I am no expert, but I'd try the following and judge its success.
⚫ Positive Reinforcement (Adding something liked)
(i) Words of Appreciation
(ii) Allowance
(iii) Bonus allowance for doing more than expected (ex: cleaning more than just their own room if cleaning their room is the only expectation)
under two conditions:
(1) Not making messes in the first place
(2) Cleaning up after themselves by their own initiative
You don't need to see them actually clean or not make a mess, because you can simply judge results: if there is no mess, they did either #1 or #2.
⚫ Positive Punishment (Adding something disliked)
*Not having kids, I can't vouch for the cost/benefit of #1*
Words conveying your disappointment ("I thought you were more grownup")
⚫ Negative Punishment
(i) No spending on games
(ii) Removing their devices
⚫ Positive Punishment
By the logic that one unclean room will spread its uncleanliness (ex: dust) to other rooms: A one-time increase in the tasks allocated to them (cleaning the surrounding areas of the areas they initially made a mess in)
Because you don't want rules to be arbitrary (kids know full well when rules are arbitrary) some ground rules could be useful:
(A list of base tasks would be useful, so as to allow accountability)
1. If they do everything expected of them, their allowances will be guaranteed.
2. If this can be done without your involvement, you will not ask or nag them about tasks and let them figure out how to do them.
3. If they do not fulfill non-base but required tasks for a set period of time, allowance stops.
4. If they do not fulfill non-base but required tasks for a longer set period of time, they will lose access to spending on games, devices, other related items.
5. If they do not fulfill non-base but required tasks for an even longer period of time, devices are removed.
6. If they do not fulfill base-tasks for a set period of time, devices are removed, allowance for the period of non-fulfillment in annulled, no spending on games during this period of time.
So a base-task can be something like doing the dishes, while necessary but non-base tasks could be like dusting their room. In essence: if the task affects day to day life (dishes), it is high priority and punishment & removal of rewards is more immediate. If it is low priority (dusting), more leniency time is given.
But I'd try to establish a time-limit rule (ex: 24h for any mess) after which measures are taken. For allowances, using round numbers will simplify things. If allowance is $2 per day, then for each day they don't do their shit, they lose $2.
Alternatively, you can use a scale approach.
If allowance is $60 per 30 day month, then for each day of non-fulfillment of tasks: [Day 1] -$1, [Day 2] -$2, so on. If the allowance goes negative, this means future allowances are lost by that amount.
Like someone else said, start instilling discipline and responsibility in them while young, and be a hard-ass to them when the f*ck up, including spanking their asses, if you have to.
As a teacher, I have to say, it's not that different from parenting (Easier, but similar). If you start out as a hard-ass early on and scare them into compliance and obedience, you can always lighten up later. But if you start out too nice and lenient early on, it's nearly impossible to get them to respect/fear you later down the line when they start to become to wily and out of control.
I don't want kids, but I'd instill a strong sense of work ethnic and respect in the household STRICTLY stick to that. When they do good, they are always rewarded. When they do bad, they are ALWAYS punished for it. Show them that you'll always love them, but let them know negative actions have consequences early on.
Depends on the age.
And the kid.
My mom was able to bribe my sister and brother to clean and do chores. But no matter the amount of money, I never agreed.
But I'd say that around 10 start demanding it.
I was 12 when I started making enough money from selling snacks and stuff to buy the monthly groceries.
And I was 14 when I started paying rent
And 17 when I moved out on my own.
And then at 18 my mom was living with me and I was supporting both of us and a year later, I started supporting my brother as well.
But everyone is different.
You start while the kids are young, little by little. Small children are eager to help and learn new things, you gotta let them do things even if they mess up a bit. My bed was messy when I did it by myself but my mom disincouraged me because it wasn't up to her standards, and the result was... I wasn't interested in doing it anymore.
You shouldn't pay them because they won't do anything if you don't pay them to do even the most menial task. They live in the house, so they have to pick after themselves and do what you command them to do.
Opinion
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You start young. A 2-yo can help dust and vacuum, for example, and can put their meal plate on the counter when they finish eating. Kids like to help and it's important to encourage them by letting them do the things they're capable of. As they get older, their capabilities increase.
Also, when young, let them learn that there are consequences of their actions, that they are responsible. Say, for example, they get mad and throw their food on the floor (most kids will do this at least once). Don't clean it up for them... make sure they help you clean it up... and that they don't get any more food (maybe dessert?) until they do.
When they get to be old enough to play video games, set limits for them, and get them interested in other things, like reading, going for walks with you, etc.
Parenting is a long journey... starts when the child is born and continues as a full-time job until they are older... and it doesn't end then... just becomes a little less frequent.
u depends on the kid... you make it a habit since they're very young
and then you can go according to their personalities, you can make it a game, or a bribe/reward, sometimes you explain to them that is is a chore that they just have to do
but overall... you just have to be good at parenting, and when you are that, then the children will just become more self-sufficient... and if you're not raising them well, well... children will just grow up to do whatever they want or not wanting to do whatever they do not want to do
1. Have any fixed allowance be just that, not conditioned to chores.
2. Establish that everyone has things to do. Assign age appropriate things to do.
3A. If they do everything each day without being told, they get a star/check/whatever each day they do.
3B. When they hit a certain goal, they get a certain reward.
4. Offer extra chores they can do to earn money. These would NOT be from their "everyone has things to do" list.
5. Establish rules for everyone in the house. Example: must keep your room reasonably clean (including mommy and daddy) or they can't [fill in the blank] . Tie the reward to the responsibility.
Depending on their age it's always nice to instill responsibility into them in the early age I mean if we didn't get up and go to work everyday what would happen so you kind of have to project that to them in that manner weather school close their phone food what have you. If you didn't get up and go to work every day they would not have these nice things so using all the above you have to kind of think of a way make them feel the pain LOL if they do not help around the house you can't restrict them you can't discipline them because that's not what it's all about you have to give them more responsibility that's what teachers you have to let them experience that's what teaches
Honestly I have always threatened to spank my kids even though I never have. It works. But I also bought them phone's so I can use them as collateral when they don't do something. Basically I'll be like you are going to lose your phone's or Xbox if this place isn't cleaned when I get home. There's a app on our phone's for Xbox that I can control what and how much screen time they can get to play their games. If my son wants to play his game's he better not have any failing grades and my place will all have to be clean. Been doing this for years and they have great grades, my place is always clean and vacuumed. As well as the dishes always done and my room is always made as well. My kids are 13 and 14 now and I don't have to do anything because I taught them that cleanliness is next to godliness. You can always do whatever you want after your place is beyond clean. Sincerely a single dad of 2 kids raising them alone for 11 years now 🤗
By modeling and doing the work together.
by communicating the importance of building good work habits.
by appreciating and encouraging that this too will help them become better human beings, build characters and for the family and for their own when they become independent and when they have their own families.
kids want to help. Let them help and feel proud.
Try to make it more fun, like having a contest to see who can clean their room the fastest, or who can get other chores done the fastest. The game in itself might be enough to motivate them, but a reward can also be added for the winner, if necessary.
I had a set chore sheet and an allowance. If I didn't clear the sheet. I didn't get an allowance. My list creeped up over time as did my allowance. Basically, If I wanted more money for crap. I had to do more work and it wasn't optional to do a little extra and cut back after.
It worked great. I never missed an allowance. The habits of keeping a clean place stuck with me.
We had several chores than needed to be done. Some were more distasteful that others. My kids were born a year apart so they were all old enough to do the chores. We developed a schedule and they all had to take a turn with the sucky chores.
Reward system. They sell reward charts on Amazon. Works for my almost 4 year old.
They don't get their privileges until their chores are done. Aka. no videogames, no TV no playing out side until their chores are done. The biggest things with children is consistency and accountability.
Buy some kind of video time/lock & problem solved.
If I didn't clean up I was physically and verbally abused 😌 didn't make me want to clean up any more though.
Kids aren't your slaves.
Offer them monetary reward but works best if they want to buy stuff or are money oriented. My teenage son is contracted to perform duties in the house and garden. Provided he does them, he is richly rewarded. I also fine him for being unreliable.
Little ones really do like stickers. Noone knows why.
Giving them lots of encouragement and respect for the work they do can help.
I made chores something enjoyable and 'interesting'. My kids (as far as I can remember now) did not see their ''duties'' as a burden, but as an appreciated activity.
Not a parent, so I can only help with ideas I heard from others.
Rewards are fine, taking away benefits isn't the way though. Have a conversation with them, ask them something they would want in return for helping you around the house. Then ask them what they want you to do when they are in danger of not getting the reward. "If you're telling me tomorrow that you don't feel like it, do you give up on the.. or do you want me to help you keep earning it?"
My son's 3. I get him to by turning it into a game. Now he actually asks if we can tidy the living room!
Take away privledges if they don’t. A family requires work from everybody to make it work. This is just the facts of life.
threaten to take there phone away works with my daughter
Sell them to gypsies, and buy your own video game equipment
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