Should I tell my wife what happened?

Anonymous
My wife and I dated back in high school and broke up during college, due to a disagreement. We got back together a few years later and she had a baby with a fling who treated her very badly and abandoned her. My wife’s daughter (7 years.) has high-functioning autism and has been a constant source of contention in our marriage being that I don’t get along with her daughter (our five-year-old daughter doesn’t get along with her either).

Due to the constant conflict, a year and a half ago I convinced my wife to let her daughter live with her sister. I then took a job across the country and our family relocated leaving her daughter with her sister.

This past December, my wife really wanted her daughter to spend the holidays with our family. I told her that I didn’t think that it was a good idea, being that I wanted our holidays to be peaceful and drama-free. She got upset and we started arguing (we never really argue unless it’s about her daughter). She left out for a while and forgot her phone at home. While she was out, her daughter called and I answered the phone. I was still really upset about the argument with my wife and I completely blanked and went off on her daughter (I’m sorry, I was just angry). I may have told her that my wife doesn’t even want her, that she’s a constant strain on our marriage, and I wished she’d just leave us alone.

Since then, she stopped calling and won’t talk to my wife despite my wife’s desperate efforts to connect with her (my wife doesn’t know why). She’s been cold and a bit hostile. This has caused my wife to become depressed (she’s on antidepressants). My wife seems to be trying to buy her affection to the point to where her daughter seems to be taking advantage of her (just like her daughter’s dad did, but I digress).

It’s hurt to watch my wife go through this, but I feel like I can’t tell her without ruining my marriage completely.
Should I tell my wife what happened?
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