I've seen multiple people saying it's pathetic to live with your parents and they won't date someone who lives with their parents. I plan on living with my parents cause I want to take care of them. They raised me and made the person I am today so it's my duty and my wish to live with and take care of them. One lady actually told me she'd rather move out and then get her parents to move in with her instead not staying in their house? Why is this considered pathetic by people? What are your views?
Why is living with your parents considered pathetic?
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Okay I only noticed the picture now. I didn't put that there. That's not the image I wish to portray.
Second, I guess it'll be like they live with me. Right now I'm still studying so I'm dependant on them financially. In India, it's common for kids to not work until we finish graduation. Once I enter a job and start working then they'll love with me. I'm not concerned about dating cause I'm not interested in that.
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*live with me.
Why is living with your parents considered pathetic?
Because many of them are ignorant of the harsh realities of the 21st Century. Even Experts of financial institutions said that many Millennials and younger Generations will not be able to be financially dependent until the age of 26 or 28. Because the cost of living is going up, the taxes are high, and if you're ready come from poor families, or let's just say if you're below the high middle class bracket, 9 out of 10 times you will not be able to find a place of your own. And even if you do move out. 9 and a 10 times it won't be your place. You'll be co- sharing with roommates. And to me that's not your own place if you got to have a roommate. I never had that luxury because I did not have the funds to do so. I don't have a college degree, I had to work, I was a caregiver to parent since 19. Domestic situations have always been my entire life. Even when I wanted to go to college oh, my father was very selfish he's wanted to hide his tax information from my mother and I to a point he was willing just sue me and put me in jail. Had I want to know that I would have had to write legally to have access to it because he puts me on his taxes as a dependent at the time I would have did something.
So it's easy to have that mindset from people of the baby boomer era and older. But many of them need to face reality and become up to date with today's society. Those are able and in such positions, good for them. I have no jealousy towards them. But what does get me angry, is when they think they know everything and judge you for what you are unable to do. But when you judge them for other things, something they want to throw up the Scripture about not judging other people. Just leave the Hypocrites alone. Never tell your personal business to anybody in that way just like I don't anymore. Because my person really wants to help you they will give you resources to help you get to where you need to go. Hypocrites are the ones who try to down talk you but they don't help you either. I don't listen to hypocrites.
Finally someone who can put herself in other people's shoes.
I can definitely agree it's frustrating how people can have such a harder time at accepting we're all living different realities, and that doesn't mean one didn't or doesn't try living a consistent, moral life, asides the fact there's no just-world where the circumstances doesn't matter at all.
"Hypocrites are the ones who try to down talk you but they don't help you either. I don't listen to hypocrites." Love this phrase, a lot of people simply don't give a fuck about others problems until they live it themselves or they see a way of getting personally benefited from it.
Not necessarily true. Some of them had good intentions, and was brought up with good morals. It's just a lot of people choose to be ignorant and rebelled against what they were brought up with. Many damn good with morals and a lot of them decided to toss it away. It is a good thing to move out at a certain time because you do got to learn to become your own person. Especially for men who are looking for Marriage Partners and be the provider of the home. However, that is not the case today.
The problem is that our society is too demanding, our technology is advancing quicker oh, and we having a hard time keeping up the expectations of the world. So it's not necessarily their fault. The problem is that a lot of them are just too stuck in your ways to really be mature enough to see what is really happening around. Sometimes they had to experience it for themselves in order for them to really appreciate what we have to say as the younger Generations.
Don't get me wrong there, a man like me likes standing on his own two feet, that's not the problem. What is the problem is as others say, people being ignorant of both the current economic climate (throughout the west) as well as personal-familial circumstances.
The joke is, if people actually understood the nature of monetarism, they'd realise that actually the modern worlds definition (at least in western culture) of "becoming a man/woman", literally means becoming a slave to usurious, non-commodity-backed money and interest rates which are designed to strangle us into waged-labour-serfdom...
Because my father is now figuring all of that out a little too late. And that's why he's allowing me to stay with him as long as I need to until I'm able to be financially dependent on my own. I at least do my share around a house and is a caregiver to my grandmother as well. I am not getting paid for but I am far from lazy. It was a summer job when I first started working in the workforce. I had made less than $7,000 in 6 months. So it really baffles me how people can say I should have been out the house by then.
But Cedar Point is that as everybody's life. Except there's a lot of us that are struggling, and there's those that are not struggling much. 9 1/10 * is from stolen money. We work hard just to uphold the rich, but we're not secured enough to actually live independently.
From what you tell me there is nothing wrong with you or your living arrangements at all. My advice is to keep saving as much money as possible until you can buy cheap land upfront. That's exactly the problem, the uber rich elite are nothing but parasites that leave the 90% scrambling for the breadcrumbs they leave down on the floor for us to go killing ourselves over (jobs).
The sooner more people realise this, the better. I hate to be doom and gloom, but beware the coming depression. The bubble is going to burst... again... And it'll be worse than the 1928 Wall St Crash. So save as much money as possible now.
@FreshOutaIdeas Oh trust me. I know. Your not telling me nothing new about what's going to be coming up in the next few years. And thanks for saying that. Makes me feel a little bit better and hopeful.
I only think it's pathetic when someone wants to stay with their parents well into adulthood because it's like staying in a free hotel. I. e. they don't help with food/rent/cleaning/other expenses etc. If you're young, you're helping them out, you're doing your part, making your own money and still striving towards moving out one day, I don't think it's pathetic. But once you get to the point where you could be starting your own family (if that's what you want), you should really start looking into getting your own place and forming some sort of independence before taking that next big life step. You can still hang out with your parents and take care of them (in most cases), even when you don't live under the same roof. I moved out just after turning 20 I think, and I still see my parents 2-3 times a week. I help them clean every Thursday or Friday and I love spending time with them. But I've also gotten to the point where I need my own space and independence, and I'd get completely loopy if I still had to live under the same roof as them.
Well if it’s by choice, then your reasons are respectable, but if you live with your parents by my age simply because you can’t support yourself, then it is to be look down upon. I don’t live with my parents, but rather 10 minutes away. I could live closer to work, but I choose to live close. I love my parents and they’re genuinely great people. They sacrificed everything to give me the best life they could and I’ll forever cherish that. My dad almost passed a couple a years ago when he had a brain tumor. It was a wake up call. The two of them are getting older now, and I try and spend as much time with them as I can. Do the same with my widowed grandmother. Every Friday night I go to her place and bring her dinner and watch her Spanish soaps with her. My ex thought it was excessive and got mad when it cut into our time, so I can understand your frustration with people who don’t understand. I was raised a latino house hold, and we carry very strong values. My family is crazy, but we all got each other’s back.
Unless you are planning to get married, wasting your money on paying rent to a stranger or having a mortgage is stupid. It would be much better to live with your parents.
It's a cultural thing that I think Hollywood has portrayed in its movies. The trend in the US is that you should move out and be independent and find your own path in the world. But honestly its all BS, you don't need to live alone to find out who you are, what to do with life, how to function like a mature adult or even learn about bills etc. You can do all of that at home, and learn seriously hard interpersonal relationship skills because you can't just leave your family, but you can move out and end a relationship with a room mate (so sometimes it's stifles your growth) Young adults just want to move out and experience a life of no boundaries, lots of parties, and basically be their "own person" but they are still dependent on their room mates and leads to an unfocused couple of years that sometimes closes certain doors of opportunities because they were preoccupied with things and didn't focus on their studies. The whole concept of "learning to pay rent" is kind of idiotic in a sense, because I know a lot of people that still get their parents to pay for their rent even though they live away from home. So honestly it doesn't teach them any more responsibility these days and just adds to the expenses
There is some personal character growth/development that happens as a result of leaving the nest and learning to handle living in your own. I think it's reasonable to expect someone to demonstrate their ability to do this, and to make mistakes at an early point in their adult life before starting a family. I think of it as one demonstrating that he can handle at least some of the responsibilities of life on a small, single person scale.
The consideration of it being pathetic to live with your parents, at least in my society, is, I think, a way of pressuring people to go out and develop the necessary household skills they will need in order to manage the responsibilities of having a family. A person who does not do this can be assumed (rightly or wrongly) to be incapable of managing these responsibilities. And this lack of demonstrated competence is seen as an indication of incompetence. Which is likely why they are viewed as pathetic.
Of course in making these judgements, the reason the person lives with their parents is critical. If it's too shrug of responsibility for supporting themselves then that's pathetic. If it's because they are taking on the additional responsibility of caring for their parents, then that is laudable. I think it's always an error to just make a blanket judgment about someone based only on a single point of data about them. A life is complex. But then we also need to be able to make decisions as efficiently as possible about whom we let into our lives. So there's always this balance struck between efficiency and accuracy, and sometimes it gives us the wrong answer.
Because the prejudiced one you speak of only care about one thing: pretending that their ability to screw almost anyone, almost anywhere, somehow equals a right.
However, most of them still desire privacy. If your would be partner doesn't have a place apart from family, and all you want is a one night stand, privacy is nearly impossible. Your actions won't be appreciated, and your motives would be rightly seen as being even worse.
Therefore, the idea is: " I don't get to hide that I'm using you, or what for, from scrutiny from others who actually care about you? I have to take responsibility for being with you? No! F*k that! I'll hit on someone else!"
This sort of thottery was once rightly condemned. But no thanks to Tinder and similar sites, hundreds now believe it ought to be perfectly socially acceptable to go through life thinking that way.
Here's how I see it: if you can't stand your partner's family knowing that you're screwing one of theirs, and not interested in their opinions, then you are entering into the arrangement with all the wrong priorities, and need to rethink your whole life.
There's a number of reasons it's a turn-off. First and foremost, living with parents who are strict and overprotective can make being in a relationship extremely difficult, or in some cases impossible. Some parents simply do not care that their kid is an adult, and will trap them in the "My house, my rules, but I'm going to make it impossible for you to leave" cycle. If any dates are going to be chaperoned, or your date has to check in with their parents constantly and be home by 9pm sharp, are you really going to put up with that?
Privacy is also an issue. You can't be intimate with a date if their parents are always there. You can't have a deep or intimate conversation with somebody else always listening.
Living with your parents, especially past your early 20s, also is not a good sign of maturity. Of course, this is not necessarily true, but most young adults who act young/immature for their age tend to live with their parents.
When I lived with my parents they made it impossible for me to date. I was allowed to - if it was somebody THEY pre-selected. If it was anyone else, they would either restrict my access to driving (they had an extra car and as such I could not buy my own, even though I could afford to), or would loop me into other activities that prevented me from seeing the date.
I also cannot count how many dates I had to give up on because her parents made it impossible. So while living with her parents is not a deal breaker, it is more often a big obstacle than not.
It's no wonder I moved 2,000 miles away soon after high school. Because I just cannot deal with it.
I lived with my parents until I was 26. I'm 28 right now.
Just because someone lives with their parents, DOES NOT make them any less of an adult than someone else.
If you live with your parents, you are working at McDonalds and have no plan in life... then YES, you SHOULD move out.
If you live with your parents, went to college, have a full-time job and are trying to save money, pay off loans and get your financial situation together before you move out... YES you should live with your parents.
I went to college and I had $30,000 in student loans. It took me 7 months to find a real job and I worked my ass off at my job while living at home. I was able to pay back my student loans, and then I put $10,000 into retirement, got a new car (well... it's used... BUT it was better than my old car that broke down once a week) and I saved up $15,000 more and started a couple of side businesses for extra income while living with my parents.
You know what all my friends are doing that moved out immediately? They are struggling. Living paycheck to paycheck. Have A LOT of student loans while living on their own and have roommates. All because they refuse to live at home.
Don't listen to some of these fools. Let them struggle. Girls didn't want to date me while I lived at home, and that's on them. One girl accepted me while I lived at home and she was accepting of it and we are still dating today.
I'm not the one struggling financially because I was smart about everything, lived at home and had a plan.
A lot of my friends have roommates because they can't make rent and have too many payments... but they won't move back home. Lol. And a lot of my friends are nearing 30.
Even when I was living at home, I was still able to date, have sex and do everything that people living on their own were able to do. I just didn't have my own place. That's all.
Any moron can live on their own. It takes a smart person to plan things accordingly so they don't have to struggle while living on their own, and a lot of people forget that.
Tell me about it. I’m about to turn 35 and I still live with my mother and yes I have been told that it’s pathetic. Never mind that I moved out at 22 when I joined the navy and then had to move back in with her after getting out because I didn’t have a job and neither of us could afford to live by ourselves. We still can’t because we live on Long Island and rents here are top dollar. I work full time, I’m working towards a bachelors degree, pay my own bills and give my mom half of my paycheck to help out with rent. I think people need to keep their opinions about other people’s lives to themselves, especially if you don’t know anything about the person or their story.
First of all you don’t have to care about what the others think. You’re juste a grateful son, because a lot of peoples moved out and are using their parents money to pay their bills, without even asking about them if it’s not about money ( that’s what I call pathetic). If you don’t rely on them to survive then I don’t see anything wrong with that. It can only be a problem because of the lack of intimacy between you and your future SO, especially if the house is not big enough, but I must say that if you have a good job and appear to be financially independent a lot of women will see you as a caring man, which is a good point as a potential partner and father lol
People don't understand financial circumstances or whether or not a parent is ill. My parents did not have legal status in the US and therefore do not have social security now as they are old. They worked their whole lives but do not have anything saved for their retirement.
Would I like to move out and live independently as an adult& have my own privacy and things? Of course I do. We all want out own place. but life doesn't always work out this way. My parents need help financially and in time they will be too old to do certain things like work or be able to drive. What kind of selfish child would i be to say "well thanks but i gotta go live my life " no. they never gave up on me as a kid. i won't give up on them as old farts.
will that hinder my ability to have kids of my own and marriage? perhaps a bit. but its not like that was part of my future plans anyway
Not pathetic, still I wouldn't be all myself and comfortable living under my boyfriend's parents' roof as they wouldn't be comfortabme living under my parents' roof. Even in my case neither I myself wouldn't be comfortable with my own parents, as when I go back to my house my mom sometimes treat me as if I still had 16 years old and deny and don't trust many of the skills I learned the years I've been out. My boyfriend feels the same. We really want to get to be fully independent.
Still I find respectable your election, and I don't find pathetic, as long as you help in the house, work and/or study, and the reason you keep there is pure love and not because you aren't able to be independent and are a parasite. That last thing is pathetic, but if you are responsible then it's as I said, pure love, is ok.
Its not Its generally more an American thing because they go off to college to live in dorms and then after that they simply move out But not everyone. Some go back home
Many ethnicities do live together And many do even take in their parents and give them a room or vice versa
Good comment. I'd say it's definitely an American thing. In other cultures (Mediterranean, Latin, Middle-Eastern) that are more family-oriented it's not considered weird for the kids to live with their parents well in their 20s
It's not people that have their elderly parents living with them because they can't live alone. That's admirable because we should take care of our parents that took care of us. It's the people that live off their parents because you don't pay them rent or Bill's you normally pay on your own. You don't work or work little hours just to have spending money. Some people end up going through a divorce and have to temporarily move in with their parents until they work hard to get on their feet and get out into your own place.
But if you live with your parents that don't need your help and it's not temporary? Then you are not being an independent adult which a woman wants.
It is considered pathetic when you just use your parents for the comfort they provide, being financially dependent, letting your mom do everything in your stead and not developing any independent living skills of your own like cooking and washing your clothes. I myself am also in college and am dependent on my mothers financial support but don't plan to use that longer than necessary, that is the difference. My boyfriend is 24 and does live with his parents, but he is the one suporting them and paying the bills at the moment so there is nothing pathetic in that.
Yeah so basically I want to do the same your boyfriend is doing. I already have most of the skills needed to runs a house. Once my career starts, I'm gonna run the house.
It is very noble of you, that is nice that there are still people like you, yet in my boyfriends situation he has no choice because his parents are in a bad financial situation so he is waiting when they get back on their feet so he can move out. My mother supported my wish to live independently and I live apart and he spends most of his time at my place now too.
It's not so much about who you live with as who pays the bills. If you, as an adult beyond a certain age, don't pay your own bills when you're physically able to do so and instead live off your parents then it diminishes you as an adult. It indicates both laziness and immaturity.
However, what further compounds the problem is when people in such situations spend their time putting others down and acting like they have it all figured out when in fact they are living like an adult baby. That's when they are likely to take the most heat from others. Very few people go out of their way to attack those who are simply minding their own business.
In many it's the cultural norm to stay until marriage. Even then, it's not shameful. In fact, it's even preferred with 3 generations under 1 roof as ideal, and the rarer 5 perfect.
Also, in these cultures, the expectation is usually a 2-way, mutual-beneficial system where all the generations contribute (while expectations for small kids may be lower, unless finances dictate otherwise). It is shameful, when the younger generation is old enough to work, doesn't contribute, and is solely the recipient.
In more traditional cultures, it may not be considered shameful. In more forward-looking societies with no such traditions in societal memory, the latter-described, 1-way system comes to mind (and may even be more commonly encountered due to the lack of familiarity with the 2-way framework), so the multi-generational household is automatically considered shameful.
It’s only pathetic if you are being pathetic and if you think it’s pathetic. Otherwise, financially it’s sometimes the best choice. In this day and age when you don’t have the one stable 9-5 job for life, and house/rent prices through the roof, who wouldn’t? Unless you have a very high paying job.
On a side note, it’s pathetic because it seems like you have no freedom to date, have loud sex romps and being able to pay your own mortgage or rent, but who really cares about that when money and assets is not everything?
Depending on how old you are, if you have a job, etc. Also if they are the ones living with you like it's your house then nothing pathetic at all. I know a guy who lives with his mother at 30 and it might sound lame without context but she is a widow, and he is taking care of her and he has a great job.
Most men who live with their parents are pathetic because they have no choice but to live with their parents. Others are pathetic because they have severe mommy issues and will let their mommies dominate them forever. There are a very rare few who make a rational choice, but they are so rare it's safer to not deal with the lives with parents kind of guy.
That being said, when you get older "lives with parents" can be a big plus, but you have do have lived away from them for a while. When my wife found out, before we started dating, that I had taken my elderly father in to care for him, I got a LOT of points with her.
🙄 if they are doing fine on their own they can’t see how others would prefer to save, and relax at home sharing expenses. I don’t talk to people who judge others over living at home. I’m fixing my credit, saving, money and sharing common expenses. I don’t have time to date anyhow.
Most people mean living with there parents because they can’t live on their own. If you have older parents who need assistance with living, I think it is very compassionate to stay with them to help out, and most women would understand that you’re living with them out of their need and not your own.
People see it as a sign that you are not an adult yet. It's a sign that you can't take care of things on your own. I think that's the wrong approach. There are plenty of understandable reasons why one might live with their parents. For example, save money. If you work near your parents place, why buy and/or rent your own place when you can save by staying with your parents? And use those savings later. Maybe your parents are disabled or something and need your help? Maybe you have a much younger relative that you want to help raise? Those are great reasons to live with your parents. It doesn't mean you don't or can'f work, cook, clean, shop, do finance, etc.
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