How do I learn to keep my mouth shut?

[Puppystarfish23]

I know this has always been a issue of mine but lately it's worsened. I always used to see myself as a truth telling but now it's becoming more like a gossip and big mouth.

I'm not proud of it and I want to change. If I don't someone at work I'll tell them to there face what I think of them and most people don't take me seriously because of how I'm present myself everyone thinks I'm all sweet and innocent and they just think it's funny.

My best friend, family and partner have all told me I need to be careful what I say or I'll get in trouble eventually and I want to make it my new years resolution.

Sometimes it's deserved when I tell people some home truths but I need to not get carried away.

For example a friend at work told me he was bi he was pretty open about it and was talking about it with others too.

I told a guy at work who i should have known better not to tell this in conversation but he then told everyone at work. My friend wasn't to upset but he said I need to get careful what I say to that guy because he's trouble

Updates

4 mo

I think what's gone wrong with me is I used to be a nice , good person but that got me nowhere and then when I started gossiping and talking shit about people everyone wanted to know me and I've gotten to big for my boots

I used to have a bitchy friend group in high-school and I saw they were toxic so distanced myself away from them as I knew it was turning me into someone mean. I think I need to distance myself from being so bitchy and focus of being kind to others

[HappyWoman34]

I respect your humility in recognising there’s a problem and being open to self improvement. It took me until my thirties to achieve that level of maturity. Good for you! Well, I find a good rule of thumb (something to continue to ask yourself, each time you find yourself about to say something to someone-assuming they’re not doing anything wrong); is to ask yourself three questions, (1.). Is it tactful? (2.). Is it kind? (3.). Does it need to be said? Also, ‘Honesty without compassion is brutality.’ I learnt this in social skills training. I had your issues, partly from being arrogant, partly from being Autistic, partly from being young. So, it’s good to be honest, as long as you sugarcoat it. Unless someone’s being mean to you or to others. Sometimes a well chosen, snide remark is perfect. Good luck and don’t be too hard on yourself.

[Puppystarfish23]

I find it hard to show feelings and emotions in front of others and to also understand how others are feeling because if I'm honest I think a lot of my generation are pathetic, desperate to feel special and too sensitive so when they say dumb shit I just roll my eyes instead of being kind.

In genuine cases I am kind but a lot of people my age love to play the mental health card or something like that and I can't keep my mouth shut from shutting down there attention seeking bs

[Puppystarfish23]

Like if they really had depression or anxiety they wouldn't be telling everyone on fb and at work about at every chance they got and people like that I can't stand and ill just have to say something and then I look bad

[HappyWoman34]

Well, i was born into a generation where we’re stereotyped as spoiled and living at home. Many people are spoiled and entitled. You just need to find your tribe perhaps, of more sensible people, as well as remembering the social rules. I try to be pretty kind, but sometimes I laugh at people, not with them. But I only do it with my best girl friend and my mum.

[HappyWoman34]

by the way I had to work on this and it sounds like it won’t take you as long as it took me to develop humility. You’re already halfway there, by starting to reflect humbly on your mistakes. I believe you’ll achieve it earlier than most, without any hard lessons.

[rosemilk]

i think you should just mind your business. please don't take that personally. but you need to focus on just yourself, that way everyone else's drama or whatever it is won't matter. because you're focusing on yourself and staying in your own lane and doing what you need to do at work and then going home.

you have to learn if a piece of information adds to the conversation or is just noise. and to think before you speak. because you can't take words back once they're said

[NathanDavis]

I really think gossip is genetic... lol

the ladies that would gossip about me and around me since I was a little kid... whenever I see them again (well over 20 years later) they still come to me to tell, and also to try get the latest gossip out of me... lmfao

[normalice]

"It's a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth"

-Benoit Blanc

But seriously, to learn such a thing you need only to want to learn in advance rather than waiting until you regret it to want to have learned.

[Chandelier8]

You shouldn't gossip about other people's personal details because they'll never trust and it's unkind. Always think if you would want the same thing done to you. That said, it's not like you tried to harm them but you did break the trust of another person that you should've been honored to have had in the first place.

[Puppystarfish23]

I agree with what you are saying but it wasn't like this guy was coming out to me and he was pretty comfortable and open with people knowing and neither of us saw it as a big deal but I do feel terrible but this guy went round telling everyone after I told him and I really feel like I need to make up to this guy as he was kind enough to brush it off and he's always been super nice to me

[Chandelier8]

Yes, I understand but just as you won't trust loudmouth again, your friend won't trust you. You know it wasn't right so just don't do it again. :)

[Chandelier8]

Regarding your update, I completely understand. To fit in, you have to be evil in this world. I wish I was joking. You are indeed ahead of the VAST majority of people because you self-reflect, you should be extremely proud of that! <3 It's so rare!

[Chandelier8]

Also, I'm not saying you're evil, just did something misguided but you're aware of it.

[Puppystarfish23]

Thank you I think my work hasn't helped I've been punished before for trying to help others and it's a very dog eat dog job. My bosses encourage us to only look out for ourselves and crush anyone I'm our way.

It's a very toxic environment with a lot of strange characters around

[Chandelier8]

I was in a job like that and I felt suicidal every day. Try to find a new job, if you can. <3

[boggboss]

Wait I'm confused is your issue u tell people stuff u shouldn't or u be rude to people under the feeling of it being the truth

[Puppystarfish23]

Basically I have no filter. I just say what comes to my head and I get involved into much gossip. It sometimes comes of rude and I'm starting to get a reputation as a snake

[boggboss]

See I have little to no filter either amongst people I know but u have to have some level of it in serious situations or just know when to not speak lol maybe think about if that's somthing u would like to hear before saying it

[Paris13]

I Tend To Be Like That with My One Sister and My Ex. lol Silence is Most Golden Though. xxoo

[TiaNour]

I double think everything I say, that could help

[dinojames22]

Duck tape