Differences of opinions in family members?

[19magic]

So I've come to the decision to drop my hours from 35 to 21 when little one starts school. In a catch up call with my aunt I said to her I'm dropping my hours and before I can get another word in, she states why are you doing that can't you work around her school. To which I can, but I don't really want to, as these are the years that really matter in her life and I want to be more involved than I have been. But my aunt got really accusatory then asked how I would afford that, to which I said dropping my hours would only lose me about £200 a month. Then she said well that's the difference between being able to do your monthly shopping or not. To me it's the difference between shopping in a charity shop or a high street shop. But she seemed to be offended that I'm dropping my hours.

The other thing she's made a big issue of, is me doing things without the little one. She's asked me if I've gone out and I've then explained my day. Then huffed and said no I mean you, what have you done. I personally don't get it, I've chosen to have a kid, I could have aborted her, but I couldn't go through with it, and I thank myself every day as I'd have regretted it for the rest of my life. But I'm perfectly fine with the life I have, a part of me envies the life of going about things traditionally with a lovely guy and everything. But I made my bed, now it's time to continue living my life. Going out without my daughter almost seems weird, since she's been born I've done it maybe four/five times. The times I don't see her when she's awake is when I'm working and she's at childcare.

Then again I know she wouldn't understand as she's the type to go to spas weekly and 3-6 holidays a year with many UK weekends out, and take outs several times a week. Shows and concerts every month or two. She also doesn't have kids herself.

Is it wrong to drop hours or to not care about doing things away from my child. Soon I'm going to take us to a festival and have a tent camping together.

[BoopBoopBeep]

This math doesn't add up. If you're going from 35 hours (a week?) to 21 hours (a week) that's 14 hours. If that's only going to cost you 200 quid/month that means 50/week. So if dropping 14 hours costs you 50/week that means your earning 3.57 an hour.

I think you may be underestimating how much of a pay cut you'll be taking.

[19magic]

I take universal credit, the drop in wages will be supplemented by that, I should have typed overall I'll be losing £200 but didn't exactly proof read it. It's actually about 183 but 200 is easier to say.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Perhaps she thinks you shouldn't cut hours when you're such a low earner? I don't know your aunt. Hard to say.

[19magic]

She has extreme stigma on people who don't work, but I didn't think it followed to part time workers as well. I earn more than the minimum wage p/h and roughly it'll be 80:20 bills/rent: cash to spend (not including food), including food would be 95:05 maybe 90:10 and that's with the reduced wage and not including UC.

[BoopBoopBeep]

"She has extreme stigma on people who don't work, but I didn't think it followed to part time workers as well."

You can see how someone might have problems with an able-bodied adult not working, can you not? You sound as though she's the only person you've spoken to that is like "Yeah going on the government dole is the best choice here." You can't build any sort of safety net for your kid on minimum income.

[19magic]

I'm not, I'm still working, and even while on full time work of 35 hours my wage above the minimum (though not by much), I'm still on UC so what's the difference? It's not like I'm going on the dole, I'm already on the dole, if it wasn't for the dole I wouldn't be working whatsoever, as childcare is 500-800 a month and that's after the 30 hours working class discount. The only difference is 200 in cash each month, and I'll have no guilt as every night I feed her late often crap food, as I get home from work late, I don't get to do a bedtime routine as I'm always rushing. I might actually have time to do reading or homework, I might have time to do the DIY things that need doing around the place. I'll actually have time to sit down with her and do homework, she won't end up going to bed late and will actually have a good night sleep. All these things are not happening because I'm working, and for what 200, 50 a week. I spend maybe half an hour, hour tops with her each day that doesn't include getting ready or travelling, 3/3.5 hours total time a day. She's up for 12 hours a day and at most I spend 1/4 of that actually with her, and I much rather spend more time with her then get a little extra cash. As for savings I've got a couple of different plans for retirement and she's got up to 3 in her bank, done completely by myself.

[DryGermanGuy]

She sounds like a true Tory voter. Don't let her get into your head, make the decisions you think are right.

[19magic]

That's actually funny, she votes democrats and I vote Tory lol but yeah I have admittedly let her get in my head as she's the only female elder I have. I just couldn't see what's wrong with it, sometimes I get the vibe that she thinks I've ruined my life by having a child.

[DryGermanGuy]

Either that or even a repressed jealousy that she doesn't get to have children. Either way she is not the right person to give advice for that situation!

[Avicenna]

There will always be family members who give you bad advice and/or judge you. Don't let them get to you.

[msc545]

Do what you have to do to make your life and your child's life fulfilling and happy. Ignore your aunt as it is none of her business how you live.