outgoing, don't worry about it ^_^ hope this helps!

    • I've become more outgoing as I've gotten older, but there are still bits of my introverted self there. I live in a small town so it's hard to meet people and women. I work out of town, but that only leaves coworkers and that doesn't work well sometimes. It's easier said than done.

    • True. expand your friendships then. sometimes my friends introduce me to guys they think are a good match for me as well

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • Hey just play it cool. Introverted people need love too!

    you don't have to come out and say, "uhhhhh I've never been in a relationship. "

    This is going to sound absurd, but do you go to strip clubs at all?

    Im just saying, you could go, and just have some of the girls sit and talk with you. They'll take you for your money, but it might help you loosen up around women. Just so you can get into the groove of talking with the opposite sex.

    Other than that, be charming, show your intellectual side, but keep a sense of humor. Chivalry is only dead if you allow it to be, and if you keep it alive its always a plus.

    You don't have any kids or a wife to run home to after work. Get yourself out there. GO to a bar for happy hour or something, if you sit at the bar, the bartenders are sure to talk to you. Just don't be creepy, and try to ask them out. But if you become a regular and tip well, you'll build a "friendship" with the bar staff, and they may also have some inshight on the women who frequent that place.

    If you are a religious person, forgive me for my heathanly advice. I'm sure you can find a great woman at your church.

    But most importantly remember, you are what you make yourself. If you decide to overcome this stigma, you will. If you continuously feed into it, then others surely will in retrospect.

  • God, that's a tough one. Kind of like 40 Year Old Virgin...

    Honestly, the biggest thing is respect. If you enter a relationship, trust will develop. Eventually you'll have to say SOMETHING about your lack of dating experience.

    And you can. Say what you said above. A respectful women you're in a relationship with will understand. Obviously this isn't a first date conversation, though.


What Guys Said 2

  • Simple, you don't. Don't let it affect you. I have many friends who are much older than you and were in the same situation. They've completely changed and women love them now. It's incredible the way they've changed. You're still young, take this opportunity and do something about it RIGHT NOW. If that means going tomorrow or taking dancing classes or signing up for online dating etc. Bottom line is practice talking to women and getting out there. I've done a lot of reading and theory and all that but I've found the best way is to just get out there and make it happen. Start slow. I used to have trouble asking women for the time. Don't let another day slip by. You can do it!

  • Don’t even give it a second thought. Is there some arcane rule that states that someone must date X number of girls by age Y? No. It’s not even an issue.

    The important thing is to enjoy your life and to like who you are. When you have that down, everything else will follow. Women are naturally drawn to men who are secure in themselves. One way to project this to women is to have no expectations when you talk to them. Just treat them all like they’re just another person. That way you’ll be more relaxed and natural in your interactions, rather than putting pressure on yourself to pull off some dazzling 007 performance with every cute woman with whom you speak.