My first time was during our engagement, 2-3 months ago from our wedding. He respected my goals and timeframe. Then came the terrible news of his defective gene, making him incapable of ever fathering a child naturally. He never will without medical intervention. The chances of me getting pregnant is obviously lesser than if it would've been natural after many attempts and the procedure is expensive. Certain days I see him with swollen, puffy eyes, as if he's been crying in private. A nurse even informed me (the very day he received the news about his genetic defect) he was in tears when he stepped out of the office.
So I came with a plan of saving more money to help him with the surgey. However, I'm a carrier of that same defective gene. I tested positive on two different clinic. This means even the procedure was successful and I got pregnant the first time, there is a 50% of our child having health issues.
So our options are narrow by now. It's likely relying on a healthy sperm donor (they would be my child but not his) or adoption. I feel horrible. He did so much; would've given me a child by now if he could and this is what he gets in return. He doesn't cry in front of me though and he keeps telling me he's ok, appearing strong but it's clearly he suffers in silence and I'm working and not around. Are many men afraid of showing sadness?
So even though I could get pregnant and can have a healthy baby with a healthy sperm donor since I'm just a carrier... that doesn't chance the fact that my husband won't ever get the chance to father my child.
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I don't your question "Are many men afraid of showing sadness?" is really appropriate with your situation.
He is going through something phenomenally difficult. And you are too of course, but the situation with you is different than with him. His upset is profound and he wants and needs it to be private so he can sort out how he and you are going to navigate through this difficult situation.
If my exam would've been negative, the issue would've been solved, he would've done the procedure and he would get the chance of fathering our child. But it really sucks that I had to be a carrier and he got robbed out of his choice to father a child.
I really wish I could help him more than I can.
A man can only ever cry in front of his mother without judgement. She’s the only one who won’t lose respect for him. Don’t try to push it with him. He has to grieve and come to grips with this at his own pace.
I'm not pushing him. I'm with him in this. We're together in this. I feel terrible myself, as if I let him down. All I needed was for my test results to be negative so he would've had the procedure done but it was not to be. I really wish I could do more to help him.
I don't cry on front of people, especially my girl.
I feel terrible that I can't help him more. If my test results would've been negative, he would've have had the procedure done, giving him at least a chance to father my baby. Now his chance is gone.