How do you deal with toxic mother in laws?

Question

How to deal with the most toxic mother in laws that make you out to be the the worst boyfriend ever that don't take of her daughter the way she already does to the point where she buys everything she needs instead of letting do anything on her own but then throws it in her face n talks bad about her like she's so hopeless n can't do nothing on her own but then blames it on the boyfriend that she's the way she is making her feel like she's there for her the most because the boyfriends worthless for not doing everything for her like she does but and correct me if I'm wrong doing everything for someone is does not help out once so ever cause it makes them have the need to depend on someone instead of being independent?

Telekinetic-Potato · Accepted Answer

I never had that problem. I always try to be very respectful to girlfriends parents and make them feel heard and part of the family.

Although, the closest I've had to a problem was that exact scenerio. Her parents tried to control her by gaslighting her all the time.

The best thing to do is not to take sides. You're there for your girlfriend first of course, but you don't want to get in the way of the family. This will make the mothers point seem more reasonable and there will be no going back or else you will seem shady for speaking against the mother and not standing on your word.

There is a list of people that need to know you see it the way they do first, and then you demonstrate an understanding of both sides, first your girlfriend, then possibly the siblings (depending on the circumstances of everyone's relationships) the mother, then the husband. The girlfriend keeps you out of the dog house, the mother needs to see that you're trying which hopefully throws her off enough to open up to you more, the husband is money in the bank, the siblings can give you more info you might be missing.

Everybody has abusive parents, it's something probably more than half the population to some degree has to deal with, remember to be on your girlfriends side first, which might mean hearing out what the mother has to say, or if all else fails ultimately just letting her insults roll off your shoulders and try your best not to let things get too bad.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

I cussed mine out while punching the wall... that stupid fucking bitch won't even talk to me now.

How do you deal with toxic mother in laws?

My wife needs to understand that bitch wasn't ever going to like me... and I think she's figured it out. The mother-in-law I have is a freeloader and currently lives off her sister, and her sister is trying to get rid of her... she hates me, because she wants to move in and freeload off my wife which she has done before I came into the picture. I'm the roadblock to her free ride.

If anybody is going to use my wife for money, it's going to be me ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Vesuvius87 · Accepted Answer

While you're still her boyfriend, she's not your MIL yet. Generally speaking if you're already having issues with your partner's parents (mom, dad or both) while just dating, it doesn't get any better once you decide to get married.

If a relationships starts with drama in the family then it'll end with drama in your marriage. Don't even try to do the ''winning over your girlfriend's mother''. They either like you from the start or they never will like you.

BlueScorpio · Accepted Answer

You go to her and confront her on the issue and express how her mistreatment of you is effecting you negatively. Ask her, what exactly is that you've done to get such vile behavior from her, I'd she can give you a real answer then that will late you know that malice is coming out no where. You need to demand respect and ask her to adult, you dint have to be friends but she can at least be civil.

ZackBan · Answer

Usually it's best to make friends.

What I noticed successful couples do is they joke around with and even flirt with their in laws as a way to endear themselves.

So do that. When you see her tell her she looks nice. When she's being a bitch make jokes about it instead of getting reactive.
Your woman will notice how this "hate" is one sided and you're actually cool about everyone thus she will take your side every time there is an argument.

With time your mother in law should get used to you being nice to her and start liking you

Moose304 · Answer

This starts with the partner. When it comes to the inlaws & outlaws you have to be 100% in lock step with your partner. Let the partner handle their mom. If they can't do it or won't, you need to give some serious thoughts about the marriage. At some point, that partner has to make a choice. I spoke to a lady in London back in 2019 who had been having issues with her husband's mother. He would not do anything about it and she found a divorce solicitor. That was all it took to jar her husband into the real world and he placed boundaries on his mom.

Adam1978 · Answer

Put her in her place. She isn't your mother so she doesn't decide what you do. You should not spoil your girl friend all the time. That would only create a toxic girlfriend. Don't be afraid to mark your territory, you will never get any respect from her otherwise, and it's normal to have disagreement with your mother in law. Because you aren't raised the same way as she raise her daughter.

Exterminatore · Answer

I forcibly escorted her out the front door once and told her to never come back once when she threatened to hit me with a broom as if it were a baseball bat.

She never pulled that crap again.

I think the way you deal with toxic people is to cut them out of your life. Don’t talk to them, don’t be where they are. I suggest that.

Anonymous · Answer

Depends on the wife. The wife's opinion matters not the mother in law. I married her not the mother in law. You can't manipulate me. But I would tolerate the mother in laws antics if that's what the wife wanted. I would let her know (the wife) what I think though and leave it at that. And If she needed me, and wanted me to be firm with her mother I'd do that. At the end of the day. It's my wife's happiness that matters.

LazerBean · Answer

If you aren't marry, she isn't your mother in law. And if the mother of the person you are dating is unbearable, then find someone else to date.

NathanDavis · Answer

I just don't... my relationships are with the daughter... not the mother, lol

TrueConfection · Answer

How to deal with toxic mils? Avoid them completely. "Hi Mrs. Smith. Bye Mrs. Smith."

art84 · Answer

If I had a toxic mother in law, I would avoid her as much as possible though if I had children then it would be impossible especially if they were close to the mother in law.

Avicenna · Answer

Avoid them as much as possible if they're that bad. Try to get your girlfriend to move away with you.

PetiteBabe64 · Answer

Tell them to Shut the Fuck up if they don’t Ignorance is Bliss.

Luopio27 · Answer

Maybe the father in law or reöatives or close friends can become the peace makers.

Rangers · Answer

Easy, don't deal with them Cut them out of your life, all you have to do is block their numbers and you're all set

Anonymous · Answer

If you are just the boyfriend, then she is not your mother-in-law. . . is she?

zagor · Answer

Avoiding them entirely by not getting married.

OddBeMe · Answer

Cut toxic people out of your life. Life is too short for that shit.

Nominal · Answer

I don't, i wouldn't be in a relationship with a girl.

Anonymous · Answer

A rag full of chloroform, a shovel , and a bag of lye... OK ok I'm joking🤣🤣🤣

snowboarder720 · Answer

Use gammer when you write questions.

dustybiker · Answer

Create boundaries.

How do you deal with toxic mother in laws?

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