People often distance themselves from me as soon as they got to know me better. It's starting to bother me and I don't know what the cause is?

[Anonymous]

All my sister told me is that I'm just a weird person which doesn't help me either. I have social anxiety, I'm also introverted, I draw a line if something is bothering me but I'm nice to people. I know people on this site don't know me personally but maybe someone here has an idea what might be the cause? Does anyone else experience the same?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang, that sucks that people keep ditching you after they get to know you. I know what that feels like cause I have social anxiety too and it's hard to hang with people sometimes.

A few thoughts - it could be that since you're more introverted maybe people think you don't like them or are bored when you're really just being yourself? Or if you call people out when something bothers you maybe they take it the wrong way and think you're complaining a lot.

People can be pretty shallow too so they might bail just cause you're a little "different". I wouldn't take it personal though, it's probably more about them than you.

It might help to explain your social anxiety to close friends so they understand you better. And try not to overthink it - just do your own thing and the real friends who accept you will stick around.

[BoopBoopBeep]

High anxiety is hard to be around. How often would you say this manifests? Also, when you're talking about drawing a line. What does that look like, specifically, for you? Some examples would be great. Not everyone handles those the same way.

[Anonymous]

That was mean of your sister to call you weird. You're not weird, you have social anxiety I have that too so I understand what you mean. I have only 3 close friends from school and they understand me and except me for who I am. A lot of people think I'm weird because I don't do well in crowds with lots of people or people I just met. I'm really sorry your sister called you weird because you're not. If I knew you I'd give you a hug. Just be yourself and don't listen to people that say that you're weird. You will find someone who likes you for you. It used to really bother me when people called me weird now I can talk with my real friends and family. My boyfriend is the same he has social anxiety worse than I do but we are always here for each other. If you were my sister I'd hug you to make you feel better 💓 I hope you feel better.

[Anon9991]

I feel I'm the same as you.. when you say you draw a line I look at that as just not tolerating being treated in a way you don't like and when people see that maybe they find it off-putting but that's their problem not yours. I'm being left out of family occasions by my cousins and I don't know why but at the same time because I'm introverted too this helps relieve social anxiety but it's a catch 22 because I'd like to be included and make my own choice to join or not instead of them making it for me. When people get to know and understand the real you and stick around then they are the best people to have in your life.

[DoggyDude]

There can be so many causes for this. I'll share some advice a good friend shared with me about dealing with people, "be bright, be light, be gone". Her advice was to smile the whole time and take nothing to heart. This friend has a spooky ability to just be able to talk to anyone and immediately get along.

So, if your aware you have social anxiety others will too. People often 'bounce off' one another, the most popular people are usually always very positive people and full of encouragement and comfortable around others. It's all part of what makes them popular as people are always attracted to positive energy and people who are automatically not socially awkward.

People distance themselves from others for a huge range of reasons, I'll give you some (know for sure I don't know ANY of these apply to you, I'm just giving you reasons I know people distance themselves after getting to know someone):

o They perceive someone them as shallow
o They feel like the person doesn't really want their company
o They are hurt by something the person said or did
o They don't feel they have things in common with the person
o They simply meet other people who they click with and didn't find you particularly memorable (or got on so well with the other people they spend all their time with them)
o They felt awkward with you, and felt maybe it was something about them (so they stopped approaching you)
o The person spent too much time hanging out with them and they needed to find some space
o They simply gravitated away from you with no reasoning, you just didn't 'click'.

The important thing here is, you can't know. What you can do is assess yourself and your own behaviour and decide if your someone you would like yourself (by looking at how you are, based on what you personally do like in social interactions). If you figure out something about you can be 'improved' work on that, if you're happy as you are just chalk it down to those people didn't share enough in common so just drifted away.

My best advice is find the set of activities you love to do that have potential to be shared with others, spend time doing those and meeting like minded people. Though otherwise, follow my friends advice above, it works a treat for her.

[IslaTheWitch]

Being on the autism spectrum is very often mixed with being introverted.

If you have such problems with social interaction, I would suggest a consultation with a specialist. Knowing earlier and addressing any possible issues with proper counselling or therapy is better.

[Fireguy17]

you just might have a toxic personality.
Narcissism is a big one, on your phone 24/7 not paying attention to who you are with but glued to your phone, can't be bothered to call back, show up on time, endless selfies, being a debbie downer, bad mood, everyone hates me, having a chip on your shoulder things like that can drive people away faster than a fart in an elevator.

[boggboss]

If its something people are always doing to you it would lead me to thing either is something u do or u not being interesting or doing things on your end to keep people around u

[Hungryghostwriter]

I also experience the same thing. I also don't know what it is. My therapist told me it might be my cynicism. I think my sense of humor makes people uncomfortable but nobody says anything so I don't know. I make a conscious effort to "say the right thing" but it only works when I'm sober which is not often. I think I also subconsciously keep people at a distance because they have their own lives and I don't want to impose. But I don't know any of this for sure.

[sage2021]

Make sure you have fresh breath all of the time around these people because they will back off from people that offend them with their bad breath.

I always chewed peppermint gum.

[lightbulb27]

have you asked them?

are you sharing too much of your insecurities, projecting negative or unstable emotion?

I'd be working on the source of your emotional issues.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

The “everyone leaves me” person usually has something a lot more distasteful going on with them than just anxiety and introversion.

[Monalisa77]

Same, they like me initially but don't make an effort to meet up

[Daffotul]

do you project your feelings too much onto others and then that doesn't allow them to be heard and further alienating them further

[Daffotul]

maybe you tend to over compensate by oversharing people don't always know how to handle that

[pickles77]

Social anxiety can definitely get in the way of things. Does this happen just in person or over text too?

[Guanfei]

The only one who know the cause is you, because they ditch you for a reason. Something in you is a problem. Identify it, fix it.

[Anonymous]

you need to find other introverts. we welcome the weirdness and don't judge.

[Jamie05rhs]

Because they're assholes.