Is this friend toxic or am I just overthinking it?

Question

I’ve been feeling skeptical of our friendship, they’re my only friend right now because before the pandemic I had left my old friend group since everyone was really toxic in it.

He also will take jokes too far sometimes, like I don’t enjoy when he calls me dumb/stupid cause it doesn’t come off funny, it just comes off hurtful. I have told him this before but he still makes those jokes.

He doesn’t even treat any of his other friends like this either?

I still like them , just not the way I’ve realized they’re like and how they’re treating me.

Is this friend toxic or am I just overthinking it?

kamilla05056 · Accepted Answer

hey! sounds like you’re in a rough place. i’ve been friends with this girl for 9 years. she never listened to me and only talked about herself, and i loved being there for her. what i was afraid of was talking to her about how i felt like she was using me as her counselor, and i hated confrontation so i never said anything. finally, i broke it off with her only saying that i felt like my words were never heard and that i felt like i needed to move on. nothing mean or personal, i just said that our friendship wasn’t worth pursuing. maybe you could use the same tactic, but instead put in there that you’re willing to work on this problem with him. that way, you have the upper hand. you’re saying that you will drop him if he doesn’t figure his shit out. it’s putting him in the position where he needs to decide, not you. you are responsible for your feelings, not his. don’t worry about hurting his feelings. don’t let him guilt trip you like that. let me know how it goes and keep me updated if you decide to say anything!!!

annyasansiri · Accepted Answer

first of all, it could be 2 things.
the first one is that he might like you. because people who hate you and are daring enough to call you dumb while hanging out with you probably are jealous of you and would wanna stay away as much as possible.

so the second one, is that he's jealous of you. maybe you're rich, and he's not? and so when he comes to your house he sees all these nice things you have, and it makes him hate himself, but you might be a nice person... therefore he knows you're a nice friend but can't help to envy you.

If that's the case, and you think he's a good enough friend (minus his insults to you)

then give him time, be understanding of him and hope that he'll be able to deal with his insecurity and come around, and treat you better

ThatNoUVAtYourEyes · Accepted Answer

Right, so,

Considering women much prefer to be mothers and housewives and be kept,

How come very very few realise the way to accomplish that is to be genuinely nice/committed - and playful with children?

Surely it is not difficult to understand that for a man to finance your child (and his), he will want two things - 1) that you invest yourself in making that child smart (which means a lot of attention/game playing and time spent on it (in a way that develops its physical and mental abilities), and 2) no man will want a bitch that will poison him/run him into the ground so he dies at 70 while she lives on to 85 - no matter how much women like to collect grudges they will later turn into poison in his soup (the smart ones will make incoming money available only for as long as they are alive, thus - you better keep both him and your/his children happy/cared for)

Clear?

Bjornasey · Accepted Answer

A lot of these people who is replying don't seem to actual male friends or are women, I guess? So, as a normal male. We say it straight to your face as it is, if I mess up, I'm told I messed up with an insult with it. But of course it isn't all too serious, just shitposting irl.
Men try to be brutally honest, women tend to indirectly rude or rather passive aggressive. Anyhow if you do not like typical male behaviour and enjoy the company of city libs then go find those kinds of friends, but I'm not sure if they'll be as honest with you. And yes dudes will insult women more.

MelissaMarie9614 · Answer

This is definitely similar to what I went through a year and a half ago. I had a toxic friend before. I noticed how her behavior was changing so much, she became more demanding, she took everything I said the wrong way, she stopped caring about me and it became literally all about her every time, took advantage of me, and she was making some bad choices. I had to end the friendship from there because all she also was give me anxiety and it wasn't good for my mental health. If I were you, I would end the friendship now while you have a chance. You don't have to give them a warning, just stop talking to them and end it from there. I did that and I saw a difference. Otherwise it'll affect you mentally. Do it while you have the chance to now and save yourself from the anxiety.

prettygurlrock · Answer

Remember those “slick jokes” they make about you see how they really feel. You should tell him that it’s bother you when he calls you that and if you can’t stop then cut him off!

hahahmm · Answer

There's no reason to be "friends" with someone who verbally abuses you. You're trying to make excuses for his behavior. You sound like you have super low esteem. I've known people with very low esteem who still didn't let people call them dumb.

You're attracting these kind of "toxic" people because of how you behave. Someone like me doesn't collect these people cause we don't settle for people who act poorly.

midnightmoon05 · Answer

Let’s be clear about this friend. you stopped hanging out with other friends.
now you only hang out with this, in this case a he. do you like him more than a friend?
do you have other friends who talk to you like this? Or your family member who talk to you like this?
friends don’t call ea other derogatory names just to be clear.

goaded · Answer

Surrounded by Psychopaths (It's not just about psychopaths, but all manipulators - including yourself.)

Adam1978 · Answer

You should not take shit ever. If you let disrespect slide you will keep getting more of it. Unless you actually did something stupid at the time or didn't think something through before opening the pie hole. People shouldn't call you stupid. Independent of where your intelligence level really are. People who are disrespectful should be the people who end up old without friends.

molonski2 · Answer

he's not a friend , he is a dickhead , before you commit yourself further..
CUT CLEAN THE DEAD WOOD , you are in start again mode , you need people who may you respect , its not nice what this guy is doing.

Alyssa11 · Answer

If someone makes you feel uncomfortable, and doesn't change their behaviour after you've addressed it, then that's an enough reason to cut them off.

Flower7 · Answer

Definitely toxic. Calling someone dumb or stupid is never a joke!

Ohshee1 · Answer

What makes you skeptical and how come you think you're toxic

Uptowngirl88 · Answer

For asking this question I must agree with your friend. You are dumb.

JosyJosy · Answer

I would say that the IQ in the room drops whenever he says a joke like that

aquamarine321 · Answer

Nah , that’s not a friend, friends don’t do things we dislike

Dinosaursandanime65 · Answer

It is rude. But isn’t everyone toxic? It’s not too serious and should be fairly easy to forgive

OddBeMe · Answer

It might be an immature flirting technique. Akin to 1st graders on a school yard.

malwins · Answer

I had a friend That was undercover racist and she would also make certain jokes

Fuentes · Answer

Nobody gonna call me names and say they my friend

Is this friend toxic or am I just overthinking it?

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