Why won’t my mom buy me things that I actually need?

[crazycactus242]

I’ve been telling my mom for such a long time that i need T-shirts and clothes, a lot of my T-shirts are old and faded and my boyfriend is taking me to the mall this weekend so I kindly asked my mom if I could have some money to buy some clothes because there were really nice Nike shirts that I saw at the mall that I like. My mom just told me that she doesn’t know. Which most of the time means that she won’t do anything about it. I also need new shoes, and she puts everything off. Im 16 and the woman hasn’t even gotten me a debit card, so she still has to hand me cash, and I’ve told her multiple times that I would much rather just use a card because it’s so much easier. But whenever I tell her that I need clothes she’ll just tell me “you have lots of clothes” when I really don’t and they’re old anyway. The only time I ever get anything is back to school and that’s it. I’m not trying to sound ungrateful at all, I’m very grateful for what I have, but she ignores it when I say that I need some new things. It’s been impossible for me to find a job right now because of covid, I also don’t have any past work experience which makes it more difficult. I see all my friends, their parents will buy them clothes and whatever they want all the time when they need it, but my mom just puts everything off. It’s just frustrating at times.

[LonelyDeer]

This is a rough one as it's very difficult to change the perspective of an older person with a "a dirty old shirt is still useful" mentality. It's entirely possible your mother might not necessarily have the spare money to purchase these things. Adults don't normally talk about their finances or debts with their children, reasonably so in my opinion. I totally get where you're coming from. Having holes in shirts or pants or 5 year old stains in your clothes definitely isn't ideal and it's an easy way to be laughed at or looked down on. I don't know your mother, obviously, but my hypothesis to answer your question is that she might not have the money or see a "need" (this is a rough word too as its definition is subjective) to buy them because she doesn't have to deal with the consequence of old, stained clothing. I wouldn't suggest pursuing the "lack of finance" possibility but perhaps there's a compromise somewhere to where you can convince her the clothes would be more beneficial in other ways (need to look nice to find a job being an example)

[jamesgoldman]

Well you need to do things for yourself
Look for cheap clothing in thrift stores, you can get all the brands if you look around (I have a silk tie from Yves Saint Laurent that cost £2 and my brother got a pair of AF1's for £7 amongst other things we both bought)
Go to the bank and get the form at 16 you don't need a parental signature to get a debit card

N. b. I started working for myself at 8 and was self-sufficient by 16 when I had the restaurant job, my business and my commission deals going on

[caring__1]

It sounds like you're trying to keep up with your peers. I'm sure if your mom felt you truly needed something, she'd find a way to get it for you. Don't assume she has a money tree in the backyard. You don't know her budget. It can be hard for a parent to admit they can't afford what their kids want.

If your clothes are faded, buy some dye and learn how to dye your clothes. Show your mom you're considerate about her budget by shopping at a thrift store rather than the mall. You can find amazing deals on new or almost new clothes at thrift stores. Don't make it about any sense of entitlement. Show her you can be responsible and considerate, too.

You claim you can't find a job, yet fast food restaurants are begging for help. They have trouble holding on to help, as many young kids don't want to actually do the work... they just want the paycheck. I'm sure you'd find work if you truly looked... unless you live in a small one-store town.

[CasuallySamsonite]

I may sound like an old fart on this... but I grew up poor af, I started working at age 13 (illegal in my area, yes USA) when I turned 16 and decided I wanted a cellphone (like 2005-ish) I just asked my mother if I could buy one for myself, which I did. I did my research and got a crappy prepaid one with a year's contract and like 800 minutes and by the end of the year I still had 200~ish minutes left over and spent another $120 on another 800 annual minutes, that phone lasted until I was a sophomore in college... my point is, maybe get a job or a side hustle (legal one ofc) and shop smart. If you are on a budget, try a thrift store or consignment shop, look for one that benefits a good non-profit cause and for like $40 get a closet full of awesome clothing.

Source, guy who wears designer / name brand clothing and never pays retail. ever. (seriously, I even have Gucci and Ralph Luren PJs)

[slatyb]

Maybe just ask your mother for a clothing allowance? She's going to be buying you clothes, it would be simpler for her and better for you if she just gave you money and let you worry about it. I just gave my kid $125/month for clothing and other expenses. I told them "I don't care what you wear as long as you don't get sent home from school".

Or maybe you could get some baby-sitting jobs? That pays pretty well and it's tax-free.

[superrmatt]

You don't need any of the things.

Find work.

[bowenw]

Are you sure she has money to give you? She may not be well off.

[Diversity_Hire]

Why, at 16, do you think you should have easy access to her money? It's not your money, it's not your account, why do you deserve a debit card?

[Anonymous]

Wow i think she wants you to grow up and be more independent and learn to look after your self however i agree u should use a debit card instead of cash

[ItsMeItsMe1989]

Probably cause she doesn't think you should be having a boyfriend