My grown siblings and mother want to depend on me financially. what do I do?

[mar_95]

i moved in with them two years ago because of covid and things were going alright. short after my mother opened her own business that lasted for a year or so before she closed the store because she would not keep up with the bills and spend more than what she should and could not making the bills her priority.

now this year my 19 year old high school drop out brother got a girlfriend and stopped working (he worked one month before he quit before he wanted to be with her and party with her every single day) so he comes home when she’s at school or at work and doesn’t do anything else with his day.

my 23 sister says she’s depressed and the doctor said she could find a job until she started going to therapy but she doesn’t do that either. she had two appointments and with the money that i gave her to go to those she got weed and that all she does, smokes.

i myself don’t make enough, i make 600€ a month and can barely make it last. right now i have no money in my account because even my savings they drained always asking me to buy them snacks and food for the house. i feel bad saying no because if me or my 29 year old sister don’t provide for them they don’t have a way to survive but all this responsibility i didn’t ask for is overwhelming for me. i want to start living my own life, buy my house and just enjoy being a single no kids woman while i can.

how do i stop feeling guilty and having this responsibility i didn’t ask for? i want to find my own place but they always say “i don’t went to move out”. what do i do?

[PrettyPriya]

On the one hand, if you are living with your mum and she needs you to contribute, it is not unreasonable of her to ask you that. However, it should be equal contribution from everyone living there. She should be pressing your brother and sister to get their acts together and work.

Sounds like they both are making excuses and that is not fair to you, someone who is actually contributing. I would sit down and tell her that you can contribute xxx amount and that is all. Also, that the rest can come from your siblings if she needs the full amount. That might get her to press them to get off their butts and find a job, even if it is part-time or something simple.

Your other option would be to move out. While this is family and you obviously do not want to see them suffer, you can not be responsible for all those people that don't even seem to be trying to contribute.

[mar_95]

i agree and in the beginning when i came here i would always contribute with my part even when she said she didn’t want us to pay any bills i still set a certain amount aside and gave it to her. this is so overwhelming because when i bring the job topic around my siblings they get aggressive and my mother only says she’s tired of taking care of grown people

[PrettyPriya]

I completely understand. You are dealing with a very tough situation. At some point, you will need to make a decision how to proceed or this will continue because it is what they are used to, sadly.

[Red-Blaze]

Talk it over at the very least with your brother
If he can work he should help just like anyone else
Your mother I can't really say, but talking to her explining your trying to save so you can start your own life right may help

Talk, open and expline its your family

[mar_95]

had a conversation with her not long ago she makes it sound like i’m forcing her to get a job which i’m not. she worked a lot in her life as a single mother of 4 what id like her to do as my siblings mother is say something since they don’t listen to me and she simply doesn’t

[Red-Blaze]

Cut them out then if you have to...
Try maybe to really book how much each is taking if you can and make sure that budget has your saving
Lower it part by part to once that should not
Your brother can and should work, there is no more about it, as they need to grow for there own sake as well as yours

Basically if no one is going to listen and you got no option make it a rule, writing stuff helps it give a more official feel to it
Also if you can get your brother sit down with him and try to ask him what's going on with his life, find out from his point of view why his not working, or helping calmly and friendly and if you can get him to express don't judge no matter, when his done with all of it try to reasons, and try to show where you can relate and how that relating effects your option to have your saving to make your own life

If its possible

[Red-Blaze]

Thanks for MHO hope things get better

[captain_voidwalker]

Tell them the sage advise of Jesus. Get a fucking job ya bums

[Anonymous]

If you are a grown adult living at home you pay rent, whatever rent your mother sets. If you don't like it you move out.

[mar_95]

the problem was never having to pay the bills which i’m fine with. i’ve been doing that this entire time the concern is me having 3 grown adults financially on me to support their habits and lifestyle because they do not want to work. i’m fine with my mother staying at home i just don’t know how to make my siblings be more responsible so i can save and start living my own life for once

[Opinion Owner]

Do whatever benefits you. They will fend for themselves if they have to. If its in your intrests to stay at home then do so if not move out

[Guy13]

Distance. Explain you can’t.