Is it normal to feel some guilt and in debt with my husband?

[SarahS98]

He did so much and respected my timeframe. He knew I wanted our first child shortly after our marriage. I've noticed several other women are having a difficult time looking for a marriage-minded man and are stuck with bfs that won't propose.

The bad news is my husband has both CBAVD (born without a vas deferens, no tubes that transport sperm) and cystic fibrosis, making him unable to ever father our child without a surgery to extract his sperm. His only hope was if I had tested negative for my CF carrier exam. I would've helped him pay for the surgery with my savings. That way, if the surgery would've been successful and I got pregnant on the 1st attempt, our baby would've just been a carrier wouldn't have the condition. Unfortunately it came back positive, making it 50% chances of the baby having CF.

I feel some guilt. I know the situation is out of our control but I can't help it. I feel like I owe him a lot. I really owe him now. Is it normal to feel this way?

[HaleyCatgirl]

I feel so bad for you guys that sucks you probably have but the only thing I could think about is just talking to you oh yeah that's stupid talking to a doctor obviously you guys have oh I don't even know shit that sucks that's all I can say I'm sorry

[SarahS98]

Thank you for your understanding. I know he's crushed about it (it's obvious by his expression, lower tone of voice and swollen, puffy eyes as if he's been crying in private) but he won't share his sadness with me. He won't cry in front of me.

[OlderAndWiser]

As a form of government, communism has always failed. But when applied to a marriage, the principles of communism have much to commend them. At different times, you will have different needs and different abilities to contribute to the marriage. As long as you contrinute to the best of your ability when you can, you are entitled to receive what you need. . . as long as your partner can meet that need.

[boggboss]

I dont get it you feel guilt for somthing outside of tour control and feel in debt to him for what reason?

[SarahS98]

I feel terrible for what he's going through. I wish I could've helped him if my exam would've been negative.

[boggboss]

But you couldn't help or change it all u can do is be their for eachother not feel bad for him

[bowenw]

It is no one's fault. I suggest you consider other options like adoption or a sperm donor.

[SarahS98]

yeah after the Holidays, we'll think of other options. He's ok with a sperm donor. I just feel bad for him. He said he's ok and everything is going to be alright but his expression is full of sadness.

[jahaims]

People don't "owe" each other in a relationship. If you are always playing your role to the best of your abilities then you are doing your part.

[SarahS98]

I know. It's that my emotions are raw and likely all over the place. Then seeing my husband's sadness in his eyes (he keeps saying ''I'm ok, don't worry about him'' and shows strength in front of me but his expression says otherwise) and at times his eyes are even swollen, puffy. teary as if he's been crying in private. I don't mind if he shows emotions in front of me... I'm there to comfort him and get through this together.

[LiamJHayden]

It is no one's fault. Neither you nor he should feel any guilt as it was outside of your control.

I also have CBAVD. Non-CF.

[SarahS98]

Usually when a man has CBAVD, one of the symptoms are CF. Did you go to a CF specialist? My husband went and the result came back positive.
Yes this is indeed outside of our control. It just feels bad and probably at this moment, my emotions are all over the place. We're going to come up with solutions after the Holidays.

[Jennz6]

It’s not your fault

[SarahS98]

I know but I can imagine how he must be feeling right now. He's handling things ok, appearing strong and told me not to worry about him, that's he's ok and everything's going to be alright. Yet, the sadness in his expression, in those eyes, his lower tone of voice are very noticeable. Plus some days he wakes up with puffy, swollen eyes as if he cries in his private time but doesn't want to show showness in front of me. I don't mind.. I would've had comforted him.

[Jennz6]

Pray about it

[SarahS98]

Thank you. Wish you well on Thankgiving Day today.

[Jennz6]

You too honey 🙏💕

[Andres77]

Adopt?

[SarahS98]

I think we can try a sperm donor and if that doesn't work then adoption.

[Joker_]

normal

[SarahS98]

I feel life is unfair sometimes. I see several people having babies like no tomorrow only to abuse or neglect them, girls getting pregnant without getting married first... and we here are; we did everything right, have a stable life and my husband got denied fatherhood.