I'm 40 years old and want to get pregnant again. Should I start trying now or should I wait until after the wedding (in 10 months)?

[Anonymous]

So I just recently got engaged to my fiancé (whom I love so much and am so lucky to have!). We both want to have kids together. He's never had kids. I have 2 kids from a previous marriage. However, I always wanted a couple more kids (the only reason why I didn't is because my ex didn't want more kids).40

We're planning on having the wedding in about 10 months. I think it would be ideal for me to get pregnant after we're married. However, considering my age (I'm 40) I'm concerned that waiting that long is probably a bad idea. It might take a long while for me to get pregnant with one kid (and even though I'd love another one, I'm not sure how realistic that is at this point). Part of me is thinking that I should just get off birth control ASAP/ we should try to get me pregnant now, and if I do get pregnant before the wedding then I'll just get a bigger dress. Another part of me thinks that maybe waiting still isn't a terrible idea. I am still very healthy/in great shape. The chances of pregnancy aren't nearly as great as when I was younger, but they are still very possible for a while.

Should I try getting pregnant now and get off birth control? Or should I wait until after the wedding?

[RoseySarah]

Contracts so happy for you!

We got married in our 30s and wondered that also!

From a newly married couple... WAIT it takes a lot of getting used to things and growing pains and being together 24 7 is not easy. It takes time to be fully used to being married even if your shacking up.

With it so late what will a year matter? Your chances won't change much besides you two need to grow together not together with plus one no sleep and constsnt crying!

My sister and her hubby did that getting married with baby and they fully regret not trying to wait.

Stay up 3 days and see how fast your temper grows and how easily you get mad at your boyfriend for things. Multiply that by months and you both are lacking sleep and that is what a baby is. No sleep and crying

Take time your both getting to be together forever grow your bond before taking a crying hammer toit at the start.

[MORPHEUS_12]

I have seen this scenario play out more times than I care to recount. Somehow new loves want to give each other the ultimate gift, a baby. I have told now 5 people over the age of 35 not to have any more children. Of course, they do not listen. All 5 have a child who is profoundly autistic. I am not saying a special needs child is a bad thing BUT it will destroy a marriage. Then there is the chance that the child will never leave home and you might have to place that child in an institution shall something happen to you or your husband. Your chances of developing breast cancer go up as well. I had a friend I went to elementary school with who waited and she developed pain in her lower back. She ignored it thinking it was back strain. Come to find out she had full-blown breast cancer and died 3 months after it was diagnosed. Her two girls were not out of elementary school.

[nastyb]

Not everyone born to older mothers have autism. My mom had me at 37 and my brother at 40. We were born perfectly healthy

[Peter_Penetrator]

Do you want a child bad enough to risk the outcome?


If you do decide to have a child, you will have to live with the fact that you brought a child into this world knowing the risk.


To create a life that will be difficult to live. Life is difficult enough for those without disabilities. Why force that.


You would be much better off to adopt a child. Children in foster care have it bad. Adopting a child would be more rewarding. Sure, you would not have carried that child for nine months and miss out on that child growing within you.


But you will know that you truly made a difference in the life of a child that could have been abused, possibly being abused, feels unwanted and abandoned.


The decision is yours to live with. Which would you rather live with?

[AviatorTom]

You have a very interesting situation. Having a child in your 40s does increase the risk of birth defects for the child and difficult pregnancy for you. Having a child before the wedding might be viewed negatively by your friends and family, but maybe there's a compromise. Try to get pregnant 3 or 4 months before the wedding. You wouldn't be showing (much) at the wedding, and increasing your chances for a smooth pregnancy and a healthy baby.

Just curious. What does your fiancé think? His opinion is as important as yours.

[EricSummer]

Given that you have made up your mind to marry and you both want a child I think it's best to go ahead. Statistically, your chances are around 30% per year only, with regular sex. It depends on the woman, but another year can make a significant difference.

If you wait you might be missing the chance to have a child together.

Is he your age or older as well? He should stop drinking alcohol (in case he does) and he should take a spermiogram which does not hurt. In a third of the cases the man is the limiting factor.

[Anonymous]

I know people who fell pregnant after 40 and had a healthy babies.

Ask yourself these questions.

. Would I be happy potentially being pregnant and in my last trimester on my wedding day, and knowing there is a possibility I could be hit with morning sickness, that last day and night?

. Would I be happy with the weight gain, and putting on my wedding dress?

. Have I been stressing a lot, trying to plan and organise the wedding?

If you answer no to the first 2 questions and yes to the last question. I would say wait until after the wedding to try for a baby or maybe you could try a couple of months before the wedding, and surprise him with the news of your pregnancy at your wedding, if you did fall pregnant.

[nastyb]

Your chance of getting pregnant is very slim at your age. If you truly want to get pregnant, do not wait until the wedding. There is a good chance you won't be able to get pregnant naturally, you will have to use IVF. Even if IVF is used, you need to worry about your child being born with certain disorders such as autism, down syndrome. Or your baby might be healthy but grow up to have a learning disorder. Just keep in mind that if you have a disabled child, you will need to care for them for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. This won't be a kid who grows up, attends college, obtain a job and move out.

[Losalt]

Hum, perhaps wait a few months but start before the wedding?
No reason wasting a perfectly fine egg at this point.
But it might also be useful to avoid being late in a pregnancy on your wedding day.
Think about your previous pregnancies and think about if you would have felt comfortable about arranging a wedding at the various stages of those pregnancies.
Then I suggest waiting till you know you won't reach a level you're not comfortable with being in during the wedding.

[Kabluie]

You should try now if you are ready, because who is to say you'll get pregnant right away, if the stars align than it's perfect but sometimes you just have to go with what you know, and if you know your body enough that it's hard to get pregnant might as well just off birth control now and let it try to work.

[ProbablyClueless]

I would wait until after the wedding... 10 months probably isn't going to make much difference at this point. Plus, and I'm not saying you should really care about what other people think in a situation like this anyway, but you are probably going to be hella preggers by the time your wedding comes around. If you wait, your dress will be easier to tailor for, and you'll probably be more comfortable/in a better mood on your big day.

[kylee2437]

Girl this isn’t a question like “should I eat pizza today” children are a personal life question. You should ask yourself this question

[kylee2437]

Personal life commitment*

[Asker]

I am. I'm just trying to get perspectives from other people and consider those too (since I'm personally unsure)

[Davidbrooks]

If it was me and l am your age go for it. Age is against you get off the pill. Don't tell your future husband and try and get pregnant ASAP. I know people will disagree with me, but if you want kids you will need to start now?

[EricSummer]

@Davidbrooks - The guy wants a kid, too. Why should she not tell him?

[Davidbrooks]

@EricSummer let it be a surprise for him

[Anonymous]

WHY do you want to bring more kids into this fucked up world, huh? Even if you pregnant right away, you'll be 55 when your kid is turning 15 and the kid probably won't have any grandparents unless they had you very young. Real considerate of the kids, all the way around.

[NotInterestedSorry]

Why is it messed up not having grandparents? Many us grew up without them or with limit contact with them and many of us like myself turned out out without grandparents. Sometimes grandparents have favourites

[nastyb]

@NotInterestedSorry

you're not gonna be able to provide your child the kind of childhood they can enjoy. as people get older, they lose their sense of playfulness, adventurousness and immaturity which impedes their ability to relate to their kids.

Plus, can you really keep up with the demands of parenting when your knees are growing weak, back begins hurting, your ability to handle stress decreasing as you get older? how about 62 yr olds pulling out 80k in loans for their kids to go to college? sounds real fun, ain't it?

[NotInterestedSorry]

@nastyb here's a fun fact. My dad had me when he was 38 and guess what, he was very capable of chasing after us and playing with us. He is still alive today.

People really need to stop thinking a 40 year old won't have the energy to run around. Have you seen people like Candance Cameron Bure? She is almost 50 and she is one of the fittest women. My nan had her youngest child in her 40's and she done a pretty darn good job of taking care of him and all of her other 7 kids

[nastyb]

@NotInterestedSorry

My dad had me at 38 and my brother at 40. He had a hard time keeping up with parenting as he got older. It wasn't like he couldnt do it but it was SIGNIFICANTLY harder for him than a younger parent. And just because you can manage to raise kids at an older age, it doesn't mean you're not cutting corners or that you're not saying no to playing with your kids when you're too exhausted.

[nastyb]

@NotInterestedSorry

People lose energy and their bodies ability to handle stress goes down as they get older. Its time to stop acting like aging doesn't exist.

Yes anyone can manage to cook and clean for their kids when they are old. But are you giving your kids a good childhood? Or are you looking for reasons to cut corners because you are simply too tired?

[Jersey2]

Start now. If you get pregnant long before the wedding then get married without a ceremony and reception. Let the guests know yoh are already married but you will have the ceremony later as you didn’t want to risk waiting and they will understand. Then later have the ceremony and reception. If close to the wedding, then just wait as long as you aren't showing too much.

[Sasha0426]

First thing I think you should do is see your doctor. Run some tests and see if your body is capable of having more kids at your age. You gotta remember is not as easy for women when we get older. It’s great you want more and I do hope you do, but it’s best to see a doctor first.

[Pixie6089]

Research Ayurveda. There are things you can do now that can prepare you to start trying in one year. I would recommend an Ayurvedic practitioner consult. It’s not too late. While there is a *slight* statistical increase in your chances of having a special needs child, I know a lot of parents that have happy, healthy kids after 40. And the breast cancer thing only goes up slightly if you’ve had you’re FIRST child after 40. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

you're 40. Doctors call pregnancy after 35 Geriatric pregnancy for a reason, Its incredibly unlikely that you will get pregnant, and if you do you have less than a 20% chance of it being successful, or healthy. You have a 80 to 90% of, if you give birth, having a baby with severe birth defects.

[OlderAndWiser]

You will have a greatly increased risk of hypertension and gestational diabetes, and your baby has a very increased risk of trisomy 21. What will you do if your baby has birth defects?

[virtualwasp]

geriatric pregnancies are difficult start to finish. go to a fertility doctor for an honest assessment as the baby will be high risk for complications

[Avicenna]

At your age, you should start trying to get pregnant immediately because it could take awhile. Be sure to see your gynecologist first and start taking Folic Acid.

[Drumlin2001]

Do it now. You're already going to be high risk, don't put it off, it may take you a while. You can always out wedding back

[Anonymous]

You are whats called a mature mother so between being less fertile and maybe being on birth control for a long time it may take as much as a year to get pregnant. Basically time is not your friend and the sooner you start thd better.

[Anonymous]

I suggest you do not get pregnent. If you really want another baby I'd suggest adoption. At your age the baby will most likely have some form of severe disorder and that's not easy to take care off.

[Opinion Owner]

*pregnant

[Meropatrick]

Its too late to have a child. Over 40 is too late. It will be difficult to get pregnant and if u do the child can be very ill

[EricSummer]

It is not necessarily too late. There is a higher risk for some genetic disorders such as Down syndrome, but there is also non-invasive screening after 10 weeks now. It costs about 700 dollars and it makes sense only if you would go for abortion, but it can be helpful for many.
Also, it's not a new trend. When people still had 7 children they would commonly have the last at around 40.
It is less likely to get pregnant, but there's no issue in trying (it's fun, too).

[NotInterestedSorry]

I know a few people who had kids after 40 and they all had healthy babies

[EmyyWolf]

Well try now who cares. My mom had me at 38.