Why is a woman labeled “selfish” for choosing a career over children, but a man is “ambitious” for the same choice?

Question

4ngelic · Accepted Answer

everyone is expected to have kids. but unlike men, women are partially defined by parenthood. it's seen as inherently women's nature to be maternal, nurturing and craving kids. women who don't want kids, can be seen by some people (only some, because i dont think most people nowadays have a problem with childfree women. also i dont think selfishness is the main thing people bring up about child free women. they mainly say that they will be lonely and will regret it, and that it's counter nature for women to not crave motherhood) as not very nice since it seems they lack the female nurturing caregiving instinct and instead want to chase after their own personal financial success and happiness. men aren't tied up to parenthood in society, and instead to their financial success and career. there's also the very persistent stereotype that men aren't into parenting or kids and dont value it much, so it's only natural to people that some men skip kids all together to focus on other things that actually matter to them. women are also held at higher moral standards than men. women are expected to be selfless, kind and devoted to others. to women, others should come first. and those others can be hypothetical to be humans. men aren't expected to be downright mean but definitely not nice on the level of women. men are expected (and kinda encouraged) to be more selfish, unapologetic, callous, edgy, etc than women. most of all this is the lingering effects of past patriarchy, but a bit is evolutionary.

FreyaRed · Accepted Answer

"""Society""" is what mainstream media propagates society should be.

Society wants children. Problem is, you won't bring enough children when you work 170 hours per month as wage slave. On the other hand, god forbid you dare to have children and you don't work. According to society, you have to work 8 hours, take care for children 8 hours and for elders, because it's comfortable for society to put this burden on your shoulder. The fact you don't have time to sleep, for household and for yourself is irrelevant for society. Benefits for the """society""", burden for you. B-but, but... alas, declining and aging population.
At the end the society can fu... off. They don't get children nor effective workforce nor a slave who cleans boomer butts for free.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

I think this is a bit of a straw-man argument.

I am not saying that you can't find a handful of idiots who would actually think this. But I do not think that this is a widespread way of looking at this.

I don't think most people view a woman as selfish for choosing to not have kids to focus on her career. I also don't think people view men as "ambitious" because they choose their career over children. It's just a choice. One that may or may not be the same one as you'd make. (not you personally). I don't think most people are actually making these judgements about "ambition" and "selfishness."

I think the problem, is more the fact that; career advancement is incompatible with the choice to have children. In other words, it requires a sacrifice in career advancement to choose to have children. That's what needs to change. The choice to have children shouldn't come with having to put off career advancement. That might mean capitalism demands too much of a person. It constrains that choice to have kids. I think that's wrong.

Joshydavid25 · Accepted Answer

Because a woman is usually doing it for herself and her ego, whereas a man is expected to have career if he wants to invite a woman into his life.. Most men chase these things in order to appear more attractive to women.. Women don't do that same.. They don't have any reason to.. Like I have mentioned "it's not a double standard, but a different standard".. If you believe you'll have an important "career" and not just some office job where you'll be partially miserable and empty, be my guest.. Nowadays nobody calls a woman selfish for wanting a career, and they definitely do mentioned "over children"..

Advisor Smith · Accepted Answer

This perception often stems from traditional gender roles and societal expectations. Historically, women have been expected to prioritize family and caregiving, while men are encouraged to pursue careers and provide financially. When women choose career paths, it challenges these norms, sometimes leading to misguided labels. It's important to recognize that both men and women have the right to pursue their careers and personal goals without judgment. As we move toward more equal societies, these perceptions are gradually changing, emphasizing the importance of individual choice and equality.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

Classic patriarchy double standards. The second women want to do anything vaguely related to the roles they give men, she’s selfish and evil.

OneViewpoint · Answer

Because "society", actually a subset of society, mainly religiots, have embedded stereotypes of women from 70 years ago they cannot let go of. Some people really can't cope with change. Any change.

But it's also easier for a guy to have kids and a career because historically it has been the woman who drops out of a career path to take on the work of raising a family and running a home. Few guys are willing to flip the script and take on those traditionally female roles. At least in the USA. And frankly a lot of guys don't do well in an unstructured environment like raising kids and running a home where self motivation is a big part of being successful.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

I have not observed that. Women who prioritize their careers are “liberated”, “empowered”, “independent”, “boss b*tch”, and so on.
Meanwhile, fathers who prioritize their careers are “selfish”, “deadbeats”, “emotionally distant”, “absent”. The balance between the provider role wholly expected by men and women alike is impossible to maintain. Either we’re not making enough money or we’re away from home too much.

AviatorTom · Answer

Biologically speaking, the role of a woman is to have children, while a man's role us to care for the woman and children. That's how the human species survives.

A woman preferring a career ignores her biological role, while a man's career fulfills his.

Texasgal95 · Answer

The societal norms. Hi, see it is. It’s in person each couples personal decision if they want kids and they shouldn’t be made to feel bad one way or another, but we live in a society where the man and the woman or whatever your relationship status is have to work. Things are just too expensive for one partner that would be the one working in the other night.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

One of the fundamental flaws of our current social structure is that children are raised by day care workers - many of whom only care about collecting a paycheck - instead of being raised by their parents. On average, women are better suited to caring for young children. For a woman to stay at home to care for the children, the man must be the wage earner and provider.

Women have the right to choose a career over children. Everyone else has a right to judge the behavior of such women.

Cormac995 · Answer

The short and simple answer is traditionally men are the providers woman are the care takers. It's a stigma that exists simply because it's been the norm for so long that's all. Things get different though if this is a personal argument between you and your partner though and at that point you guys need to work this out.

RavVid · Answer

We aren't regarded as ambitious for deciding not to have children is the first point..

i think you have to acknowledge that in deciding career is more important than having children means she is centered on self and is therefore self centered in some degree. Self centered conveys selfishness. It gets to that.

Shiprex · Answer

Only the religious types would say that because they think children are more important than society and that more children to brainwash into their cults is a good idea or perhaps they want more children to have greater opportunity to do what religious types have been doing to children that isn't brainwashing but has as bad an impact on their development. IYKYK

saint_reezy · Answer

You can't really pursue a compettive career if you have to take nine months to a year off every time you have a child, so if a woman chooses having a career over having a family she's only doing it for her herself/ego. When a man pursues a competitive career he is at the same time providing for his family (presumably) so it's not entirely selfish.

Nik1hil · Answer

Because purpose of men is to create shelter , bring food on table, protect & provide.

Because purpose of women is to create life, nurture life..

Society will appreciate when you work to your goal..

A man who has no job , no money and has 10-12 kids and 4 wife's is equally mocked, as girl with Successful career and no kids or family..

Amy_2000 · Answer

If a family has no shelter, no food or clothes, primarily the man is expected to be responsible for this. That's for him there is no option but to work, however on the other side there are millions of women who don't work but they still get what they want because their men are working.

hot_and_funny · Answer

Some people see women as machines for creating offspring. They can't understand that not every woman sees as her ultimate goal wasting 20+ years of their lives on raising and taking care of kids.

It's better to keep a distance from such people. If others don't agree with them, they can become quite aggressive and toxic.

Lliam · Answer

Who ever says it's selfish is a misogynist. It's none of their business what a woman chooses to do with her life or how she finds fulfillment. People like that don't think women have any value other than popping out babies and caring for them.

ilistengood · Answer

Same reason a woman with an extensive body count ( anything over 2 or 3,) is a slut while a guy with a big body counts probably embellishing, um , same reason he's a stud I meant..

DishLady · Answer

For the same reason women are considered "old" and "haggard" when they go grey but men are considered "distinguished" and "debonair" -- double standards.

strateguy632 · Answer

You literally wrote the answer in your question, a lady does career INSTEAD of kids only her is selfish. A man does career for his kids not selfish.

cth2188 · Answer

Because some men can't fathom a woman having control over her body and having freedom being single. My career comes first here  Relationships aren't on my radar not now or ever.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

That's wrong circus lady, a good parent will always choose his family above everything, a man has to work to provide for his family but his wife and children always comes first...

That's how i personally thinks, don't know about others!

HarveyLaw · Answer

Both are not the ideal. Family is much more important than some mainstream try to shape common sense nowadays. Don't accept labels though.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Never heard such label, except ironically lol. It must come from circles believing in conservatism, essentialism and gender roles.

NicholasRedone · Answer

@mzash what about choosing to forgo offspring and just want a relationship and a career? Lol sex, money and stability and stress free lol 😂😆

exitseven · Answer

There is a definite double standard. If a guy stays home with the kids and the wife is the breadwinner the guy is often looked down upon.

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

Because a lot of men believe that kids shouldn't be "babysat" by other people, that, it's "weird" having other people in your house.  I was babysat, I'm just fine. I don't want kids

Agape93 · Answer

Because we are viewed as pleasure objects that serve as incubators.

EmmaMary · Answer

@mzash  Oh the Joys of being a Woman. smh

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Because men unlike women have to provide for thier children. We don't get the option to just abandon them.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

Women have been conditioned to be wives and mothers, men providers and fathers, which hasn't totally changed on June 1,2025, five weeks before my 72nd birthday.

DJB72 · Answer

Because feminist propaganda has sold the biggest lie of the last 2000 years

jahaims · Answer

Males and females have different roles in society obviously. Females taking on masculine traits isn't attractive to most guys.

Godihateyou · Answer

Because women are made for having and taking care of children and men are made for everything else. Simple.

genericname85 · Answer

Cause a man can't choose to bear children. They don't have that option. You do. That's why.

SotiCoto · Answer

Because people are idiots and so is human society on a larger scale. Utterly idiotic.

proybal · Answer

I think it's manboys who would choose those labels, not recognizing that women might have the same ambitions, motivations, and fears as men. They're not here just to be baby machines.

Staximus · Answer

I thought having kids was considered selfish

SamWinchester058 · Answer

You're not selfish. Your choice is yours. But you cannot do both well and It's a lie that you can. Especially, the kids side of it.

RedInnocent69 · Answer

The masters make the rules, for the wisemen and the fools

Nikki1989 · Answer

Double standards.

Sun_Kim-Ai · Answer

Double standards.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Misogyny for $800 Alex?

loveslongnails · Answer

It's called "the Patriarchy".

zagor · Answer

Who is doing the labeling, besides you?

AngryCarl2 · Answer

"Outdated" gender roles.

Sofie4 · Answer

Cause they wanna control us.

chocolatetwopointo · Answer

double standards, women will never win

Razp_Sorbet · Answer

Because misogyny

WhitneySnow · Answer

I agree

Why is a woman labeled “selfish” for choosing a career over children, but a man is “ambitious” for the same choice?

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