As a young mom I've had lots of people tell me that I'm missing out on my youth. This is something I just can't understand like what am I really missing out on?
Drinking, partying, college, being a hoe are the only things I can come up with. And honestly doesn't seem like much of a loss if that's all I'm missing out on.
If you are one of the people who "lived it up" in your 20s what did you spend that time doing?
I mean, that seems like the belief of a person who hasn’t matured yet..
It means-
They don’t know how to multi-task or make time for other people. (Yet)?
Instead of masses of strangers and party stuff, or hobby and team stuff- You have extra kids to grow up with, and watch them bloom (have some laughs), and give some advice, and get to say “I was a part of that.”
Then they possibly take care of you as you retire.
If you think kids are a nuisance and don’t know how to multitask- then yeah, it can be viewed that they’d be “taking away from your life.” [You’re already gonna die, so just be who you wanna be, with who you want to be with lol].
It’s certainly possible to include kids in your living adventurously. They then, model and follow after you and your views, until they see any need to craft their own, or break away and do their own for a bit, or they’ll just grow up living that kind of lifestyle (s) with you.
It’s also perfectly okay to not be a parent at 20, and so forth because if you wanna get dangerous and think you could die.. and be a bit reckless, then go for it lmao
maybe you wanna save up for something really expensive, and it’d be easier to do that if it’s just yourself. (*maybe, lol).
It really just depends on a person’s outlook, and what they want (/want to do/ get out of life).
Best of all to you 👌
Depends on if the individual feels that way themself.
I think when people say that they mean that a lot of us are still trying to find ourselves in our 20's. Some of us still didn't know what we wanted to do/be and accomplish in life (i didn't know/start until i was 23). Instead of our primary focus being ourselves, it's the child. Not everyone is blessed with a significant other in the military with health insurance, travel opportunities, and a pay that only increases. Majority of my friends had kids with men who had low paying jobs living paycheck to paycheck.
Not everyone can afford or has the luxury of childcare so some put their schooling/continuing education on hold. My friends with kids of course had different priorities and couldn't go on any trips with me, certain activities, and of course had a stricter budget.
Regardless those same friends love and adore their children. They already partied in their early teens (know they aren't missing anything) and always have play dates with each other. Their main concerns were finances (working 40+ hours with low paying job), but found partners who help support them. If you ask them if they feel they missed out on their youth they'd say no.
So when people say that, i think they're referring to development. You have to "grow up" quicker.
What did i do in my 20s? Experienced college life and stressed about my future until 23, traveled, met amazing new people, made amazing new connections and relationships, went on amazing adventures, & was able to treat myself and others to "shiny" things since all of my income goes to myself.
In my 20s I woke up and fell asleep when I wanted to. I took classes, played sports and engaged in whatever activities I felt like, when I felt like doing them. Any money I made, I was free to spend it as I liked, with only responsibility to myself to keep myself clothed and fed. I traveled the world, both internationally and domestically. I slept under the stars, met lots of interesting people, had many romantic interests and pursuits.
I learned lots of skills and had many adventures that would not have been possible if I instead had been a responsible parent to a child. I would have been way too occupied making enough money and when I wasn't working for money, spending my remaining time focused on keeping the child safe, nourished, clean and healthy. A lot of the stuff I did was inherently dangerous even for me to do on my own, because it would not have been safe for a child out in the woods, or in the dangerous situations I could find myself in where I needed to use my mind and strength to stay safe.
If the only thing you do with your free time is drugs and being a ho, then yes I would agree having a child is probably a better choice.
Yes and no!
I think some people will get the feeling later on of missing out all the fun stuff you can do while your youn because rhey couldn't
But on the other side it can also be a blessing having kids in your 20s. I will explain why...
If I look at myself being 33 years old, had a great time during my 20s, literraly did everything I wanted to do and especially party's left right and center I surely had a great time. But I'm at a point thats its now or never to have children and a family but I still find myself stuck in the same lifestyle I lived troughout my 20s.
Maybe that sound amazing for some people but I trully hate it. I thinking to myself over and over again where it went wrong and I wish I could try again to make a change. But I can't ofcourse and when I'm thinking wether it was all worth it to live a free lifestyle without kids in my 20s...
The answer is NO! I should have made other descision because I'm starting to feel old and lonely and I have no responsibilitys right now which doesn't help me change my lifestyle 😑
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I lived it up in my early 20s and was a mom at 26... I thought I had lived it up (traveled, sold my car and lived abroad, partied, etc.). When I had my first baby, I realized just how empty my life had actually been until then. My other mom friends were my age too and our kids had a great childhood.
I personally don’t believe that anyone is “missing out on their youth” or anything else because they decided to have a baby! Good lord a baby changes everything, including your priorities and and those things that single twenty-something’s who believe that a child is the END of their life, have no idea how biology works! Parents of any species of animal, would gladly risk their life to save just ONE of their offspring. Humans react so much more profoundly due in no small part to out massive frontal cortex! Truly… when you become a parent you won’t miss out on anything! You would gladly spend the time w/ ur child rather than w/ friends in a nightclub or a bar! Apple, if you are thinking about what you want out of life… I DO suggest having a child, especially if you are emotionally and financially ready! Good luck in your decision.
Yeah, I'm also thinking the same thing when it comes to women in regards to what "missing my youth" means. Personally, high quality people do not overly indulge in any of that. Also, everyone does things differently in their youth but in the US you have to do all of those things in your youth which is a bit strange for me and not the same in every country. For me, I workout, work on my career goals, etc. This is how I spend my youth, not drinking, doing drugs, etc.
Also, people do all of these in their 30s or 40s still.
Why do you think you need to experience those things?
Okay, so I’m 24 with a 6 year old child. There’s really two lines to be crossed when talking about “missing my youth”. For one, I came into a relationship and became the only mom this boy has. I raise him right, I raise him well.
Yeah, I sure do miss the friends, the clubs, working a job till I’m dead on the bed, going out whenever I want to, allowed to be reckless with money, and buying something whenever I wanted to without having to think “is this going to cause issues“. Now that I’m a mother at a young age, I’ve only come to realize that I miss the spontaneous stuff, but in reality I love where I’m at and what I’m doing. Im doing things at 24 that I dreamed of.
I think that depends on if they chose to have kids then of not. And that really is the bottom line of that argument. Someone who chooses to have children is mentally prepared and at least someone aware of the task before them. I don’t think everyone is ready for that change and I think that is how we end up with all of the I’ll behaved children of today. Not that having children takes away life opportunities. But if you aren’t mentally prepared you won’t manage your time or finanaces or emotions appropriately.
Really miss out? No. My wife and I had our first baby when she was 22 and I was 28 so, yeah, I was at the tail of the 20s. But we didn't feel like we missed out on something. Sure, there were experiences we didn't have/chose not to have but not something we look back on and regret.
You haven’t missed anything because where you stand now its where you are supposed to be
Nothing happens randomly
I don’t have and did not have kids in my 20s do I need to worry about it why I didn’t have one? No because it wasn't supposed to happen to me yet..
so don’t listen to other people telling you that and making you think and questioning your life. Ignore those people and don’t let their word vibrate to your brain and heart. They don’t know your heavenly/life scripture what’s meant for you to happen.
s In some instances yes. However not in the partying and drinking aspect. For example, my sister was studying to be a zoo veterinarian and she had been studying for 4 years was in her last year before graduating with her degree when she fell pregnant. She had to drop out of her studies and have the child. She’s now a mother of 3 with a husband, so I know she’s happy, but I know she also wonders what would’ve happened if she’d completed her degree and gotten her dream job before settling down with kids.
I spent the time getting established in my career, going to graduate school, renovating my house so it would be suitable for raising kids, and volunteering with political organizations. I probably could have done most of that with a kid, but it's easier before you have one. My wife is also younger than me, so technically she was still in her 20s.
I don't know I’m 25 and now have baby fever. I’m settled down in life at age 25. I have my dream apartment studio. The dream decor furniture I wanted for my home. I have savings, stable job, just need grow my business next year. But other than that I’m empty in life. I stare at ceiling daily bored. I want be. Busy raise baby, celebrate holidays with guy and baby , be with each others family, that’s what I want now at 25-26 to be complete in life. I spent 15-24 just alone and I’m not party girl I don’t feel I’m wasting my 20s
Will provide a mixed answer as I didn't get married until 30 and my wife is 8 years younger. We ended up having our kids during her 20's. I don't think she thought then that she was missing out on anything and she definitely would not think that way if she looked back to that time.
As for me... I don't think it was me not wanting to miss out as much as I was immature so probably best I didn't get married when she did (early 20's). Then again I'm told often I'm still immature so who knows :)
s I don’t think so no… I believe it has a lot to do with the individual and their own goals in life.
I am currently 21 years old, I don’t do the typical 20y old stuff such as partying and all… I’ve done that in my teens, I’m all over it. not saying that’s what I want, but I can imagine myself settling down at my age now, because I’m at point in my life where, I just want stability… but of course, I need to graduate first. and no, relationships have never and will never be a priority in my life. but that’s not the question😁
I guess it just depends on whether you care about that sort of thing or not. My sister had both of her kids when she was a teenager and not long after she had her youngest, she ended up raising some of her siblings from her mom's side. And while I don't think she ever cared about "living it up" during her youth, now that her kids are grown and have been out of the house for a few years, it's obvious that she just doesn't know how to live for herself.
On the other hand, my grandma had her first child when she was 18 and didn't start living it up until she was in her 30s or 40s and she says she regrets not enjoying her life/having fun when she was younger.
So, just depends. 🤷♀️
So I had my son super young, I definitely was not ready but I did an outstanding job all things considered, I did it on my own without family help or help from his father. It was hard and now he is active duty military and very respectful of women, already married to a nice girl. I got side tracted 😅.
You can miss out on some of your youth and for sure college would have been 💯 easier if I’d waited, but it was totally worth it! If you decide to wait or have kids young, as long as it’s the right choice for you, it won’t matter.
I think it depends on what’s most important to you and whether you wanted a child or not.
If I had a child just now at 22, I wound be incredibly unhappy. I don’t want kids (for now at least) and have other things I want to do while I’m young. I’m still figuring out what I want to do with my life, whether I want to go back to university or not, still trying to earn and save money, I want to travel, etc. Also, when you have kids, if there are any events like weddings, gatherings with friends, etc. you need to find childcare which isn’t always possible so you miss out on those things.
You miss out on sleep, personal time, certain social events, being free. Just not for me at all.
If you want a child though and don’t care about those things then you’re not missing out
“The grass is always greener…”
Some people who have kids young feel like they could have experienced more of life if they’d made different choices.
Some people who prioritize education and career sometimes feel like they invested too much time, energy and money on the wrong things.
The real problem is people reaching the age of majority without knowing who they are and what they really want out of life.
If you do and you made the right choice, what’s the point of questioning it now?
To each it’s own, I think with this kind of stuff there’s no wrong answer, but you are missing some stuff in my opinion. Stacking money is way easier to do in your 20s when you don’t have major responsibilities like having a child. Going on vacations as a young person is different as an older person. It’s easier to build yourself as a 20 year old with no responsibilities. In your 20s you have a chance of having a kid with someone that doesn’t love you (not always the case but highly likely) while people that are in their 30s having kids are more likely to have kids with a purpose.
Not necessarily being a hoe or anything you listed. I don’t have children and I never go out, if I do it is for work. I’ve never been to a non wedding or family event type of party in my life and never want to. I think the main thing is that I am so carefree and can sleep, wake and eat as I want. I don’t have to worry about being responsible for another person, arranging childcare, attending parents evenings, taking them to the doctors, feeding or clothing a little person. I can just focus on myself and put myself first.
People who say things like that 100% only say it because they low key feel bad that they did nothing but waste their time and collect emotional baggage in their twenties.
I don't think so, biologically having kids is the most important life goal, also look at japan.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/2022/06/03/japan-low-births-population-decline-2021/
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