How Do You Deal With Your Aging Parents? Do You Feel Sad/Frustrated?

[TransAm85]

I grew up mainly with my mother and grandparents. My father passed away last year in February at 64 years old, but it didn't bother me much because I only knew him within the past 10 years. My mom will be 69 this coming January, but she is starting to get really weak and frail. But she will not let go of driving even though she's walking with a cane and it takes her awhile to get situated in the car! 🙄 She fell a few times these past two weeks getting out of bed and had to call a paramedic. I know something is going to happen soon since she has many health problems and it's been hard for me to deal with. Has anyone else felt that way? Despite the fact she was the way she was when I was growing up, she's still my mother. It is also frustrating how senile she has gotten. If my mother passes away soon, I will only have my little brother as biological family bc my older brother is lost somewhere addicted to heroin. I have family on my dad's side but I barely know them. Well, I was just wondering if anyone had been in a similar situation before? Losing your parents and not sure how to deal with it?

[CrazyGirl2]

Sorry to hear about your father, and the issues you are dealing with re: your mom! I cannot imagine what I’d do if my mom passed or even if she was ever not the vivacious intellectual powerhouse she is today! My mom is my best friend, we have been especially close ever since what my uncle did to me on my 13th birthday! She has been my cheerleader, my sex-ed teacher, my therapist, my friend! I call her every day just to chat b/c I love talking to her. It would break my heart to be the one taking care of her, but I would be honored to do it, especially after all she has been too and done for me! I guess the role reversal is a natural part of life, I only hope I'm ready for it when it comes, b/c god knows my brother won’t be taking care of her! He’s older than me, and he can hardly take care of himself!

[TransAm85]

You are very lucky to be close with your mom. I never was super close w/her, but I still appreciate that she took care of my brothers and I. That is also what kind of angers me b/c I have an older brother, who's 49 years old now, but he's been a drug addict for at least 30 years. He's been to rehab and worked, but he just doesn't care one way or another.

[CrazyGirl2]

I can understand the anger, we have a couple of family members in England who are addicts! Although I understand intellectually that it’s a disease and they can’t help it, on a personal level some times it does still anger me, all that they have done to the family, and sometimes I think “it may be a disease, but it’s a disease they actively went out and paid a LOT of money to get!” So I completely understand your anger and frustration! Your mom is very lucky to have a daughter like you! I was always a TOTAL daddy’s girl, and I still am but I just have become a LOT closer to my mom. I was not THAT close to my mom B4 my rape b/c she worked so hard, and she was never home, but dad was (well, more than mom)! But after what happened to me, everything changed. I kinda think she partially blamed herself b/c she was never home, and couldn't even be reached by phone b/c she’s a trauma surgeon! Obviously it was nothing to do w/ her working so hard, but afterwards she took an administrative position running the Emergency Dept. And cut the amt of time she was in surgery so she could spend more time w/ me. She was by my side throughout the process from the second I told her, through that horrible night in the ER with police, social workers, the woman from the rape crisis center, even the ADA! Through all the pre-trial, right up to when he killed himself! We became very close, and I even went to her before I had sex for the first time (consensual), w/ my first real boyfriend. She didn’t judge at all! If anything, she was so proud of me not becoming promiscuous, as a lot of young girls do after a sexual trauma. So I am SO sorry to hear that you didn't have that w/ ur mom. However if I could go back, I’d rather have a workaholic mom and never have been raped. I hope your mom is okay and that she’s around a long time. Remember you still time, to work on your relationship w/her if that’s what you want. As long as there is life there is hope (I read that somewhere).
Take care 🥰🤗

[CrazyGirl2]

Im sorry it was SO long 😢

[TransAm85]

It's not long.. that's very cool what your mom does for a living. I know u told me before that u helped ur dad fix up some cars, but u nvr mentioned ur mom. I have nvr been to England! That's very interesting! Thank u so much for ur kind words. :)

[CrazyGirl2]

You are SO welcome. Good people deserve all the praise and kind words in the world! Yeah my mom is truly an brilliant woman! She was in the U. S. army when she met my dad. At the time she was stationed in Germany and had some leave so she went to England for a week, and the rest is… well, what lead up to ME 😃. (And my brother, but no plan is perfect 🤩 Jk, he’s great 😊)
You mentioned me restoring cars with my dad. That’s his hobby, restoring and collecting classic American cars, and just collecting European exotics. (He does NOT restore those. When they need any work, he has a guy who’s a specialist!). My dad is actually a software engineer by profession, he invented some software that makes CGI look more realistic, and then immediately sold his company to Disney! Thats why we moved back to the states. I spent the first 6½ years of my life in England, but my brother and I were both born here, my mom was adamant about that! She didn't ever want us to have any issues, or ever be in a situation where a change in some immigration law could strip us of our U. S. citizenship (not that THAT would ever be very likely, or even constitutional, but my mom is not one for taking ANY chances when it comes to her children!) She’s a typical Jewish mother when it comes to that! But my god, when Trump was elected… she just kept going on about “See? THAT is exactly why I made sure the kids were born here!” She is a bad-ass, but she can be just a bit… you know… “much” at times. I definitely got my dad’s laid-back attitude of make sure you are ready for the worst, but “don’t worry about it, everything ‘ll be fine”. It really does reduce the need for Xanax!

[TransAm85]

That is awesome. So ur dad knows everything about the new electrical car shinanigans but he still likes the classics.. ur mom was in army also? Wow. That's why she's not scared to be surgeon! I really think it takes a lot of strength to do that kind of work. Despite the length of education, u have to have a lot of strength!

[CrazyGirl2]

Thanks, that’s really nice of you to say. As for my dad, yeah he’s a huge Ferrari fan, but as much as he admires the modern cars and their unparalleled reliability compared with cars from the 60’s that needed constant tune-ups, and valve adjustments, chassis lubrication, et al. He just loves the older cars. Which is why I have a restomod. An older jeep completely restored, with modern drivetrain, suspension, steering, brakes, and even an infotainment system!

[CrazyGirl2]

by the way, thank you for the very kind words about my mom, she truly is the smartest, and strongest woman I know! If it were not for her strength, I have no idea if I would even still be here today! I sincerely hope that everything works out with you and your mother.

[pizzalovershouse]

Just remember the good times an be ready for there death my grandmother had a plot at the grave yard an had enough life insurance to cover cremation and head stone no gathering but my aunt went ahead an did a lunch to let friends honor her I say just be prepared my grandmother I talked to her a week before she died I had her say to me your going to have to go on see cuz I grandpa died years before my grandma but they were divorced an so she was the last to go so I have only 1 aunt an 1 cousin that I keep in contact with the others were always very mean to me well growing up

[pizzalovershouse]

Mho thanks

[exitseven]

My father died very suddenly and it was a really big shock. I was going through a lot of turmoil in my life and having this big event on top of everything else was really difficult. What I did was think about was how my father would be telling me not to be a wussy and get all the stuff done that I needed to.

[TransAm85]

I guess that's a better way to look at it?

[exitseven]

Yes, it was almost like I could hear his voice telling me to man up.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[Ironic_Method]

Nope. They really weren't and aren't in my life so... nothing lost.