Well now they are fucking up your whole adult life too. Stop giving them so much power and instead spend time hating them on bettering yourself. Use that fire and hatred and turn it into fuel to succeed that way later in life you can thank them for helping you succeed past your wildest dreams. Continuing on your path and you will be 50 still living with parents
There have been a few instances when I've tried as hard as I can to forgive someone, but was unable to do so.
I began to try to just erase them from my memory, to consider them not worthy of remembering.
That has been helping me quite a bit.
I really don't like using that approach, but it does seem to help.
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I would suggest blocking them focusing on yourself and helping to let go of it. I have complex PTSD so I'm constantly reminded of things people did to me and relive it with every trigger so I know how hard it can be. The best thing is suggest you do is block them and be rid of anyone in your social circle that talks about them a lot. In a lot of ways people don't deserve that happiness but sometimes they're things that are happening for your favour that you may not realise it. Plus the effort spent hating then can be effort put to improving your quality of life. I would sit with it once I have blocked them and I'd right down words to associate with that memory. People do change over time but also sometimes snakes don't shed their skin. As I have learnt as of a few days ago. The path of forgivness isn't for them. Its more about choosing to not let what they did to you hurt you anymore. Don't listen to people who say forgive and forget as in my case you literally cannot forget. It's also probably your mind telling you, you haven't felt and delt with the hurt. We as humans tend to avoid feeling upset and hurt as it makes us feel uncomfortable. So we tend to avoid it. But treat it as a death. Give yourself time to properly grieve what you have lost rather then oppressing your feelings. As it will just fester overtime. I hope this helps
So? Why should I?
You need to help yourself instead of some random on the internet magically waving a wand and giving you the life you crave for.
Yes, school was tough but don't let it define who you're and what you'll be for the rest of your life.
At this rate you'll do nothing but hold a grudge against the other and wishing them anything but happiness.
You can't change the past but you can change your outlook on life.
To start, should you look at their Socials, smile and be happy for them. Not everyone is blessed to live the lives that includes traveling.
Step away. Don't focus on them. Focus on you. If you don't, the only travelling you'll be doing is travelling the six feet when you're dead and waiting to be buried in the ground.
Start with a low target. When you die you'll travel no more than six feet. So whilst you're alive walk six feet today. Walk twelve feet tomorrow. Walk eighteen feet the day after.
In time, you'll get to your destination a better person with a positive mindset.
Negative, shitty attitudes aren't going to attract you any friends so just be you and do what you're good at. Enjoy and take pride in your work, your studies, your hobbies and your passions.
Put the electronic devices down and get outside. Grab some sunshine and breathe some fresh air.
People will naturally be drawn to you in time if you let them.
Stop the grudge now. Bury it. Move on. Don't let it rule your life.
Start living YOUR life now otherwise it'll be another 10 years closer to you travelling that final six feet deep down into the ground by which time... It's too fucking late.
I’ve struggled with same problem and people who don’t what this feels like often give you shitty advice. However I would consider and recommend the following:
1. Social Media is fake bullshit. Most people will make themselves look as successful and happy as possible. It’s like a airbrushed model who doesn’t look nearly as good in real life.
Funny thing is when social media first came out some people (regrettably a younger and dumber me) treated social media like a personal diary. As it turns out that can be embarrassing at best and dangerous at worst (people can get canceled). Nowadays I think most people do all they can to paint a rosy picture of their lives. It’s not real though. You need to stop looking at it.
2. The desire for revenge can kill you. As someone who bullied in my youth and taken advantage of by people as an young adult (for being to naive and nice). I also had more than one woman treat my shit. There is one in particular that did something next level a few years ago and I completely didn’t see it coming (my gut warned me about the others)
I often fall into mental trap of getting revenge. But I know I’m too sane to do anything stupid. I also know I’m most likely not going to find Alladdin’s lamp to magically get the power to make my fantasy come true.
But I got to catch myself daydreaming about this at time. Focus on something challenging and intense. You have to keep your mind absorbed.
3. It will slowly get better. I have forgiven most of my bullies (not all) and exes. The one ex in particular took every ounce of energy and last spark of my soul to forgive. But she open pops up into my mind and I got to focus on forgiveness.
This will get slowly better. But you need to find something consuming to focus on
A few things I would suggest:
1. Stop checking their social media. First of all, realize that many people's lives look much better on social media than they do in real life. People only post the exciting things and the happy pictures. That's not necessarily their reality. Second of all, continuing to check their social media is addicting and it only strengthens their hold on you and your life. The more you hold on, the more power you give them to ruin your life. Social media can be such a vicious cycle. Maybe even take a break from social completely for a while.
2. I'm very sorry to hear about whatever they did to make your high school experience so horrible, but the best revenge you can get is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and to make amazing things happen. Do things you've always wanted to do. Learn things you've always wanted to learn. Make an amazing life for yourself.
I held a grudge against my dad for a few years. He had not handled things very well in the process of getting divorced from my mom, and I just couldn't forgive him for the things he did. It took me a while, but I eventually realized how much that anger and that bitterness can ruin you if you let it. I told myself that he can't go back in time and do things differently, so it was up to me to either forgive him or to hold onto that grudge forever. I chose to forgive him.
You'll be happy to know the fake facade most people portray on social media is not the reality of those people's life. It's just a show. They have the same struggles that you do, and they're faced with the same day to day problems as all of us. The difference is most normal people don't advertise their problems on social medial. You're good.
I understand your feelings. I have that too sometimes, but know that people who post so much on social media, most of the time they want to prove the outside world that everything is perfect, but it often isn't. I also like to think that my bullies were feeling miserable themselves and had to out that anger on someone else. If you think about it, it's really sad they had to do that. You are better than that. Block them on social media. You don't need their energy in your life. Work on yourself, get a hobby, a carreer, surround yourself with friends and family and show them that you are not broken by them.
You need to fill your life with so much positivity that you forget about them. You’re inviting their presence to stay in your life when you continue to seek them out. Bitterness is a waste of time and energy, though it’s not easy to rid yourself of.
You forgive to keep your heart soft. To move forward without bitterness. Forgiveness is for you.”
Find something to pour your passion and love into— a project, a plant, a pet, anything that serves a positive outlook for you. You deserve to let go of that weight.
I know it is easier said than done but you are letting them live rent free in your head. You need to evict them. You are busy stalking their lives instead of living yours. You need to think. Why are you still holding onto the past? What will change by never letting go? Are you going to get closure by seeing how they are living their life? Do you think they are letting you live rent free in their heads? The only person that is still torturing you is yourself. They have moved on with their lives and you are getting let behind because you can't move forward from dragging all this baggage.
Let GO!!
I've never had a grudge for 10 years but something that has helped me is this video.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/ficOFz_OKZgI first used it after this woman was being horrid to me. I hated her guts. By hating her though others started seeing me as hateful and I, oddly enough, became less attractive and was even broken up with (not for this reason but I lowkey feel like it played a part).
I was so skeptical of the video at first but it had 15k likes so I decided to give it a try. I've used it many times now. Always helps. Im much more happier now and I'm not affected anymore by the people who've done me wrong (which is great cause eventually karma really does come back and bite their ass in the future)! Give it a try!
PS- after using this video for that situation, I got over things and she later on got banned and my ex came back so life is great
It's dark but I've heard it work for some people.
Listen to one of those guided hypnosis videos on YouTube. Follow along just to get yourself into that deep trance. Then visualize yourself punishing them However you see fit.
Let it all out on them in that moment until you're satisfied. Then do some deep breathes, breathing out that emotion. It works for some people because part of the reason you're feeling mad is the sense of injustice.
Living out punishing them for their crimes towards you can serve as a means to fulfill that sense of justice so you let go of the rage because emotionally you've achieved said justice.
Dark but works for some people
They probably aren’t as happy as you think and are purposefully doing a lot of activities to distract themselves from their internal issues. (I was also in the same situation as you but I knew the person I used to be friends with and that she wasn’t as happy as she wanted everyone to think.) And while this may sound unstable and rather mean, I enjoyed that knowledge and was able to find closure knowing she wasn’t as happy as I was, and when I realized I was happy with my life and how good I had it, I realized I no longer had to worry about her, or care at all, because I was happy. Just do what you think will help you find closure and move on, that’s what I did.
Nobody is perfect. A lot of people on facebook are happy on the outside, but suffering as well. Some are doing better than you, others aren't.
I think you just need to change your perspective on your life. Make a list of short term and long term goals and work through them. Most of all, stop comparing yourself to others and believe in yourself. Work on yourself to a better you, socially, professionally and your mental/physical health.
How did someone else ruin your high school experience? So your saying you let someone other then yourself control your life? That don't make sense. And as much as your not gunna like what i have to say... imma say it any ways... the only person that should be controlling your life is you. Regardless of what they did or said, it's your reaction that every body sees. Who cares they are living life to the fullest. It's what we all are supposed to do. I can almost bet 100% they don't even remember what they did. And they have friends? And you don't have any friends at all? Are you always talking about what that person did? Dude, everything in life has choices... you can have everything he has. Who says u can't. The hardest critic in life is ones self. Stop mopping around and let it go. And START living your life.
Well, they absolutely forgot the grudge and you didn't. Just stop comparing your life with theirs. Different paths find thing at different time. You be you, and make new friends so you can also hangout with them. Love yourself first. Focus on yourself for sometime, on what you like and so on. Forget them
Yep. You sound like an asshole.
You holding a grudge against people you went to school with has fuck all impact on them, only on you.
You're locked in a prison of your own making. You can stay in it or not. It's your choice. All you do by saying TEN YEARS LATER that because of their behaviour as children they don't deserve to be happy is to advertise that you haven't grown up.
So grow the fuck up.
Stop following them on social media. Cut them out of your life. Move on.
I know letting go of past experiences is hard, but at this point, it’s an excuse to dwell in misery. If those people apologized now, sure it may give you a bit of closure but it wouldn’t make you happy because you aren’t living your best life. Those girls are because they made it happen. Now it’s time to stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop holding a grudge against high school mean girls and take the reigns on your life. Otherwise you will never be happy and keep misdirecting your anger and discontent with life to them. They can’t be your emotional crutch forever. Eventually you have to take responsibility for your life and figure out the solution.
high school is so trivial the things you once thought were cool won't even be relevant in your life anymore- most people too. online people fake lots of things you dont know for sure they are happy and who frigging cares? totally let go, its like holding a bag of bricks and walking around with them, drop them and move on. put that passion for your grudge into your own life, screw them. keep in mind, holding a grudge is only punishing you not them, dont give them that power any longer.
They deserve happiness and you deserve happiness. Are you willing to put the matter aside to forgive them? If not you will carry this hate and unhappiness til you die. I wouldn't want to carry such a burden into new relationships because past hurt has to be resolved for mental health
How van I help you ,, first of all breathe in breathe out you know what you cannot change one thing so let it go breathe in breathe out it was only a moment in time one little moment in time you have a bigger and better things to do so how do you want me to help you I can help you but you going to have to send me a message
Nobody puts boring stuff about their lives on Facebook.
That being said, it's been ten years, you have had time to make your life more amazing than they could ever dream of. If you have not done this, that is on you.
'My uncle used to say that living well is always the best revenge.
Go get yourself a big helping of revenge.
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