Opinions please about forcing children to share?

[Anonymous]

Everyday my children age 3&5 like riding either bikes or scooter to school and they have a friend that nocks for us on the way to school. the school is literally 2 minuits on the same road so they dont get to ride the bikes much as its 2 minutes away and as we dont drive and there isn't any parks etc close they only getting to go on them to school for the 2 minuets until its summer and we can go somewhere on them on the buses but everyday my kids friends parent won't bring his bike or scooter and everyday he kicks off for my kids to share and they usually would but lately have been saying no obviously due to getting abit fed up of sharing everyday and hardly getting to go on it there self meaning they literally get 1 min on there bike because school being close I've mentioned to there friends mom to bring his she says no because he just messes about so i feel its unfair she won't bring his and expect my children ti share everyday when they dont get to go on it for long but today he has refused to go into school really upset crying saying because my son won't share his bike (he had it 2 days ago for his birthday) and i feel so bad but my kids used to always share there just getting fedup of it all the time as they want to ride there own bikes for the short time they can i just dont no how to approach it weather to force my children to share or to not force them i can just tell there friends parent isn't happy they arnt sharing and i suffer with social anxiety and just going in circles what the right thing to do is i dont like there friend being upset but i dont want to force my children ti share when they dont get to go in them for long and there friends mom won't bring him anything as her words are “i told him no as he just fucks about”😢what would you do please? any opinions?

[Craftsman]

Forcing a child to share teaches that nothing is really belongs to them. It teaches them that they cannot say no. That is not a good lesson. If a neighbor or a friend can take their bike today because they can't say no, will a 'friend' (abductor or molester) be able to take them, because they can't say no.
Sounds to me like they need a better friend, especially since that 'friend' has a bike that he does not bring.
Before you make any real changes, it might be good to talk with your children to see what they think about the situation.

[Anonymous]

It’s not your, or your kids, responsibility to keep this other kid happy. It also feels counterproductive to allow him to use your kids bike when he’s not allowed his own because of bad behavior. He won’t care if his mom punish him by not allowing the bike, if he knows he can still use yours. Anyway, I’d just explain to the friend that your kids want to use their own bike and he should start acting right with his own bike so his mom will allow him to use that. I’d also tell the mom the kid is very upset because he wants to bike, but he will no longer be able to use yours as your kids will be using their own bile to school from now on. And by the way, you could just go out (after school, on weekends etc) with your kids and allow them to bike around the neighborhood, or if that’s not possible just back and forth to school a couple of rounds so they can use them for longer. You don’t need to go anywhere by bus.

[Asker]

Tbh he isn't naughty on it I've seen she seems to say no as she can’t be bothered for the hassle think its just that she doesn't wasn't the hassle of telling him to slow down when he goes to fast or stop and watching him by the roads etc he just rides the bike like kids do she's just the type that just wants to go on her phone while walking etc so i feel so bad for him but then my kids are just fed up of sharing every day and i get what your saying but i get so panicky by the road near me as always people speeding in cars etc and i get really panicky trying to watch them both on bikes as there both learning so id rather them go to a park i panick just taking them to school in them by the roads but i do so they can ride them maybe i need to try and calm my anxiety abit aha id try and explain to the friend and his will just starting hitting out and swearing at me etc and his mom just laughs 😩

[TacosRAwesome]

In the nicest way possible coz he's a kid but time to tell the little brat to fuck off and get his own bike.

[Guy13]

Children must learn to share and parents should be teaching them.

[Asker]

They have always shared lovely and i do ask and they have started saying no because they dont get to go on it for long.. and it being every single day i think there getting abit fed up so dont no if i should force them which will make them upset when they now tell me they dont want to

[DoggyDude]

So, the root of sharing is making sure your children know they will always have. If children feel that by sharing they get more than by not, they will learn not only to share but to promote sharing.

Your children can ride their bikes any time (in reality); Certainly the school run is an important time where they will be excited to use their bikes, but it will also be a time when children who haven't got one will feel left out (as you experienced of course). The way to help here, is to explain to your children how they are lucky, help them understand that they OWN their bikes and get to (relatively) choose when they ride them and the pleasure of always being the one to take it home at the end of the day. Help them see how their friend must feel being without a bike and praise them when they offer their toys to their friends. Also, when they share, watch the other child closely and your child and select a reasonable amount of time to allow the other child to "have a go" maybe even set clear, understandable to a child, conditions when your son or daughter lends their bikes; So that when you do call it back its been pre-understood.

When your kids share their bike, reward them when they get home with something clearly to say "you where so kind today, to someone who was sad not to have, here.. ". Also, don't try to 'shepard' your friends Mum, if she has decided something don't second guess her decision, you wouldn't like that either for you. Support her decision, explain your trouble and maybe say "perhaps you can help by encouraging your little one to give the bike back quickly?" aka offer her some option to assist you. Good luck, raising children is the hardest task anyone can undertake and it needs both sexes input to really round out the process.

[Cutegirl06]

I'm a college student studying child behavior, and one thing I learned in my 2 months of school is that children have to feel that they own their things before they share freely. Maybe your kids don't feel like they own their things if they constantly have to share them. Just an opinion from what I've learned so far in school.

[Makeushiver]

Forcing ch0ildren to do anything would more likely breed resentment and acting out. Try a children's book that features sharing. Try to avoid using terms like good or bad. If you tell him it would make someone happy and make him happier. Could there be a reason he doesn't want to share? There are some ages in which kids are well, monsters. The most important thing you can do, I think, is make sure he feels secure in his world. That you will be there for him and on his side At some ages- no all of us though as we mature, we hide it better. Anything from any authority pretty much ensure we will do the opposite

[XHopelessRomanticX]

Sharing is a good lesson for making friends, but being forced to share all the time is not. Children also need to learn autonomy, and that it’s perfectly fine to say “No”. Children need to have possessions that are entirely their own and nobody else’s. It teaches them to cherish those things and take better care of them. It also reminds other kids (and parents) that they are not entitled to something just because they want it.

[Anonymous]

My kids will never be forced to share their toys, play with kids they don't like, or invite kids they don't like to their birthday party.