Are you good at comforting a crying person? Do you want to be comforted when crying?

[DizzyDesii]

I remember as a kid, my mom’s boyfriend kissed her during our roadtrip and I started crying. He was like “shut her up” and she put me out the car. I had to ride the rest of the trip with my grandparents. I think I was like 5, and don’t recall being comforted often at age 5+ so I probably wouldn't accept someone today trying to comforting me with a hug or whatever. I mainly cry in private but have been vulnerable around a few bfs and acquaintances. One boyfriend used it against me and my mom did a few times before, so it just made me even more robotic. People often get mad that I dont hug them when they cry but I don't know im just not used to it. One boyfriend said he’d never cry in front of me again since I just sat there. I mean I said “aww don’t cry” and wiped his cheek like what more do you want from me? And at funerals, people would snap at me for being the only dry eye in the room. So I stopped attending funerals. I’m very good at comforting and nurturing a crying child but yea I don't know what to do for adults. #FeelFreeToList

[Rosexøxø]

well, for one, I think it’s crucial to say that crying is not vulnerability but self expression and we all have that right ofc. Actually, if no people were in the picture and something we cherished was lost or so, we would cry and simply *ACKNOWLEDGE* the loss and how we view that loss. Sometimes though, we don’t need to cry because we understand the loss, but our understanding of moving forward or handling it and maintaining other responsibilities, or goals even, is more critical and of priority.

So crying isn’t like 💯% necessary every single time, but it’s not a matter of something we give or withhold from people

it’s more something we do for ourselves.

‘to thine own self be true.’

On the side note- apologies for that incident as a kid because I’d cry and maybe rage.

That’s my whole toxic twist on the moments my bros had called me ‘crybaby’

lol they essentially created the hulk.

It sounds however it sounds, but fact is I’d have to face it later and be the one to get that she-hulk civilized and truly strong.

Also to mention I have cried in front of anyone, if it was simply triggered (in my youth). It’s not always about trust but triggers.

To directly answer the question: I can’t always comfort everyone but I do my best to simply help them see other options and/or gain a new perspective

while balancing they DO have the right and may need a second to acknowledge their loss with some tears- if that’s just how they do it. Kinda have to time it.

Personally, my crying may cease or not, but I’ll always hear what their perspective is whether they’re mr. Rogers or the joker lol

then remember it for later 🤣

do I want to be comforted? Not really. There’s other things I’d prefer and ask of people but yea-

C’est la vie 🤟😆

[DizzyDesii]

You’re right about triggers but if i can quickly go somewhere private, i will. People like to humiliate you when you’re vulnerable

[Simslover92]

I'm the same way. Just not good at comforting people when they cry. I'm also the only one not to cry at funerals. I have a hard time crying unless I'm just really that sad or depressed or something traumatic has happened like when my Aunt who was more like a sister to me because we were so close in age died. That was the last time I cried hard which was years ago. I just remember screaming at the top of my lungs crying my eyes out and I remember my step-dad being there to comfort me. That was the last time I cried in front of anyone like that.

[DizzyDesii]

Dang that was heartbreaking to read

[Simslover92]

Yeah it was truly devastating. I think I cried that time so much that now I'm almost numb to anything that happens to me that is traumatic. It's hard for me to cry since she passed away. If I do cry it's one of those light cries that doesn't mean much. I think the only time I will cry like that again is if my mom passes away or my grandmother.

[Simslover92]

Thanks for MHO!

[AlexEfron]

Neither. I'm not too good at comforting. Sometimes I want to hug the person, but I don't - not everyone likes to be hugged or even be touched. So I keep my distance. I usually hand my handkerchief and offer water for them to calm down. Maybe pay their back and be reassuring. But... but... but sometimes (if they did something wrong - even when I warned them not to - and then regretted it) it gets me irritated. I don't console them, sometimes even be blunt and say it directly that I warned them already.

Now, being comforted? Never have. Probably because I've never had any friends who have stayed. No one has stayed long enough to see me in distress, and the ones who have, have never seen me cry. I don't express my feelings well. I don't cry (usually). Not even in funerals. But I have. There have been times when I have felt completely helpless, and I feel choked because I have no one. Even my closest friends have never been there when I needed them. I've gotten used to this, but it doesn't change things when I am upset with something. Sometimes I do want to share, but I don't have anyone trustworthy and I tend to isolate myself (because I know I will say or do something that I will end up ruining my friendships).

[DizzyDesii]

Damn i can relate. This is super heartfelt. Why do you think no one stayed?

[AlexEfron]

Because no one did 😂. I tend to make friends easily. People feel comfortable around me.
"You're different"
"You're not like everyone else"
"You're my best friend"
"I will never share you"
"No one can replace you in my life"
"You are special to me"
Tired of hearing these. Because in the end they all leave. Either they find someone else or stop interacting completely. Mostly without any reason and abruptly.
Sometimes they ignore me completely, till I give up on the friendship. Sometimes they block me. I've even had people say - "I don't want to talk to you anymore". Some just justify saying that times change and so do people and they changed a well. In the end, I lose a friend and I lose my trust.

[DizzyDesii]

Do you think you are the problem or them? I still think they're the problem but i can see where i contributed

[AlexEfron]

🤔 well, if for 24 years I could not have a single person to stay... then there's definitely something wrong with me. And I've given up. I don't care anymore. I know, no matter what people say, not one is going to stay. Now I say it directly, - no need to call me a friend. I know we're acquaintances. Sooner or later we're going to stop talking. So let's not pretend that we're close friends

[AlexEfron]

Some say that I'll drive away the ones who genuinely want to be friends 😂. True. But I'm done with words.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao this sounds just like me 😂 I also only do acquaintances. But people didn't often leave me. I pushed them away with my distance. And then the ones who i wanted to stay did leave. Oh well

[AlexEfron]

😂 in the end you're alone

[mstbooblover]

Obviously I seem to have a similar experience as you, safe I'm a man, never had children of my own, and thus didn't have to comfort a sad child. When I was a kid I quickly learned to keep a straight face, because showing feelings only lead to more humiliations. That's why I owe gratitude to my passed away wife, because we were able to show emotions to each other, although I could have done better.

Honestly I can't say for sure whether I'm good or bad at conforting, but I still know having been sometime able to help people dealing with grieve and existential problems. On the other hand, I can't have any reaction at all when in a situation where people are expected to act in a particular way. Sorry: no tears, on command...

[DizzyDesii]

I totally get it

[LovingLoverReturned]

Hmm it does have it's benefits being able to hide, but It's sad that was the cause of emotional neglect.

Though that wasn't my case I'm still awkward when it comes to touching people. I don't even like hugging my dad, true I'm closer to my mom, I only felt comfortable hugging her.. or a love interest... but when someone cries I want to put a hand on their shoulder, I don't mind to hug but hesitate because I'm not sure how the person will react.

I'm dven more awkward with kids who are strange to me... only if the kid knows me I'd think it's safe to do... never know how strange parents and kids may react.

But it's worth offering the physical comfort I think. Definitely easier than saying something when there is likely a lot I don't know.

[DizzyDesii]

My mom only wanted to hug at church after a prayer or when putting on a front in front of others. That annoyed me. Im shocked the kids make you weary tho lol

[LovingLoverReturned]

Yeah... because maybe they will scream stranger danger stranger danger 😂... I'd definitely teach my kids to be weary of strangers including female, so it's like that

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i had so many friend guys admit to being abused by their moms female friend or babysitter so i wouldn't trust most men nor women around my future kid

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

I’m not always good at comforting those who cry, my first instinct when seeing someone cry is to offer physical affection because that’s what my mom would do for me, she’d hold me and rub my back and tell me to let it all out and talk to me when I had calmed down enough to speak clearly. It’s a bit difficult when trying to comfort someone like you, or someone like my roommate who harshly rejects physical touch and affection due to being denied it so much as a child outside of specific events where she felt she was being manipulated. The most I can do is offer a hug when someone cries, which is what I’d like when I cry, and if they don’t then I offer some tissues and company if they want it, or whatever else they might need that I can give them.

[DizzyDesii]

I just like to talk when im feeling down. The touch doesn't do it for me. I guess love language comes into play even platonically lol

[Finchie40]

Depends on what they are crying about to be honest , some people cry over the littlest things to the point it’s like are you mentally stable in the head? I won’t be rude to them, but if they are crying over something that I feel is silly then I can’t really help them to be honest , I will try to make them smile best I can , but in the back of my head part of me feels they are nuts lol but if they are crying over something tragic and sad, I will do my best to comfort them the best I can. So it definitely comes down to what they are crying about and something I pretty much experienced myself to be honest , but if it’s something I really haven’t experienced then I am pretty much useless to them, and won’t say a word so I don’t say something wrong to make them cry even more lol

[DizzyDesii]

Whats small to you may not be small to them

[Ben487]

I've heard women deep down can't tolerate a man who cries. They will lose all attraction to such a man so I would never cry around my future girl friend or expect any comfort. I would definitely hide that shit from her. Even my own mother seemed disgusted when I cried as a child. As a result I also don't respond right to people crying I just leave the scene.

However, I do think it would be nice to be able to huge someone and cry if I was that sad about something. I just know how unrealistic it is to expect that from a woman.

[DizzyDesii]

I think its okay for a guy to cry but if he was crying to like the Titanic movie then i’d be like ummm okay. But dang you just leave when people start crying?

[electromagnetic]

I laughed just reading the questions.
I cannot help people when they cry. I just find their cries to be ugly and that only makes me laugh more.
I tried a couple days ago, and started laughing cause I’ve lost my voice so my cry sounds like a moo.

[DizzyDesii]

Dang this is awful lmao

[SamIam96]

TBH, I'm an emotional shit show. I've had too many "once in a lifetime" experiences. When I'm a mess, I need comfort, but, it has to be real. I've been hugged and told "it's ok. you just need to get over it". WTF! Actually, it isn't ok. That's why a grown man is crying like a child.

So, sure. Comfort me if you really care. If your goal is to restore the peace, leave me to my tears.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i would never tell someone to get over it because im certainly not over a lot of stuff

[TrueConfection]

I don't know if I'm good at it, but I am the nurturer and tend to be the shoulder others cry on.

There have been 2? times that I needed comforting, but generally I don't like to be comforted with a bunch of fuss. I prefer a prayer, but an acknowledgement all I need.

[DizzyDesii]

A Prayer is definitely the best thing to ask for

[Fabiloso]

I'm not good at it yet, no but it's something I try to make a point of working on. I think there's a right joke or line that can always make someone snap out of it or help them get passed whatever it is. Just gotta hit the right vibe which I suck at a lot of the time. But ignoring someone while they're in that state is not a thing I can typically do. If I'm a certain kind of close with them I can usually figure something out and would do my best.

[DizzyDesii]

A joke would piss me off lmao

[RavVid]

I feel awkward. I have offered a shoulder to crying girls but after uttering 'it will be allright' my set of comforting phrases is exhausted. If it is a girlfriend it is OK but if it is a gal pal and they are pressing into you in their distress then... well... you can become aware of their body and that is just wrong in the circumstances. Awkward.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea like you dont really know what else to say after telling them everything will get better

[RavVid]

And they can get mad if you invalidate by saying it doesn't matter it's ok. Then you have an angry crying person on your hands.

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao so true

[RavVid]

:) :)

[Lynx122]

It is difficult. It depends a bit on the person and on your connection etc. With kids it's definitely easier because you just have to show them that you care and they're safe and you're there for them but with adults it's a lot more individual. Their social difficulties and also your own can get in the way and then you're just uncomfortable and feel like you're failing at something that anyone should be able to do and that just makes it worse.

[belle_kai]

Im comfortable comforting someone but im not fond of people i dont really know touching me so it depends on the relationship. If im sad about something and its a boyfriend that didn't cause it then i love the affection, otherwise If the person caused me to cry they need to stay the hell away from me 😂

[DizzyDesii]

Even if they caused me to cry, I’d want them to hear me out

[belle_kai]

Yeah I'd yell but they ain't touching me lol. My ex made me cry and was trying to hug and kiss me.. I wouldn't let him near me but I gave him an earful. I don't want the affection if I'm angry sad

[DizzyDesii]

Oh yea i actually swung on ole boy once 😂 i said not to touch me and he did

[iron_ninjs]

I feel very uncomfortable when I comfort someone who's crying, but I'm good at it. Somehow I know if the person needs a hug, or just someone to vent to. I'm usually better at comforting girls than guys. Had to comfort only two guys when they were crying, but 8-9 girls I think.

[iron_ninjs]

Sidenote, that's bad parenting what your mom did.

[DizzyDesii]

I find it funny when my mom gets mad that I can’t comfort her when she cries yet she laughed the majority of times I cried. I like that you at least try. I think i let the discomfort take over so i just dont

[iron_ninjs]

The irony.
I don't like seeing people cry, so I do what I can.

[Dnice1]

Yes, I give a hug, hold them and let them vent. If it's a child I hold them and use soft words and speak in a soft spoken voice to help calm them down and find ways to cheer them.

When I'm sad I just wanna hug or to be cuddled. Depending on the situation I sometimes wanna be alone but usually it's like I wanna be cuddled. Been feeling like that a lot lately ever since my boyfriend and I broke up.

[DizzyDesii]

I must be like a kid cause i need a softspoken voice when im sad 😂 And noooo you guys are no longer? Dang y'all lasted so long

[Dnice1]

Well we our distance played a role in as to why broke up but we still talk and such. It's been hard letting each other go of each other. We've had times where we talk on and off but we've kept coming back because we just love and miss each other so much. Right now we're just trying figure out how we can work. We've been together for nearly three and half years so you know it's hard for us.

[DizzyDesii]

And neither of you could move closer to the other within the next year?

[Dnice1]

We both could but it would be hard for both of us. Plus I'm working on getting my career situated or getting a job. See I lost my job last year so I've been having to figure out what to do to get back on track. We both really want it to work so I think we may end taking the longer route but we'll see.

[DizzyDesii]

Im rooting for y'all.

[Dnice1]

Thank you 😊

[Blueeyes81]

If I know why they are crying I'm decent at it but if I don't know why then I get incredibly uncomfortable and when uncomfortable I start making jokes.

When I'm upset I like to be left alone. Rarely have I let someone see me like that and even rarer have I let someone comfort me.

[DizzyDesii]

I gosh not the uncomftable joker lol

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

I am very good at nurturing a crying child, I’ve been called “mama” by them and I have had an honor of having few men be comfortable to cry by my side, I always listened and hugged.

[LaFemmeFatale_1]

Honor - because they trusted me enough to show me their most vulnerable self.

[DizzyDesii]

Yep Im great with the kids and a lot of dudes are surprisingly comfortable crying around me. But thankfully they had similar love languages— words of affirmation— unlike that one ex who need physical touch/comfort and felt i somehow betrayed him by not giving it

[Agape93]

Kinda. I might not understand or empathize, but I know what to say to try and calm them down.

No, do not touch me, do not talk to me. Just stay nearby or take the guns out of the room just in case.

[Agape93]

If I've gotten that far down I'm either extremely frustrated or my depression is severe and I can't hide it anymore.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i def like having someone on standby. And dang its best you go in a different room from the weapons when sad

[Agape93]

Yeap. Last time I got that bad, I didn't, and got forced on a 72 hour watch when I got walked in on. Not fun.

[Mynameisbobby]

After my dad died I didn't get any comforting from my mother. My sister beat up everyday she's 10 years older than me. My mother would just laugh and tell me to be a man. I am very good at comforting children and my girlfriend.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats so messed up. I’m glad it didn't affect you from comforting others

[WhitneySnow]

I am good at it. And yes I do wanna be comforted.

[DizzyDesii]

Thats good

[Sirenboobzilla]

Meh, so so. I never feel I have comforting words so I resort to hugging, giving food, etc.

[DizzyDesii]

Lol food really does the trick?

[Sirenboobzilla]

It's why they call it comfort food 😜

[LiamJHayden]

If it's one of my female friends I just go get some chocolate, but I tend to suppress my own emotions so I am not very adept at dealing with it from others.

[DizzyDesii]

Lol I think chocolate would only work for me if it was that time of the month. Do you cry in private or like not at all?