Due to the constant conflict, a year and a half ago I convinced my wife to let her daughter live with her sister. I then took a job across the country and our family relocated leaving her daughter with her sister.
This past December, my wife really wanted her daughter to spend the holidays with our family. I told her that I didn’t think that it was a good idea, being that I wanted our holidays to be peaceful and drama-free. She got upset and we started arguing (we never really argue unless it’s about her daughter). She left out for a while and forgot her phone at home. While she was out, her daughter called and I answered the phone. I was still really upset about the argument with my wife and I completely blanked and went off on her daughter (I’m sorry, I was just angry). I may have told her that my wife doesn’t even want her, that she’s a constant strain on our marriage, and I wished she’d just leave us alone.
Since then, she stopped calling and won’t talk to my wife despite my wife’s desperate efforts to connect with her (my wife doesn’t know why). She’s been cold and a bit hostile. This has caused my wife to become depressed (she’s on antidepressants). My wife seems to be trying to buy her affection to the point to where her daughter seems to be taking advantage of her (just like her daughter’s dad did, but I digress).
It’s hurt to watch my wife go through this, but I feel like I can’t tell her without ruining my marriage completely.
You know what? You are a fucking asshole. Till now, you don't really want to admit that you said such hurtful things to her daughter. What is "I may have told her that my wife doesn’t even want her, that she’s a constant strain on our marriage". Either you did or did not said such hurtful things, so don't feed us bs such as "may or may not have".
Autism is a condition, no one asked to be born with it. She needs treatment and patience from her loved ones. Not some jerkface to tell her that her mum doesn't want her anymore. And you have the nerve to push the blame to that poor girl, saying that now she is taking advantage of your wife. You are a piece of shit, that's what you are. That girl is only 7 years old, she don't deserve your bs.
You should tell your wife. So that she would divorce you and leave your sorry ass. You don't deserve her nor your daughter. You don't deserve any pity nor empathy from anyone.