Is there anyone here that doesn't have kids and doesn't want them? Why do you want them or why don't you?
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Anonymous
(45 Plus)
+1 y
Put me in the want - and have - kids category.
In fact, believe it or not, I would have like to have been a father when I was 16. Don't get me wrong, I know what the data shows about teen parents and their kids. That is also why I have such huge respect for those teen fathers who stay with their child and, if possible, the mother of their child. These are good, fine upstanding young men and if my own sons ever find themselves in that situation, I hope that they act with as much integrity, even though the road will likely be a hard one.
That said, my high school girlfriend and I had a pregnancy scare when I was 16. There is no doubt, it caught be by surprised and I was not carefree about it. However, here's the funny part. I was psyched! I was going to be a dad and I knew I was young but I was ready.
Of course, when it turned out that it was a false alarm, there was a little sense of relief, to be sure. Still, I have to admit, I was disappointed. I was all set to hold my son or daughter in my arms and when I found out that it was not going to happen, there was a sense of letdown.
Still, I know in a way that I was ready and - again, at least for me - that would have been a fantastic age to become a dad. Since then, I have gotten four women pregnant. One had a miscarriage. The second had an abortion without telling me and I won't lie. I was 24 and when I found out what my ex had done, I sobbed. To this day I miss my little angel in heaven that I never got to know.
Of the other two women, I had one son with a one night stand whom I only learned about two years ago. Then there is my girlfriend of almost 11 years with whom I have had three children - two boys, both unplanned, and my little princess who was planned.
In the case of my son by a woman with whom I had a one night stand, she opted not to get in touch with me to tell me she was pregnant and raised our son on her own till about two years ago.
Then she decided, as our son was 12, that as he was becoming a teenager that he ought to know his father. So she tracked me down and a test confirmed it. It was a shock, no doubt. However, I am getting to know him and I love him as much as I love my other children. My only regret being that I missed so many years of his growing up. He is an amazing young man and although he does not live with us full time, he is as much a member of our family as my other three.
As to the three - two boys and my little princess - that I have had with my girlfriend, they (and she) are the center of my universe.
Our oldest - currently 9 - is a live wire. His life's motto seems to be - "Why walk around obstacles when you can just walk through them?" We are pretty sure that he was the first second grader ever to apply to join the Marine Corps and we are pretty sure he was on the team that took out bin Laden.
He is also ferociously protective of his younger brother and sister. When once his younger brother was crying, saying he was being picked on at school, older brother said, "Don't worry (name), I'll protect you." We were pretty sure he would, too - with a tank.
Younger brother is his older sibling's temperamental opposite. So much so that I've asked my girlfriend what the mailman was doing the week our second son was conceived. He is our little cuddler.
When I get home and the other two are flying around the house, he will climb into my lap, look at me very earnestly, and say, "Did you have a good day today, daddy? I was very busy today..." "Oh were you?," I reply, to be then regaled with the days doings at school. (He loves school and he loves his teacher.)
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Opinion Owner
+1 y
Our youngest, our daughter, is my little princess. That does not mean though that I am not as tough on her as I am the boys - Not!
Our conversations go something like this (or some variation on the theme):
Daughter/Princess: "Daddy, I want a pony."
Me: "You want a pony? What kind of pony? How about two ponies? We can put them in the backyard, the neighbors won't mind. Want to get the ponies this weekend? How about three ponies."
At which point my girlfriend rolls her eyes - she has to do that a lot with me - and says, "You're not getting her a pony!!"
Suffice to say I am currently covertly searching for the perfect pony to live in our suburban neighborhood backyard. As I say, the neighbors won't mind.
As to how old I would be willing to still have children, all I can say is that if my girlfriend told me tomorrow that she was pregnant, you would not be able to wipe the smile off my face. I'll have as many as nature and God see fit. They are all the most beautiful gifts a woman can give to a man.
It isn't as so much as I don't want them, it's that adults get a little bit too carried away with the idea of them and mess them up, when they get older. Adults already way ahead of time, pick out names for them as babies, which is fine, but when they start forming opinions about them before they are even born and putting labels on them, that's makes for a recipe of disaster when they come along and get older, they tend to make them sociopathic and psychotic, plus, the one I can't stand is that you place kids with social workers and they start to have problems once the social worker creates problem, which makes you not to want to have kids nor want them, because there is a matter of the world being crazy and full of rotten people who are so bitter and rotten to the core that they have to think and do creepy and perverted things to children which makes it unsafe to have children, you're at an impasse about how to raise children with social media and constant violence and lack of morals. Gone are the days of grandparents and great-grandparents showing you the way.
I'm unsure, I think there are great arguments for both sides.
My personal reasons if I didn't have children: I was raised quite poor, I matured way before I was able to be a proper child which led to a lot of trauma and not being able to fit in with kids at school, they were hung up over the newest iPhone, I was busy thinking about how I'd have to walk to the food bank to have food tonight, ask a relative for money so we can have electricity, and think of lies to give to social services. So what I'm saying is I wouldn't have children if I had a low income, an unstable relationship or it was very late in life. I have some mental health issues that I believe should also be resolved, you need to be happy with yourself before you want to bring life into this world and be responsible for it.
My reasons I would have children: Although they're irritating at times, I know I'd be a good parent as I'm very patient and would raise my children properly with love, a happy home, and a good balance of love, learning, understanding their mistakes and their education. A part of me would absolutely adore a small intimate wedding, and me and my partner having children. This all depends on my financial status, relationship status, mentality, and more. I would never be so selfish to just have kids without thinking about responsibility.
I really do not want kids. Ever! I spent 7 years and mega bucks getting the highest qualification I could, not to mention the lack of any social life for much of it. I have a very well paid research position and I will not give that up just to change nappies on a screaming brat!
Congrats on your accomplishments. I have a personal and somewhat invasive question. I hope it isn't offensive but I wanted to ask about your method of birth control. I would suspect a well educated woman would probably go for the highest reliability birth control. Did you choose an IUD?
1. My genetics are dogsh*t (shortness included) and me preproducing would be a crime against humanity. 2. I'm perpetually single for life (see the above for reasons why). 3. This world is already awful and I wouldn't want to bring another human being into it. 4. There's a 50% chance that child wouldn't live to their 70s or 80s and would die in an Apocalyptic scenario instead. 5. Most people are assholes and I wouldn't trust modern American teachers around my child; I'd have to homeschool them and that's too much work.
Firstly, I hate pregnancy, it's so fucking unfair for women! You get permanent side effects and go insane.
I love my freedom and won't waste my life on some parasite that will consume my 20 YEARS of time and energy but will end up leaving me after having their own life.
If I do not bring them into this world, I won't owe anyone my money, resources, time and attention!
I NEED a lot of personal space, I appreciate good friends but I HATE feeling used and replaced (when someone is constantly dependent on me but will leave me once they find their own life). I won't waste my free time and hard earned money!
I would rather stress about my own life than worry about their future!
I never wanted kids. I had a childhood filled with violence, instability and fear. I just want peace. My therapist says I have civilian PTSD. I am happy that I never had children. My life has been so peaceful. Many guys end up being Dads by accident through unintentional pregnancies that either their partner or both did not want to end. I Despite having many long term relationships with women where I had unprotected sex all time time, I never got a girl pregnant. I later learned that I have an intersex condition which makes it impossible to father children.
Never wanted kids. Since 7, I knew for sure I didn't want any.
I've got myriad reasons, primarily that I just don't want kids.
The background reasons include health concerns (lots of hereditary diseases in the families, plus childbirth will likely kill me due to previous medical history), environmental concerns (having a kid is one of the worst things a single person can do for the environment - unless they own a private jet), financial concerns, and moral concerns.
I would much rather regret NOT having kids than have them and regret having them. My suffering is easy to handle, but it seems unethical to me to inflict suffering on my partner and child.
Plus I'm not interested in people who want kids, so, like, triple whammy for the partner.
i feel like most have such a romanticized view of having kids that a lot more people wouldn’t do it if they got to see the reality of it beforehand. Then people say oh you better have kids or you won’t have any that cares about you when you’re old. There’s legions of people whose kids put them in a nursing home and are just patiently waiting for them to pass away so I call BS on that one. There’s so much to do in life make friends, go on dates, have a career, travel, pursue hobbies, help other people etc. Just have as much fun as you can until the wheels fall off 🤷♂️
Honestly I would love to have kids, I've always loved children but Im not ready and I haven't been ready to have kids yet but I wasn't given a choice in this decision. I was raped and didn't know I was pregnant till it was to late to abort. And as much as I wanted kids I don't have a partner I got pregnant at 17 and I just don't wanna raise my baby without a father whether it be the biological one or not and especially not by myself sense my parents kicked me out. I do sorta agree that others kids can be annoying not gonna lie there but still I've always dreamed of having kids just not this way or by myself in the situation I'm in either.
I never wanted kids, basically because I didn't want the responsibility. When you have kids, your entire life is dedicated to them. I don't even think they are that cute. Plus, there are worries, massive expenses, and your life is not your own.
I had girlfriends from the time I was 16, but didn't even start thinking about seeking a life partner to settle down with until I was in my mid-30s.
I met my future wife when I was 40. She's 2.5 years younger. We got married two years later. We've been really happy for over 25 years now.
We had both lived full lives but neither had ever been married. We decided not to try for any kids. As time went by, we both agreed what we are happy not to have that burden. We've had a lot of fun over the past 27 years and have built a good life together. Aside from out pets, we don't have any obligations other than to each other.
I would go with unsure, the reasons against it, I am not fan of babies, though when children grow up they are more okay, I am single not a fan of using the services of a surrogate mother and raising a child alone, also I am not having the best genes. The reasons for it, a relationship without children is fairly pointless in my opinion, I don't like women that lack a material instinct, and it can be nice to have a legacy, also having children is the main purpose of life, biologically speaking, so it means not to fail on the biological level.
I actually want kids but under condition I can skip the pain and bleeding part plus getting major baby bump and stretch marks. I'm more of a person who will play and cuddle friend's or relative's baby and that's it. Women will probably attack me but I'm anti breastfeeding, I'd probably be disappointed that I didn't have a baby girl and the main point, I'm terrified by fact I'd have to raise my kid/s in a world where you don't know who is M and who is F due to now much louder and popular trans, queer and so on people. Plus, I worked so hard for 9 years to get rid of excess weight and finally look good and I'm like supposed to accept gaining weight that comes off hard and all hormonal changes? Nah. I'd rather adopt
No thanks. Too many reasons to list. The only thing that makes me sad about it is that my parents and grandparents are upset about my decision. Hope they don't feel like I wasted their time, money, effort, etc. raising me only to have it end like this. At least my sister who is not even a teenager yet might have kids someday.
I knew from the age of 15 that I'd never want kids. For one thing, if they turned out like I was a kid, I'd have killed them. My parents were saints to raise me. For another thing, I realized it's just too much responsibility and I didn't want it, while there are plenty of people who do want it and would do it better.
What's truly annoying are people who tell me how selfish I am for not wanting them, but so what if I am? So what if I'm not "selfless" enough to sacrifice all that is required in order to properly raise a child? It's better that I recognize that and accept it than to just "have kids because that's what you do" than be like the millions of parents who really don't want to be and feel "stuck" with them.
They're expensive. Pregnancy is traumatic. World is so cruel living is all suffering lmao. Overpopulation. We crappy humans are taking over the planet and everyone else is dying. I hate cleaning after anyone. I hate responsibilities. I hate being tied down. I hate someone totally dependent on me. These tits are for men who want sex, not a friggin child. Children can ruin lives, I ruined my mom's teeth because she's been having dental problems since she was pregnant with me and because of me her mouth is disastrous, because she was afraid meds would harm me. I can never be that selfless.
You know, nature has a funny way of changing our minds.
I used to think I didn't want kids, but age does something to you that will make you long for it. I'm not sure how it is with women, but I imagine when it does hit you, it might you the hardest.
I don’t want kids because 1. There is no shortage of people and there’s like 500,000 unadopted people 2. I don’t believe the world will be a better place in 30 years 3. Expensive 4. Enormous amount of responsibility 5. I’d rather be a cat mon
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I do not have any kids and don’t want them. I’m in the medical field and honestly just don’t have time for them so having them would make me feel bad since I’d be unable to be there for them. Plus, I really want to travel and do my own thing when I’m not working so with kids, that would only be more difficult
I'm undecided. But I generally lean toward "No," for 2 reasons:
1. They cost a lot of money.
and
2. I just want to be in a relationship with a woman who is compatible to me. And I don't want to tack on the added pressure of "oh yeah, and I want you to go through pregnancy, and then take care of a child for 18 years." Like, when I think of romance, that is NOT what comes to mind.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
The reason people don’t want kids is because of the dramatic rise in terrible parenting caused by single motherhood and woke culture promoting strong independent women and emasculating men. The government is playing daddy and literally paying women to be single mothers and rely on assistance. You don’t see this problem in Asian cultures or most other foreign cultures. They have kids, make sure they are disciplined and get a good education and work. The kids take care of their parents and even live with them their whole lives. The western thinking of children and learning has destroyed a generation. Anti-christian values is chaotic to child upbringing. Some people just aren’t fit to raise children and honestly aren’t fit to raise animals because they can’t take care of themselves. It causes a cascade.
Not all Asian cultures, Japan for example has a problem where people aren't having children to the point where the country's government is worried.
Also Christianity (and all other religions) are horrible, and shouldn't be part of parenting, kids should learn science and math instead of religion.
Lastly, the reason I don't want kids has nothing to do with any of the points you stated, I've never felt emasculated by anyone, I've never felt the government had a hand in making me not want kids, and I'm not the deadbeat type.
I simply don't want kids because it's a hassle, and it interferes with what I do want in life, what I want to have in my home, and my ability to have a schedule of my own choosing.
Having kids requires heavy lifestyle changes that I'm not interested in putting up with.
@TheSpaceGnome Japan is actually a perfect example of what happens when you abandon religious and cultural values. It’s happening in Korea as well. Religion has always been amazing for family values. It has only been bad when taken to extremes, which is the same for everything. The reason the Asian cultures care for their old is mostly spiritual. The parents want grandchildren and the young generation don’t care about their parents.
Religion is always bad, any time you choose to assume rather than learn the truth or admit ignorance, its bad.
Japan's low birth rate has to do with a higher average intelligence, a higher social acceptance of porn, and alcohol avoidance being popular.
Most children born in the world are accidents, born from desperate horny drunk people, or from bc or condoms failing, or both.
As such, its no surprise that smarter people tend to avoid sex and alcohol if they aren't ready for (or don't ever want) kids. Smarter people are also less likely to want kids because kids are generally disruptive roadblocks to becoming engineers, artists, scientists, or other high "iq" jobs. So the more people in a country above that threshold, the lower that country's birthrate (unless the middle class is strong enough financially in the particular country).
I never wanted kids. I attempted to have some w/my husband, but one was a miscarriage and the other was premature. I figure that happened for a reason b/c neither of us are fit to be parents. He's a functional alcoholic and I just don't have the patience for kids. I never wanted to be a stay at home mom/housewife but.. there's many out there that live off the system making babies just to get a free ride! Where's my food stamps? I feel sorry for those kids..
I want them to continue my bloodline. I'm first generation American and my family sacrificed so much to come here and to me it's almost selfish to have that only be for one generation. Also there's wealth, I don't like the idea that the fruits of my land labor and capital would go to anyone else but my children
Ah, okay. Yes, I would definitely want children. There are plenty of people out there who don't have any and aren't interested in having any either. But why wouldn't I want children? Children are wonderful creatures, and they bring joy into everyone's lives.
Well very simple answer. I can hear little jerico (mexican boy) screaming a good 11 meters away from me. Also seeing as I have seen the facts of having children and can see my future with them, one of us are both of us (me and kid) are going to die. Homicide or suicide.
Also I like sleeping in my underwear and not finding discharge or finding little shelly screaming, crying or jumping on my bed because she wants to go to chuck e cheese, right now.
I don’t want kids and I never have. Actually as I’ve got older I’ve felt like I want them less and less. I’m not very ‘child friendly’ and feel quite awkward around babies and toddlers - and I cringe with annoyance the moment I hear a baby or child crying or screaming! Each to their own, obviously it’s a natural thing, but for me it’s always been a massive ‘no thanks’.
Never did and surely don't now that I'm older. I was always pretty jealous of my time, and especially during the years of being in a club band AND having a day job... I just was never willing to commit to sacrificing my priorities... existance... was always just a puzzle piece that wasn't gonna fit.
Used to be strictly against it. But now I'm ok with it if it happens. I didn't want kids because it defo is expensive and thats a lot of money which can be invested elsewhere. But then again, im a product of my parents and they could say the same but they don't have regrets lol. I've also observed my friends who have kids and despite that they are enjoying life and have a very healthy balance.
I always find it amusing when people judge kids as if they probably weren't doing the same thing when they were that age.. If you train them right, they'll be fine.. I also don't like how people paint kids as an annoyance or inconvenience.. If you are too selfish to want any, just say that.. Not that you need to have kids, but I never liked those reasonings, shows me we live in a nihilistic, self centered society.. As for me.. I want kids one day.. Once, I'm married and stable..
I always wanted children but I never felt I was ready to be a father. I did therapy when I was younger. When I matured I did date a lot of women but most of them already had children. My friends told me if you marry a woman who has children all of your money is going to go raising them.
Plus, the women I dated didn't seem very mature to me. I still want children but I've never met a woman to have them with. And have you seen people today? They are so toxic and entitled.
I find my neighbours kids extremely annoying as they cry and whine all fucking day and the parents never tell them to stop crying. I’m trying to relax in my pool and hear whining and wailing. I usually yell “everything ok over there I’ve been hearing crying for over an hour?”
I find the “reasoning” behind people who wouldn’t have wanted kids and didn’t get an abortion or still had them regardless is the false ideal that I always hear, “ oh kids are so rewarding” “they saved me” “my little angel” ok Shannon, your little angel just puked on the table and smeared shit all over the wall and the carpet, if you can barely handle an extremely annoying dog or pet, don’t even consider my fellow kid free people 😎
Being happy together? Living your life to the fullest and experiencing things that makes life great with out the worry of the if they babysitter is ok or if the house is destroyed or all the money you don’t have to spend on anyone else but yourself and your partner my guy seriously your looking at relationships all wrong if you think life has a set script of date, marry, spawn, die. 🤦♂️
Once again kids DONT bring meaning to your life, trying to convince people that their lives are pointless and or don’t have meaning simply because they didn’t burden themselves with the responsibility of reproducing is ignorant and down right cruel especially in an age like today were violence is on the rise, disease, hunger, fascism, racism, sexism, homelessness all on the rise, bringing a child into a world full of pain and hate is worse
I didn't want kids because I dont think my genetics are worth passing down and I rather use my time to earn more money. I dont want to be stuck at home raising crotch goblins all day for some man.
@rebeliouse not sure, I figured I'd get myself a home and help my family out. I've considered having pets but I dont think I would be able to care for them properly if I'm working all day. Plus, it's better to spend money on the existing people who need it rather than creating more people who also need it.
women from my generation are just not made to have children with, I can write a book on why and the younger generations aren't getting any better. which either way I'm not Jason Statham, not gonna get with a chick who's young enough to be my daughter.
I don’t want kids because in order to have your own you have to have sex and I’m voluntarily celibate. I think the only way I’d ever have kids is if I adopt.
Also I can barely take care of myself. I can’t even keep a house plant alive 😂😅 And I don’t see myself ever having a partner to help take care of a child with either.
I can only speak to how I feel now. Right now kids are not a priority. It would be wrong to bring people into this world that I need to be responsible for and look after. I just don’t have the emotional wherewithal to do it right now. Beyond that there’s the issue of ecological equilibrium on the planet and the balance of having a species that is throwing that out of whack. I mean humans are capable of doing so much good and yet we have so many problems. So it’s a big no for me right now.
The reason my girlfriend and I are as well adjusted is due to our parents. Our issues are genetic, we will pass them down. Neither of us feel confident we'll be as good for people like ugh s as our parents were.
After I graduated from high school I decided that I wanted to work with kids. I really don’t know why but it just happened. What makes me want to have kids is when kids ask me if I’m another kid’s dad when I’m at work. It’s just the thought of being a father
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I recently got dumped for not wanting kids. So no I dont want kids, the reason is that my parents raised me in a totally different manner so that impacted on my life preference a lot. I don't think il ever have children nor il ever want them.
My parents were shocked at my life decision but understood why I said no to a guy who wanted kids.
I don't want children because it adds more problems on you especially if you are a woman. Not as many men want to commit or marry you. It is likely that I will be a single parent if I move too forward in life wanting children as of now.
i said i don't want them because i have no partner mostly. maybe my mind changes when i have one. but currently i'm thinking it would be irresponsible for me to make a new person having to deal with the shit the world is currently becoming.
Never wanted children as I got older. Children take a lot of patience and energy and can be stressful. Though there is joy in seeing them grow up from babies to teenagers.
I don’t have them and I won’t be having them. I like having my freedom, and spending my hard earned money on me. Not some little shit. What’s more, the world we live in is a fucking joke, and already insanely overpopulated as it is.
I don’t want them unless I meant a woman I can have them with. I women who’s compatible with me. I lost a very good one, a dream girl and now I feel hopeless about love
This rise in childlessness or plateauing of certain populations could be a “natural” effect of 8+ Billion humans on earth. Its also insanely expensive.
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Anonymous(45 Plus)+1 y
Opinion Owner+1 y
+1 y
Opinion Owner+1 y
